Romance Is Dead
by Kat097
Summary: Bella had a feeling that she was going to die young. She just didn't expect to be a ghost afterwards but these things happen. So do vampires, who can not only see you but take an interest in your afterlife. "You're dead." "So are you. What's your point?"
1. Dancing In The Dark

**Chapter One**

**I get up in the evening, and I ain't got nothing to say  
I come home in the moring, I go to bed feeling the same way  
I ain't nothing but tired, man I'm just tired and bored with myself  
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help**

**~Dancing in the Dark by Bruce Springsteen~**

I should have known I would die young. Really, it was just a matter of time. I had always been clumsy, injuring myself, tripping over everything (including thin air) and it wasn't that much of a surprise when I got hit by a speeding car. Well, it was a surprise at the time. I didn't even see the damn thing coming. I flew twenty feet and landed with a big splat, rolling over on the pavement a couple of times. And then I got up.

Well… part of me did. The non-corporeal part. My body remained smeared across the sidewalk, looking rather unpleasant. Marginally worse than a bad-hair-day kind of unpleasant.

I guess I'm what you might call a ghost.

When I was alive, I was Isabella Marie Swan. I was eighteen and I attended Forks High School. I was a good student. Not great, but I passed everything. I kept my head down and had one or two close friends. I was going to go to university and take a degree in English Literature. I wanted to become a teacher or an editor. Hell, from this point of view, any kind of future looks good.

That's one of the worst parts, you know. Watching everyone else move on, achieving their dreams. Knowing that I should have had a future, knowing that I should have been amongst them, achieving and breathing.

But no. I died instead and I've been stuck around Forks ever since. There's not a whole lot do here when you're alive and being dead makes it even worse. Why stick around? That's simple.

My dad. Police Chief Charlie Swan.

He still blames himself. I've told him not to, told him it wasn't his fault. I've yelled it at him but he can't hear me. Nobody can hear me or see me. I can touch things though. I can pick things up and move them around. I don't do it too often though, because it tends to freak people out, seeing a random pencil floating past their heads, so I lay low. The last thing I need is some exorcist trying to get rid of me, I don't know if they can but I'd rather not risk it. I can walk through walls too, although I don't bother most of the time. Just seems like laziness to be honest; I mean, I'm a permanent fixture, why do I need to hurry with anything? Besides, walking through things? Yeah, not comfortable. It's like all the molecules in your body are being forced apart, one by one. It hurts, so I take the long way around most of the time.

And I can pass through people. But I don't. It's kind of annoying because they always shudder like something crawled up their spine, so I try to avoid it. No need to make everyone uncomfortable, including me. You think walking through solid objects is bad, walking through people with those pounding heartbeats and hard bones and slimy muscles is just revolting. Let's get a few ghost facts straight – I'm not transparent, I don't go 'wooooo' and I'm not out seeking revenge or possessing people. I mean, I've never _tried_ to possess someone – why would I? That seems rude.

Oh, and the whole clothes thing is pretty cool – I was afraid that I'd have to spend the rest of my life in the jeans and hoodie I'd been wearing when I died, but I can change clothes. Once they're on they sort of… disappear from view. That's a good thing – variety is the spice of afterlife. But for some reason bags and books, stuff like that, _don't_ disappear. Don't ask me how it works, I just live it. Or not, so to speak.

So yeah. I've been hanging around Forks for almost ten years. Everyone I went to school with has grown up and left for college or gotten married. There are one or two who hung around the town but most got out. Best thing for them, really. I wanted to get out too.

No chance now.

It was hard at first. I was terrified. I didn't understand. I wandered around the town, trying to figure out how to get back into my body. I tried right up until the funeral before giving up and resigning myself to life as a ghost. I kept thinking that there must be some reason why I was still around, some 'unfinished business', but nothing sprang to mind. I did go off to Seattle for a while and hung around UW, sitting in on an English Literature course to see if that was what I was meant to be doing. But when nothing happened I came home again, to Charlie.

So, what does an eighteen-year-old immortal girl do for the rest of eternity? Or at least for the lifespan of her father? I try not to think past that. It's too scary.

I went back to high school.

I know, it sounds lame, but I wanted to finish. To 'graduate' so at least I can say I've done it. Say it to who, I've got no idea, but it's the sentiment. Besides, with forever waiting for me, I might as well try and keep stuff fresh in my mind. Once I'd 'graduated', I went back to take a couple of classes that I hadn't done before. So yeah. I've repeated a couple of times, but that's fine. I'm still not sure I understand geometry but I'm pretty good at everything else. When Dad's sleeping I turn on his ancient computer and spend hours reading up on things that I've heard about in school. Wikipedia is great fun when you don't sleep.

Why high school? High school is full of life, hundreds of people all brimming with energy. It's infectious, that energy almost makes me feel alive again. It's full of stupidity too, don't get me wrong, half the time I want nothing more than to slap these idiots upside the head and tell them to get a life.

Get a life.

I wish.

God, I make myself laugh sometimes. Even dead, I'm still a colossal dork.

And that's what I do. I go to school. I keep an eye on my dad. I keep an eye on the kids at school and lend a hand when things go to shit. Like the time Lauren Mallory (total bitch) decided to stuff Angela Weber's locker full of toilet paper. You know, because that's the level of maturity we're dealing with here. Anyway, I took it all out between classes and put it in Tyler Crowley's with a note saying 'Call me, Lauren'. That had been pretty funny, seeing the bitch freak out and Tyler glaring at her solidly for a week. Angela doesn't deserve that kind of crap. She's a nice girl but kind of quiet. I hang out with her a lot. Not that she knows it. I'm kind of hoping she'll work up the nerve to talk to Ben one of these days, she's crazy about him. Maybe I'll lend a hand. Life gets kind of dull when you don't have one.

Man, I'm freakin' hilarious.

And that's my lack-of-life. Bella Swan, this is your not-life.

See? Hilarious.

Anyway, so that's how it was all going. Everything changing but at the same time nothing changing. And that was it. My existence. It kind of sucked, but I didn't know how to change so I just did what I could and accepted that this was my everything for the foreseeable future.

And then the Cullens arrived.

* * *

**A/N: A quick introduction to my new story. Not much to say so far!**

**Dancing in the Dark – I used this particular verse to shoe how stagnant Bella's non-life has become. And I wonder who this 'baby' who could help her might be?? I sure don't know! **

**Love and smooches to Sarah, my wonderful beta-lady! It is her duty to poke me with a cattle-rod in order to ensure that I update in a timely fashion. She did originally threaten to use handcuffs but I think that's just her reading too much 'Master of the Universe'. Which you should read, by the way.**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and handcuffs. Why start off small, eh?**

**Love**

**Katie**


	2. My World

**Chapter Two**

**When you're all alone in the lands of forever,  
Lay under the milky way,  
On and on, it's getting too late out,  
I'm not in love, this time, this night.**

**Can't help if I space in a daze,  
My eyes turn out the other way,  
I may switch off and go in a daydream,  
In this head my thoughts are deep,  
But sometimes I can't even speak,  
Would someone be and not pretend? **

**I'm off again in my World**

**~ My World by Avril Lavigne ~**

I was late to school that day. I know, how can a ghost be late, right? But Charlie was taking his time getting ready and I like to watch him leave for work. He'd forgotten to set the coffeemaker the night before, so I flicked it on and checked the milk. It was still fresh but he'd need more soon so I scribbled it on the shopping list attached to the refrigerator. I'd perfected copying his handwriting years ago and it came in handy at times like these.

I didn't like that he lived alone. He spent too much time by himself. Sure, he was with the guys at the station a lot and he went fishing with Billy Black almost every weekend but when he was alone at home, he was so reclusive it almost hurt me to watch him.

It hurt more to watch him go to my bedroom. Almost everyday he'd stop by the bedroom door and let out a big sigh. On the really bad days, he'd go and sit on the bed for a couple of minutes. I don't understand why he tortures himself like that. I hadn't even lived in it long. Just over a year, when Mom remarried and went travelling with her new husband, Phil. It's a shame I hadn't spent more time with them. I thought about going to Florida to see her but I couldn't leave Charlie. Mom had Phil to comfort her, Charlie had no one. Plus, I'd been kind of mad about the way Mom yelled at Charlie during my funeral. It _wasn't_ his fault. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Story of my life. Or lack thereof.

OK, I'll quit with the dead jokes. After ten years, you'd think I'd have given up on them. But since I'm the only one to be amused by them, I guess I can do what I like.

As I was saying, Charlie was taking his time and by the time the cruiser had pulled away and I began to run to school I knew I was going to miss the start of my first class. Not that this was a huge deal, but it was a little irritating because English was my favourite and the class I was haunting were doing Chaucer and I love that guy. That Wife of Bath? One cool lady. Not that those damn kids appreciate it, for the most part. Hell, I don't think any of them have even _read_ the text, just downloaded a translation from the internet. Mind you, they do have to sleep at night and Chaucer's a wordy bastard. They don't have the luxury of being constantly awake.

I sneaked into the class through the back wall. Sure, I could have gone through the door, but it seemed less interruptive to come in the back way. I know, weird manners for a ghost, right? But hey, manners don't cost a thing. Which is good, because there are very few ways of earning money as a ghost.

I suppose I could apply for Ghost Hunters… but I guess they probably want sensible ghosts who haunt castles and that sort of crap. Not teenage girls who developed a dire sense of humour post-mortem.

I sat at an empty desk by an air vent. One of the tricks of the trade, if a page happens to flip open, people will think it's the vent and I can read to my heart's content. Luckily, no one is observant enough to realise that the pages always flip in time to what the teachers is saying.

Mr Lewis was exploding enthusiasm today. Seriously, he's such a morning person, he makes me sick. And I'm pretty much as sick as a person can get – can you get more ill than _dead_? Nope, didn't think so. The rest of the class seemed to have a similar opinion and glowered at his caffeine-fuelled enthusiasm.

"Can anyone tell me where the pilgrims intended to end their journey?" He asked brightly. No one replied. "Anyone? Anyone at all?"

"Canterbury Cathedral." I said. No one heard. A moment later someone raised a tentative hand and Mr Lewis pounced.

"Martin!"

"Canterbury Cathedral?" Martin answered timidly and Mr Lewis declared this to be correct, turning to write on the board. I grinned and turned to the next page, reading ahead.

"Have you seen the new kids?" Someone whispered. I looked around and saw Jessica Stanley chattering under her breath to her neighbour, who nodded.

"Yeah, there's, like, five of them."

"And they're all dating each other, how twisted is that?" Jessica pulled a face and her neighbour shrugged.

"I heard they're all adopted, so it's not like it's incest."

"But they _live_ together. Their parents must be so laid back."

This news was mildly interesting to me. Change is always interesting when you can't change yourself. But before long the class was over and I was off to Government. This was a pretty cool class, because I figure in a few years time everything that happens now is going to be 'history' and I'll be sitting here going 'yeah, I know this because I was there'. That'll be kind of awesome, seeing history happen.

See? I'm staying positive. Heck, I'm probably more positive than most living people. I figure, the worst has already happened, right? Dead is probably the bottom of the barrel.

There were no spare seats in Government so I sat on top of a filing cabinet. I didn't bother with a book, reading the notes the teacher wrote on the board. It was a different syllabus this term so I was learning this stuff for the first time. I'd only taken Government once before. It was really interesting and it was a shame that the teacher didn't realise that there was _one_ really dedicated student in his class.

Whispers about the new kids – the Cullens – followed me from class to class, but I didn't go looking for them. No point, I wasn't going anywhere so I was bound to see them at one point or another. I waited until everyone had left Spanish (I am determined to learn another language; I've got forever, it's just stupid _not_ to learn one) before walking to the cafeteria.

Angela was already sat with Jessica, Lauren, Ben, Tyler and Mike. There was an empty chair at their table, pulled out, so I perched on it, listening to their conversation and trying not to look at the food. I miss food. I tried eating it once. I chewed, swallowed and it just fell straight through me. Very disappointing and the flavour isn't as strong as it is when you're alive. I've gotten used to it but there are still some days when I just want to grab a massive burger and chow it down. Or a cupcake. Ooh, or chocolate.

Damn. I miss food. I put my head on my hands, miserable.

"Has anyone met the new kids yet?" Mike was asking and I watched as Tyler nodded, slurping at his juice. Lauren watched as though it was the hottest thing since Vesuvius erupted. Not that Lauren would know what Vesuvius was. Dumbass.

"Yeah, two of them were in my Trig class. Some smoking hot blonde chick and a blonde guy. I think they're twins."

"That will be Rosalie and Jasper." Jessica said as the fountain of all gossip, "Rosalie's dating someone called Emmett, who I haven't seen yet and there's some really short girl called Alice who's dating Jasper."

"How the hell do you know all this, Jess?" Mike asked in disbelief and she shrugged. I knew how she knew. By maintaining a low grade point average.

"I had another boy in my class. His name was Edward." Angela said absently, opening her milk carton, "He was very quiet."

"Look, that's them!" Mike said, far too excitedly. We all looked around and I saw five people walking to a table in the very corner of the room, far away from everyone else. I spied the statuesque blonde girl and was suddenly glad that no one could see me. No girl would want to be looked at when someone like _that_ was in the room. She took a seat beside an enormous guy with short curly dark hair and looked down at her tray in disinterest. The large guy, Emmett, put his arm around her shoulder and whispered in her ear. She gave a very small smile and leant against him. The love between them was like a siren, so clear that everyone could see it from the slightest gesture.

Joining them, the tiny girl, who must have been Alice – wasn't even five foot, but had several inches added by her incredible, gravity-defying hair. It was jet black and spiked up, an amazing contrast to her pale skin. The boy who followed her, hand in hand, was tall and slim with wavy blonde hair. He too was very pale and kept his head ducked. Maybe he was really shy.

"Oh, that's Edward." Angela said, nodding to a fifth figure. He was carrying a tray in one hand and a book in the other. I heard Jessica let out a sigh and I could see why. Edward Cullen was just as gorgeous as the others. His tangled, bronze hair and strong jaw had most of the women in the room drooling. I watched as he sat with his siblings and the five of them remained at their table, picking at their food and ignoring the murmurs and questions around them. Alice was talking quietly to Jasper, who was gazing at her in adoration. Rosalie and Emmett were sat in silence but their hands moved more than the others, touching and stroking softly. Edward sat perfectly still, book in hand, but he was frowning.

I turned back to the table, disinterested already but the Cullens were still the main subject of interest for the others. Jessica couldn't stop staring at Edward and Mike looked slightly put out by this. Tyler was talking to Ben about some football game that had been on the night before and Angela was eating slowly, casting furtive glances at Ben before looking away uncertainly. I sighed, wishing she'd talk to him. He liked her, he was just too nervous to say anything.

I decided to go to the library for the rest of the lunch break. I climbed out of the chair, being careful not to nudge anyone and made for the door, breaking into a run as I saw it open and slipping past Leanne Cunnings as she rushed in.

The librarian was in her office, no doubt slurping down her cup of chicken soup. She didn't like variety, Mrs Price, and she really hated late returns. I had, on occasion, hacked into her computer and changed return dates to give people a little extra time if I knew they had things going on and hadn't been able to finish them. You know, just doing my good deeds, in case I ever do move on to the 'afterlife', I'd prefer to find myself going up, you know?

I chose _The Lord of the Rings_ and settled into a deserted corner of the library. I've been trying to read this book for ages but haven't been able to get into it. I'm determined though, because I really enjoyed the film. I had just gotten to Tom Bombadil's arrival when the bell rang. I put the book back onto the shelf and moved out into the hallway, but it was too crowded. I couldn't move through a crowd like this, it made too many people uncomfortable. So I hesitated by the library door, waiting for the kids to get into the classroom so I had a clear path to the biology room.

After a couple of minutes, I ventured out, winding around people. Then something strange happened. I walked past Alice Cullen and she looked at me.

I mean, obviously she didn't look at me, because no one can see me. But it _looked_ like she was looking at me. Her eyes looked right at mine and she tilted her head and gave a smile. Her eyes were a weird golden colour, like topaz. I glanced behind me, even though I knew I was standing in front of a row of ordinary lockers and when I looked back she had glided down the hallway. Yes, glided. She was that freakin' graceful.

A shiver went down my spine. What's the saying? Somebody walked over my grave.

Heh heh.

But really, I was feeling really freaked out. I looked after her and then turned away. I really didn't feel like going to Biology. I knew Biology anyway, but I kept taking it because I liked Mr Banner. He was a good teacher and I liked the way he taught. But I changed my mind and went back to the library instead, determined to crack on with old Frodo and Sam.

~*~

* * *

Charlie was late home again. I waited in the kitchen as he turned on the lights and went into the refrigerator to find something for dinner. This was where I really tried to help him.

I had lived with Charlie almost a year after Mom and Phil got married and I'd been horrified by his diet. I'd taken over the cooking but talked to him about his eating habits. He'd gruffly admitted that he could improve and after I'd died he'd at least kept on eating healthier than he had before my arrival. Tonight he stared at the refrigerator and pulled out some fish. This wasn't much of a surprise, because he had a lot of fish. He kept bringing it back from La Push. He also pulled out some carrots, peas and potatoes and started making a fish pie with mashed potato topping. I perched on the kitchen table, watching as he closed the refrigerator door and paused, looking at the picture of us on it. He touched my printed face softly.

"Hey, Bells."

"Hi Dad." I whispered. This happened every night. Every single night.

The phone rang and he went to answer it. Whilst his back was turned, I turned the oven down a few degrees otherwise he'd burn his dinner.

"Charlie Swan speaking." He said flatly and then picked up, "Hey Billy. Yeah, you can come on over. Sure, bring Jake. Come over about six and we'll order pizza. Sure. See you tomorrow."

That was good, Charlie was always in a better mood when he had plans with Billy Black. I'd seen Jacob around a few times, but he was sixteen so had only been six when I died. He seemed like a decent kid and Charlie liked him.

Charlie settled into his armchair when he finished eating and was soon fast asleep in front of the television. I waited for an hour before nudging the chair just enough to shake him out of consciousness. He grunted and peered around sleepily before climbing out of his chair and turning off the television. I watched as he climbed the stairs and went to bed before following and going into my room, not opening the door but walking through because it creaks.

I lay on my bed, with its dusty sheets and stared up at the ceiling, listening to Charlie's heavy snores. Once I was sure he was asleep, I went to the bookshelves and chose one of my Jane Austen novels. I was fond of Jane – she knew what was what.

I closed my eyes eventually. I don't sleep, but by closing my eyes and thinking about nothing in particular, it's a good enough imitation that I do it on a regular basis. Not everyday, but a couple of times a week. When morning comes I wait until I hear Charlie shuffling around and go down to turn the coffeemaker on. Another day.

* * *

**A/N: Hello, my little raspberry tartlets! Another chapter and the Cullens have appeared. No action yet, but the scene needs setting. **

**My World – This shows for me how detached Bella is, living in her own little world whilst everything carries on around her.**

**Love and smooches to my beta, Sarah. You're fabuloso, but you already knew that, didn't you? Lol.**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a bunch of mistletoe for that seasonal touch! **

**Love**

**Katie**


	3. Walking On Broken Glass

**Chapter Three**

**The sun's still shining in the big blue sky  
But it don't mean nothing to me  
Oh let the rain come down  
Let the wind blow through me  
I'm living in an empty room  
With all the windows smashed  
And I've got so little left to lose  
That it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass**

**~ Walking on Broken Glass by Annie Lennox ~**

I skipped school the next day and went down into the town instead. I needed a break from the monotony and today seemed as good a day as any. So I sat in the diner for a few hours, noting with disapproval that Charlie came in and got a burger instead of a salad, when he knew he'd be having pizza later. Still, not much I could do about it except sneak into the kitchen and throw a few extra leaves of lettuce under the bun. He didn't notice and seemed to enjoy the burger anyway. I sat opposite him at the table, listening to his conversation with the waitress, Shelly.

"Going fishing next weekend, Chief?" She asked, refilling his coffee. He nodded, wiping a blob of ketchup from the corner of his mouth. I rolled my eyes.

"What's new, Charlie?" I asked dryly as he reached for a fry.

"Yeah, I'm heading out with Billy Black." He informed Shelly, popping the fry into his mouth. I tutted.

"Don't talk with your mouth full." I said sternly.

"Chief, no talking with your mouth full." Shelly scolded with a smile. I grinned, nodding in her direction as she walked away.

"Wise woman, that one." I told Charlie, but he was too busy eating.

I went home after Charlie went back to work and put some of my worn clothes through the washer and dryer before hanging them up in the wardrobe again. I dreaded the day that Charlie decided to clear out my room, but it wasn't looking likely to happen in the next couple of decades. I also did a little dusting, nothing too obvious but enough to stop the house looking like a dump.

After I'd tidied up, I lounged in front of the TV, enjoying some dire soap operas. Man, everybody should have days like this, when you just lay in front of the TV doing nothing. Everybody living is so busy, rushing around to get things down. You can almost see the timers clicking away over their heads and I just want to grab them and scream at them to slow down and take time to enjoy life. Seriously, they don't know what a waste it is, panicking about random crap.

Charlie came home and went to get a cold beer out of the fridge. He touched our picture.

"Hey, Bells."

"Hi Dad." I said from my seat on the kitchen table.

I was in the kitchen when Billy and Jacob arrived. I wasn't particularly interested in the game so I went upstairs and finished _Pride and Prejudice_, listening to the cheers and groans from down below. Jacob must have driven because when I went downstairs to check on them, Billy was clearly not sober. He and Charlie were loudly discussing one of the players and Jacob was grinning in amusement at them. I smiled at my father. I liked it when he was like this. He didn't have moments like this often enough. All too soon the heaviness would settle on his shoulders again and I wished so much that I could lift it.

I turned to go back upstairs and then paused as Jacob turned to look in my direction. He frowned and blinked rapidly. Billy patted his shoulder.

"Everything alright, kid?"

"Yeah." He rubbed his eyes and looked back in my direction, "Thought I… just saw something out of the corner of my eye. I guess I'm tired." I frowned, keeping out of view after that. What was going on? Was I suddenly becoming visible? First that Alice girl at school and now Jacob Black… no, it couldn't be. I shook my head as Billy spoke again.

"We'd better take off, Charlie. Kid's got school tomorrow and I've got a meeting with the Elders." Charlie got to his feet.

"The Elders? Everything OK up on the rez?"

"Yeah, just… just some old business. A few people need reminding of some things, nothing illegal. Don't get worrying." Billy grinned widely as Jacob pushed him towards the door. I sat halfway up the stairs, facing the front door and watched as they said their goodnights. Charlie turned and began switching the lights off before climbing the stairs again. I said goodnight and went up to find another book to read.

* * *

~*~

I went back to school the next day and found that the hype surrounding the Cullens had not yet died down. It was very irritating and after my morning classes, I spent the whole lunch period in the library. Jessica hadn't shut up about Edward freakin' Cullen all morning. I was actually considering swapping classes just to get away from the girl.

I made a little more headway with Frodo during lunch and hacked into Mrs Price's computer to check on Angela and Ben's library books. Sure enough, Ben had a book due back today. I gave him until the end of the week. That seemed fair. I set the screen back as Mrs Price came out of the office, having finished her chicken soup. She looked around suspiciously, but that was just a permanent expression for her. I hadn't liked her much to begin with, but she was growing on me. She had a rough time at home. Mr Price was an alcoholic asshole who spent more time at strip joints in Seattle than he did with his wife. The only control the poor woman had was over freakin' library books and chicken soup. That's kind of sad, don't you think?

I looked down the hallway. It was almost empty, just one or two people lingering so I darted down towards the biology room, past another one of the Cullens. This time it was the blonde boy, Jasper. He came to a stop as I approached and breathed deeply. I slowed my pace, wondering if he was OK, when he looked up and once again, seemed to look into my eyes with his own strange, golden eyes. Only for a moment, before he frowned and carried on down the hallway.

What the hell? Had I knocked something on my way down the hallway? Maybe I wasn't being as careful as I usually was.

I watched as he walked away, sliding into his classroom. I leaned against a locker, frowning. OK, I know I should have been preoccupied with the whole them possibly being able to see me thing, but I was kind of curious as to why Jasper and Alice had the exact same eyes. That same weird shade of gold. I looked up as Mike passed by to our class and it reminded me to get a move on.

The door to the biology room was open and I slipped inside, moving to an empty desk at the back of the class. There were usually two empty desks in this class and I usually sat by the window, but that seat was now taken by Edward Cullen. I sighed and went to the other one as Mr Banner closed the door and began the lesson. There was an old textbook on the bench at the back of the room. I looked around carefully to make sure no one was watching and then moved it to the desk I was using, opening it to the right page. Whilst Mr Banner began to explain the topic for the class, I leant back in my chair, watching the rest of the class settle down, glancing sideways at Chair Stealer Cullen. He was hunched over his desk, staring down at the cover of his textbook. His hair was a little too long, tangled and glinting in the tube lighting of the classroom. His skin was much too pale. Was he sick? I turned my attention to the board, tapping my fingers silently against the desk.

Most of the lesson was taken up with paired discussion and Mr Banner looked over at Edward apologetically.

"Edward, you can join another pair, if you like?" He offered.

"I've done this lab before. I don't mind working alone." Edward said quietly and Mr Banner nodded, looking relieved that his lesson plan wasn't ruined. I continued reading the chapter, wishing I could do the investigation, but I settled for watching Mike Newton do his, since he was sat in front of me.

A shiver went down my spine again and I frowned, looking around. Edward Cullen's eyes were on my book. I hesitated. Had he noticed that it hadn't been there before? I stayed perfectly still, nervous as he looked at the book. Then his golden eyes (what the hell, were they all wearing contacts?) darted to my face. I turned away.

This was ridiculous. He couldn't see me. No one could see me. No one.

Tears threatened. I could walk through walls but I couldn't control my emotions, how ridiculous. It didn't happen very often but the loneliness sometimes overwhelmed me. The constant knowledge that I would be here forever, that everyone else would move on and I would stay, trying to be positive but forever aware of the fact that I was stuck. A constant.

I kept my head down for the rest of the lesson and was one of the first out of the room, not looking back at the boy who hadn't seen me. I usually went to calculus after biology. A lot of the people I had classes with had gym, but I couldn't exactly join in with that so I had tagged onto a calculus class instead. I moved into the emptying hallway and walked slowly towards the calculus room, taking a roundabout route to avoid the busier corridors. Everyone had hurried to their classes, which was unusual, but meant I could meander down the middle of the corridor without worrying about walking through anyone. I was in no hurry, my mood ruined by my emotional instability.

I heard voices and frowned. There was an argument going on. I turned the corner and froze as I saw Edward, Alice and Jasper standing in the middle of the hallway. Alice was glowering up at Edward and Jasper was leaning against a locker, frowning.

"I don't want to talk about this now, Alice! Whatever you saw, you were wrong!" Edward said quietly and angrily. I kept my eyes on my feet, walking past as quickly as possible.

And then Alice pushed her brother with all her might. It was unexpected and Edward stumbled back with a growl, his arm flying out to steady himself. But his arm didn't hit the locker as he had intended and I didn't see it coming. Afterwards, I wasn't quite sure what had happened.

His arm knocked into me.

I fell backwards as it connected with my chest, landing on my ass at it knocked me to the floor. I let out a puff of air as I landed and blinked for a moment, my head setting off sirens. My chest pounded uncomfortably and my hands stung where I had landed on the floor. My mind reeled as I tried to understand what had just happened.

He had touched me.

He could see me.

He could feel me.

I looked up, eyes practically popping out of my head.

Alice was looking at me with a triumphant smile. Jasper was staring, eyes wide and Edward was looking down at me, frowning as his eyes searched mine. I stared up in silence, stunned by what had happened.

I looked at Jasper, from him to Alice and back at Edward who blinked slowly and held out a hand to help me up. To touch my skin and help me to my feet as though it were the most ordinary thing in the world.

What the hell were they?

"Are you alright?" Alice asked and I gasped, clambering to my feet, clinging to the locker for support as they looked at me. Edward was still frowning and I met his eyes again, searching for some understanding, wondering how this could possibly have happened.

And then I turned and ran through the lockers, through the classroom on the other side and out onto the school field before running home.

* * *

**A/N: Hello, my little mince pies! And so it begins… dun dun duuun!**

**Walking on Broken Glass – you're going about your un-life, just minding your own business and suddenly a hot vampire is knocking you over and making you rethink your whole existence. Meh, we've all been there.**

**Love to my beta, Sarah, for being made of awesomesauce. And thank you to all of you reviewers for your kind words!**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a box of mince pies. Use as you see fit.**

**Have a wonderful Christmas and I'll try to update before New Year!**

**Love**

**Katie **


	4. Chanson D'Amour

**Chapter Four**

**I love your eyes, I love your forehead,**

**Oh my rebellious and fierce one.**

**I love your eyes, I love your mouth**

**On which my kisses will tire themselves out.**

**I love your voice, I love the strange**

**Gracefulness of everything you say,**

**Oh my rebellious one, my dear angel,**

**My hell and my paradise!**

**I love your eyes and your forehead;**

**I love all that makes you beautiful,**

**From your feet to your hair,**

**You to whom my hopeful pleas ascend!**

**~ Chanson D'amour by Gabriel Faure ~**

**Edward Cullen **

Forks, Washington – another town and another home. It had been a long time since our last stay in Forks and for Alice and Jasper it was their first time. Alice was extremely excited, which balanced out Rosalie's disdain. I knew it was a show – once she'd gotten used to it, she'd enjoy being queen bee. And Emmett and Jasper were happy when Rosalie and Alice were happy. They were almost simplistic in their contentment and I envied them that, although I was very careful to keep those feelings in check around Jasper. I knew he would not knowingly pity me, but I could sense it all the same.

I looked at the clock. We would be leaving for our first day at Forks High soon and Carlisle was eager to get to the hospital. I couldn't help but admire him for his strength around blood. There wasn't a one of us who would be able to resist the way that he could, but he took no pride in that. He just accepted it as being part of who he was, just as he accepted each of us, flaws and all.

Esme was waiting downstairs to say goodbye while Alice ordered Emmett upstairs to change his shoes. I listened in amusement.

"They don't go, Emmett! Rosalie, tell him! We want to make a good impression on our first day." She turned to her sister and the blonde smirked.

"Go on, Emmett. Alice has ordered."

"Rose, baby…" Emmett pleaded but she'd already turned away to say goodbye to Esme, who kissed her cheek. He rolled his eyes at me and moved off upstairs.

"Have fun, darlings." Esme smiled and then caught sight of me, holding out her arms for an embrace. I kissed her cheek quickly and she fussed with my hair, pointlessly.

"Have a good day, Edward." She said with a fond smile. I gave her a faint smile back. I could hear her thinking that she hoped it would be different here, that I would be happy here.

I didn't want to disappoint her. But I knew that I inevitably would.

We took my Volvo, since it was the least conspicuous of the cars. Rosalie sulked, wanting to drive her BMW, but Carlisle had insisted that she leave it for a couple of months. We were bound to draw attention in a town this small so we had to keep our heads down. However, once we'd arrived at the school, I realised that this wasn't going to be as easy as I'd imagined.

Stares followed our every move. Whispers haunted every step. Thoughts pounded my brain, the same repetitious nonsense that everyone thought on their first viewing of us.

Weren't we good looking? Weren't we pale? We must be rich. We must be snobs, not to talk to anyone but each other.

It was beyond irritating. It was almost mundane with familiarity, we'd heard this at every school but for some reason my patience was wearing thin here. I worked through my classes, keeping my head down and went to my locker before I went to the cafeteria for 'lunch'. I put my books away, sighing at the futility of the action. I could quite easily carry the whole stack but not without drawing untoward attention.

_Oh my god, there he is! I should say something. What should I say? Oh my god, I'm so nervous_…

Jessica Stanley. I had been in her Calculus class first period and had wanted to stuff my ears with tissue in an attempt to get away from her ridiculous mind. She was a typical teenage girl – one of nature's most annoying creations and present in great multitudes in high school. Maybe I should have gone to UW for a few semesters instead of high school, but we wanted to start young again here. It gave us more time.

"Hi Edward." Her voice pierced the air and I closed my locker door slowly before turning to give her a fleeting glance. She was hugging her books to her chest, her expression hopeful. I paused before looking away disinterestedly.

"Hello Jessica." I said, moving on quickly. Alice and Jasper were waiting for me at the door to the cafeteria.

_How was your morning?_ Jasper asked and I shrugged slightly.

"High school is high school." I replied and he smirked his agreement. Alice squeezed his fingers as we made for the dwindling line, collecting a small amount of food each.

"You've been great, Jasper. I haven't seen a single thing today." She said, proud of his strength. He found it harder than anyone to be around humans and I remembered with clarity the intensity of the fresh burn around these creatures. I put a sandwich and a carton of milk on my tray, paying for it without a word as the dinner lady's mind began to wander to unpleasant places. I repressed a shudder and crossed the cafeteria to sit with my family, holding my copy of _Frankenstein_ in my hand. Rosalie and Emmett were already sat with Alice and Jasper. They talked quietly amongst themselves and I opened my book, trying to concentrate on the text instead of the irritating thoughts surrounding me.

Jasper was concentrating very hard on not thinking about the humans around us. Alice stroked his arm soothingly, like you would with a dangerous animal, cautious and gentle.

"It helps to think of them as people." She said quietly and nodded towards the door. A red-haired girl was coming in, a dark-haired girl slipping past as the door opened.

"That girl… she's in my geometry class. Her name is Leanne." She said softly, "She's good at calculus and she's going to prom with that guy in the corner. When he asks her, I mean. Which he will, he just wants to make sure that she'll say yes first, because he's so nervous."

I smiled, crumbling my sandwich so it looked like I'd eaten some of it and carried on reading.

~*~

* * *

I had biology after lunch. Fortunately Jessica wasn't in this class and I was able to concentrate, even though I knew the subject matter. I had two medical degrees for crying out loud. But the illusion had to be maintained and I paid close attention, working steadily and concentrating on blocking out the thoughts around me.

After Spanish, my last period for the day, I met with my siblings in the parking lot. Emmett looked excited to be leaving and Rosalie gave him an indulgent smile. Jasper was perched on the hood of my car and I scowled at him until Alice skipped past, reciting the book of Genesis in ancient Latin in her head. I twisted my head to look at her in confusion.

"Alice?"

"Let's go home, Jasper and I are going hunting." She said cheerfully and I rolled my eyes, climbing into the driver's seat.

~*~

* * *

I spent the night at my piano, playing my favourite tunes. I was in no mood to compose and it wasn't until Esme touched my shoulder that I stopped playing. She smiled, sitting beside me on the bench.

"How was your day, Edward?" She asked and I nodded, running my hands softly over the keys. I had broken more than a few pianos in the early days but I knew my strength now and no matter how lost I got in the music, I almost always managed to keep my instrument intact.

"It was fine. The same as the others." I said calmly.

"Didn't you want to go hunting?" She asked looking concerned and I gave her a half-smile to ease her.

"I'm fine. I'll go in a couple of days." I assured her and she smiled, touching my hand.

"Play for me?"

I knew that there should be no favourites in the family, but if I had to choose, it would always be Esme. Her ability to love was beyond anyone else's, that I knew and as a result I couldn't deny her anything, no one could. She was what held our family together. She closed her eyes, leaning her head on my shoulder as I played Faure's _Chanson D'Amour_. The light, lovely music floated over us as I played and I saw Esme's thoughts, watched as she remembered quiet moments with the family, sitting together, hunting together, her happiness when we returned from school. I envied Jasper at that moment, wanting to feel the emanating love that was sure to be coming from my mother.

I heard Carlisle's thoughts by the door and looked at him without disturbing Esme. He smiled at us warmly.

_It's good to hear you play, son. It makes her happy._

I nodded slightly and Esme opened her eyes, smiling at the sight of her husband. He held out his hand wordlessly and she stood, taking it as his other hand went to her waist. Without a sound they fell into an age-old dance, perfected through the years and through the natural rhythm of their adoration for each other. A giggle alerted me to Alice's present and she turned to Jasper, pulling him to her so they could dance too. I couldn't help but smile as the two pairs waltzed and glided, their thoughts of love coming hard and strong.

The ache was a little less than before, as I was blessed with being in the presence of such love, albeit only as an observer.

~*~

* * *

I spent most of the next day avoiding Jessica and her friend, Lauren Mallory. Both seemed intent on talking to me at any given opportunity and whilst I knew that most men would be flattered by their attention, it merely made me uncomfortable. Their thoughts were ridiculously lustful and I cringed at their overactive imaginations. Other than that minor irritation, the day passed uneventfully. I was once again left to my own devices in Biology, which suited me perfectly.

I went hunting with Carlisle that night. Alice had seen that he would be getting some patients from a car accident the next day and whilst he was comfortable around exposed blood, it never hurt to be prepared. Emmett joined us and we fell into friendly competition over who could find the first mountain lion. After I won, Emmett disappeared to find some bear – I would never understand his obsession with bear, I found the taste too smoky and bitter. Mountain lion had a rich, moist tang to it that I much preferred.

Carlisle slowed his pace to a gentle run as we approached the house and then stopped.

_Edward_.

I stopped too, facing him. He smiled, straightening his shirt.

"I had a message from the Quiluete tribe." He said calmly and I tensed. This could be bad. We had only just arrived in the town and things were already taking a turn for the worse. But Carlisle held up a hand, as though sensing my train of thought.

"Quil Ateara and William Black have requested to meet with us tomorrow night. I believe that as long as we can assure them that we will abide by the terms of the original contract, we will be allowed to stay here."

"Allowed." The word was derogatory and I frowned at its use but Carlisle nodded."We are not fighters, Edward. You know this. We will remind them of the terms agreed by their fathers and grandfathers and impress upon them our willingness to abide by the laws they set out. They should have no reason to quarrel with us."

"Other than our natural urges." I said dryly and he chuckled, setting off towards the house again.

"We will have to take Jasper and Alice. They have not signed the contract as we have and it will show our cooperation." He said as we arrived at the front door. "You, I, Alice and Jasper will meet with them at the border tomorrow night at eight."

"Why not all of us?" I asked.

"We do not want to appear as a threat. The four of us will act as ambassadors and I would prefer to have your… take on things." He smiled, referring to my ability to read minds. I raised my eyebrows.

"And if they will not listen?"

"There's no reason why they shouldn't." He said and took off again, but not before I heard his thoughts.

…_could stay here a few years. It would be unfortunate to uproot again so soon_.

~*~

* * *

People were still talking about us. That was the main problem with small towns – gossip sprang from the most mundane of areas. Then again, could you consider the local vampire population mundane?

Alice was staring out of the window when we arrived, frowning slightly. I glanced at her as we pulled into the parking lot and the others climbed out.

"Alice? Is something wrong?" I asked and she turned to me, frowning. She was disguising her thoughts again and I narrowed my eyes but she smiled.

"I'm not sure yet. But something is going to happen. It's not… it's not like anything I've seen. It doesn't make sense." She frowned again and then shrugged, slipping out of the car and taking Jasper's hand, walking across the parking lot.

I went to my first class, sitting alone where possible and keeping my head down as I worked. I did not crave the attention that the children lavished upon me and studiously ignored the advances of Lauren and Jessica, much to their chagrin. By the lunch period, my mood was foul and I glowered at a freshman who dared to cross my path. His eyes widened and he almost ran from me.

_What the hell is his problem? I didn't even say anything_!

I sighed, heading into the cafeteria. What _was_ my problem? This school was no worse than any of the others we'd been to yet my nerves were being strung thinner than ever before. The burn in my throat was more painful than I liked when surrounded by humans and I considered cutting class for the rest of the day and heading out to the forest for another meal. I would need to be in the right frame of mind for tonight's meeting with the Quiluete.

"Don't cut class." Alice said firmly as I sat down. I sighed.

"Why not?"

"Because something is going to happen. I don't know what but you need to be here. Besides, you'll have time to eat before we go to see the Quiluete." She said confidently and Rosalie wrinkled her nose.

"You're going to see the dogs?" She asked me in a revolted tone. I arched an eyebrow.

"Yes."

"Why aren't we going?" Emmett asked and I picked at a pizza slice.

"Carlisle doesn't want to appear as a threat. He wants me to get a read on them and Alice and Jasper need to sign the treaty." I explained. Emmett nodded, accepting this. Rosalie scowled. She hated to be left out of anything but Alice leaned forward.

"Rosalie, Carlisle needs you to look at his car. The brake pads will need replacing soon. He's going to ask when we get home." She said and Rosalie rolled her eyes, flipping open her phone, going online to order parts.

I tried to peek into Alice's mind but found nothing more than the genealogy of the English royal family in Greek.

~*~

* * *

I was one of the first to arrive in Biology and watched with disinterest as the rest of the class trickled in, Mr Banner scribbling the lesson objectives on the board. His mind was filled with thoughts of marking and students and I smiled faintly at his dedication to his students. He seemed to be one of the very few teachers who seemed to care about his pupils, taking an interest in the subject.

A couple more people came in, the second taking a seat at the front of the class. The first, a dark-haired girl, looked around before moving to sit at the deserted desk beside mine. She didn't have a bag or pencils, not even a jacket even though the weather was chilly. I glanced at her curiously out of the corner of my eye before glancing into her mind.

Silence met me.

I frowned. The room was fairly quiet as Mr Banner began the lesson, his voice the only obvious one in the room. The girl glanced around and then reached behind her for a spare text book which was on the bench at the back of the room, placing it on the table and opening it quickly to the right page before returning her hands to her lap. Her hair fell into her face and a wave of scent floated across me.

I was stunned for a moment. This scent was unlike anything I'd ever smelled before. It was sweet and warm, like fruit and flowers, but almost ethereal, not the usual heart-thumping scent of a human. I strained to smell it again, keeping my eyes on the notepad before me. What _was_ that delicious smell? I felt almost human again, the burn in my throat was throbbing but I had no initial desire to drink, only a wish to be closer to the source of that scent, to drown in it. It terrified and confused me as my emotions melded with my thirst and I stared at the notepad, horrifically uncertain. This was more than my usual thirst and yet it defied the thirst, begged for intimacy and careful investigation, for closeness.

"Edward, you can join another pair, if you like?" Mr Banner's voice broke through my stupor and drew my attention to the work at hand. I had already done this lab work, several times over.

"I've done this lab before. I don't mind working alone." I said softly and his thoughts expressed his relief that I wouldn't disrupt his carefully planned lesson. As he returned to the front of the classroom, I glanced at the desk beside mine. The girl was sat, watching the experiment at the desk in front of hers. Why hadn't he paired me with her? Had he even noticed her there? You couldn't exactly miss her, yet she remained silent, watching Mike Newton's experiment with a vague interest. Then she tensed, sitting as still as she possibly could.

I looked at her face. It was pale and uncertain, her teeth biting into her lower lip. I listened for her internal monologue and heard none. She stared back at me for a moment and then turned her face away abruptly, letting her hair fall into her face. She hunched over her book, barely moving throughout the rest of the lesson. I finished my worksheet in less than a minute and stared at the desk, watching her out of the corner of my eye but she didn't look at me again and left the room quickly.

Who was this girl? This human without a mind and without the pull of pounding blood that came with normal people?

I became aware of Mr Banner preparing for the next class and collected my things, exiting the classroom. A lot of people had already disappeared into their next classes. I walked quickly to my locker but paused as I saw Alice and Jasper stood by the row of lockers. She tried to disguise her thoughts again but was half a second too late.

_The girl was smiling at me, her hand in mine and a shy smile on her face as we stood in my room at the house we'd only recently moved into here in Forks. I smiled down at her and lifted my free hand to sweep the hair from her shoulder, cupping her cheek before leaning down, my mouth brushing against hers…_

"Alice!" I fumed and she winced, sliding under Jasper's arm. He gave me a warning glance but I ignored him.

"Edward, who is she?" Alice asked and I ground my teeth, glaring at her, being careful not to tighten my grasp on the books in my hand. The spine of the biology textbook creaked ominously.

"I have no idea." I said sharply and tugged open my locker. The metal around the handle twisted and I scowled, flexing it back into shape. Alice stepped forward and the mental chanting stopped.

"_I love you, Edward." She said quietly, her hand reaching up to brush my hair from my eyes, "I love you."_

"Edward, don't you see?" Alice asked softly and I slammed the locker shut, turning to glare down at her but she sent another vision flying into my mind.

"_I love you too." I smiled, easily and freely, as the chords of _Chanson D'amour_ played delicately behind us. She smiled joyously and pulled me close, kissing me again._

I snarled and Jasper narrowed his eyes.

_Watch it, Edward. _

I ignored him, staring down angrily at my sister.

"I don't want to talk about this now, Alice! Whatever you saw, you were wrong!"

I heard footsteps and even as I turned my head to look, Alice leapt forward with ridiculous speed for such a public environment, forcing me back. I threw back one arm, being careful to be light enough not to dent the lockers, planting my feet firmly in an instinctive defensive pose but froze as a familiar, delicious scent invaded my nostrils and the realisation that my arm had not connected with the metal of the lockers but with something warm and solid, something that sent sparks tingling along my cold skin. I heard a gasp and looked down quickly to see the girl from Alice's vision sprawled at my feet, sitting on her backside on the dirty floor.

She stared at me, her expression a mixture of confusion and horror. I frowned, desperate to hear her thoughts, straining with my whole mind but nothing but silence touched my ears.

Her large, dark eyes slid from me to Jasper, to Alice (who was smiling incessantly) and then back to me. I could see the uncertainty, the hesitation, the fear in her eyes and I held out my hand to help her to her feet but she flinched away, climbing to her feet in an ungainly fashion and keeping her eyes downcast.

"Are you alright?" Alice asked gently, tilting her head.

She didn't speak. Instead she lifted her eyes to meet mine, searching my face for something and it was almost agonising not to instantly know what. And then she turned and ran _through_ the lockers.

Vampires are not often speechless. But there were three stunned and silent vampires stood in the hallway at that point in time. I blinked and turned to look at my brother and sister. Alice glanced at me quickly.

"What did you hear?" She asked and I shook my head.

"Nothing. I couldn't hear her thoughts."

"Didn't you notice the other thing?" Jasper asked dryly and I frowned, glancing at him.

"What do you mean?"

"No thoughts. No heartbeat either," Jasper said darkly, "That girl is dead."

* * *

**A/N: Hello my little sherry trifles! And may I start this author's note by telling you that I was OVERWHELMED by the response to the last chapter! Seriously, a couple of hours after I posted, I was on MSN to my beta going "And it's had this many hits and this many reviews and this many favourites! Squueeeee!"**

**My beta is a very patient lady. Send her loves and cookies.**

**Chanson D'amour – I discovered Faure in my PotO days and it's a never ending love affair. This song is such a wonderful declaration of love, love that Edward sees everyday and secretly longs for. He **_**wants**_** his rebellious angel. This is the English translation from French.**

**www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=BeAyifsNuqc **

**Hope you all had a lovely Christmas! Next chapter will be along… shortly. I have two assignments to do and several large meals to work off in the gym!**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a grand piano. Use as you see fit, although watching Pretty Woman may give you some ideas. My beta, Sarah, has laid claim to Carlisle and I have my eyes firmly set on Emmett. Or Jasper. Or Jacob. Leave a review now and claim one before I decide to keep them all.**

**Love **

**Katie**


	5. Behind These Walls

**Chapter Five**

**I should've been protecting my heart  
Now, nothing matters  
Its time to guard myself from hurting,  
Cover all my wounds  
Behind these walls  
I won't grieve  
Behind these walls  
My heart wont feel a thing  
Behind these walls  
Nothing will get through  
Behind these walls  
I'm not missing you**

**~Behind These Walls by Scott Alan (sung by Kerry Ellis)~**

I ran all the way home. Another good thing about being a ghost – you can't be out of breath when you don't have any. I don't sweat either, thank god. That was all I needed to make my day worse. I ran up the stairs and into my room, throwing myself onto the bed, my head pounding as I tried to make sense of what had just happened.

I had been seen. No, it was more than that! That guy, thing, whatever – Edward – had touched me. He had made physical contact with me. His arm had touched me and he had held out his hand to help me up. He had been warm to the touch.

But he wasn't the only one – Jasper and Alice had obviously seen me as well, each on more than one occasion. What about the other two, Rosalie and Emmett? Had I ever been noticed by them? I couldn't imagine how I might have been; I didn't have classes with either of them but I tried to remember if I'd ever seen them in corridor.

I sat with my back against the headboard, my head in my hands as I ran over the scenario again and again, trying to understand the situation. Was I becoming visible again? Could that happen to ghosts? I needed to find out and as quickly as possible. If I _was_ visible, then everything was going to change. God, Charlie… what would he say? This was going to scare the hell out of him!

Wait, Bella, calm down. Test the theory _then_ jump to horrifying conclusions.

I went to the window, peering out at the road. Across the street and a little way down was a man mowing his lawn. I jumped out of the window, clambering down the tree outside the house and walked slowly down the road, nerves building in the pit of my stomach. The lawnmower stopped and the man began to wheel it back to his house.

"Good afternoon." I said cautiously. He didn't look up as he came back across the lawn, heading for the mail box. I went and stood beside it, watching as he flicked it open and began glancing through the contents.

"Hey, can you hear me?" I asked loudly.

He didn't even blink. I sighed.

"Hey motherfucker, your wife is doing your best friend." I announced at, what was possibly, a shouting volume. He gave no sign that he'd heard. He was either deaf, unreasonably at peace with abusive yelling or he couldn't hear _or_ see me.

I gave up and slumped back to the house as it began to rain.

* * *

~*~

I was sat on the stairs, still trying to understand the situation, when Charlie came home.

"Hi Dad." I mumbled as he shuffled into the kitchen and began to stab a potato with a fork, putting it in the oven and opening the fridge door to find the cheese. I watched in silence, leaning my forehead against the doorframe as he worked quietly, occasionally whistling out of tune. Whilst the potato was cooking, he went to the telephone and dialled.

"Hey Billy," He said and I sat down on the floor, watching as he discussed the previous night's game. But then he frowned.

"You sound distracted. Everything alright? …you sure? Hmm, well… ok. You want to head over to the lake this weekend? Jake can come if you want, unless he's got plans. Who's he hanging out with these days? Ah, they're good kids, if I recall. Yeah, no problem. Bye."

He hung up as I sat bolt upright, letting out a gasp.

Jake. Jacob Black. Who had 'seen something out of the corner of his eye'.

If I had been alive, my heart would have been pounding.

"Dad, I'm going out!" I shouted as I ran for the door, not even bothering to open it. I set off down the street, hoping I could remember the way to La Push. I hadn't been up there since I'd died, but within thirty minutes I found myself entering the town. I might not get out of breath, but running took a lot longer than driving. However, whilst I might have been able to get away with a phantom book, a car driving itself was _bound_ to draw attention.

Of course, now that I was in La Push, I had no idea where Billy and Jacob lived. I must have been there at some point. Charlie would have dragged me up during one of the summers I'd stayed with him. I paused by one of the houses and then walked in, hoping to find a directory. There was a teenage kid shuffling around the living room on an old-style gameboy, muttering under his breath. I ignored him and looked around for the book. Sure enough, there was one tucked under the coffee table, right in front of him.

I sneaked behind him, going to the wall where a printed photograph of the Hoh Rainforest was hanging on a string. I picked at the picture hook until it fell to the ground unceremoniously, sending the picture crashing. The teenager jumped, hitting pause on the gameboy and staring at the picture before crossing to pick it up. I jumped over the sofa and seized the directory, moving out to the empty kitchen and flicking it open. It took me a couple of minutes to find Black in it and I was looking nervously over my shoulder the whole time, wary of being caught.

Making a mental note of the address, I walked out of the house again and set off down the street. It was beginning to rain and I scowled, breaking into a run again, my feet hitting the muddy street as the sidewalks cleared. The air, no doubt cold to the living, was warm against my skin and I slowed to a walk as I saw the little red house come into view amongst the trees. A lone figure with long dark hair was strolling towards a small, separate building.

"Jacob!" I shouted but he carried on walking. I ran after him, diving through the door as he closed it. It was full of tools and a workbench. Jacob was standing beside a car, clean but old and he popped the hood, leaning in to examine the engine.

"Jacob Black." I said again in a loud, clear voice, not shouting. He didn't react and I felt like crying, pushing my slightly damp hair out of my face.

"Please. Please, hear me, Jacob." I whispered, desperate for some kind of reaction, but he merely turned to pick up a wrench and went back to the engine.

I sat on the workbench, cross legged, watching as he whistled cheerfully, fixing the engine without a care in the world. Tears streamed down my face and I sniffed, wiping them away.

I hated this weakness in myself. It reminded me of those first few days after my death when I'd been running around, screaming at anything and anyone, desperate for someone to hear me. I had worked hard not to become a whiny little bitch-ghost and now these Cullens were messing with me and everything I knew.

Jacob approached the bench where I was sitting, picking up a cloth to wipe the oil from his spanner. I shuffled along the bench and froze as a tear dropped from my chin, landing on the wooden bench, instantly staining the wood darker. Jacob noticed it and looked up at the ceiling with a slight frown before leaning over to wipe the tear away with the cloth.

I reached up and brushed my fingers against his cheek. He shivered slightly and looked around, as though searching for the source of a breeze. I shrunk back away from him as Billy shouted from the house.

"Coming, Dad!" Jacob yelled back and tossed the tools back into a toolbox. I walked beside him as he crossed the drizzling yard and threw open the front door shaking the water droplets from his hair. Billy looked up from the kitchen table and Jacob grinned.

"Dinner?"

"You think you can manage not to burn something?"

"I'm always up for a challenge. How was your meeting with the elders?" Jacob chuckled and I leaned against the doorframe, watching as he began to dig through the cupboards for food. The phone rang and Billy wheeled towards me to answer it. I examined his face as he spoke into the receiver. His dark skin was wrinkled and leathery but he had very kind eyes and his dark hair was streaked with grey. I was tempted to try and touch him but I didn't. Instead I leaned in to listen as he spoke.

"Billy here. Ah, hi Sue."

Sue Clearwater, I recalled. Her husband, Harry, was one of Charlie's best friends. Billy scratched his chin.

"Yeah, Quil and I just got back." He said, glancing over his shoulder at Jacob, but he was preoccupied with opening tins, listening to the radio. Billy wheeled out of the kitchen, clutching the phone to his ear.

"We're keeping the treaty as it is. The leader, the one that's a doctor, came along with the mind reader. They had two other leeches with them, new ones since their last visit and they signed the treaty."

He was silent, listening to Sue talking and I was silent, curious as to the subject of their conversation. Billy sighed.

"The treaty remains the same, Sue. They can't enter our lands. We don't have any… active pack members. We can't take them on and it's safer if we don't. They can't stay for more than a few years anyway."

Another pause and then Billy's next words made me step back.

"Sue, there's nothing more to be done. Just make sure you keep your kids away from them. The Cullens can't come to La Push, but if we're in Forks, there's nothing to be done. Yes, they've got some big house up past the river."

The Cullens! The fucking Cullens, they were everywhere!

The house felt like it was shrinking, like I was suffocating. A weird sensation, seeing as I don't need to breathe anyway. I walked past Billy and through the front door, starting the long, slow walk back home.

* * *

~*~

Charlie was snoring in front of the TV when I got back. I left him to it, walking upstairs to my room, where I found a notepad and a pencil. I sat at the dusty desk and began to write.

The Cullens

I underlined it sharply and wrote out their names and what I knew about them.

_They are hated by the Quiluete trib_e _and have an agreement to stay out of La Push._

_One of them is a doctor._

_One of them is a mind reader. _

_They can see me when no one else can. _

_They can touch me when no one else can (possibly just Edward?) _

I hesitated.

_They live in Forks, past the river. _

I stopped again, turning my head to stare out of the window. Getting my thoughts out had cleared my head a little, allowing me to examine them with fresh perspective. But the one thought that was so obvious did not want to be written. It terrified me even to think of it, which was ridiculous considering my circumstances.

I held my pencil to the paper and wrote slowly and deliberately.

_They are not human_.

* * *

~*~

I didn't know whether or not to go to school the next day, Friday. I deliberated over and over again before deciding to go for it. Hell, I'd been here ten years – the Cullens had been here for ten minutes.

I watched Charlie leave for work before setting off for school. I was early and sat on a low wall, watching my classmates arrive and begin their chatter, excited for the looming weekend. Lauren had big plans to dye her hair blonder and I rolled my eyes as Jessica squealed in excitement. Nobody noticed but Angela rolled her eyes too. I liked that girl.

A silver Volvo arrived in the parking lot and I stiffened, watching as the Cullens climbed out of the car. Rosalie and Emmett set off towards the doors without bothering to wait, Emmett's arm slung around her shoulder. Edward locked the car door and then paused, looking at Alice, although she hadn't spoken. She smiled at him and he frowned, turning to look in my direction.

_Mind reader._

Instantly, swear words began to race through my brain. This guy could read my mind, could hear everything I didn't want him to.

The three of them were looking in my direction. I narrowed my eyes and climbed off the wall, walking into the school.

* * *

~*~

My concentration was shot that morning. I barely listened to Mr Lewis as he ranted about Chaucer, had no chance of understanding Geometry and by the time I got to the cafeteria, I was twitching like a rabbit, torn between wanting to show the Cullens that this was _my_ school and wanting to run to some deserted corner of the library and hide until graduation.

By the time I actually entered the cafeteria, Angela and company were already sat down, talking happily. I chewed my lip, staring in their direction before risking a glance at the Cullen table. A jolt went through me as I realised they were all staring at me.

I wrapped my arms around my waist, looking away quickly before marching over to my usual table. Unfortunately there was no chair pulled out, which left me with the option of either standing there or sitting with the table going through my middle. I debated for a minute.

"The Cullens are looking at our table." Jessica hissed. Everyone at the table peered around unsubtly, including me. Alice was chuckling to herself and I rolled my eyes, turning and leaving the table again. The Cullens turned back to their table apart from Edward, who kept his eyes on me as I stormed across the room, sitting at an empty table where a chair was already pulled out. I collapsed into it, folding my arms across my chest and sat glaring at the table in front of me.

I stayed that way, letting out my internal anger at the inanimate object for almost twenty minutes before glancing up. I was seated so that the Cullen table was ahead and to my right and I was facing Edward and Emmett. As I looked up, Emmett grinned widely. I frowned, puzzled by this reaction and shifted in my seat. Emmett chuckled and lifted one massive hand, giving a little wave as he wiggled his fingers.

I didn't quite know how to react to that. I stared at him and he winked. Alice turned in her seat to look at me, smiling widely. Edward just stared down at his tray. Was he reading my thoughts?

_You're a jerk and if you take my seat in Biology again, I'm going to rip you a new one_, I thought as loudly as possible but he didn't react. Alice said something and he looked up, meeting my eyes again.

Emmett was still grinning at me and I got to my feet and walked away, glancing over my shoulder as I strolled through the walls towards Biology. They watched me go without further movement.

* * *

~*~

Mr Banner was already in the classroom, setting up for our class. I sat at my usual desk, chin in my hands as I watched my classmates arrive, taking their seats and chattering noisily.

Edward arrived and looked directly at me. I narrowed my eyes, daring him to come and sit with me.

He did. Bastard.

He put his notepad, pencil and textbook on the desk in front of him, not looking at me as he sat with several inches between us. I stared straight ahead, clenching my jaw. Mr Banner wheeled in a projector and the class settled down as he began to play an ancient movie on mitosis. The teacher sat at his desk with his mug of coffee, looking perfectly happy to doze as everyone misbehaved quietly.

A piece of paper appeared in front of me. I blinked and glanced sideways but Edward was watching the film as though it was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen in his life. I looked down at the paper.

_What are you?_

I pulled a face at his profile. Rude much? I leaned over to steal his pencil and scribbled a reply. OK, so I could have replied out loud, but that seemed rude, even if no one else could hear me, with the movie playing.

**Virgo**. **What are you, beside a chair thief?**

He read it and his lips twitched as though repressing a smile. My eye was drawn to them and I was glad I didn't have any blood, because I had a funny feeling that I would be blushing. He was writing again and I examined his message.

_I would apologise but I was instructed to sit here. I'm Edward Cullen._ _May I ask another question?_

**Why not just read my mind?**

He frowned and turned his head slightly to look at me. I raised my eyebrows and shrugged. He hesitated before writing again.

_How do you know about that? And I can't read your mind, for reasons unknown. You're the only person I can't hear._

I read the paper for a moment before looking at him again. He was leaning back in his chair, watching me. I chewed my lip for a moment before writing again.

**You're not human, are you?**

_What makes you say that?_

**You're cold. Not to me – to me, you're just normal temperature, but you should be a lot hotter. And you don't eat. None of you ate anything at lunch today.**

**And you can see me. Humans can't see or touch me.**

He was considerate again, contemplating his answer. I tapped my fingers softly against the desk until he wrote again.

_No. I'm not human._

I sat still, thinking about this for a long time. The end of the lesson was drawing closer and he began to write again, his handwriting like calligraphy.

_What is your name?_

I looked at his face, taking in the breathtakingly perfect features and the odd, golden eyes. I reached for the pen and scribbled my message before walking out of the room.

**Bella.**

**

* * *

  
**

**A/N: Oh, my little chickpeas. Before I say anything else, I wish to give you cookies and rainbows and puppies and all sorts of lovely things because the last chapter shot the stats for this fic through the roof! Over 1400 hits and 71 reviews, 33 of which were for the last chapter alone! My beta, Sarah, could hear me squealing from her house, which is two towns over. I can be quite shrill.**

**Behind These Walls – This is Bella getting angry at herself for letting the Cullens get under her skin, when she's worked so hard not to let her situation get her down. You can find this song on youtube, and you should ALWAYS listen to Kerry Ellis if you get the chance because she gives me eargasms. **

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a box of fireworks. Sarah and I wish you all a very Happy New Year!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	6. I Want To Break Free

**Chapter Six**

**I want to break free  
I want to break free  
I want to break free from your lies  
You're so self satisfied I don't need you  
I've got to break free  
God knows, God knows I want to break free  
I've fallen in love  
I've fallen in love for the first time  
In love with a world that's real  
I've fallen in love, yeah  
God knows **

**God knows I've fallen in love**

**~I Want To Break Free by Queen (We Will Rock You Musical Version)~**

The weekend began and I finished Lord of the Rings, feeling rather pleased with myself, I mean, it only took me a decade. I spent a little time hanging out in Jacob's garage. He was a good kid and I liked his company, although I didn't touch him again. I watched TV whilst Charlie went fishing and told him off for coming home stinking of fish and dirt.

I spent way too much time thinking about the Cullens.

It got to half past two on Sunday afternoon when I broke into the public library and turned on one of the old computers as I considered what to search for.

_Not human_

_Don't eat._

_Pale and cold._

I entered it into a search engine and rolled my eyes at the random results that came back, from video games to people having issues with their babies refusing to eat. I needed to narrow it down. I went over everything again, wondering if I could research the name 'Cullen', but that wouldn't narrow it down enough.

Something prickled at the back of my head and I cast my mind back to that first evening that I'd spent at the Black house. Something in Billy's conversation with Sue. They'd talked about meeting with the Cullens, about a treaty. Pack members, whatever that meant.

He'd referred to the Cullens having been in Forks before, but that can't be right. I mean, Edward and Alice are seventeen or eighteen. I'm twenty-eight, so they would have been in town whilst I was here and I certainly didn't remember them. New people in town made the gossip soar and I would have noticed. He'd also referred to them as leeches. Were their parents lawyers? No, he had definitely said that one of them was a doctor.

I tapped idly at the keyboard, searching for 'leeches' without any real intention of finding anything. The first result that came up was a wikipedia article and I clicked on it, reading the opening paragraph.

_Some, but not all leeches are hematophagous_.

I didn't know what that meant so clicked on the link again.

_**Hematophagy**__ (sometimes spelled __**haematophagy**__ or __**hematophagia**__) is the habit of certain animals of feeding on blood (from the Greek words, __haima__ "blood" and __phagein__ "to eat")._

"Holy shit!" I sat upright and accidently knocked a pile of books off of the desk beside me. The motion sensor activated and the alarm went off. I darted to the wall and disconnected it quickly. See, this is why normal ghosts haunt old houses and castles – no motion sensors and burglar alarms! Those dead-folks at the Tower of London never had to deal with this crap.

I left the library and began to walk, running my hands through my hair.

Leeches drink blood. The Cullens have the body temperature of dead people.

Dead. Drinking blood.

"Holy shit…" I came to a stop in the middle of the street, barely noticing as a car went straight through me.

Dead people drinking blood.

The Cullens were freakin' _vampires_.

Damn, this blew being a ghost out of the water.

~*~

* * *

It took me a good fifteen minutes to calm down after this revelation. I walked home slowly, trying to think of everything I knew about vampires. They slept during the day (the Cullens didn't though), they couldn't go out in sunlight (probably why they moved to Forks, when did the sun ever shine here?), they drank the blood of humans…

I froze. They drank from humans. Everyone at school, their families, _Charlie_… were they in danger? Had the Cullens killed people from the town?

A list of possible vampire defences ran through my mind, using my carefully gathered knowledge garnered from Buffy reruns and the essay I'd written on Dracula in tenth grade... stakes, garlic, holy water, crosses – what would work? Would _any_ of them work? I had no idea how much of the vampire myths were true, it was impossible to say. Still, I had to try.

I ran home and dived into the kitchen. Charlie was still fishing so I didn't have to worry about him coming home to find a haunted spice rack as I hunted for the garlic, pushing aside the dusty tubs of paprika and tarragon. OK, so it was ground garlic, but it was still garlic and Charlie didn't exactly keep a stock of Holy Water lying around the house. I wasn't sure exactly how to use the garlic so I rubbed some into the wood around the door frame, hoping Charlie wouldn't notice the smell too much. Would the presence of the garlic keep the vampires away? Where the hell would I even _get _Holy Water?

Charlie came home reeking of fish again so I sat on the porch for a couple of hours that evening, trying to figure out how I could get answers to the million and one questions that were racing through my brain.

The most obvious answer was to go straight to the source, but that seemed like a bad idea. I was used to being impermeable to everything around me but these… people, for lack of a better word, could touch me. They could hurt me. They couldn't kill me, it was a little late for that, but still.

I made a conscientious decision, there and then, to talk to the Cullens at school the next day. Using actual words, not a piece of paper. Time to be a grown-up Swan and start acting your age. Of course, if I started acting my real age, it would be totally lame that I was still in high school, seeing as I was closer to thirty than twenty.

I went for a walk up to La Push, knowing that I couldn't help Charlie further, wanting to check on Jacob. He was still working on his battered old car, a Rabbit that he was ridiculously proud of. But I remembered my first car and then I couldn't blame him. That Chevy truck had been my most prized possession, despite it's less than stellar performance. I watched as Jacob whistled under his breath, fiddling with the mysterious pieces of metal with the care of a surgeon.

A couple of voices sounded, Jacob's best friends, Quil Jr. and Embry. They were good kids too, although the three of them tended to be a little immature when together. Still, they were only sixteen, so I could hardly hold it against them. God, was I getting old? Next thing I'd start grumbling about the damn kids being on my lawn and complaining about the loud music.

"How's it going, Jake?" Embry asked, leaning in to examine the engine. I listened with interest as they discussed engine parts and horsepower. Maybe I'd head over to the community college next fall and see if I could take a course on mechanics. It sounded interesting and high school was wearing my patience thin.

"How's your Granddad doing, Quil? Dad said they had a council meeting the other day." Embry asked suddenly and Quil groaned.

"Geez, I don't know what's going on with them, but Granddad's all up in arms about some new family down in Forks. Wants me to stay out of town and avoid them at all costs, I don't get the deal."

"Oh, is that the Cullens?" Jacob asked curiously, "Yeah, Dad said the same thing to me. He didn't say why though."

"One of their great-great-grandfathers probably insulted one of ours." Quil said dismissively, "Whatever. How are you going to get your hands on a carburettor for this car?"

* * *

~*~

I avoided the Cullens all day on Monday until lunch time, when I walked slowly to the deserted table I'd occupied on Friday. I watched everyone else come in for lunch, talking about their weekends, discussing Lauren's disastrous dye job and bemoaning unfinished homework.

I took a couple of deep breaths, clasping my hands in front of me on the table as I waited patiently.

Jasper was the first to arrive. He sat down with his tray and lounged back in his chair, watching me unashamedly with piercing eyes. He lounged like a cat, graceful and poised; I half expected a tail to start flicking back and forth and I felt strangely like a mouse. Alice arrived shortly after and tossed me a dazzling smile. If Jasper was a cat then Alice was a bird, singing with the dawn. I examined my hands carefully as Emmett sat down and winked cheerfully. When I looked up he gave another little wave, being careful to be subtle so it didn't look like he was waving at an empty table.

I hesitated for a moment and then waved back gingerly. His grin widened and he nudged Jasper in the ribs. Jasper sighed and gave him a 'yes, I saw you wave at your new friend' look. Alice giggled as Rosalie sat down. Rosalie gave me a disinterested look and returned to looking bored in general, staring into space as though nothing in the room could possibly be as interesting as she was.

I chewed my lip, glancing over at Angela. She was watching Ben talk about some videogame with Eric Yorkie and looking wistful. I sighed, wondering if I could help to influence her in some way. Ben was too shy, he was never going to ask her out of his own accord.

I looked back at the Cullens. Edward had arrived and was watching me. I took a deep breath and stood, walking towards the table. They were all careful to keep looking calm and not to stare directly at me. I paused by the table, shifting uncomfortably.

"Uh… OK, so I need to talk to you." I began before my voice gave out. Edward's eyes were fixed on mine and I tore my gaze away, looking at my feet.

"Can I come over tonight? To your house? I won't stay long, I just want to get a few things cleared up."

Alice smiled and Edward glared at her. I hesitated at his dour expression but Alice looked up at me with a cheerful expression.

"We'll see you at 7:42."

"OK…" I turned and shuffled away, bemused at her precise time of arrival.

"See you later, Bella!" She called quietly after me and I glanced over my shoulder uncertainly before half-running out of the cafeteria, feeling like Frodo as he faced down the Ringwraiths.

Go me.

* * *

~*~

I was so distracted that I let Charlie burn his dinner. I hadn't even noticed that he'd had the burner up all the way instead of on a low heat and we noticed the smoke at the same time. He swore loudly, I told him off for his foul language and then went upstairs to get changed. It was kind of a good thing that Charlie never checked my wardrobe. I put the clothes I'd been wearing in the bottom of the closet and pulled out a pair of jeans and a button up shirt. No need to look like a ghost-hobo. I put on a pair of flat shoes and brushed my hair, plaiting it so it wouldn't look too windswept by the time I go there.

Charlie had situated himself in front of the TV, ordering pizza. I scowled at him.

"You're a step away from donuts, Dad, and then you're going to be wondering why the bad guys get away so easily!" I warned before taking off at a run. I knew the vague direction of the Cullen's house and figured I'd find it eventually, having sneaked into Charlie's office and looked up the address on his work computer. I didn't want to be too late though. Did they sleep? I mean, how was I to know which of the vampire myths were true? They came out in daylight and I had yet to see any of them grab a freshman and start chomping. God, that was a scary thought. It scared the life out of me.

Oh, look, it worked.

Heh. OK, Swan, focus and stop kidding around.

It took me almost forty minutes to find the road to their house. I didn't have a watch but as the enormous, beautiful house came into view, I was willing to bet that it was around 7:42. The house was painted a faded white, several storeys high but not overbearing for its size.

There were three figures stood on the porch and I took a deep breath before walking over the perfectly cut lawn until I could see them more clearly, willing my nerves to cease their rampage of my stomach. One figure was Edward and another was Alice. The third figure was a man, maybe in his early twenties (or possibly early hundreds, how was I to know?) with pale blonde hair and the same beautiful golden eyes as the others. He was stunningly good looking, also just like the others.

I paused a few feet away and Alice smiled brightly, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Hi Bella!" She said and I nodded mutely. Edward looked at me for a moment, before gesturing to the blonde man.

"Bella, this is Carlisle. Our father, for all intents and purposes. Carlisle, this is Isabella Swan."

I jolted, staring at him in surprise.

"How did you-?" How the hell did he find out my name? Edward gave a slight smile before looking at Carlisle.

"Bella is dead."

"So are you, what's your point?" I said abruptly and Carlisle laughed, his smile dazzling. I swear, I almost swooned. I _can't_ swoon, I'm dead. But he almost made it happen. I bit on my lip, shifting uncertainly on the spot. I hadn't meant to be rude, but I was so freakin' nervous.

"Bella, please, come inside. We can talk there." Carlisle gestured to the house but I paused, not feeling that I could go inside without assuaging some of my fears first.

"Wait… I just wanted to…" I hesitated, a little uncertain on how to continue.

"Please feel free to ask us anything." Carlisle said earnestly and I met his eyes.

"You drink blood."

"Yes." He didn't shy from the answer.

"From people?" I enquired delicately and he smiled warmly.

"No. My family and I do not feed from humans. We feed strictly from animals."

I was silent for a moment, staring at him. He inclined his head as though to respect that I needed some time to take this in. After a few seconds Alice smiled and gestured to the door. I followed them inside, blinking at the beautiful interior. So this was how other dead people lived? In serious style and here I'd been slumming it in my Dad's house for the past decade.

The others were standing, waiting for me. Emmett waved cheerfully and Rosalie ignored my arrival altogether. Jasper nodded and a beautiful woman with soft features and caramel coloured hair stepped forward, smiling brightly and holding out her hand.

"Bella, I'm Esme, Carlisle's mate. I'm so pleased to meet you." She said in a lovely voice.

I stared at the extended hand. Oh my god, she was going to touch me. _Oh no_. I mouthed wordlessly, my gaze fixed on pale fingers. After an uncomfortable moment, Carlisle stepped forward.

"People… humans… can't touch you, can they, Bella?"

I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak and frozen to the spot. Esme's mouth formed an O and she lowered her hand immediately, looking horrified at herself, her eyes darting from Carlisle to myself.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Alice said that Edward had-"

"I don't know why." I interrupted, being rude again. "I don't know how. No one's been able to since I died."

Rosalie flinched at my casual reference to my own death and I looked at her curiously. She ignored me, her gaze on Carlisle.

"I'm going to look at the Mercedes." She said flatly and turned, marching out. Emmett threw me an apologetic look and followed her. Alice sighed.

"Never mind Rosalie. She doesn't like change. Anyway, come and sit down so we can talk." She skipped to a sitting room and I followed, taking a lone armchair whilst Esme and Carlisle shared a sofa and Jasper and Alice a small divan. Edward remained standing by the mantelpiece and I was aware of all eyes on me. I chewed my lip, tapping my fingers against my thighs. Carlisle leaned forward, eyes gleaming with friendly curiosity.

"So, Bella… you're deceased?"

"Yes." I said, as though I were on a game show. _Correct! You are deceased! Ten points to the ghost!_

"I hope you won't think me insensitive, but-"

"Ten years ago and hit by a speeding car." I said bluntly and Carlisle smiled, "I hit the pavement and then I got up and walked away. Part of me, anyway."

"You remember your own death?" Jasper asked and I smirked.

"It's kinda hard to forget, to be honest. One of those pivotal moments that tends to stay with you. Like the first day of high school, only messier."

Carlisle considered me for a moment and I averted my eyes, looking around the pretty room. I wondered who had decorated it, it was incredible. My attention was called back when Esme spoke softly.

"If you don't mind me asking, what do you do? Edward and Alice said that you're in high school, but that's only six hours a day."

"I take care of my dad." I said calmly, "Charlie Swan, he's the Police Chief in Forks."

"I met him just two days ago," Carlisle said with a pleased smile, "He's a good man. He came to check on someone who had been in a car accident."

"That sounds like him." I agreed, "Anyway, I keep an eye on him. I read a lot. I've been spending some time up in La Push lately…"

I paused, waiting to see what their reactions would be. Edward's eyes narrowed and Carlisle paused, unsure of how to approach the subject. I smirked again.

"Yeah, they're not so keen on you guys up there."

"No, they wouldn't be." Carlisle said lightly, "They know what we are. I doubt they're spreading it about, but the council certainly know."

"Vampires." It was the first time that I'd said it aloud and Carlisle nodded.

"Yes."

I fell silent, leaning back in the chair. They waited for me to take this in and I scratched my chin.

"OK, I know I should probably be fine with this. I mean, I'm a ghost so technically I shouldn't exist either but… you're _vampires_." I said disbelievingly and Alice giggled endearingly, perched on the edge of her seat. Carlisle smiled.

"Until now I'd believed ghosts to be mythical also. I think this is a surprising situation all around."

"Carlisle, I've got to say, I've got a lot of questions." I warned and he nodded.

"As do I."

"And I'd like to start by asking him how the hell he found out my name." I said, turning my head to look at Edward. He at least had the decency to look abashed.

"I went through some old yearbooks in the library at school." He admitted and I shrugged.

"Fair call. I didn't exactly give you a lot to work with so I guess you deserve props for the initiative. How'd you figure out I was dead? I mean, before I started walking through walls? You were all acting weird before I ran off."

"You don't have a heartbeat. We have excellent hearing but there's nothing coming from you internally. Edward can't hear your thoughts and even Alice had trouble seeing you." Carlisle and I frowned at Alice.

"What? You were the first one to see me. I thought I was going crazy."

"I can see the future, Bella." She said cheerfully, "And I couldn't get a fix on you at first. You kept flitting in and out. Maybe it's because you're…" She gestured at me and I nodded.

"Living impaired?" I suggested.

They chuckled, apart from Edward who gave a slight smile. I took another deep and unnecessary breath.

"OK, so… I don't have audible thoughts, which I'm kind of relieved about because I spend a lot of time thinking about utter crap. And I don't have a fixed future."

"You do now." Alice assured me, "Now that I can see you interacting, your future has started to settle down in points. It's like I can only see your future when it ties up with other peoples." That made sense but Carlisle was clearly impatient, eager to talk about my existence.

"After you died, did you know what had happened?"

"Oh yeah. My biggest clue was seeing my body right next to me," I grinned and then shrugged, "I was freaked out at first. I kept screaming at people, trying to get someone to see me but… well, nothing happened, obviously. I tried to get back into my body and that didn't work either. Then I started thinking about 'unfinished business', but no joy there either. So I just accepted it."

They seemed stunned by my nonchalance and I grinned.

"Hey, it could be worse. I don't have to drink blood and I don't catch fire in sunlight, right?"

They all stared at me, utterly astonished and I wondered for a panicky moment if I'd pissed them off. Good going, Swan, piss off the houseful of vampires who can actually hurt you.

Then Alice started to laugh. Thank hell for that.

* * *

**A/N: (trumpets sound) 100 reviews! You are all officially super awesome and deserving of cookies! And in order to treat you, I have supplied a chapter that has some interaction! Huzzah!**

**I Want To Break Free – I chose this version of the song for two reasons. The first is the line 'I've fallen in love with a world that's real'. Bella doesn't understand her situation but accepts it. Her world now has vampires, her world has people who can see and speak to her, making life more real. She has also 'broken free' from her own stubbornness that kept her from accepting the Cullens. **

**The second reason is that my beta and I are utterly obsessed with We Will Rock You. We saw it three times together this year. I know, don't you all wish that you were as cool as us? It's OK to be jealous, so many are.**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and some fireworks for the New Year. Or you can always make your own, nudge nudge wink wink.**

**Love**

**Katie**


	7. Rusty Halo

**Chapter Seven**

**Now I'm looking up the Bible  
Trying to find a loophole.  
Yeah I'm living for revival,  
Dying for a new soul.  
Now there's no light to guide me on my way home  
Now there's no time to shine my rusty halo.  
It's been a long time coming,  
It's been a long time.  
It's been a long time coming,  
Yeah it's been a long time,  
It's been a long time coming.  
Been so long  
But I gotta shine, shine, shine  
My rusty halo.  
Gotta shine my rusty halo,  
Gotta shine my rusty halo.**

**~Rusty Halo by The Script~**

**Edward Cullen**

Alice was out of the car almost before I'd parked it in the garage, running to the house.

"Carlisle! Carlisle!" She called and he appeared on the porch, looking worried.

"Alice? What's wrong? Is everything alright?" _Did Jasper…?_

"No." I assured him and he closed his eyes in relief before looking at the excitable Alice.

"Alice, tell me." He said patiently.

"Carlisle, we saw a _ghost_!" She squealed and Rosalie gave an irritated sigh, slamming the car door behind her.

"She's been giddy all the way home. Please tell her ghosts aren't real." She said dryly. This statement was more to annoy Alice than convince us of her lunacy.

"Jasper and Edward saw her too! Tell him!" Alice turned on us, her excitement like a tidal wave knocking into us.

Carlisle looked at me and I raised my eyebrows.

"There was a girl at school. I bumped into her and knocked her down. She was… upset and when she stood up, she walked through a wall."

"_Through_ it, Carlisle!" Alice repeated for emphasis and Carlisle put a hand on her shoulder to calm her.

"She was dead, Carlisle. No heartbeat. Edward can't hear her thoughts." Jasper added.

"I couldn't see her properly until halfway through the period after lunch. I don't know what happened but suddenly she was cemented in our future. Well… Edward's future, anyway." She smiled.

"Alice." I gave a warning growl and Jasper scowled at me. Esme, who had arrived just in time to hear Alice's statement, looked at me in astonishment.

"Edward, who is she?" She asked wonderingly and I pinched the bridge of my nose, tension prickling in my neck.

"I have no idea. Alice is being ridiculous. I'm going to hunt before we meet with the Quiluete."

Without another word I took off running, taking pleasure from the pounding of my feet on the damp earth. It was like returning to my roots, becoming the basic animal that nature had intended me to be. I heard footsteps behind me and Jasper's thoughts, but I ignored him, covering several miles easily until I got a whiff of grazing deer. Four of them. I didn't bother to sneak up or play hide-and-seek. I took the largest easily, using years of technique to claw away a lump of fur and seek access to the pounding vein. I heard Jasper take another and we drank in silence. The warm blood filled my mouth again and again and I focused on being an animal, a hunter, unaware of any dramatic occurrences that were unravelling around me.

Jasper had no such intentions. The moment I'd dropped the deer he turned his gaze on me.

_Did running away help?_

"What do you want, Jasper?" I said quietly, dragging the corpse to a tree and stuffing it under the roots. Jasper tossed his carcass to me and I buried that too.

_Your emotions… do you even understand what you're feeling?_

I didn't reply, planting the tree back into the ground. I took a little longer than necessary kicking the dirt back into place and I heard Jasper's irritated sigh.

_Why're you so afraid, Edward? You scared that you might actually find someone? Alice told me what she saw-_

"She's wrong." I said flatly, "And I'm not afraid because nothing is going to happen."

_You weren't just afraid. You were confused and upset too. Ain't no bad thing to be loved, Edward. Just remember that._

He took off running and I stood staring at the tree in miserable confusion.

* * *

~*~

Thankfully no one brought the subject up again that evening. Alice, Jasper, Carlisle and I climbed into the Volvo and drove up to the border of La Push in silence. I knew Alice wanted to bring up the subject again, but restrained herself and I was grateful for that. We were a few minutes early and Carlisle turned to look at Alice and Jasper.

"We want this finished quickly. Don't speak if you don't have to, just sign the treaty and we'll leave."

"You think they'll try something?" Jasper asked and I shook my head.

"I doubt it. This is more for their benefit than ours. They want reassurance that we aren't feeding from humans."

We fell silent, standing in a line as we heard them approaching. One set of feet and the creak of a wheelchair. I watched as the two men appeared.

_Only four of them? I thought there were more. Don't like Billy being here. He can't get away easily. Mind you, I'm hardly in the best state of health. Couldn't bring the young'uns though…_

_No reason why this can't go peacefully._

The last thought came from the man in the wheelchair. He had leathery brown skin and his long dark hair, peppered with grey streaks, was loose about his shoulders. The standing man was much older and he had a walking cane, although he stood tall and with pride.

There was silence and Carlisle took a small step forward, nodding his head.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with us. I am Carlisle Cullen. These are my sons, Edward and Jasper, and my daughter, Alice. Jasper and Alice have come to sign the treaty."

"I'm Billy Black," The wheelchair man said and gestured to his companion, "Quil Ateara Senior." They were both names I recognised from the original treaty, Black and Ateara. Two of the oldest names in Quiluete history and no doubt brought out now to impress upon us the importance of this meeting.

"You consider the treaty intact?" Quil Sr asked and Billy watched closely as Carlisle nodded again.

"I do. My family and I will abide by the terms previously set out and we are willing to compromise if you wish to add to it. We will not hunt on Quiluete lands."

"You will not kill humans." Billy added sharply and the Quil nodded shortly. Carlisle spread his hands in a friendly gesture.

"My family and I do not feed from humans."

"Your… children…" Quil looked revolted by this familial term, "They are attending Forks High School? That's a lot of fresh blood."

"We are fortunate enough to be able to foresee problems."

I looked at him abruptly. I hadn't realised that he intended to reveal Alice's gift but he gave me a reassuring glance before gesturing to her.

"Alice can see the future and you are aware of Edward's ability of mindreading. Between them they can see any potential problems and avert them, although it is not something they need to do. We can resist well enough."

I could feel the tension pouring off Jasper. As the weakest member of our family he was often miserable at the thought of letting us down. But Billy and Quil were focusing on Alice who smiled serenely.

"A psychic?" Billy questioned and she nodded.

"Yes."

"Hmm." Billy considered this for a moment. _Another gift on their side. If they chose to attack…_

"We sign the treaty to show our peaceful intentions, Mr Black." I said in a respectful tone, hiding my disgust at his attitude. Billy narrowed his eyes, realising what I'd heard before reaching into the bag that hung from the back of his chair. He pulled out an old piece of paper, delicate and thin. Carlisle moved forward and took it from Billy's outstretched hand. Both men flinched at his approach but Carlisle ignored this, carrying the treaty back to Jasper and Alice. Alice pulled out an ink pen and carefully signed the bottom of the paper before handing it to Jasper. He too signed and Carlisle wrapped the paper back up carefully before taking it back to Billy.

"Thank you again for meeting with us. I'm grateful that we can maintain the peace." He said charmingly and the two men turned to leave.

We watched them go in silence and then Carlisle sighed, smiling at Alice and Jasper.

"Well, that's done. Let's get home before Esme starts to worry."

* * *

~*~

Alice was kind enough to keep her thoughts to herself that night and I finished my homework quickly before spending the evening reading. Rosalie and Emmett finished up in the garage before disappearing out to the woods for what Esme delicately referred to as 'couple activities'.

I am one hundred and seven years old. I can bear to hear the word 'sex'.

Alice was sat at the computer, examining the upcoming fashions from Paris and scoffing at the ones she didn't like. Jasper was watching television – he enjoyed the Natural History programmes and Esme was watching with him whilst Carlisle finished his paperwork for the hospital.

None of us referred to the ghost again, although I knew we were all waiting to see what might happen the next day.

* * *

~*~

I drove again and Rosalie and Emmett took off the moment we arrived at school, apparently uninterested in our paranormal friend. Well, Rosalie was uninterested, I could tell that Emmett was curious. Alice looked around and then smiled.

_She's here, Edward_!

I frowned, wishing she wouldn't insist that I take notice. It merely encouraged her ridiculous vision but I looked around. Sure enough, sat on the low wall outside the school doors, was the girl, hands stuffed into the pockets of her hoodie. She was watching us and as I looked over she glared and stood from the wall, walking inside by the unconventional method of going straight through the side of the building. Alice sighed happily and I looked at her.

"What?"

"You're going to talk to her today. At least, that's what I can see. You should. She hasn't had anyone to talk to in a long time." Alice said, her voice turning sad and thoughtful.

* * *

~*~

I went to my classes, paying as much attention as I could, because most of my attention was focused on Alice's words. Nobody had talked to her in a long time. Presumably humans couldn't see her. So since her death… she hadn't been seen, heard, touched. I couldn't imagine that amount of isolation. Even when I felt alone, I was constantly aware of my family around me. I might be the single one in the family, but they were always available if I needed to talk, needed advice. This girl had had no such luxury.

We were sat at lunch and all of us were waiting although no one wanted to admit it. Alice was positively vibrating with excitement and Jasper touched her hand, sending a wave of calm. She smiled at him and then gasped quietly.

"There she is!"

We all looked up and saw the dark-haired girl standing by the door to the cafeteria. She was looking at a table of our classmates, Angela Weber and Jessica amongst them. Hesitantly she glanced around to look at us. Alice giggled delightedly and I heard Rosalie give an impatient sigh. The girl looked away quickly and began to walk to Angela's table before pausing. I was trying to work out why but was distracted by Jessica hissing to her friends that we were looking their away. My siblings turned away and the girl scowled in our direction as Alice laughed.

"Don't go giving Jessica ideas, Edward. She wants you to ask her out anyway!"

I frowned faintly, watching as the girl crossed to an empty table, falling into a pulled out chair. Ah, so that was why she hadn't sat at what I assumed was her usual table. She could hardly go around moving random pieces of furniture. She was glaring at the table in front of her, her arms folded across her chest and I took a moment to examine her for the first time. She wasn't remotely transparent and I wondered which ghost myths were true. Probably as many as vampire ones, I thought in amusement. She was pale though, with dark brown hair and shapely brows over expressive brown eyes. She was wearing jeans and a hoodie, but different ones to the set I'd first seen her in.

Seventeen minutes after she'd sat down, her eyes flickered towards us again. Emmett chortled and grinned widely.

_Aw, she's cute, Edward! For a dead chick, I mean._

The girl blinked and frowned, looking utterly bemused. She wriggled in her seat, tightening her arms across her chest as she watched us uncertainly. Emmett laughed quietly and lifted his hand, giving a ridiculous little wave. The girl's eyes widened and I looked down at my tray of mangled food. I wanted to walk away. This was ridiculous but Alice was twisting in her chair to look at the girl.

"She's watching you, Edward."

_Glaring at you, actually. _Emmett added. I looked up and the girl met my eyes. We stared at each other for a minute before the girl got to her feet quickly. She turned and began to walk towards the nearest wall but glanced over her shoulder, still looking painfully uncertain.

Alice beamed at me.

"I like her!"

"You don't even know her, Ali-kins." Emmett said, grinning and Alice rolled her eyes at the nickname that only he used for her.

"No, but I'm going to. Besides, Edward's going to talk to her during Biology."

I gave her a flat look and she smiled fondly at me. Rosalie, who had been tapping away on her blackberry the whole time, looked at me.

"What's the issue, Edward? Just talk to Casper and shut Alice the hell up. I haven't seen her this hyper since shoulder pads went out."

* * *

~*~

When I arrived in Biology, the girl was sat at my desk. She glared at me, as though daring me to go and sit by her. I moved to the chair beside her, without looking at her. I took my time arranging my books and pens, carefully lining them up before staring straight ahead. The girl was watching me and then turned to look at the front of the classroom. I made no move to look at her. What would happen if I decided _not_ to talk to her today? Would Alice's vision fail to come to fruition?

Did I want it to fail?

The memory flashed through my mind again of this girl smiling at me, telling me that she loved me. A spot low down in my ribcage began to tingle and spark at the thought. It made me uneasy and I closed my eyes, trying to will it away as Mr Banner set up a projector and started a crackling old movie on mitosis.

I took a quick look at the girl beside me. She was looking at the projector screen, but didn't seem to be paying attention, with her chin resting in her hands. She had a faintly miserable expression on her face and when she moved to brush a stray lock of hair behind her ear, that intoxicating scent hit me again. It was like a battering ram, pounding my head and chest. The venom burned my throat but it was a different burn, not for blood but for something unspecified. Something I hadn't felt before.

I pulled a piece of paper from my notebook and scribbled a note down, sliding it towards her.

_What are you?_

I watched as she looked down and then looked at me, a scowl on her face before she leaned over and picked up my pencil, scribbling a reply before shoving the paper back at me. I looked down at it to find it announcing that she was a Virgo and that I was a chair stealer. I repressed a smile and began to write again, her sense of humour amusing me.

I introduced myself on paper, excusing my apparent theft and requested permission to ask another question. Her reply was surprising.

**Why not just read my mind?**

How in the name of all that was holy did she know about that? I was immediately tense and looked at her. She looked back unflinchingly before raising her eyebrows questioningly and shrugged. I began to write again. I admitted that I couldn't hear her and asked how she knew, before leaning back in my chair watching as she read it.

But when she wrote back it was with an entirely different question.

**You're not human, are you?**

I asked why she thought this and she listed a set of reasons, ranging from body temperature to the fact that I could touch her.

It struck me then that my arm hitting her had been the first physical contact that she'd had in unknown years. This seemed wrong somehow; too violent, too painful. I felt burning guilt in the pit of my stomach as I looked at her. She was thin and fragile, with delicate looking limbs and features. She was tapping her fingers softly on the desk as she waited for my reply. She looked human. She looked like she should be alive. Only that telltale absence of a pumping heart gave her away, but she _looked_ human

No. I was not human and I told her so.

This time _she_ took a few minutes, thinking about this carefully. She was strangely patient – she had not demanded answers, only the confirmation of what she already knew, which only led me to wonder _how_ she knew what she knew.

I reached for the paper again.

_What is your name?_

She looked at me then, her eyes full of mysterious expression as she examined my face before writing something and slipping out of her chair, disappearing through the nearest wall. I felt the ache of her absence and almost shuddered at my own weakness as I looked at the piece of paper.

**Bella.**

I took the piece of paper and folded it carefully, slipping it into my pocket as I collected my things, preparing for Spanish.

* * *

~*~

I told Alice to drive my car home, saying that I wanted to spend some time in the library, although I was fairly sure she knew what I intended to do. Mrs Price was shuffling around putting books back on the shelf and I darted behind her desk to the computer, logging on to the school database. She'd left her ID signed in, so that saved me time having to read her mind to find out the password. I typed _Bella_ into the student database search, but nothing came up.

Bella could be short for something. Isabella seemed likely so I put that in instead. I set it to search back for twenty years, hoping that would be long enough. Only two matches came up.

Lincoln, Isabella. (2002)

Swan, Isabella. (1999)

I closed down the system and moved around the desk as Mrs Price appeared, looking suspicious. I gave my warmest smile and the blood rushed to the librarian's face.

"Mr Cullen… how are you settling in at Forks High?"

"Very well, thank you, Mrs Price." I smiled. _Oh, what a handsome boy!_, "Could you direct me to the old yearbooks?"

She gestured wordlessly to a far corner of the library and I thanked her, moving away at a reasonably human speed. The yearbooks were slightly dusty and I selected two, the one from 2002 and the one from 1999. I flicked through the most recent one first to find that Isabella Lincoln was a freckly blonde with slightly large front teeth. Most certainly _not_ the girl I had been talking to. I put the book to one side, reaching for the older volume.

Isabella Swan was not listed amongst her classmates. I paused before scanning my eyes down the contents page.

_Pg 17. Isabella Swan, RIP. _

I turned to page seventeen and there she was, my ghost girl, smiling up nervously from the pages of the yearbook. There was a slightly pink tinge to her cheeks and I couldn't help but smile a little. She was so young and lovely. I read the brief note beside her.

_The graduating students of 1999 dedicate this page to our friend, Isabella Swan, who was taken from us by tragedy. Isabella was a good student, a good friend and a great person. _

_We remember you._

No details, but then again, this wasn't exactly a police report. I closed the yearbook, putting both copies back on the shelf before leaving the school and running home through the woods.

Alice was waiting for me on the porch, smiling excitedly at me.

"Bella?"

"Bella." I confirmed and she laughed, jumping forward to hug me.

"Oh, Edward, I can't wait to meet her!"

"Calm down, Alice. You don't even know for sure that she'll want to get to know us." It was a foolish thing to say and I regretted it instantly as she narrowed her eyes at me and sent a replay of her vision at me.

"_I love you, Edward."_

A name sprang to mind for the curious sensation in my chest. It was hope and something that I hadn't felt in many years. Alice smiled at me before turning to go inside.

"She'll talk to us on Monday, Edward." She promised. I turned and walked away from the house, keeping my head ducked as I thought about the ghost girl.

This was not what I had foreseen and it unsettled me. I had a set vision of my future, despite Alice's gift. It involved being alone, watching my family, loving them and accepting that I was not the same as them. Indeed, I had already accepted this fact and Alice's vision made me incredibly uncomfortable. I did not like feeling that I didn't have a choice, that the ghost girl and I… _Bella and I…_ that our future was decided. I know as well as anyone how easily that future could change. I could not afford to get emotionally invested in Alice's version of the future, I would not.

The sun had long set by the time I returned to the house. Carlisle was on the porch, waiting for me and he gave me a shrewd look. I arched my eyebrows.

"Alice has caught you up?" I asked and he smiled faintly.

"You're upset."

"Not upset." I murmured, moving to stand beside him on the porch. He put a hand on my shoulder, his fatherly concern shining through. He filled the role so naturally.

"Edward, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Maybe you shouldn't fight it."

"Have I ever complained of being unsatisfied with my life?" I asked tersely and Carlisle sighed.

"You know that's not why I'm saying it, Edward. We're your family; we want to see you happy. Not just satisfied."

"And you think that pursuing this… girl, for lack of a better word, will bring me happiness?"

"Alice believes it will."

"Alice believes what she wants to believe." I said dryly and Carlisle laughed softly.

"That's true. But maybe it wouldn't hurt for you to believe her either."

* * *

~*~

I went hunting that weekend, avoiding spending time in the house. It was too tense, too expectant and I was sick of hearing Alice probe into the future, trying to pinpoint Bella. It was difficult and apparently she could only find her when she was interacting with a member of our family. Carlisle had a theory on this.

"She's dead. Her future was halted when her life ended; perhaps she wasn't supposed to have a future until she found out that she could interact with us." He suggested.

I came home in the early hours of Monday morning and went for a shower. The hot water rained upon on my icy skin and I let it wet my hair, knowing that it would never style in a reasonable way anyway. Alice had already been in my room by the time I came out of the shower and set out an outfit of beige pants and a long sleeved green shirt. I had grown used to her randomly assigning me clothes for the day and woe betides anyone who ignored her selection.

She was reciting the national anthems of every country in Europe that morning and I didn't bother trying to read her thoughts. I drove to school in tense silence, giving off enough anxiety to make Jasper tetchy. He glared at me as we pulled into the parking lot and I shrugged my apology.

The morning was achingly slow and the rest of my family made it to the cafeteria before I did. Bella was sat at the deserted table, her eyes fixed on Angela Weber, although I learned from Emmett's thoughts that she had been looking at my family shortly before. I sat and watched her, wishing I could hear her thoughts as she watched Angela. She had a thoughtful expression on her face and there was affection for her fellow student there. She tore her eyes away from the noisy table and looked directly at me. I didn't look away, even as she stood and began to walk towards us, looking extremely uneasy.

She stopped by our table, twisting her fingers together uncertainly. I kept my eyes on hers, not caring if people thought I was staring off into space. She took a deep breath before speaking.

"Uh… OK, so I need to talk to you." She began, her voice low. It faded away as we stared at each other and shifted uncomfortably, looking down at her shoes as she requested permission to visit our house.

Bella. In our house. Where Alice's vision had taken place. The thought filled me with bizarre emotions and I was tempted to ask Jasper to explain them but I kept looking at her.

_If you're just going to stare at her like an idiot, I'll do it!_

Alice's tone was impatient and I glared at her. Bella looked even more uncertain at this reaction until Alice announced that we would be seeing her at the ridiculously precise time of 7:42. Bella accepted this in puzzlement before practically running out of the room.

I gave Alice a flat look and she shrugged innocently.

"You were taking too long. She's going to be my friend too, Edward. You're going to have to learn to share."

* * *

~*~

Carlisle and Esme were excited to hear that Bella would be coming over, Carlisle because he was fascinated at the idea of a ghost and Esme because she wanted to meet the girl that Alice insisted I was going to spend eternity with.

No pressure.

I sat in my room until 7:35, duly ignoring every stray thought of 'getting changed' and 'make yourself look presentable' and 'oh for god's sake, Edward, at least _try_ to brush your hair!' that Alice sent my way. As I walked downstairs, I saw that Emmett, Jasper, Esme and Rosalie were gathered in the entrance hall. Rosalie's thoughts were ones of unsettlement, not wanting to allow this potential change into our set way of life.

Alice and Carlisle were stood out on the porch and I joined them, standing on Carlisle's right side whilst Alice stood on his left. We waited in expectant silence and, sure enough, just a few minutes later, a slender figure appeared from the overhanging trees that lined the road to the house. Bella walked towards us, her eyes moving from one figure to the next. She stopped a few paces away, her hand tucked into the pockets of her jeans as she examined us. Alice greeted her warmly and Bella nodded silently, her eyes wary. I introduced Carlisle and then gave him her full name.

Bella started, turning her large dark eyes on me in a mixture of annoyance and astonishment.

"How did you…?" Her voice faded away as she eyed me suspiciously. I couldn't help but smile at her indignation as I looked at Carlisle.

"Bella is dead." I said delicately and she scoffed, glaring at me as she folded her arms across her chest.

"So are you. What's your point?" She said defensively and I wanted to laugh but Carlisle beat me to it, chuckling kindly as he invited her in, but she didn't move, fixing her eyes on my father. And then she asked if we drank human blood.

I was shocked at her forwardness but then again, what reason did she have to hide her feelings? No one had witnessed them in years; her social skills had developed in unusual ways. But once reassured of the nature of our diet, she came inside, the wary look back in her eyes. As she passed by me, her scent struck me yet again and I inhaled deeply. Carlisle noticed and gave me a fleeting smile.

Esme moved forward, hand outstretched to greet Bella. My mother looked delighted, almost ethereal with happiness but Bella had tensed and almost stepped backwards, away from Esme. Her mouth was open as she stared at Esme's pale fingers, as though she had been offered a bomb. We all stared at her for a moment before Carlisle understood.

"People… humans… can't touch you, can they, Bella?" He asked softly. She tore her eyes from Esme's hand as my mother lowered it quickly, mentally apologising to me for upsetting her as Bella shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Alice said that Edward had-"

"I don't know why. I don't know how. No one's been able to since I died." Bella said abruptly. Her hands were stuffed back into the pockets of her jeans and I could almost see the shield that had flared up around her.

_How can she talk like that? Like it's nothing! _I looked at Rosalie, who was staring at Bella as though she had ascended from the very pits of hell. She muttered that she was leaving and Emmett gave Bella a sad look before following his wife.

We adjourned to the sitting room and Bella promptly occupied a single armchair, sitting on the edge of the seat and looking nervous, as any normal person would when in a house full of vampires. I stood by the fireplace, watching her, taking in the contrast of her dark hair and eyes against her pale, almost translucent, skin. She was chewing her lip, the pale pink caught between pearly white teeth and her fingers pattered against her denim-clad thighs.

Carlisle began, eager to discover more. He was like a child at Christmas, desperate to gain new knowledge.

"So, Bella… you're deceased?" He said tentatively and she nodded.

"Yes."

"I hope you won't think me insensitive, but-"

"Ten years ago and hit by a speeding car." She said, almost airily, "I hit the pavement and then I got up and walked away. Part of me, anyway."

"You remember your own death?" Jasper interrupted and she gave him an amused glance.

"It's kind of hard to forget, to be honest. One of those pivotal moments that tends to stay with you. Like the first day of high school, only messier."

I fought the urge to smile at her flippancy. I did not understand this girl in the slightest, her breezy attitude to her own demise. I turned my attention back to the conversation to find that she was the daughter of the Police Chief. And then she mentioned La Push.

_Careful, Edward. We don't want to make it seem like we're here to start a fight._ Carlisle thought.

Bella had watched closely for our reactions and a cheeky smile adorned her face as she saw our tension.

"Yeah, they're not so keen about you guys up there." She said almost teasingly. Carlisle confirmed this fact, explaining that it was because of what we were. Instantly her face became serious.

"Vampires." She waited for confirmation and then fell back in the armchair when Carlisle gave it. For a few long moments she examined us, her face pulled into a thoughtful expression. She raised a hand to her face and rubbed at her chin, brow furrowed.

"OK, I know I should probably be fine with this. I mean, I'm a ghost so technically I shouldn't exist either but… you're vampires!" She said with a smile, gesturing at it as though to convince us that we were real. Alice laughed lightly, amused by her 'new friend' and Carlisle admitted that he was rather bemused by the situation as well.

They agreed that some questions were in order and Bella went first, eyes darting to me and demanding how I found out her name. I felt a little embarrassed at the lengths I'd gone to, to find out who she was and muttered about the yearbooks. To my surprise, she praised my initiative and moved swiftly on to asking about how we figured out what she was. Whilst Carlisle and Alice explained about Alice's gift, Esme caught my attention.

_She's lovely, Edward but she's so lost. So lonely. She's like you, that way._

I flicked my eyes at Esme's to let her know I'd heard but offered nothing more than that. Bella was speaking about her reactions to her death.

"I was freaked out at first. I kept screaming at people, trying to get someone to see me but… well, nothing happened, obviously. I tried to get back into my body and that didn't work either. Then I started thinking about 'unfinished business', but no joy there either. So I just accepted it."

I was struck once again by how easily she could talk about her death. Each of us was filled with pain and bitterness at the circumstances of our turning and yet this girl, who had lost her life to the most mundane method of being struck by a car, just a single decade ago, had surpassed us all on the road to enlightenment.

And then she grinned at us.

"Hey, it could be worse. I don't have to drink blood and I don't catch fire in sunlight, right?"

We stared. We disbelieved. We were astonished. She smiled back and then Alice began to laugh. Carlisle and Esme joined in. Even Jasper cracked a smile. I simply stared at this ridiculous, incredible creature who was breaking down our barriers one by one without even realising it. And now I was more uncertain than ever.

Carlisle's laughter faded away as he beamed at Bella. She smiled back, seemingly more relaxed and he tilted his head.

"I'm going to enjoy getting to know you, Bella. I think we could be very beneficial to each other."

"Agreed." Bella nodded and spread her hands, "So, fellow Undeadians, what's your story?"

_Undeadians?_

She caught our questioning gaze and winced.

"Sorry. I developed a pretty poor sense of humour after I died and you're unfortunate enough to have to hear it now. I'll try to restrain myself."

"Please don't. It must have been a lonely existence, not having anyone to talk to." Esme said comfortingly and Bella chewed her lip again before looking back at Carlisle.

"I want to know about vampires."

* * *

**A/N: Well, what a long chapter that was! Edward certainly had a lot to say! **

**I wasn't going to post this chapter. See, I have a deal with Sarah, my beta. I'm currently writing chapter 13, so I'm a little ahead. The deal is, whenever I finish writing a chapter, I send one of the older ones to Sarah, she goes over it and I post it. This stops my posting all in one go and you having to wait eons for the newest one. As yet, I have not finished 13, but I'm having a pretty crappy day, am currently snowed in and need some cheering up. And I figured seeing some reactions to a new chapter would do the trick! **

**Enormous smooches to Sarah, for keeping me sane throughout university, obsessions with fandoms and this ridiculous weather. You keep me going, my dear. And as for the weather… for god's sake, this is England! South east England! We don't **_**get**_** snow! OK, Maybe a couple of flakes, once every few years but we do NOT get 20 centimetres! Tis madness, I tell you!**

**Rusty Halo – A very Edward song, in his search for redemption. He's been trying to find a way to make his existence worthwhile and his whole family thinks Bella is the answer. **

**Reviewers will receive a tropical island. That's right, an ISLAND. Purely so I can get away from this frozen hellhole and get a nice hot Jacob to warm me up.**

**Love**

**Katie**


	8. Must Get Out

**Chapter Eight**

**This is not goodbye she said  
It is just time for me to rest my head  
She does not walk she runs instead  
Down these jagged streets and into my bed  
When I was fumbling through your dresser drawer **

**Forgot what I was looking for  
Try to guide me in the right direction  
Making use of all this time  
Keeping everything inside  
Close my eyes and listen to you cry**

**I'm lifting you up  
I'm letting you down  
I'm dancing til dawn  
I'm fooling around  
I'm not giving up  
I'm making your love  
This city's made us crazy and we must get out**

**~Must Get Out by Maroon 5~**

Carlisle considered my request carefully, his eyes firmly on mine. I looked back, trying to convince him of my trustworthiness. On the other hand, who was I going to tell?

After a moment he settled back in his chair, peering at me over arched fingers, looking wise in years despite his eternal youth.

"A question for a question. I would like to learn about you as well, we all would." He gestured to his gathered family and I nodded.

"That seems fair." Uncomfortable, but fair.

"Please, ask a question." Carlisle smiled graciously and I asked the most pressing one.

"Don't get the wrong impression but what can stop vampires from attacking humans?" I leaned forward, anticipating his answer.

"Other vampires. And that's about it." He replied immediately, without changing his kind expression. I frowned.

"Stakes, garlic, holy water?"

"All myth." He confirmed.

I pulled a face, feeling rather foolish. I just hoped I'd be able to clean the garlic out of the doorframe before Charlie noticed. Edward had tilted his head, examining me closely. I shook my head.

"Your turn." I mumbled, embarrassed. Carlisle, thankfully, didn't press but thought for a moment before speaking.

"Would you mind demonstrating your ability to move through solid objects?" He asked and I nodded, looking around. The outside wall of the house was nearest and I gestured to it. Carlisle nodded, getting to his feet. I stood as well and walked over to the wall, feeling a little self-conscious as I pushed my hands into my pockets. They were all watching intently and I swallowed hard before stepping through the wall. It was starting to rain outside so I only hesitated for half a second before moving back inside.

Carlisle was gazing at me and I could see the cogs turning in his head. After a moment he nodded and gestured back to the seat. I slid into it, very aware of every eye on me.

"What does it feel like? Could you describe it?" He asked, returning to his seat beside Esme. I pulled a face to express my feelings.

"It's… uncomfortable. Like everything in you is being pushed in different directions, pushing you apart. I usually try to avoid going through solid objects, but it's worse with people." I tried to explain.

"What does that feel like?" He asked and I looked down at my pale hands.

"They don't like it. It makes them cold and unhappy." I said quietly, "To me, it's like… like I'm falling apart in them. Humans are so active, so… alive. I'm not. It tears me to pieces when I walk through them."

Silence hung heavily in the room. I stared at my hands for a long time, feeling strangely exposed for having shared this aspect of my existence. It was humiliating and it weakened me to them. I looked up and gazed straight at Carlisle before smiling, masking myself.

"My turn?"

"…Yes." He said slowly and I knew he wanted to ask more. I avoided looking at him as I spoke, keeping the smile plastered on my face.

"Why are you in high school of all places? I mean… surely there are better places to be?" I asked, risking a glance at Alice and towards Edward. Alice answered.

"We can pass for mid-teens at a push. The younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in one place. We don't age, you see, so people start to notice after a few years." She explained. This made sense and I cocked my head, looking at her.

"So you keep re-doing high school? Wow… I mean, I'm on my, like, fourth go and I'm already sick of it. Although, if I actually manage to pass geometry this year, I may reward myself by skipping maths next time." I grinned and Carlisle, Esme and Alice all smiled. Edward was staring at the floor and Jasper was watching me with a strange expression, as though he couldn't quite make sense of me.

"OK, I get high school. Why Forks? It's not exactly a tax haven or tropical location." I asked. Carlisle smiled in good humour.

"There's very little sun here."

"Tell me about it." I muttered before sitting up, "Sunlight… do you-?"

"We don't burst into flames." Edward cut me off, smirking. I bit down on my lip, feeling embarrassed again.

"Oh. Then why don't you want to be in sunlight? What happens?"

Carlisle glanced at Edward before looking back at me.

"We… it's hard to describe, but we sort of shine when in direct sunlight."

"You shine?"

"It's like we reflect the light. I guess you could call it…" Edward struggled to find words and Alice rolled her eyes.

"We sparkle, Bella. We sparkle in sunlight."

I snorted. I couldn't help it and I clapped a hand over my mouth, horrified. Carlisle began to laugh again and I buried my face in my hands.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to laugh! It's just… it's a long step from bursting into flames to… _sparkling_."

They were all smiling now and I took a deep breath, trying to control myself before clearing my throat and sitting up straight.

"OK. Sorry. Please, your turn to ask a question." I said in a would-be-calm voice. Carlisle leaned forward.

"Are there others like you?"

"I don't think so. Not in Forks, anyway." I replied, "But I went to Seattle for a while and I didn't see anyone like me there either."

"Why Seattle?" Esme asked.

"Part of the Unfinished Business trial." I said simply, "Are there more like you?"

"Yes and no." Carlisle said, "There are other vampires. But very few who don't drink human blood, like us."

I stared at him for a moment before turning my head away, staring thoughtfully at the wall I'd walked through only a few minutes before. There were others. Others who would hurt people, people like Charlie or Jacob or Angela. Would they come to see the Cullens? Were my family and friends in danger from their proximity?

I suddenly felt very uncomfortable. I looked back at the Cullens and they were silent, watching me. I got to my feet quickly.

"I, uh, I have to go."

"Bella-" Alice said quickly but I held up a hand, backing towards the wall.

"I don't think this is a good idea. You might not feed from humans but you might have friends that do. I don't know you. God, I don't even _know_ you and I'm here, telling you everything…"

I was disgusted with myself, horrified that I'd let myself be drawn in. The thrill of having somebody, _anybody_, to talk to had made me act like a brainless fool. I moved towards the wall but Edward had appeared in my way and I stopped short of running into him. His eyes met mine and I tried not to flinch from his unfaltering gaze. He paused for a moment before softening his expression.

"You don't have anything to fear from us. We don't associate with the more violent of our kind. You don't have to be afraid." He said very quietly.

I stared up at him before looking down, unable to meet his piercing gaze anymore. I saw Carlisle and Esme standing, just out of the corner of my eye, and I felt miserable that they had each other, embittered by my loneliness. All the negative feelings that I'd fought away years ago were back and I was falling back to being that person who couldn't accept what had happened.

I shook my head and stepped past him, walking through the wall without looking back.

* * *

~*~

Charlie was in bed by the time I got home. I went to my room and lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. The lumpy texture caught my eye and I looked at the familiar patterns. I felt the bed beneath me, running my fingers over the softness of the covers, felt the familiar squashiness of the pillow under my head. The room smelled of dust and age and staleness.

I closed my eyes and pretended to dream.

* * *

~*~

I went to school the next day, walking slowly towards the parking lot where other students were gathered, talking and laughing and rushing to finish homework. I paused by the low wall where I had sat the previous week and looked around. I couldn't see Alice or Jasper, nor Emmett and Rosalie, but Edward was by his car, locking the door. He lifted his face and looked directly at me.

I looked back, feeling defeated and unhappy that the only people who could see me where the sort of people I should avoid at all costs. It would be selfish to continue down this path. It could endanger others. I had been isolated for a decade, why was I so ready to give up what I knew was safe for something so uncertain?

Edward was still watching me. I blinked and then shrugged sadly at him. He tilted his head slightly and I shook mine before standing and walking into the school. It was better to walk away.

Someone had other ideas. Alice appeared in front of me, Jasper beside her although he angled himself slightly so that she could talk to me without it looking like she was talking to thin air and I could see that he was holding his breath. Alice leaned towards me.

"Bella, I'm sorry about last night. We were just so excited, we didn't mean to overwhelm you." She said quietly but I shook my head.

"It's not your fault, Alice. I shouldn't even have come over."

"Yes, you should." She smiled brightly, "I know you're scared, but there's really no need. Nothing bad is going to happen, I can promise you that."

I turned my face away, not wanting to look her in the eyes.

"Alice, I don't…" I paused and then smiled. The anxiety I had felt was draining away. I felt calm and collected and a sudden burst of confidence flooded me as I smiled at them. Why shouldn't I get to know these people? My fears were unfounded…

"Jasper!" Edward's voice was sharp and I jumped, not realising he was right behind me. I looked quickly at Jasper who had a guilty expression. Alice scowled at Edward and he turned to me, looking apologetic yet irritated.

"Jasper can manipulate emotions. He was trying to keep you relaxed whilst Alice convinced you to come and visit us again." Edward said shortly and I glared at Alice and Jasper.

"Not cool." I said irritably and marched past them. I heard Alice say, "What the hell, Edward?!" and he muttered something back, but I didn't listen.

Like my afterlife wasn't messed up enough already, now my vampire classmates were screwing with my emotions, future and mind all at once.

Just peachy.

* * *

~*~

I haunted the library at lunch, working my way through _Memoirs of a Geisha._ I couldn't deal with the hassle of finding somewhere to sit, avoiding the Cullens or being paranoid that Jasper was messing with me. But I was going to Biology, because this was _my_ school and no freaky vampire family were going to stop me from enjoying it.

Edward sat at my desk in Biology and I hesitated, dithering between whether to join him or occupy the empty desk. He caught my eye, glanced at my seat and then looked back at me. I don't know why his blatant request was so persuasive. Maybe it was the loneliness in his eyes. Maybe it was the curiosity that was burning in my mind.

Maybe it was the smoking hot vampire that wanted me to sit with him. I may be dead but I'm still a teenage girl.

He had pulled the chair out so that I could sit comfortably and I was oddly touched by this gesture, although I knew that this wasn't doing much good for my 'stay away from the Cullens' plan. Still, there was no need to be rude. I slid into the seat, leaning on the desk as Mr Banner brought in the movie again so we could finish watching it. But as the lights went out, Edward was already scribbling a note to me.

_I would like to apologise for last night. We didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable_.

I hesitated before writing back, feeling impossibly slow compared to his lightening fast hands.

**It's fine. I just freaked a little. Like I said, I don't know you. I think I just got carried away, having someone to talk to who could actually hear me.**

_That's understandable. Loneliness is a powerful thing._

I looked at his profile. He was gazing at the blurry screen, his pen resting lightly in his fingers. The pale light of the projector illuminated a few strands of his bronze hair, showing the red-brown tints, all mixed in with gold. The perfection of his face was marred slightly by an out of place, miniscule bump on the bridge of his nose.

He knew what it was like to be lonely. He was the lone one beside three couples. He twisted his head slightly and met my eyes. I looked away, embarrassed to have been caught staring. I pushed my next note towards him.

**I don't think we should be friends. **

_Why not?_

**It's taken me a long time to accept what happened to me. I don't want that ruined.**

_You'd rather work on being alone than talk to the only people available to you?_

**I know it doesn't make sense.**

He looked at me expectantly and I shrugged. It _didn't_ make sense, what more did he want? He gave a faint smile, writing again.

_Can you eat?_

**No. What does blood taste like?**

He looked at me, his expression slightly distasteful. Hey, if he was all about the personal questions, I could fight fire with fire. I smiled and he began to write reluctantly.

_It depends on the animal. Deer is watery and mild. Bear is smoky. I prefer mountain lion. It's tangy and rather satisfying. _

**That's gross.**

_You asked._

**I guess. How old are you?**

_Seventeen._

**Nice try. How long have you been alive?**

_One hundred and seven years._

**And you're still in high school. Remedial? I could tutor you.**

He smiled at that and I felt a surge of pride that I had made him smile. He caught my eye as he passed the paper back to me.

_If I find myself struggling in geometry, I'll be sure to enquire after your services._

**Harsh, blood boy.**

_Manners, ghost girl. _

I snorted, shaking my head with a grin. Edward was smiling too, his eyes on the piece of paper. I felt strangely young and I could see the age draining from Edward's eyes too. He was writing again and I leaned over to look at what he was saying.

_Where did you go last night?_

**Home. I don't like leaving Charlie too often. He doesn't have anyone else.**

_Your mother?_

I hesitated and Edward sensed my reluctance to share. He spoke under his breath.

"I'm sorry. You needn't answer." I shook my head, reaching for the paper.

**She lives in Jacksonville with her husband. She and Charlie divorced a long time ago and I lived with her until I was seventeen when she got remarried. I moved to Forks and then died less than a year later. **

Edward was frowning as he read and he gave me a look that implied sympathy. I rolled my eyes.

**I'm over being dead, Edward. You should get over it too. Besides, I'm not the only one in this room without a heartbeat. So don't go assuming that I've got issues, because I'm willing to bet that the Cullen household isn't all cookies and rainbows.**

I pushed the paper back at him, feeling mildly irritated by his attitude. His eyebrows lifted slightly at my words and I looked back at the screen, watching cells divide under a recording microscope.

That was how I felt.

I was splitting into two, with one of me following Edward home after school and talking to Carlisle and Alice and Esme. I would laugh and joke and talk about all sorts of things, tell them about my life, listen to their stories. I would find peace and a place where I didn't feel like an outcast.

The other one of me would go to Charlie's and wait for him to come home. I would do some laundry, a little dusting. I would read a book that I'd read a thousand times. I would watch Charlie cook and fall asleep in front of the TV and then go to bed.

What a choice. The sensible part of my brain was screaming to get the hell away.

The rest of me needed to keep communicating with anyone that would listen and I looked down at the piece of paper that Edward had passed to me.

_You're right. I'm sorry to make assumptions about your existence._

**Don't worry about it. **I paused, pen poised over the note. **Do you think Carlisle would mind if I came over tonight? We never finished Post-Life Question Time.**

_I'm sure he would be delighted. As would Alice. May I make a suggestion?_

**Go for it.**

_Try to be a little more sensitive about your death-related jokes around Rosalie. She's never quite accepted her existence. She doesn't understand how you can be so relaxed about it._

I nodded and he saw out of the corner of his eye. We sat without communication for a couple of minutes, watching the movie before I stole the paper back.

**Tell me three things about yourself.**

_Any three things?_

**Yes.**

_My middle name is Anthony. I have two medical degrees. My favourite colour is blue. Tell me four things about yourself._

**Four? Don't you mean three?**

_No, I'm adding interest rates._ He smirked at me and I rolled my eyes.

**Fine. I'm eighteen. My middle name is Marie. My favourite colour is green. I wish that I had gotten drunk once before I died.**

_Of all the things to regret never doing, you write about never being intoxicated?_

**It's a vital human experience. Did you ever get drunk when you were pulse-happy?**

_Once. It was very unpleasant the next day._

**But at least you can say you did it. **

He smiled again, eyes on the screen. He wrote so quickly that I barely saw him move and I found myself wondering once again about the reality of vampires. But the lesson was drawing to a close. My questions would have to wait. Edward thrust one final note towards me.

_Come over whenever you're ready tonight. We don't sleep, so you won't be disturbing us._

"I'll wait until Charlie's asleep." I said quietly as everyone began to pack away their things. He nodded again, catching my eye as I disappeared towards Calculus. I passed Alice in the corridor and she winked at me as though to say _see you later._

Damn psychic.

* * *

**A/N: Hello my little chickpeas and my utmost apologies for the wait. It has been an extremely stressful couple of weeks, what with work and uni. I hope you can forgive me!**

**Yes, we're back to Bella's POV. I know one or two of you find it frustrating to switch over to Edward's, but he's got some important stuff to say. For me, his story is equally important to Bella's and I will try to work enough new material in there to avoid boredom, but believe me when I say, he's got to have a chance to show his side.**

**Must Get Out – I used this to show how Bella lets her guard down initially and her inevitable freakout. But at the same time, she wants to go back, because she relates to these people. This could work for both Edward and Bella, really.**

**Smooches to Sarah, because she is hell-awesome and let me drag her to see Avenue Q last week. See it. It's fabulously funny.**

**I have written an Emmett/Rosalie one shot called Past, Present and Future for the ADF Happy Valentine's Emmett. Check it out.**

**Oh, and I tweet now. The link is at the top of my profile. It's mostly inane ramblings about university, fanfiction and my dog.**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a dark biology room. Or, if you are a Brit and are so inclined, you may have a Mitchell or a George and a haunted pub.  
**

**Love**

**Katie**


	9. You're All I Have

**Chapter Nine**

**There is a darkness deep in you  
A frightening magic I cling to  
Give me a chance to hold on  
Give me a chance to hold on  
Give me a chance to hold on  
Just give me something to hold onto  
It's so clear now that you are all that I have  
I have no fear now you are all that I have  
It's so clear now that you are all that I have  
I have no fear now you are all that I have**

**~You're All I Have by Snow Patrol~**

Edward was waiting on the porch again that night as I walked up to the house. He smiled slightly and held open the front door.

"Carlisle is waiting in his office. He thought you might be more comfortable without an audience."

"And here I thought you were the mind reader." I teased. Edward arched his eyebrows with a faint smirk as he led me inside. Emmett and Jasper were sat in front of the television, each clutching a games controller and shooting zombies. I was tempted to make a comment on how they should be more understanding towards their undead fellows but Rosalie was flipping through a magazine and I remembered what Edward had said about her not being too happy with her state of being. Alice was sat in the armchair, a laptop on her knees which she tapped away on at super speed.

"Hi Bella!" She said brightly, not taking her eyes off the screen. I waved mutely and followed Edward upstairs to the first floor. He pushed open another door and I followed him into a beautiful study.

Carlisle was sat at a carved mahogany desk and Esme was stood beside him. They seemed to be waiting for us and were smiling warmly.

"Hello again, Bella."

"Hi." I said, a little uncomfortably. "I'm sorry about running out last night."

"Its fine, Bella," Esme said calmly, still smiling, "We came on a little strong."

"So did I, I think." I shrugged awkwardly, "It's just weird… having people actually hear what I'm saying. Plus, I was a little freaked out about the whole drinking human blood thing."

"I can assure you that you have nothing to fear from any of us. We do not feed from humans and generally do not associate with those that do." Carlisle said firmly, "It is a daily struggle, but one that we are capable of handling."

Carlisle leaned back in his chair and I noticed that Esme's hand was on his shoulder. Neither of them seemed aware of the contact, because it was so natural. I saw Edward move over to the window, giving me my space as Esme looked down at Carlisle. He was watching me.

"Bella, I'm going to be upfront. I'm curious about what you are and I'd like to examine your abilities, with your permission."

I stared at him for a moment, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. Was this a deal breaker? Let him _experiment_ on me or lose all contact with the only people I could talk to? This didn't seem much like a choice and I could feel the anger at the unfairness of it swelling up in my throat, roaring in my ears as I stared at him.

"Bella."

Edward's voice cut through the rushing in my ears. I blinked and looked at him. He was stood by my shoulder but I hadn't seen him move. His strange eyes were boring into mine and I couldn't look away, my chest tightening inexplicably. He tilted his head slightly, looking me straight in the face. I swallowed hard and he shook his head, keeping his eyes on mine.

"Don't be afraid, Bella. Carlisle isn't suggesting that this is your only option." He said very softly, his voice like a caress. It was a good thing that I didn't need to breathe, because I don't think I could have if I tried.

Carlisle spoke and I snapped my gaze back to him, glad that I couldn't blush. I had a feeling that I would have been very red, if the blood was able to rush to my cheeks. The older man stood and looked at me earnestly.

"Bella, I didn't intend to make you feel uncomfortable. I'm just a naturally curious man and I would appreciate the opportunity. If you don't want to, that's fine as well but I hope you'll continue to visit us." His eyes sparkled in amusement, "I believe Alice has already foreseen that you're going to be her friend and I think you'll find that it's easier just to give in to these matters."

Esme laughed quietly and I rubbed my forehead uncertainly. I suddenly felt a lot freer, like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Still anxious, still unsure about the whole freakin' situation, but better.

I took a deep breath. Doing that was clearly a nervous habit. I'd never had a need for a nervous habit before now. Freakin' vampires.

"Spell it out for me, Carlisle." I said quietly, "What exactly do you want to do?"

Instantly he moved to the other side of the desk so he was in front of me.

"I'd like to see you pass through objects again. I'd like to examine your molecular build, see if I can take a tissue sample and try to find a scientific reason for your ability to touch us but not humans. Perhaps even find a reason for your existence after your death."

"All in a days work, huh?" I quipped and he smiled widely.

"I suspect it may take more than a day. If you agree, that is."

"When do you want to start?"

"As soon as possible." His answer was immediate.

What the hell did I have to lose? I was dead – loss doesn't really get any bigger than that, right?

I stole a glance at Edward. He was watching me from over by the window again, although I hadn't seen him move. Esme was still smiling that warm smile that seemed to fill the room and Carlisle was looking at me, not impatient or imploring, just ready to accept whatever decision I made.

Come on, Bella. Live a little.

Or not.

Heh.

"OK." I said in what I hoped was a nonchalant tone and not one of abject fear. Carlisle smiled widely and straightened.

"I'm very glad, Bella." And then he extended his hand towards me for a sealing handshake.

I stared at it.

Of course. There would need to be physical contact for these investigations and this felt strangely like the first of many tests. I looked from the hand to the pale face of the man it belonged to. Carlisle looked back and I saw no calculation behind his eyes, no urgency in his gesture, only the hope that I would trust him.

Better the vegetarian vampire doctor than the ferryman, I guess.

Slowly, I raised my hand. I heard Edward shift ever so slightly and wondered what he was thinking. I stretched my fingers out toward Carlisle's and brushed my fingertips against his. They were hard and warm and still. I gasped without meaning to and almost pulled away. But I bit down on my lip and thrust my hand into his. His fingers curled around my hand and I tried not to make a noise at the shock of feeling, like pinpricks running up and down my arm, like a warm blanket wrapping around my shoulders as my bare skin was touched for the first time in a decade.

With a very tentative motion, Carlisle squeezed my fingers before speaking.

"Are you alright, Bella?" He asked quietly and my eyes shot up to meet his. I blinked and then nodded, pulling my hand back to my side. It still tingled.

"Yeah… just… it feels a little weird." I said, shaking my head. I rubbed my fingers together and looked up at him with a shrug. "It's been a while."

"I know."

We were silent for a moment and then Edward let out an exasperated sigh.

"Bella, I think you should prepare yourself."

"What f-?" The door flew open and Alice bounced into the room, almost glowing with excitement.

"I'm so happy you said yes! Oh, Bella, this is going to be wonderful, there's so many things we have to talk about." She bounded towards me and I took an ungainly step back, ending up stood with the desk cutting through my hips. Alice looked at me in surprise and then grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to… I just get excited."

"I noticed." I stepped out of the desk, pushing Carlisle's papers back into a neat pile as I went. "Alice, has anyone ever talked to you about personal boundaries?"

"A few people tried but they gave up eventually." She laughed and gestured to the door, "Come on, I've got something to show you."

"Alice." Edward said sharply and she gave him an undistinguishable look. He looked right back and I knew he was reading her thoughts. Alice scowled and narrowed her eyes at him and Edward looked angry before turning and walking from the room. I raised my eyebrows at the short girl.

"What was that about?"

"I'm just letting Edward know that he has to share. Come on." She turned and pranced from the room. I stared after her before looking at Carlisle and Esme. Esme smiled lightly.

"It doesn't matter, Bella. Go on."

~*~

* * *

I followed Alice up to the second floor. I didn't see Edward or any of the other Cullens as she skipped into a room.

"Alice?" I called, as I entered the room behind her, "What did you say to Edward? He seemed mad."

"Oh, he's just grumpy. It's a permanent state of being for him. Hopefully having you around a little more will change that." Alice's voice floated through another door off to the left. The room was lovely, decorated in pale cream and yellow. There was a large bed at one end of the room, presumably for show since I knew they didn't sleep. One wall was lined with guitars, acoustic and electric, and several sets of amps were in the corner. An expensive looking computer sat on the desk and a bookcase filled with novels on what looked like the civil war.

Alice reappeared and I looked at her as her last statement sunk in.

"What do you mean, having me around? Why would I make a difference?" I asked as she scanned me from top to toe.

"You know… he's always alone, you're always alone. I think you'll get on well. But I just don't want him thinking that he can monopolise you. Do you always wear jeans?"

Her question threw me and I looked at her in confusion.

"Uh… yes."

"You don't own anything else? I mean, you've worn different hoodies, so I'm assuming you can change your clothes." She was examining me with a critical eye and I suddenly felt very self-conscious.

"I can change clothes. I mean, my dad never threw out my stuff so I just wash it while he's at work."

"Yes, but before no one could see you. This…" She waved a hand in my general direction, "Is all very well when you're invisible, but you could do better."

She moved at super speed and reappeared with a skirt, a blouse and a pair of boots. I stared at her as she handed the boots to me.

"Why do you have these in my size?"

"She asks the psychic." Alice rolled her eyes and pointed at a bathroom, "Go get changed."

"Why?"

She stopped and stared at me. I stared back and turned, putting the clothes on a nearby chair.

"Alice… I'm not… look, I'm glad you want to be friends, but I'm fine with the clothes I have. I'm sorry if my jeans and hoodies offend you, but I'm not exactly walking any runways. I'm dead. It really doesn't make a difference." I said, backing away. She continued to stare at me and I looked away, examining the guitars. "Who plays?"

"Jasper." She said in a shocked voice. I looked back at her and she was still staring at me, as though she couldn't quite believe what she was seeing.

I took a deep breath and smiled weakly.

"OK… well, I'm going to go say hi to the others. I'll see you later, Alice." She nodded blankly, staring at the skirt and boots as though trying to figure out what was wrong with them.

I half-ran through the nearest wall and found myself on the landing. I went quickly downstairs, looking over my shoulder as I went. I felt a little guilty, but I had a feeling that unless I put my foot down now, that little girl would be walking all over me.

"Hey Casper!" I looked around and saw Emmett still tapping away with Jasper at the TV. I frowned.

"Don't call me that. Jasper, I think I broke Alice." He looked around curiously and I shuffled uncomfortably, "Uh… she wanted me to change my clothes and-"

"You didn't let her dress you?" Jasper looked surprised and I shook my head, stuffing my hands into my jeans pockets. Emmett began to laugh, a huge guffawing noise as he slapped his hand on his knee.

"Damn girl has a whole family of vampires under her thumb and one ghost says no. Bella, you're something else."

"Emmett." Rosalie said sharply and I looked at her. She was glaring at Emmett and he grinned at her.

"Come on, Rosie. When was the last time someone said no to Alice? That takes balls, you've got to admit it."

Rosalie did not have to admit it. What Rosalie did was slam her magazine shut and storm out of the room. Emmett winced and tossed the game controller to one side, following her, throwing an apologetic look in my direction. Jasper paused the game and looked over at me, smirking a little.

"Successful visit?"

Let's see… I agreed to let a vampire experiment on me, pushed my boundaries with body contact, pissed off at least two vampires and caused an argument between two dating ones.

Yeah. Real successful.

Jasper chuckled under his breath and got to his feet.

"I'd better go check on the missus. I'm sure we'll talk again real soon." He drawled in a southern accent. As he passed me on the stairs, he paused and turned back to me. He inhaled deeply and I looked at him in surprise. He was perfectly still, his eyes on mine and I noticed something.

His eyes were black instead of their normal topaz. I frowned, gazing at him.

"Jasper, are you alright?" I asked. Very slowly, his head tilted to one side, his eyes fixed on me.

We stared at each other and I knew that something was wrong. Danger, Bella Swan, Danger. Get out now.

"Jasper!" We both jerked and Edward was beside us. Once again, I hadn't seen him arrive but Jasper stepped back abruptly, shaking his head as though to clear his thoughts. Edward had subtly shifted himself so that he stood between us on the wide staircase. Jasper looked at me briefly before muttering an apology and moving upstairs quicker than my eye could follow him. Edward turned quickly and looked down at me.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, of course… what _was_ that?"

"Come with me."

He moved down the stairs and towards the front door. I followed, almost running to keep up as we began to walk towards the woods that surrounded the house. I looked over my shoulder as we went, but couldn't see any of the others watching. Edward stopped just a few metres into the trees before looking at me, his expression unhappy.

"Are you alright?"

"You already asked me that." I reminded him, "What was with Jasper?"

"Your scent…" His voice trailed away and he leant against a tree, looking perplexed. I looked down at myself in confusion, trying to subtly smell myself. Did I smell bad?

Edward noticed my sniffing and gave a faint smile, shaking his head as he ran a hand through his hair.

"You don't smell bad. Quite the opposite. Humans smell like blood, you see, but mixed with other scents designed to entice us to hunt." He explained slowly and I nodded my head in understanding, "But where your blood doesn't… there's no blood to hunt for so your scent is a lot stronger than a human's would be. It's… it's quite intoxicating."

I looked away, embarrassed. Fantastic. I _smelt_. OK, so maybe I didn't smell _bad_ but it still wasn't a fabulous situation and now I was feeling pretty self-conscious. I wrapped my arms around my waist, chewing my lip. Edward was watching me, which did nothing to help the self-consciousness.

"Well, I guess I won't be playing hide-and-seek with vampires anytime soon." I said in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere. He smiled faintly, still leaning against the tree. I chewed my lip before attempting to change the conversation.

"OK, it's payback time."

"Excuse me?"

"You're all getting ghost information, I want some vampire feedback." I said, moving to a fallen tree trunk and sitting on it, tucking my hands into the pocket of my hoodie. Edward looked at me for a long moment and I looked back, determined not to be shaken. He tilted his head slightly, considering me and I felt a strange sensation prickling in my ribcage but ignored it as he nodded.

"What would you like to know?"

* * *

~*~

We talked for a long time about the physical aspects of vampires. I learned about their transformation. I learned about venom. I learned that they were unbelievably fast, they had excellent senses and that there were very few things that could injure them.

"Other vampires and fire are the only real threats. But even then, it needs to be fire of tremendous proportions and we'd have to be injured enough not to be able to get away." Edward explained. He was sat on a tree trunk a few feet away, watching me closely for my reactions. I don't know if he was waiting for me to freak out again, but it was a little disconcerting. Even I was surprised at how calmly I was taking everything.

I leaned back, putting my hands on the rough bark of the tree trunk, thinking about what I'd learned. It was very dark now and it was only the paleness of Edward's skin that helped me to see him. He would be able to see me much more clearly than I could see him.

"You're very lucky." I said softly and his head moved a little. I had a feeling that he was smirking at me.

"Being a soulless, blood-drinking monster?"

"You're not soulless, Edward." I said quietly, "And putting aside your self-esteem issues, yes. You're lucky."

"How so?"

"You've got a family that obviously loves you. You've all got each other. That makes you pretty lucky." I said, looking up at the canopy of trees, for fear I would see pity in his eyes. I didn't want pity.

Edward didn't reply. Instead he got to his feet and gestured towards the house.

"Would you like to go back inside? It must be getting difficult for you to see."

"Yeah, I don't have night vision like some people." I said, standing as well and brushing dirt from the seat of my jeans as I stretched. A soft laugh escaped Edward and I looked at him sharply.

"What?"

"You have very human mannerisms."

"I didn't die and turn into a cat." I grinned, walking by his side over the large green lawn, "I'm still human, just a little less active in the heart department. Besides, I still feel like a human. I guess it's easier without all the superpowers."

"I guess so." He said in amusement as he opened the front door. Emmett was back on the sofa, Rosalie curled up next to him and watching as he played. Emmett grinned at us.

"Hey kids. Bella, you want to play?"

"I've never played." I said, a little shyly, "You'd kick my ass."

"I'd do that anyway." Emmett grinned and I looked up at Edward.

"Does super-vampire-speed and reflexes give him an advantage?"

"Yes."

I grinned at Emmett and reached for the controller that he held out before sitting on the thick rug in front of the TV screen. Emmett set the game going and within thirty seconds my player had been shot. I scowled and restarted as Edward moved to the armchair I'd been in earlier, watching as Emmett and I began to hunt down zombies.

I didn't even see the sun come up.

* * *

**A/N: I know. I am update fail. My beta and I are both on school placements (trainee teachers) until the end of March. I AM trying to get chapters finished, but it's difficult, so I hope you'll bear with my crapness! I do occasionally witter on twitter about updates and such, so feel free to follow me, the link is at the top of my profile. **

**You're All I Have – Bella is starting to see that she needs the Cullens, despite the 'darkness deep in' them. So yay!**

**A minor whinge, because I'm a baby. I love you. Each and every one of you. You know this, I hope! But this story has over 6500 hits and only 180 reviews. This gives me a sad face. I would put the sad face right here, but ffnet would only remove it, lol. But imagine the sadness and leave a review to make the sadness go away. Mwah!**

**Smooches to Sarah the beta, for she is made of awesome. **

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and the use of Carlisle's office for 24 hours. That room is all the sexier, just for him having been in there.**

**Lots of love**

**Katie**


	10. Invisible Touch

**Chapter Ten**

**Well I've been waiting, waiting here so long  
But thinking nothing, **

**nothing could go wrong,**

**Now I know  
She has a built in ability  
To take everything she sees  
And now it seems I'm falling, **

**falling for her  
She seems to have an invisible touch yeah  
She reaches in, and grabs right hold of your heart  
She seems to have an invisible touch yeah  
It takes control and slowly tears you apart**

**~Invisible Touch by Genesis~**

Bella's request to learn more about vampires took none of us by surprise. Who wouldn't be filled with curiosity in her position? Carlisle was watching her earnestly and I eavesdropped on his thoughts.

_We can't blame her for being curious and maybe it would be better it she learned about us… preparation for the future, but I'm curious too._

The 'preparation for the future' comment worried me. My family was becoming as invested in Alice's vision as she was and if it didn't happen… I wasn't sure who would be most disappointed.

Carlisle suggested a question-to-question proposal to Bella who accepted his terms. Her immediate question was how to protect humans from vampires – understandable, I suppose. She had family in Forks and she knew the humans at school. Carlisle's brief explanation that the myths of garlic and holy water were false seemed to ruffle her. I caught her eye and she looked away, embarrassed. I wondered why as Carlisle asked to see her walk through something. She went to the nearest wall and I could see the tension in her limbs, suddenly uncertain of herself. I couldn't blame her for being self-conscious when five curious vampires were staring at her. She walked quickly through the wall and back again, looking at Carlisle as though for a verdict.

_Remarkable! I've never seen anything like it. Is it a physical aspect of her state of being or something supernatural that gives her that ability? _

Carlisle's thoughts were racing as his thirst for knowledge swelled. It amazed me that a man as old as he was still so eager to learn, to constantly gain new understanding of the world through genuine interest and not mere boredom. Bella was opening up a part of the world that he had never known existed. She went back to her seat, looking as though she wanted to disappear into it as she chewed her lip. She wasn't used to having attention on her, this would be a strange feeling, I imagined. Carlisle asked her to describe what it was like and she screwed up her face to express the unpleasantness of it.

"It's uncomfortable. Like everything in you is being pushed in different directions, pushing you apart. I usually try to avoid going through solid objects, but it is worse with people." She explained hesitantly. I had never considered that and was grateful to Carlisle for thinking of it. Then he asked what it felt like to go through humans. Instantly her face shut down and she stared at her hands, frowning a little.

"They don't like it. It makes them cold and unhappy." She said quietly and the unfairness of it struck me, how she must have longed for contact for so long. I hated myself again that her first touch was my pushing her to the ground. It should have been better. I should have made it better.

Bella swallowed hard, the sound loud in the room to our sensitive hearing.

"To me, it's like… like I'm falling apart in them." She murmured, still staring at her hands, "Humans are so active, so… alive. I'm not. It tears me to pieces when I walk through them."

_Edward, please…_

Jasper's thoughts were full on anxiety and my eyes flickered in his direction. His face was pained as he stared at the girl.

_You need to calm yourself, brother. Between you and her… the pain, the loneliness… I can't…_ His expression twisted again and I saw Alice tighten her fingers around his, attempting to soothe him without drawing attention to his plight.

I nodded my head infinitesimally, trying to focus on being calm and as emotionless as I could make myself. Bella did the same thing without realising what was going on, plastering a smile on as she looked at Carlisle, but she couldn't hide the expression in her eyes as she requested her question. Alice answered her queries about what we were doing in high school and she accepted the answer easily.

"So you keep redoing high school? Wow… I mean, I'm on my, like, fourth go and I'm already sick of it. Although, if I actually manage to pass geometry this year, I may reward myself by skipping maths next time." She grinned at us charmingly and Carlisle, Esme and Alice all smiled back. I fixed my gaze on the carpet as Jasper caught my attention again.

_How can she do that? How can she pretend the loneliness isn't there? It's so strong, it's like she's screaming at the top of her lungs. _

I didn't know how to reply. For once, I wished I had his gift, so I could understand her better. It irritated me that Jasper could sense her in ways that I could not. When my attention returned to her, she was asking about sunshine.

"Sunlight… do you-?"

"We don't burst into flames." I interrupted, feeling the amusement on my face. She looked embarrassed again and began chewing her lip. I wished she wouldn't do that. For some reason, I just couldn't look away when she did.

"Oh. Then why don't you want to be in sunlight? What happens?" She asked curiously, leaning forward, her eyes large and bright. Carlisle looked at me briefly before smiling at Bella.

"We… it's hard to describe, but we sort of shine when in direct sunlight." He said.

"You shine?" Bella asked, tilting her head.

"It's like we reflect the light. I guess you could call it…" My voice trailed away and I hesitated, knowing how ridiculous this was going to sound.

_Oh, for crying out loud!_

"We sparkle, Bella. We sparkle in sunlight." Alice said sharply. And then Bella laughed, a short, sharp, delightful laugh before she clapped her hand over her mouth, looking appalled at herself. Luckily, Carlisle began to laugh, amused by her reaction as she stammered an apology, giggling unstoppably. I sensed the pleasure of my family as they watched her try to get herself under control. She smiled widely, fanning her face as she tried to calm down.

"OK. Sorry. Please, your turn to ask a question." She said and Carlisle smiled.

"Are there others like you?" He asked her and she shook her head.

"I don't think so. Not in Forks, anyway. But I went to Seattle for a while and I didn't see anyone like me there either." She said casually. Esme frowned.

"Why Seattle?"

"Part of the Unfinished Business trial." She said before gesturing to us, "Are there more like you?"

"Yes and no. There are other vampires. But very few who don't drink human blood, like us." Carlisle explained.

Bella looked at him for a moment before looking over at the wall she'd demonstrated walking through, her face one of careful thought and consideration. Once again, the fact that I couldn't read her thoughts plagued me, because I was desperate to know what she was thinking. Her expression began to change, her brow furrowing. I could feel the atmosphere in the room changing and Alice stiffened.

_Edward, she's going to leave! She thinks our being here is going to put her father in danger! I can't see her once she stops interacting with us! _

Even as I heard this, Bella's head snapped around to stare at us all. Her eyes were wide and she scrambled to her feet.

"I, uh, I have to go." She muttered and Alice stood, ready to plead with her.

"Bella-"

Bella held up a hand as she backed away, making for the wall. She was tense and almost trembling.

"I don't think this is a good idea. You might not feed from humans but you might have friends that do. I don't know you." Her eyes widened even further and she twisted her head away from us, staring at the wall in horror, "God, I don't even _know_ you and I'm here, telling you everything…"

Fear filled me, irrational and terrifying. She was going to leave. I could see Alice desperately searching for our future and ignored her, not wanting to know what she might or might not find. Instead I moved at top speed, arriving between Bella and the wall but being careful not to touch her, meeting her eyes. She gazed up at me and her scent surrounded me, cocooning me in warmth and hunger and desire. Her face was twisted in turmoil and her mouth was open slightly as she stared at me. I wanted to brush her hair from her face and hold and assure her that everything would be alright. Those emotions petrified me, but I pushed them aside in the face of her own fear.

"You don't have anything to fear from us. We don't associate with the more violent of our kind. You don't have to be afraid." I said as quietly as possible so that she would still be able to hear me.

She stared at me before turning her head away, the dark locks falling over her face as they freed themselves from the braid that hung down her back. We stood for a moment and my hand yearned to connect with her skin but she shook her head and stepped past me, disappearing from sight although I heard her running across the lawn.

We all stood silently and I stared at the wall, ignoring all the thoughts that floated through the air. Alice was the first to speak aloud.

"She'll be back, Edward. She's just afraid."

"She was uncertain. Bitter, too, and ashamed." Jasper said quietly and Carlisle sighed.

"Can you blame her? She's just found out that the only people who can see her are essentially designed to be killers."

I didn't reply and Esme moved to me, taking my hands in hers with motherly affection.

"Edward, love, it will be alright." She said softly, "She just needs time."

"She's right." I said calmly, "We are a danger to her loved ones. She'd be better off staying away from us."

"How can you say that?" Alice demanded, frowning at me and I glared at her.

"Alice, you know better than anyone that your visions aren't set in stone."

"But you want it to be." Jasper said abruptly and we all looked at him. I turned my glare on him.

"Jasper-"

"When she went to leave, you were terrified, Edward. You're attracted to her and when you're thinking about that vision, you're giving off waves of happiness. I've never felt that from you before."

Fury erupted through me and I tore my hands from Esme's grip, storming towards Jasper. Carlisle caught my arm quickly.

"Edward!"

"Enough! All of you, enough!" I spat angrily, wrenching my arm from him, "Alice, stay out of my future! You're ridiculous, all of you! Alice's vision is ridiculous! This whole situation is a waste of time and I'm sick of you all _assuming_ you know what's best for me!"

"Edward, we want you to be happy." Esme insisted and the upset in her tone almost killed me but I was too angry.

"I have _never_ complained of being unhappy, Esme. You're idiots if you think that putting all your faith in Alice's unpredictable talents is going to solve all our problems."

Alice's eyes narrowed and Jasper bared his teeth at the insult to his mate but I stared hatefully at Carlisle.  
"Well, I'm sorry if I've been keeping you all from Happily Ever After. I'm sorry I'm such a _burden_ to you. I can get out of your way, if you prefer."

"Edward, stop being such an asshole and get a goddamn grip."

We all turned to see Rosalie and Emmett in the doorway, her arms folded across her chest as she stared at us in disgust. We fell silent as she strode into the room, exuding confidence and irritation at us. Her eyes went to Alice, who was still glaring at me.

"Alice, back off. You know what you know, but you can't force it to happen." She said sharply and then looked around at everyone else, "You all need to stop. I don't give a crap about this Bella girl. If she and Edward get it together, that's fine, whatever, but it's their choice. Don't go putting all your eggs in Alice's basket."

Alice huffed but Rosalie had turned on me, eyes blazing.

"And you need to get your head out of your ass, Edward. Don't you get why everyone's so happy about this? You think it's easy for your family to see you alone, to see you floating along with no real emotion in your life? Of course they're excited about this and you should be too, because unless you start believing that something might happen, it's not going to and you'll have only yourself to blame."

We were all silent, staring at her. She ignored our stunned faces and turned back to Emmett, who grinned as she walked back to him.

"We're going hunting. We'll be back when you've all gotten over it." She sniped before taking off at a run. Emmett chuckled before shrugging at us.

"You know she's right. Not like anyone would dare to disagree." He said cheerily before disappearing after his wife.

I stared at the empty doorway before risking a shamefaced glance at Alice and Jasper, both of whom looked adequately chastened. Carlisle seemed vaguely amused and Esme just looked bewildered.

Alice caught my eye and gave a sheepish smile.

_She's right. Not that I'll admit it. I'll let you work this out on your own, if that's what you want._

I nodded and gave her a small smile. She crossed to me and hugged me swiftly, then I slipped away quickly to go over the evenings events in my mind.

* * *

~*~

Rosalie and Emmett were out of the car almost before I'd parked at school the next day. Jasper and Alice took off too and I didn't bother to listen in to their thoughts. The fact that I'd had to spend the whole night running around the woods surrounding Forks meant that I'd avoided Alice's examination of the future to the best of my ability. I didn't want anymore visions haunting me, tempting me with something that may never happen.

I locked my car and almost immediately felt eyes on me. I turned and saw Bella sat on the stone wall again. She was looking at me with a forlorn expression. After a long moment she shrugged in a resigned way as she stood and walked into the school.

I wanted to follow her. I wanted to talk to her, to breathe her wonderful scent again, to take the emotions that Jasper had described and force them to go away. But it was not my place. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

But Rosalie's words had stuck with me, which was unusual, because normally I had little interest in anything she had to say.

… _unless you start believing that something might happen, it's not going to and you'll have only yourself to blame_.

Against all odds, could it be that Rosalie was actually, for once, correct? Would Alice's vision only come true if I made it come true?

How many times had I been over this in my head? Too many – it was becoming an obsession.

_She _was becoming an obsession and she had no idea how potentially dangerous that was.

I was disgusted at myself, for my weakness, for my desire and for my ability to consider putting an innocent in harms way for my own pleasure. I scowled, walking towards the school doors but I saw Alice and Jasper ahead talking with Bella.

…_keep her calm long enough to give Alice a chance to-_

"Jasper!" I snapped at him and he looked at me guiltily. Alice looked irritated at my interruption.

_Edward, she was about to agree-_

"Jasper can manipulate emotions. He was trying to keep you relaxed whilst Alice convinced you to come and visit us again." I said quickly to Bella, not giving Alice time to finish. I expected Bella to be hurt, to look sad, to stammer excuses and run away through the nearest wall.

Instead, she glared at my brother and sister, uttered that the situation was "Not cool," and stalked away angrily.

"What the hell, Edward?!" Alice spat furiously, glaring up at me. I glared back.

"You agreed to let me work this out on my own, Alice."

"Yes, _your_ relationship with her." Alice hissed under her breath as Lauren Mallory glanced our way in curiosity, "But she's going to be _my_ friend too, Edward, and I'm not waiting for you to get your act together!"

"Ali-kins, hope you're being good." Emmett appeared at our side, giving us each a warning glance. Alice pouted and gave me one last irritated look.

"Always am, Emmett." She said before seizing Jasper's hand and flouncing away towards class. Emmett laughed quietly, patting me on the back.

"Come on, Edward. You knew she wouldn't let it go that easily." He teased and I let out an exasperated sigh.

"I don't know what to do, Emmett. This situation is… new."

"You're telling me, I was listening to a ghost talk about her afterlife and crap sense of humour last night. It's not exactly something I do on a regular basis. Anyway, gotta run. Rosalie's waiting and I don't keep my girl waiting." He grinned, "Maybe you shouldn't either."

He'd strolled away before I could react and I frowned, not liking how much I wanted to be able to say those words.

_My girl._

_

* * *

  
_

~*~

I didn't see Bella at lunch but Alice assured me that she was fine.

"You'll see her in biology. Oh, and it's going to be sunny tomorrow." She informed us. This was good news. We hadn't hunted as a family since we'd arrived in Forks and it was tradition on sunny days to run for miles, enjoying each other's company. The memories of those days formed some of my fondest and I looked forward to it

I was in Biology before Bella and waited patiently, wondering how to approach her again. She seemed to have decided on her path and yet Alice's vision hadn't changed. I thought back to that morning, to Bella's sad shrug outside the school, as if to say 'This is the way it is. We can't change it'.

Even as I thought this, she appeared in the doorway behind Mike Newton who hurried to his seat as Mr Banner began the lesson. Her eyes met mine and then flickered to the empty desk beside me. I caught her eye again and gave the seat beside mine a pointed look. She stared at me for a moment before shifting across the room and sliding into the empty seat. Mr Banner started the movie and I quickly tore a page from my notebook, scribbling a note of apology for our behaviour and slipping it across the desk to her. She glanced down at it before leaning over for my pen and writing back.

**It's fine. I just freaked a little. Like I said, I don't know you. I think I just got carried away, having someone to talk to who could actually hear me.**

_That's understandable. Loneliness is a powerful thing._

I wasn't sure why I wrote that. It seemed a very personal thing to have exposed and Bella didn't reply but I was certain that she understood. I watched the movie playing, dim and uninteresting but I was conscious of Bella's eyes on my face, examining me closely as though searching for something. I wished more than ever that I could read her thoughts, that I could find out what she really thought of me.

I couldn't resist turning my head slightly, hoping to catch a trace of emotion in her eyes but I only saw her glance away quickly, embarrassed as she shoved the paper back at me.

**I don't think we should be friends.**

Friends… such a curious little word, implying so many levels of affection. Alice wanted to be Bella's friend. I was not certain that I did. I looked at Bella. She was running her finger over a scratch in the wooden tabletop and she looked impossibly young. I wrote back, asking why we shouldn't be friends and her reply surprised me, that she wanted to accept what had happened to her. She wanted to live out her existence without hope? Without companionship? It was absurd.

It was, I realised with a sinking heart, the exact same thing that I was doing.

_You'd rather work on being alone than talking to the only people available to you?_

**I know it doesn't make sense.**

I looked at her, waiting for elaboration but she simply shrugged again. I was momentarily distracted by the soft tumbling of her hair as she made the movement but soon realised that no elaboration was coming. Fair enough. If I had to work for this, I would and I decided to start by finding out a little more about the enigma that was Isabella Swan, deceased.

I asked if she could eat. She replied instantly that she couldn't and demanded to know what blood tasted like. It seemed rather vulgar and I gave her a look to express this sentiment. She smiled, almost daringly and it took all of my resolve not to grin. She looked adorable and alluring both at the same time and I pitied every other male in the room that they could not see her. On the other hand, I didn't fancy the competition.

We scribbled back and forth a few more minutes and I resisted the urge to laugh as she jokingly offered to tutor me. She wrote about her father and her mother. Her expression was torn as she wrote about her mother and I felt my emotions surge for her. What must that be like? Knowing that your mother is safe and well but that you can never see her again?

She caught my look and frowned, irritated by my reaction. I hadn't expected that, but I should have realised to never make assumptions about this girl by now. In the few short days since we'd met, she'd turned me everyway and flipped my world upside down. She rolled her eyes at me, slipping the note back.

**I'm over being dead, Edward. You should get over it too. Besides, I'm not the only one in this room without a heartbeat. So don't go assuming that I've got issues because I'm willing to bet that the Cullen household isn't all cookies and rainbows.**

My eyebrows shot up and I glanced at Bella, but she was watching the movie, chin resting in her hands. She was still frowning and her eyes looked worried. I didn't like it when they looked like that. It added age to her otherwise youthful face and it worried me that she was world weary.

I scribbled an apology which she accepted and we spent the rest of the lesson writing random facts about ourselves, getting to know each other a little. I enjoyed it a great deal but was also struck by a tingling sense of guilt that I was doing all of this for reasons that she did not suspect. It seemed dishonest.

As the lesson ended, I invited her to come over at anytime and she replied that she'd wait until Charlie was asleep. She left for Calculus and I walked off towards Spanish, strolling past Alice as I went. She grinned at me.

_About time, Edward_.

"Calm down, Alice." I warned her, but couldn't help feeling the glow in the pit of my stomach.

* * *

~*~

"Edward, I knew you could do it." Esme beamed as I informed her and Carlisle that Bella would be coming over again. I gave her a flat look.

"Esme…"

"I just mean… well, it's no use pretending, you'd know anyway." She laughed, "I hope that she does get to know you and that things do work out. And I'm not going to apologise because what mother doesn't want her son to be matched up with a nice girl?"

Her honesty disarmed me and I couldn't help smiling. Esme laughed again, pleased with herself and with me as she returned to her papers that were scattered over the dining room table. She was designing a house for us in Alaska. We usually stayed with the Denali coven, but it was a good location for our kind so she had plans to make our own home there too.

"I just don't want people making assumptions. I imagine she'd be terrified if she found out that we were planning to keep her with us permanently as my mate just because Alice saw that it may happen."

"_Will_ happen, Edward!" Alice called from her bedroom and Esme laughed softly, squeezing my fingers gently before picking up a pencil and sketching quickly. I watched her for a moment, resting my forearms on the table. Carlisle disappeared into his study and I concentrated on Esme's drawing. She was at her happiest here, with her family nearby and all safe, with something to capture her interest like this.

I left her to work and sat at the piano, picking out familiar tunes, barely paying attention to what I was doing as I waited for Bella to arrive. I didn't expect her before ten at least and I let out a soft sigh, my fingers dancing lightly on the keys. I pressed one note, then another and then another before blending them together, repeating them, adding further waves of sound and wrapping them together, tying them into a harmony.

I heard a footstep at the door and stopped. The noise faded abruptly and Esme let out a disappointed sound.

"Don't stop, Edward. That was lovely, one of your best." She said, moving to stand by me, "What was it? It was so peaceful."

"A lullaby." I said, although how I was so certain, I didn't know. "It's a lullaby."

"But she can't sleep."

"It's as you said. It makes you peaceful." I said and then looked at my mother, realising what she'd said. Esme smiled beautifully and kissed my forehead.

I scribbled down what I had played, sliding the piece into the folder that sat in the seat of the piano bench before I walked out onto the porch. The sun had set a while ago and I waited for Bella, watching the clouds scurry across the sky, the stars blinking out from behind them. The moon cast an intermittent light over the lawn and it bathed the blades of grass silver. I heard footsteps and straightened, watching as Bella appeared through the trees, her hair loose and long. The moonlight lent her an ethereal glow that suited her as she walked towards the house. I smiled slightly as I opened the front door for her, letting her know that Carlisle was waiting in his office.

Alice restrained herself as we entered, to simply saying hello. Bella waved back before following me upstairs and I ignored Emmett's childish mental cheering that I was getting her upstairs already. Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us and I was slightly amused by how eager they were to see Bella again. She greeted them and instantly apologised for her fast exit the day before but Esme assured her that it was fine. I went to stand by the window, not wanting to crowd her.

Carlisle didn't beat around the bush and I looked at him sharply as he asked Bella if she would be interested in allowing him to examine her. She stared back at him, a crease between her eyebrows as he spoke. For a long moment she didn't reply and I didn't need Jasper's mental cry to alert me to the fact that she was upset. Her eyes were accusatory in their depth, her hands had balled into fists and she was stiff.

I moved quickly across to her, throwing a look at Carlisle as I stood by her shoulder. I wanted to put my hand on her shoulder, to let her know that I was there for her, but it didn't seem wise.

"Bella." I said her name softly but it seemed to shake her from her enraptured state. She blinked and turned her large eyes on me, wary and ready to bolt. I tilted my head so that I was able to see her clearly and I almost drowned in her face, so young and so old and so hurt. I shook my head before speaking very quietly.

"Don't be afraid, Bella. Carlisle isn't suggesting that this is your only option."

The last thing I wanted was for her to think we were only interested in her for scientific purposes and I was instantly furious with Carlisle for springing this on her. She was not here for him. She was not his!

He spoke again and we both looked at him. He stood, looking at Bella.

"Bella, I didn't intend to make you feel uncomfortable. I'm just a naturally curious man and I would appreciate the opportunity. If you don't want to, that's fine as well but I hope you'll continue to visit us. I believe Alice has already foreseen that you're going to be her friend and I think you'll find that it's easier just to give in to these matters." He looked amused as he finished.

_I apologise, Edward. We'll talk about this later_. He assured me.

I looked back at Bella. She was rubbing her hand across her forehead and she took a deep breath, but this wasn't too strange. We went through the motions of breathing, especially in company but it seemed more than that for her, as though she was inhaling courage along with the dust particles and oxygen.

"Spell it out for me, Carlisle. What exactly do you want to do?" She asked, her eyes fixed intently on his. I could see the pleasure in Carlisle's expression as he moved towards us, explaining his ideas. I moved back to the window in silence, listening uncomfortably. I didn't like the sound of this. We had no idea what Bella was, what might happen to her, but I knew Carlisle and he wouldn't place her in danger. When he said that he wanted to start as soon as possible, Bella fell silent. She gazed at him for a moment and then her eyes flickered towards me, almost in askance. I didn't make a move, unwilling to push her in either direction. This decision had to be entirely hers.

"OK."

And in those two short letters, her fate was sealed. Carlisle beamed at her and held out his hand to shake hers. Instantly the room became colder as her eyes widened, staring at his outstretched fingers. They flickered back to his eyes and then back to his hand, but the tension was back in her shoulders and neck. To my surprise, she lifted her hand towards his. I straightened abruptly.

_Give her a chance, Edward_. Carlisle asked silently, his eyes still on hers.

I watched, feeling on edge as she moved her fingers towards him. They touched and she gasped before furrowing her brow and forcing her hand into his. Pride mingled with jealousy as I watched them. Jealousy that Carlisle should be the first to touch her bare skin, but it faded to anxiety as she pulled away, rubbing her hand.

"It's been a while." She murmured by way of explanation. Carlisle smiled at her.

"I know."

_Edward, she did it! I'm coming to see her, we've got so much to talk about_!

It was too late to stop her and I looked at Bella.

"Bella, I think you should prepare yourself."

"What f-?" She was cut off by Alice throwing the door open and rushing towards her.

"I'm so happy you said yes! Oh, Bella, this is going to be wonderful, there's so many things we have to talk about." She cried. Bella stepped back in alarm, falling past Carlisle and straight into the desk, her body disappearing into the ancient mahogany. Alice giggled sheepishly, her delight palpable as she apologised. I almost laughed when Bella questioned her knowledge of personal boundaries. As Alice turned, beckoning Bella after her, the jealousy reared its head again and I growled at her. Instantly my sister turned her golden eyes on me, narrowing them.

_Edward, don't you _dare_. She isn't just yours; you've seen that we're going to be close. You can't just steal her away every time she's here. I won't keep her long and then you can spend some time with her._

I glared back at her before storming from the room and running upstairs to my third floor bedroom. I heard Bella follow Alice to the room she shared with Jasper but put some music on to block them out as I lay on the sofa, staring at the ceiling.

Jealousy was a new emotion. I didn't care for it, it made me feel exposed and weak. I had felt envy before, but only mildly, when observing the happiness of my family. I wasn't used to having strong emotions at all and I didn't understand them or know how to handle them.

Jasper would be the best person to talk to. He understood emotions better than anyone. I ran my hand through my hair, contemplating how best to approach the situation. Would it be right to talk to Jasper without talking to Bella first? Would I be better off getting to know Bella without outside influences? There was no precedent to this situation. The only woman who had expressed real interest in me and been forward enough to suggest something had been Tanya, and my emotions towards her were nothing in comparison to the tidal wave that surrounded Bella.

And I worried that my feelings for Bella were only there because I expected them to be. Were they genuine? I had no basis for comparison. If only I could borrow Jasper's gift for a day, I would be able to begin to understand if this was normal.

I lay for several minutes, debating over and over in my mind what I should do, before deciding to go and talk to Jasper. I went downstairs slowly, hoping to catch a glimpse of Bella but Alice was alone.

…_Don't understand… perfectly nice clothes…_

I chuckled. Had Bella really denied Alice the chance to dress her up? What an amusing idea, after Alice's insistence that they would be spending time together. Perhaps Bella wouldn't just be changing me after all. It was an intriguing thought. Where _was_ Bella?

As if in answer, Jasper's thoughts floated up the stairs towards me as I turned the banister and saw them, facing each other on the steps. Jasper's eyes were pitch black and Bella was staring at him in alarm, one hand tightly on the banister behind her.

_The scent… _Jasper's thoughts were clouded in a haze of lust for that scent, not sexual but closer to bloodlust, _What is that? What _is_ it?_

_He saw himself reaching for her, pulling her close, almost an embrace as he bit and that scent filled his senses. There could be no blood, for she had none, but this was more than blood, this was purer, this was sweeter. This was _ecstasy_…_

"Jasper!" I didn't even realise that I'd spoken but they both jumped. Jasper's eyes shot to mine as he shook himself. I'd moved down the staircase in an instant and stood between them, being careful not to brush against Bella. Jasper murmured that he was sorry to Bella before edging away.

_I'm sorry, Edward. I don't know what came over me._ _I don't… I'm sorry._

He disappeared and I turned to Bella.

"Are you alright?" I demanded and she nodded slowly.

"Yeah, of course. What _was_ that?" She glanced up the stairs after Jasper but I could sense my brother's confusion and remorse as he tried to understand what had happened. This was not the place to discuss it, where he could hear so easily. I didn't want him to feel worse.

"Come with me." I said quietly and she followed without question as I led her out of the house and towards the woods, where we would be out of earshot of my family at least for a little while. I stopped by a large oak and turned to her in concern.

"Are you alright?

"You already asked me that." She pointed out before glancing back in the direction of the house, "What was with Jasper?"

"Your scent…" I began but my voice faded away. How could I possibly explain this situation? That when she got close to vampires, her aroma was almost impossible to resist?

She was frowning and looked down at herself. She tilted her head towards her shoulder slightly, trying to smell herself. I smiled slightly, shaking my head.

"You don't smell bad. Quite the opposite. Humans smell like blood, you see, but mixed with other scents designed to entice us to hunt. But where your blood doesn't… there's no blood to hunt for so your scent is a lot stronger than a human's would be. It's… it's quite intoxicating."

Intoxicating was hardly an adequate phrase, but it made do. Bella turned her face away, arms wrapping around her waist as her hair curtained her face. She was clearly uncomfortable with the conversation and I almost regretted bringing it up. After some kind of internal struggle she smiled at me.

"Well, I guess I won't be playing hide-and-seek with vampires anytime soon." She joked and I offered a faint smile as I leant back against a tree. I didn't need to lean, but she was more human than I was and this small act might make her feel more at ease.

Apparently, it worked because she announced that I was going to answer her questions about vampires there and then. Her confidence amused me as she perched herself on a fallen tree, looking simply lovely as she gazed at me, absorbing the information I gave her. For several long hours we talked, about how people became vampires, about how we lived and a thousand other details that made up our everyday lives that I'd stopped noticing simply because I'd been doing it for decades. This new perspective forced me to consider just how unusual my life actually was and I found myself enjoying being able to share it with her.

I wanted to share so much more with her. More than words and I felt like I was standing on the precipice of a great abyss, unable to stop the emotions that were battering me towards the edge.

I was watching Bella closely to see if she felt this impossible wave of emotions as well but she was leaning back on the tree trunk, deep in thought. She looked up at me, although I could tell from the way her eyes searched that it was difficult to see me.

"You're very lucky." She said and I was stunned momentarily by this reaction. Had I not just spent several hours describing the worst parts of my life? Of how I had died and was forced to feed on the living to survive? How could she believe that I was lucky? I shook my head in disbelief.

"Being a soulless, blood-drinking monster?" I asked and she let out a soft sigh.

"You're not soulless, Edward, and putting aside your self-esteem issues, yes. You're lucky."

I was utterly perplexed and asked her to explain. She threw her head back, gazing up at the trees overhead. Her throat was exposed to me and I swallowed the gathering venom as her scent enveloped me. I barely heard her words.

"You've got a family that obviously loves you. You've all got each other. That makes you pretty lucky."

That caused me to stop and look at her again, doing my best to ignore the enticing aroma. She stared upwards, not looking at me and I wished for the thousandth time that I could read her thoughts. But more than that, I wanted to pull her close and tell her we wanted her, that she could stay with us. That _I_ wanted her.

But I didn't, of course. Instead I stood from my uncomfortable position on the tree stump that I had been occupying and looked towards the house, asking her if she wanted to go back inside. She joked about her lack of night vision as she dusted herself down, stretching in a leisurely fashion. It was such an innocent, adorable action that I had let out a chuckle before I realised what I was doing. She looked at me pointedly.

"You have very human mannerisms." I said by way of explanation and she grinned.

"I didn't die and turn into a cat. I'm still human, just a little less active in the heart department. Besides, I still feel like a human. I guess it's easier without all the superpowers." She teased as we approached the front door. I opened it for her and we went inside to find Emmett and Rosalie in the living room. Emmett was battling away as Rosalie watched and I saw my sister glance sharply at Bella.

_What did she do to Jasper?_

I chose to ignore this, knowing that Rosalie was worried about the changes that Bella might cause to our family. Luckily, Emmett was oblivious to his mate's attitude and invited Bella to play with him. She glanced at me.

"Does super-vampire-speed and reflexes give him an advantage?" She enquired and I smiled.

"Yes."

She laughed to herself before reaching for a controller and I moved to sit in the armchair, watching as Bella scowled, her character dying before she'd even really got going. But she restarted, sitting cross-legged on the rug, her tongue caught between her teeth as she fought desperately for survival. Something she had been doing for so long without even realising.

Could we stop surviving? Could we begin to live, instead? They were huge questions and ones I was desperately unsure about but as I watched Bella laugh delightedly as she shot her first zombie, I found myself willing to try.

* * *

**A/N: Hello my little bakewell tarts! Yes, it's an Epov and I really hope you didn't just skim read. I know a few of you don't like reading Epovs, but I'll say it again – his side is just as important as Bella's. More so even, because we get an insight into the rest of the Cullens through him and that's important. My beta (who has told me to inform you that she loves Epov!) has been reading through and telling me where I need more original parts in the Epovs, so there's enough fresh material for you to feel like this is a new chapter and not just a rehashBut as one reviewer said, this is my story and I have to do it my way, or I'm going to end up writing something I won't like and want to put the effort into to. . Besides, Epov chapter are, like, twice as long as normal chapters!**

**End rant. Lol**

**Invisible Touch – Edward's been waiting a long time, assuming he wouldn't find love or a relationship. Ghost Girls are like the Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expects them.**

**Regarding updating – it's going to slow down, I ain't gonna lie. As I mentioned in the last chapter, Sarah and I are both on Teacher Training placement until the week before Easter and we're unbelievably stressed. I will TRY to update once a week, but it may not happen. I'm just saying. I will try to keep you up to date on chapter statuses through my twitter (Kat097) so come follow me on there for up-to-the-minute ramblings.**

**Thank you all for the beautiful reviews, they make Sarah and I very happy!**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a tub of chocolate sauce. Feel free to put a serving suggestion in your review. I will be having the now very legal Jacob and Sarah believes she will be having Carlisle, but if you can wrestle him off of her…**

**Love**

**Katie**


	11. Unwritten

**In memory of Lisa . LASMKE. The fandom is a poorer place for having lost you.**

**Chapter 11**

**I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined  
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned  
Staring at the blank page before you  
Open up the dirty window  
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find  
Reaching for something in the distance  
So close you can almost taste it  
Release your inhibitions  
Feel the rain on your skin  
No one else can feel it for you  
Only you can let it in  
~Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield~**

The Cullens didn't go to school that day, Thursday. When it was sunny, they went hunting together instead, so as the sun rose, I excused myself and began to walk home, letting the sun warm my skin. Alice had caught up with me before I left, looking sheepish. Edward had smirked and moved away, although I was fairly certain he was still listening.

"Bella… I wanted to say sorry about the whole clothes thing." Alice said, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet, "It's just how I show affection."

"By dressing people?"

"Fashion is a person-to-person responsibility, Bella." Alice grinned and then shrugged delicately, "Look, I can see the future and I can see that we're going to be really close friends. I get impatient waiting for things to happen when I know they're going to happen anyway, so sometimes I jump ahead a little but I forget that other people aren't there yet."

I could only imagine how frustrating that would be, waiting for something to happen that was already a sure thing. I frowned, chewing my lip.

"So, your visions always come true?" I asked and Alice looked at Edward with an impish grin.

"Most of the time. Unless someone changes their mind."

"What do you mean?"

"Well…" She tapped her chin lightly with a slender finger, "Say… oh, I don't know. That you were coming here tonight and you were bringing a book. Edward wants to borrow a book, maybe. I'd have a vision of you bringing a book. But then at the last minute, you'd decide that you were going to bring a CD instead. The future would change to you bringing a CD."

I took a moment to absorb this, leaning against the wall by the front door as Alice waited patiently.

"So the future depends on decisions?"

"Yes, on a very basic level. Sometimes you might make a decision that you think will change the future, but some visions are unchanging." She gave that grin again and I suspected that the littlest Cullen was hiding something. Edward made a noise, as though clearing his throat and Alice let out a tinkling laugh before smiling at me.

"Anyway, I'll try to let things happen at the normal pace, however _frustratingly_ slow it is."

"Alice…" I ran a hand through my hair, "I mean… if changing my clothes is _that_ important to you, it's no big deal. You just surprised me with it. I mean, I come to a house full of vampires and one wants to experiment on me and two minutes later, another one is trying to get me out of my clothes with no real explanation. It's not a normal situation."

"You're a ghost. Normal isn't exactly your forte."

"You're a vampire. You're not one to judge." I shot back and she laughed again, delighted at our repartee. Jasper appeared by her shoulder and he shot me a curious look. I remembered our weird moment on the stairs and swallowed. Was he uncomfortable around me? I wasn't feeling too good about him either, to be honest.

"We're setting off, Alice." He murmured to her and she nodded. I pushed myself off of the wall and gave them a smile.

"I'll see you another time."

"Tonight." Alice said firmly and I smirked at her.

"Did you decide that or did I?"

"It's no fun if I tell." She teased and I rolled my eyes, smiling. Edward was stood in the doorway to the living room, his brow furrowed in thought. I waved at him.

"Bye Edward. Say thanks to Emmett for me."

"Of course. Goodbye Bella."

Now I walked along the road back to town, taking my time. It was late January, so there was frost on the ground, reflecting in the sunlight. Charlie would have left for work already and I was shocked at how quickly the time had passed whilst I was with the Cullens. I decided to call in at school and see how Angela was. I'd been neglecting her, not that she'd notice.

I arrived in time for lunch and watched as she sat, eating slowly and listening to Jessica ramble on and on. Brave girl. But I couldn't be bothered with classes and went home instead, settling on 'Jeopardy' for some cheesy afternoon viewing.

I was nervous about going back to the Cullen house. I was pretty certain that Carlisle would want to start his experiments that night and although I had agreed to it, I wasn't sure what he would do first. But in a way, I was curious too. I didn't know what I was, why I existed. Getting some answers wouldn't be a bad thing, in my eyes.

Charlie came home at around six, fixing himself a steak and baked potato for dinner. I watched as he read the newspaper, grunting to himself at the bad news. I don't know why he read it; it only put him in a bad mood. As if to prove my point, he tossed it aside, frowning and put his plate in the sink before picking up the phone.

"Hi Billy… you want to head out to the lake this weekend? Mm hmm." He eyed the calendar, "I'm working Friday night, but we could head out early on Saturday. Jake coming? … He's a responsible kid, he'll be fine by himself."

He finished his conversation and went into the living room, situating himself in his favourite chair and turning on the television. I crossed to him and bent, brushing my lips over his forehead.

"Love you, Dad." I said softly. He shivered in response.

* * *

~*~

"Bella, have a seat." Carlisle said warmly, gesturing to the armchair opposite his desk. I walked over and perched on the edge uncertainly as he gestured to the strange looking medical equipment on his desk. The very sight of it made me nervous and I swallowed. He must have heard, because he smiled at me gently.

"There's no need to be nervous, Bella. We won't try anything too taxing today. I'd just like to get to know you a little better and get a couple of samples that I can study, if that's alright?"

"Sure thing." I said, a little cheerfully. My voice was pitched and I winced at the sound of it. Carlisle's smile widened slightly and he glanced over my head at the door. In an instant, Edward had appeared at his side.

"I asked Edward to join us, seeing as he has had the most interaction with you. I thought you might be more comfortable with someone you already know. The rest of the family are out hunting." He explained and I smiled at Edward before holding my hands up in a 'why not' gesture.

"Go for it, Doc." I said and this time I sounded less idiotic. Strangely enough, having Edward around _did_ help. Carlisle picked up his notepad.

"You died ten years ago, correct?"

"Why are you writing?" I'd said it before I realised I'd spoken and they both looked at me strangely. I winced, "Sorry. It's just… well, don't you have super-vampire-memory?"

Carlisle laughed and Edward smiled down at the floor. Carlisle put the notepad down again.

"I find when I'm with patients, I act more… human. It relaxes them." He explained and I nodded in understanding.

"I get it. Well, don't worry about that, Doc, I'm as relaxed as I'm ever going to be."

I was sorely tempted to make a rigor-mortis joke, but I wasn't sure on the audience reception at this point, so I kept quiet.

"In that case, Bella, I'll get started sans notepad." Carlisle said and began firing question after question at me; when I was born (a long time ago), how I had died (didn't look both ways when crossing the street) and a multitude of other boring queries. It was like a trip to the doctors only with more questions about my demise. I gave as few details as possible, forcing myself to remember that I still didn't _know _these people.

Eventually Carlisle seemed satisfied with his gathered knowledge and turned to the desk, picking up what looked like a test tube. He looked slightly uncomfortable and I eyed him.

"Bella, this is where it gets a little… awkward."

"Come on, Doc, what do you need?" I said, hoping to relax him.

"A sample of your hair, if possible." He asked and I reached up, pulling out a single hair. It didn't fall out and it didn't grow, but it had been torn out on occasion by accident. It always seemed to have replenished within a few hours, but I'd never bothered to look into it further. What was the point? _I_ couldn't have explained it but if Carlisle could, kudos to him.

I dropped the hair into the tube and he put the stopper back, placing it carefully in a rack of tubes before reaching for another.

"Fingernails?" He asked and I looked down at my bitten stubs. Damn, ten years and I still hadn't broken the habit. Taking his nail clippers, I managed to salvage a little bit of nail, apologising as I handed it back.

"I swear, I'll quit one of these days." Carlisle smiled and I glanced at Edward. He was frowning at the test tubes and I raised an eyebrow.

"Edward, are you alright?"

"Fine." He answered tersely and I dropped it, looking back at Carlisle. He was considering another test tube and glanced at Edward. Edward shook his head.

"No."

"It's rude to whisper." I said pointedly, "Or mind read. Whatever. Rude."

"He wants a sample of whatever it is that has replaced your blood." Edward said sharply, "I said no."

"Since when is it your choice?" I demanded, irritated by his attitude. Edward looked at me quickly and I frowned at him.

"Bella, whatever it is, it is extremely potent and attractive for our kind. Carlisle may have excellent resistance but the rest of us…" He looked uncomfortable and I looked down at my hands, examining the hints of blue vein that still showed through.

"The others aren't here, Edward. If it makes you that worried, why don't you step outside, just for a minute?" Carlisle suggested. Edward threw him a foul look but I stood, facing Edward.

"It'll only be a minute, right?"

"You can always run, Edward." Carlisle reminded him, "If it gets too much, just run."

He stared at us and then dropped his head, pinching the bridge of his nose and he stalked over to the window, jumping lithely from the ledge. I stared after him before looking back at Carlisle.

"Is he OK?"

"He'll be fine. He's not comfortable with these experiments anyway." Carlisle said and lifted a syringe. I looked at it for a moment before looking away. He would have to touch me and I was instantly afraid of it, less of the needle and more that bizarre sensation of skin on skin, of physical contact after so many years.

"Bella, if you don't want to-"

"Just do it." I cut him off, keeping my eyes fixed on the window that Edward had jumped out of.

Carlisle's fingers brushed over my arm, settling at the crease of my elbow and it was like an electric shock. I jumped, gasping and he apologised but I shook my head, still staring at the window. The prick of the needle made me wince and I closed my eyes. I felt Carlisle stiffen, just for half a second before he pulled the needle away. I looked up quickly and watched as he placed the dark red contents of the syringe into a test tube. I stared at it.

"That's blood."

"No… no, it's not." Carlisle murmured, examining it through the glass, "It may have been once, but it's… dead."

"Does it smell? Like Edward said?" I asked, looking down at my elbow. The mark where the needle had entered my skin had already begun to fade.

"It is very potent. I'll take it over to the hospital now. No need to keep it here where it might be an unnecessary temptation." Carlisle said in a business-like tone. I could tell he was being a little too efficient, that he was uncomfortable with the proximity to my whatever-it-was. I watched as the test tubes disappeared into the bag before pulling one of my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on it.

"Doc?"

"Yes, Bella?" He looked up and I met his eye, my chest tightening. I hugged my knee to my chest, swallowing hard.

"I don't know if I should be here." I said softly, "Whatever that stuff is… it upset Jasper. Edward doesn't want to come near it. Maybe I shouldn't come here anymore."

Carlisle paused for a moment before moving to sit on the edge of his desk, leaning down so that his face was level with mine. I looked at his disturbingly handsome face, the pale golden eyes searching mine closely. I felt tears well up and buried my face in my hands, giving a choked laugh to cover the stressful emotions that were storming through me.

"Sorry. I just…" I shook my head, wiping away the tears quickly, ashamed of my reaction. Carlisle didn't reply, but there was a very faint crease between his brows as he watched me. I took a deep breath and shook my head again.

"I _am_ sorry. I'm being an emotional wreck."

"A perfectly understandable reaction, seeing what you've been through in the last week or so. Not to mention ten years of isolation before that. I don't think any of us have stopped to consider how you might be feeling; we were just so pleased to meet you, Alice and Edward especially."

He paused and reached into his pocket, pulling out a handkerchief. Why he had a handkerchief, I wasn't quite sure, seeing as he wouldn't need one personally. Unless he kept them on hand for over-emotional ghost girls. I wiped my tears away, sniffling slightly.

"God, I'm a mess." I muttered, "But I mean it, Doc. I don't want to make things awkward around here. Jasper was totally freaking out yesterday and I don't think Rosalie likes me either."

"Jasper has had trouble adjusting to our way of life, Bella, and as I said, your… essence, for lack of a better word, is particularly enticing. But he was able to resist, which just shows that he is coming along better than he was before. And as for Rosalie…" He looked hesitant, "Rosalie can be difficult. She cares for her family a great deal and doesn't like the prospect of anything upsetting the balance."

"I don't just upset the balance. I kick the balance over. The balance is rolling away, down the hill towards the pier." I said dramatically and he smiled, leaning back and examining me as I lowered my feet to the ground.

"She'll come around."

"How long are you guys staying in Forks, anyway?" I asked curiously and Carlisle stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"We usually manage at least five years in one place. Edward and Alice are posing as juniors, so they still have another year and half here. Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett are seniors, so they'll graduate again at the end of this school year. I know that Rosalie and Emmett wanted to take a little time away from the family, they'll spend a few months travelling and meeting with some friends of ours. Jasper will occupy himself for a year and then he, Alice and Edward will probably go off to college again. They'll do three year degrees and then we'll meet up and start again somewhere new. They started high school later this time because Rosalie and Emmett want to get away, but they need some time to plan it."

I was awed by the amount of consideration they had to put into each move of their lives. Most people couldn't cope with organising one lifetime and the Cullens had done it a dozen times or more. I pushed my hair out of my face, gazing at him.

"Wow… that's pretty impressive."

"After a few times, it becomes routine." He said as he lifted the bag of samples and gestured towards the door, "The others are on their way back, I can hear them. Why don't we go downstairs to wait?"

"Sure." I stood, walking around the chair but Carlisle stopped by the door, looking back at me.

"Bella, you would be welcome to come with us when we leave. As I said, we'll be here in Forks for around five years."

I stared at him for a moment before dropping my eyes to the floor.

"I can't leave my father. He's all alone."

"He's alone even when you're with him, Bella. Are you sure you're not just hurting yourself further by staying with him?" Carlisle suggested gently and I wrapped my arms around my waist, frowning at the plush carpet.

A weight settled on my shoulder and I blinked before looking up quickly. Carlisle's hand rested on me, gentle and unassuming. I mouthed wordlessly as shivers ran down my arm, less shocking than before but I was still alarmingly sensitive to touch. However, this was a gesture of comfort from someone who seemed to care and I accepted it wordlessly, hoping he understood how I felt. I think he did, because he patted my shoulder very lightly before opening the door and letting me walk through.

Sure enough, the rest of the family were waiting downstairs. Alice was perched on Jasper's knee, chatting away cheerfully to Rosalie and Esme, who were both smiling. Emmett and Edward were stood in the doorway, talking quietly and Emmett started laughing as Edward rolled his eyes. They all looked around as we came downstairs and Carlisle said his goodbyes, saying that he was going to the hospital for a little while. I hesitated by the stairs and he looked down at me before giving me a knowing smile.

"Don't fret about anything, Bella. Just take care of yourself and I'll talk to you soon."

"Thanks, Doc." I mumbled as he kissed Esme goodbye and disappeared. Alice beamed at me and waved me over to sit in an empty chair. I obeyed, sitting awkwardly and Alice giggled.

"You look so uncomfortable."

"No, I'm fine." I said quickly and Rosalie eyed me, a faint sneer about her mouth.

"Why do you have Carlisle's handkerchief?"

I hadn't even realised the piece of cloth was still clutched in my hand. I looked at it and swallowed hard before smiling weakly.

"Oh, I just… uh…" I struggled for an explanation. _Actually Rosalie, I just had an emotional breakdown in your dad's office because I can't come to terms with the fact that for the first time in a decade I have people to talk to, potential friends, but at the same time I don't want to get too close because you're leaving in a few years and I'll be all alone again._

"It wasn't important. I forgot to give it back." I finished instead. Edward was frowning, not angrily but in concern, as were Alice and Esme. I folded the handkerchief, avoiding their eyes and Emmett chuckled.

"Ghost Girl, you're making me all kinds of jittery with your nerves. Relax, would you?"

"I happen to be perfectly at ease in a houseful of vampires, thank you very much. If there was an exorcist here, _then_ I might start to worry." I said in a snarky tone and Emmett cracked up laughing, as did Alice, Esme and Jasper. Rosalie simply looked at me for a moment before turning her face away.

Edward was watching me with a bemused expression and I met his eye sheepishly before looking down at the handkerchief, matching the corners up neatly as I finished folding it into a perfect square. Alice spoke, catching my attention.

"Bella, what are you doing this weekend?"

"The usual. Read, watch TV, hope Dad doesn't come back smelling too much like fish. Normal ghostly activities." I said and she beamed at me.

"Come for a sleepover!"

"Alice, we don't sleep."

"The sentiment remains. We still don't know enough about each other and since you're _insisting_ on doing this the long way instead of just trusting me on the fact that we're going to be friends, we need to put a little time and effort in." She said firmly and I couldn't help laughing slightly at her.

"Uh, OK… I need to see if Dad's going to be around for the weekend, but I'm pretty sure that he's taking off with Billy Black for a fishing trip." I said, trying to remember. I thought I'd seen him get his fishing gear out from under the stairs that morning to clean it. They'd probably take off early on Saturday morning and come back Sunday afternoon. Usually on those weekends I got some laundry done and cleaned the house a little.

God, I was boring.

"Well, we've got all night. I vote for a marathon round of Zombie Slayer." Emmett cracked his knuckles and I pulled a face.

"Emmett, you're only saying that because you know you're going to beat me."

"That's because you're the only one he can beat." Jasper drawled, "Even Edward can beat him and he hardly ever plays."

I looked at Edward in surprise. He didn't seem the kind to play videogames at all and he seemed to understand my astonishment because he gave me a soft smile.

"It's amusing to watch Emmett suffer."

"Man, come on…" Emmett whined, "Let me play her. I'll return her safe and sound in one piece. My ego needs the boost!"

"Gee, thanks!" I scoffed, narrowing my eyes at him, "Way to make me feel inadequate, Emmett!"

"Come on, Ghost Girl! One round, that's all I'm asking!"

I stared at him for a moment before considering the situation, chewing my lip as I examined the ceiling. Eventually I felt a smile spread across my face and I grinned at Emmett. He looked back warily.

"Why don't I like that expression?"

"Years of wisdom. OK, Muscles, I'll make you a deal." I said and shifted on my chair so I was facing him directly, "We'll play in teams. Me and Edward versus you and someone of your choosing. If my team wins, you don't get to call me Ghost Girl, Casper or any other cute little ghost-related nickname."

"And if my team wins?" Emmett demanded and I shrugged.

"Choose a prize."

He grinned and Edward let out a groan.

"Bella…"

"No, Edward, let him choose." I said and Emmett chuckled loudly.

"Spooks, if I win… you let Alice dress you up. Here and now, in as many outfits as she likes."

Damn. He was _good_.

I considered him for a moment before looking at Alice.

"Can you see who's going to win?"

"Not yet. It all depends on decisions you make whilst playing." She assured me and I looked at Edward who nodded.

"She's telling the truth." He promised and I smiled.

"Think we can win?"

"I wouldn't let you down." He said quietly and we stared at each for a moment before the sound of Emmett slotting the game in caught my attention. Esme stood, excusing herself.

"I prefer not to hear the foul language that Emmett will inevitably come out with." She explained with a smile. Emmett handed a controller to Edward, one to me, one to Rosalie and took one himself. Rosalie sighed.

"This is so childish."

"Lighten up, babe." Emmett kissed her cheek with a grin, "Think how much fun it will be to have a hyper vampire making a ghost cry."

She smirked in my direction, but it seemed a little cold. I ignored her, picking up the controller and looking at Edward. He was stood beside my chair, flicking through the game options to find a scenario.

"You realise I'm going to suck at this and you'll end up doing all the work." I said quietly and he gave me a sideways smile, tapping the buttons expertly.

"Just let me work, Bella. I'll win."

"You seem pretty confident." I said, settling cross-legged in the chair, clutching the smooth plastic of the controller and he looked at me full on this time, his eyes dark with some emotion that I didn't recognise.

"You trusted me to win this for you."

"Yeah." I said, looking up at him, trying to understand his expression, "I guess I did."

"C'mon, kids. I don't have all night to kick your butts, Alice will need to get organising outfits soon." Emmett jeered and I scowled at him.

"Bring it on, Muscles." I said, flexing my arms as I focused on the screen.

We won, but only just. Rosalie and Emmett spent more time arguing, ("Get out of my way, dumbass!" "Woman, will you just shoot the damn thing?!"). Contrary to this, Edward and I didn't say a word to each other, but I hung back and let Edward work his magic, shooting zombies left, right and centre. I managed to take out one myself, but since the game was over in a matter of minutes, I couldn't really have done much more. The words 'Game Over' flashed up and I grinned over at a sulking Emmett.

"Deals a deal, Muscles."

"Not until we shake on it, Ghost Girl." He smirked and I stiffened. Edward looked at him sharply.

"Emmett…"

"Your choice, Spooks." Emmett smiled and held out his massive hand to me. It was so much bigger than Carlisle's. It could crush mine in an instant, could mangle my bones. Would they repair? I didn't have any experience with this. When you can walk through solid objects, hurting yourself on them becomes a non-issue and now this solid, powerful vice-like hand was prepared to take mine. The sensation of skin contact faded to the realisation that this could _hurt_.

"Bella?"

Edward's voice sliced through the haze of thoughts again and I blinked. I was still staring at Emmett's hand. Edward moved to my side and I twisted my head to look up at him. He was gazing at me in concern. He cared way too much about making sure I was comfortable. I wondered, for a moment, why.

"Bella, you don't have to do anything you don't want to."

But I _did_. I didn't want to risk my hand being smushed into smithereens but I needed to do this. Carlisle would have me doing all kinds of things and if I didn't get over this stupid fear now, maybe I never would.

Why did it have to be the biggest, strongest vampire in the house, though?

I let out a deep, whistling breath and held out my hand toward Emmett. Not quite the same as putting it in his, but the sentiment was there. Emmett gazed at me for a moment and I saw a strange wisdom in his eyes before he cracked a smile and took my small hand in his with an unexpected gentleness that belied his size. The sensation shivered through me, less severe than before, at our contact. Each time, it was less painful, less intense. I felt more human with each touch and I gave a satisfied sigh. Emmett chuckled, shaking our joined hands.

"Good job, sweetpea."

"Hey, you were supposed to quit with the nicknames." I said sternly and Emmett gave a slightly evil grin.

"You said, and I quote, that I don't get to call you Ghost Girl, Casper or any other cute little ghost-related nickname. Standard nicknames still apply."

I stared at him and then at Edward for confirmation. He was smiling and I groaned, running my hands through my hair as I pushed it out of my face.

"_Damn_… you are _good_, Emmett."

"Don't I know it, cutie-pie." He grinned, settling back and putting his arm around Rosalie who was still looking at me with that cold, calculating expression.

I decided that I quite liked Emmett.

* * *

**A/N: Last week, an author in this fandom passed away. LASMKE (Lisa) was a hugely talented writer, a hilarious woman and one of the friendliest people I've ever spoken to. As is the way in these circumstances, I wish we'd talked more. Lisa's stories and livejournal have now been removed by her family and I'm sure we will all miss her and her words.**

**RIP Lisa. **


	12. Slow Me Down

**Chapter Twelve**

**My head and my heart are colliding, chaotic**

**Pace of the world**

**I just wish I could stop it**

**Try to appear like I've got it together**

**I'm falling apart**

**Save me**

**Somebody take my hand, and lead me**

**Slow me down**

**Don't let love pass me by**

**Just show me how**

**'Cause I'm ready to fall**

**Slow me down**

**Don't let me live a lie**

**Before my life flies by**

**I need you to slow me down**

**~Slow Me Down by Emmy Rossum~**

You know how they say time flies when you're having fun?

The same applies for being dead and hanging out with vampires. Who knew?

But the fact remained that the Cullens had now been in Forks for over a month and I had spent pretty much every night at their house since they'd arrived. I'd played videogames with Emmett (observed by a scowling Rosalie), allowed Alice to dress me up (avoided by an uncomfortable Jasper), talked to Carlisle, let him take more samples and watch as I demonstrated my abilities over and over again whilst Edward watched in silence.

I'd spent time chatting with Esme about her various projects, including the house she was currently designing in Alaska. She was one smart lady and easily one of the nicest people I'd ever met. Her love for her family was just overwhelming and she shocked the hell out of me one day by casually stroking my cheek as I helped her pack her things away. It was such a loving, familiar gesture and I almost burst into tears then and there. Instead I stared at her, wide-eyed until she gave a sweet little laugh and told me to 'run along'.

Seriously. I'm almost thirty and a vampire mom told me to 'run along'. My afterlife is beyond weird.

I was always home before dawn, ready to see Charlie off for the day before going to school and attending my classes. I still wanted to learn and I wasn't going to change everything just because I had people to talk to now.

So it was on a Thursday evening as I waited for Charlie to get home from the station when I heard the phone ring. The machine clicked on and I looked up as Billy's voice came through.

"Charlie, it's Billy. I just missed you at the station, so I thought I'd get you here but I guess you're not back yet. Look, we're having a little trouble on the reservation… nothing major, just one of the boys has gone missing. Sam Uley, I think you know him, he's dating Harry's daughter, Leah. He disappeared a couple of days ago and we're starting to get a little worried. Just… just give me a call when you get this."

I stared at the machine for a minute, frowning to myself. It wasn't like Billy to get worked up, especially over something like a teenage boy taking off. Chances were that this Sam kid would show up safe and sound.

The door opened and Charlie strolled in, dropping his keys on the front table. He pressed the play button as he shrugged off his jacket but stiffened, pulling it back on again as he reached for the phone.

"Billy, it's me. I'm on my way up. Who was the last one to see him? Yeah… OK, I'll stop by Harry's house first." He hung up abruptly and darted out of the house. I stared after him and then looked at the clock anxiously. It was already half past six and I'd told Carlisle that I would be going over for some more experiments that night. Something about electrical currents or whatever, I didn't understand a damn thing of what he was doing. But I couldn't go now, not without making sure that Charlie got home OK.

It was at this point in time that I regretted not getting a telephone number for the Cullens, but I figured that since I had decided not to go, Alice would see this and let the others know.

I went into the kitchen and noted with distaste that several of the glasses Charlie had washed were getting watermarks where he'd left them on the draining board instead of using a towel to dry them. I filled the sink with hot soapy water and began to wipe them clean, examining each one closely as I kept an ear out for the sound of Charlie's car. But by the time I had finished washing up, cleaned the surfaces, finished Jane Eyre and watched a few reruns of Friends, it was close to eleven and there was no sign of him.

I went to the window and looked out at the street. A streetlamp illuminated the sidewalk but no headlights showed. I walked out and sat myself on the steps leading up to the porch, trying to ignore the gnawing feeling in my chest.

I don't know why I was worrying. Charlie was a police officer, he knew what he was doing. He'd stayed out late before; hell, he'd pulled all nighters before.

It didn't mean I didn't worry myself to death.

Woops, too late.

Ack, bad timing, Swan. Very poor taste.

I still snorted to myself. I can't help it that I'm a comic genius.

"What are you laughing at?" Edward's voice spoke curiously and very close to me. I shrieked, clasping my hands to my chest as I twisted on my seat, staring up at him.

"Jesus Christ, Edward! You scared the hell out of me!"

"I'm sorry." He looked genuinely apologetic and I lowered my hands, turning to look back at the sidewalk nervously. If anyone saw a strange kid hanging around the chief's house, it wasn't going to look good.

"What are you doing here, Edward?" I asked, looking back up at him. He shrugged nonchalantly.

"Alice said that you were unable to make it tonight."

"You can always trust a psychic vampire." I said lightly, leaning my arms on my knees. Edward stayed standing in the shadows but I could feel his eyes boring into the side of my head. I sighed and leant back on my hands, glancing up at him.

"You didn't have to come all this way."

"It doesn't take long to get here." He smiled slightly and then glanced at the house, "Charlie isn't here?"

"No, he got called up to La Push." I said quietly, frowning, "Some kid went missing. He's been gone a long time. Charlie, I mean."

Edward didn't say anything, continuing to watch me. After a moment I stood and gestured to the house.

"You'd better come inside. We don't need the neighbours getting suspicious." I said and then hesitated. I didn't want to open the front door in case anyone saw – the window maybe?

Edward smirked and then he was gone. I poked my head through the front door to see him standing by the stairs. He must have entered faster than I could see him. I walked in and glanced upstairs.

"My room, I guess. If Charlie comes home and finds you here…"

"I'll be gone before his car hits the drive." Edward promised and then hesitated, "May I asked you something?"

"You may."

"Why does the doorframe smell like garlic?" He asked, sounding genuinely confused

"Oh…" My voice faded away lamely and I stared awkwardly up at the ceiling, avoided his gaze, "No particular reason."

He smirked and stepped aside, letting me upstairs. I walked up and pushed open the door to my room, feeling a little uncertain. It was so… immature. The room of a teenage girl, with the dusty purple blanket and photographs stuck to the notice board. But Edward was smiling, moving slowly around the room, looking from the photographs to the CD's to the books that filled the case opposite the wardrobe. I sat cross-legged on the centre of the bed, watching as he took everything in, agonisingly slowly. This was a little annoying, seeing as I knew he had vampire speed on his side.

I bit on my lip, watching as he ran his fingers oh-so-gently over the spines of my beloved books. The glow from the streetlamp spilled down the side of the house and gave just enough light to outline his features. His messy hair fell into his eyes and I watched, hypnotised as he looked back at the photographs, leaning in to examine each one individually. There were several of my mother, a couple of Phil and a couple of Charlie. Also, one of a girl, Melanie, whom I'd been friends with in Forks High. She'd moved to San Francisco, I seemed to remember

Edward's lips were quirking into a smile again, slightly higher on one side. I'd never noticed that his smile was crooked. Like the tiny bump in his nose, it was peculiar against the perfection of his immortality. He lifted a hand and grazed a picture of me with a fingertip. My chest clenched; it was so reminiscent of Charlie's actions with the photo in the kitchen that a lump rose in my throat and I swallowed hard, trying to make it disappear.

The noise caught Edward's attention and he turned, as though remembering I was there. I looked down at my fingers, knotted in my lap.

"It's kind of gloomy. I mean, compared to your house."

"It's perfect." He said firmly and moved towards the bed, sitting carefully on the edge. I couldn't help a tiny grin splitting my face. For some reason, his approval made me feel warm inside and I picked up a pillow, hugging it to my chest lightly as he turned to look at me.

"You didn't have to come over." I said casually and his eyebrow jerked up slightly as he smiled that secretive smile, as though enjoying a private joke.

"Shall I leave?"

"No!" I spoke too quickly and too loudly. If I could blush, I would have. Instead I winced and buried my face in the pillow, "Uh, no. Don't. It's only fair, I mean… we hang out at yours all the time. Was Doc OK about me skipping?"

"Carlisle understood. He likes that nickname, by the way." Edward's smile increased marginally and I chewed my lip, smiling.

"He does?"

"Yes. And Emmett definitely likes being called 'Muscles'."

"I bet Rosalie doesn't though." I murmured and he chuckled softly.

"No… she doesn't." His eyes met mine and then dropped to the pillow. "But that's my fault, I think."

I was immediately confused and cocked my head at him curiously but he shook his head, waving the thought away. Instead he turned his eyes back to my face, searching and intense. It was like a bright light shining at me, dazzling and I almost lifted my hand to my eyes but restrained myself.

"I hate that I can't hear you."

Edward's words reached my fogged ears and I met his eyes.

"Why?" I asked and his eyebrows twitched together in a slight frown.

"I'm used to hearing people, whether I want to or not. And you are one person I'd like to hear."

"I'm kind of glad you can't to be honest. I don't exactly have a stunning thought process, it's usually inane rambling." I admitted and he chuckled.

"I'm sure it's fascinating, really."

"It's not. Besides, it would give you an unfair advantage, like the others. Emmett kicks my ass at computer games, Alice sees my future… I like that we're on an equal footing."

"Equal…" He rolled the word over, considering it and I nodded.

"You know… I mean, you've got the normal vampire advantages but I can run through walls, so I figure that puts us on a pretty even standing." Just to show off I began to sink through the bed and he instinctively put out a hand, his finger wrapping around my wrist. It was like an electric shock, sparking over my skin and I gasped, my eyes flying up Edward's face. He was staring back at me, lips slightly parted as I gazed up at him. Then his hand slid down my arm and wrapped around my fingers, helping back up out of the bed.

I knelt on the blanket, our eye contact never breaking and our fingers never separating. The sparks continued to dance where our skin met and I dropped my eyes to stare at our joined hands. The room was utterly silent and Edward slowly lifted his hand from mine and moved it towards my face, hesitating only momentarily as if asking permission. I must have given it because his fingers brushed against my cheek, sliding back towards my ear as he cupped my face. Instinctively, I leant my head into his hand and his scent filled my nostrils, a mixture of cool honey and sunshine, sweet and heady and _perfect_.

Edward jerked his head back. I hadn't even noticed that we'd been leaning towards each other but I missed the absence of his hand against my skin as he stood quickly.

"Your father is back." He murmured and I jumped up. _Charlie!_ He was back. Was he safe? Was he OK?

I was running down the stairs and slid to a stop as Charlie came through the door. He looked tired but uninjured as he pulled off his jacket, yawning widely. I wondered if he'd found Sam, but there was no way to know. I stepped aside as he went upstairs, still yawning and disappeared into the bathroom. A few moments later he turned off the water and went into his bedroom, closing the door behind him. I went into my room, where Edward was stood by the window. He turned to look at me as I entered.

"They found Sam out in the forest." He said softly, "He's uninjured but shaken up. Something happened to him but they don't know what. Charlie's fine, just tired."

I was about to speak when he looked around quickly.

"He's coming in." And then he'd disappeared, although I head the closet door creak ever so slightly. I stood by the bed and turned as my father appeared in the doorway. He hesitated for a moment and then walked to the bed and I stepped aside to let him run his hand over the smooth blanket. Edward must have straightened it whilst I was downstairs but I couldn't think of that because Charlie had sat down and picked up the pillow that I had been hugging earlier.

The tears began to prick and I held them back as he lifted the pillow to his face, inhaling the scent that it gave before placing it in his lap and burying his face in his hands.

"Oh, Bells…" His voice broke and the dam gave way. The tears streamed down my face and I gave a gasping sob as I wrapped my arms around my waist, otherwise I knew I'd run to him and try to hug him and all that would happen was that I'd pass through him and it would break my heart because he wouldn't know. All I could do was watch as my father struggled to control his sorrow, running his hands over and over the pillow before placing it carefully back at the head of the bed and stumbling from the room, tired and emotional. I kept my head bent, unable to look at him, trying to control myself as I brought my hands to my face, aware of the boy in the cupboard and not wanting him to see me like this.

Warm arms wrapped firmly around my waist and without even thinking I turned and rested my forehead against Edward's chest, letting the thrilling sparks cocoon me in warmth and something I hadn't felt in a long time… security. Edward's touch was bewitching and my sensitive skin tingled but I couldn't bear to pull away.

He stayed with me all night.

* * *

~*~

We sat on my bed in silence for much of the night; Edward sat with his back against the headboard whilst I leant against him, his arms around my waist and my hands resting on top of his. His cheek was pressed against my hair in an incredibly intimate gesture that I didn't entirely understand. The contact that I had flinched against now seemed absolutely necessary, fulfilling and warm. My tears had ceased, leaving my eyes a little sore and I lifted a hand to rub them. Edward moved his slightly, his jaw rubbing against my hair as I twisted my face to peer up at him.

His expression was completely relaxed and he even quirked that crooked smile at me. I managed a weak one in return and then sat up awkwardly.

"The sun's coming up." I noted quietly and he nodded, not moving his arms from around me. I ran my hands over his locked fingers as I gazed out of the window, the cloudy sky blocking any rays of light.

"Charlie will be up soon."

"He's waking up now." Edward murmured, "I should go and change my clothes for school."

"Yeah." I said unnecessarily, getting to my feet. Instantly I missed the loss of our connection and embarrassment overwhelmed me as I stared at the floor, twisting my fingers together as he moved towards the window. It had snowed during the night and the white stuff lined the sill. Edward lifted the window, frowning as it creaked quietly but Charlie was walking across the landing to the bathroom.

Edward turned and faced me, one hand on the window. We stared at each other for a moment. Hello awkwardness, my old friend. Someone should really write some rules of etiquette on how to behave when one has spent the night with their vampire friend for whom one may or may not be developing feelings of the more-than-friendly variety.

Or something.

Edward lifted his hand again and brushed my hair back from my cheek, fingertips grazing my skin. His eyes searched mine for an answer to a question that he wouldn't ask. Instead he let his hand drop to his side.

"I'll see you at school." He whispered and I nodded, watching as he leapt easily from the window and disappeared into the woods behind the house.

I heard Charlie pottering around in the bathroom and sighed, straightening the bed before I went downstairs to turn on the coffeemaker.

* * *

~*~

The snow wasn't deep enough to stop people getting to school, but it was just enough to be a pain in the ass. Mike Newton was attempting to start a snowball fight but all he had achieved was pissing off Lauren and Jessica, who both screeched that their hair was ruined.

The Cullens were stood by the Volvo and Alice grinned at me as I walked into the parking lot. Edward's head twisted around to gaze at me and I dropped my eyes to the floor, walking carefully over the snow. _Over it._ For some reason, don't ask me how because I've already explained that I don't know how this ghost thing works, I can walk on top of snow without leaving an imprint. It's kind of handy for walking through busy places where someone might notice footprints appearing out of nowhere.

"Good morning, Bella!" Alice said brightly, "How was your night? Carlisle said not to worry about not making it over; I explained that Charlie was called out and that you wanted to wait for him. He'll do the experiment when you come over tonight."

"I'm coming over, am I?" I smirked at her and she laughed lightly.

"Of course."

"I don't think you're psychic. You're just bossy and no one wants to contradict you." I teased and Jasper chuckled, wrapping an arm around Alice's waist as she laughed again.  
"Damn, now you've figured it out, we'll have to kill you."

"Bit late for that, Al." I smiled dryly and Emmett began to laugh. I risked a glance at Rosalie, but she was staring into the distance, frowning slightly.

Then four things happened.

Alice stiffened, her eyes becoming unfocused.

Edward stiffened and looked quickly towards the gate where Tyler Crowley's van was pulling in a little faster than was sensible.

I heard the words, "He's going to crash." But I couldn't tell you who said them.

I started running.

Don't ask me why. I don't have an answer, certainly not a sensible one. All I knew was that Tyler's van had started to skid on a large patch of black ice and I was running straight towards him. What happened next took maybe thirty seconds, but I'll give a blow-by-blow account.

I was running head on towards the van, the sound of screeching tires piercing my eardrums. I heard Alice scream and Edward shout but I ignored them, jumping and throwing myself headfirst through the windscreen. I landed pretty much _on_ Tyler and managed to unclip his seatbelt and throw the door open as the belt coiled back. Tyler didn't have time to react so I grabbed him.

That really should have been my first clue that something was different. I should have just passed straight through him, but no. I grabbed hold of his arm and pulled with all of my might, flinging us as far from the skidding van as possible. Midair I managed to twist us so that I would land on my back and Tyler would land on me. It was going to hurt like hell, but since I was already dead, I figured he was probably the more delicate out of the two of us.

That didn't mean he wasn't _heavy_.

We landed hard, rolling on the snow covered concrete as the van went careening into a line of cars with an ear-splitting screech of twisting metal. Screams and shouts filled the air but I was only conscious of the pounding heartbeat of the boy who lay beneath me where we'd rolled to a stop. My eyes were closed as I kept my fingers wrapped around Tyler's warm arms and his breath was heavy on my cheek.

After a moment I opened my eyes and turned my face to look at him, to see if he was OK. He was staring. At me.

He was staring at me.

I jerked upwards, straddling his stomach as I looked down at him in shock, but he simply gazed back, mouth open and a thin trickle blood smeared across his forehead. I frowned, lifting my hands from his arms.

"Tyler? Are you OK?" I asked softly and he sat up abruptly, eyes still fixed on mine, our faces startlingly close together as he grasped my arms in tight fists. When he spoke it was with a mixture of alarm and awe.

"Who _are_ you?"

* * *

**A/n: Well gosh. That was unexpected. Yes, my dears, an update – I apologise for the delay but it's been a terribly busy month or so, what with uni placement and other bits and pieces. I can't guarantee an update schedule for a little while yet, because I have some more assignments due and another placement to do, but I shall endeavour! In the meantime, you can get info on my twitter, link is on my profile!**

**Slow Me Down – Bella feels like things have suddenly taken a u-turn and she's not too sure what's happening so she needs to… well… slow down. I guess. This song choice makes more sense in my head than it does in writing!**

**Love to my lovely beta lady who has been desperately busy and now has chicken pox, poor thing. Send her your love and Carlisles.**

**Oh, and I have a couple of one shots up. One is Emmett/Rosalie called 'Past, Present and Future', the other is called 'Searching for Bella'. Check them out and leave a review. All the cool kids are reviewing these days, you know.  
**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and Bella's bed for one whole night. No interruptions. I'm sure you can think of something much more imaginative to use it for than Bella and Edward did!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	13. It's Not Easy Being Me

**Chapter 13**

**I can't stand to fly  
I'm not that naive  
I'm just out to find  
The better part of me  
I'm more than a bird  
I'm more than a plane  
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train  
And it's not easy to be me**

**~It's Not Easy To Be Me by David Gray~**

There are a lot of things I don't understand about life. I don't know how crop circles are made. I don't know how birds fly south for the winter and then always find their way home. I don't understand how anyone thought that 'The Da Vinci Code' was real.

And I sure as hell didn't understand how Tyler Crowley was talking to me.

"Who _are_ you?" He asked and my eyes widened, my body tensing against his.

Then he blinked and it was as if I'd turned to air, because his hands slid through me and his eyes darted around as though searching for me. I blinked too and hesitantly lifted a hand to touch his cheek. My fingers slipped through his skin and he shivered.

In an instant I had jumped off of him and backed away as people began to run towards him. Tyler was still staring around and began to clamber to his feet, eyes searching the crowd for me.

I turned and looked towards the Cullens. Or who was left. Alice and Jasper were nowhere to be seen. Rosalie, Emmett and Edward were watching, as still as statues. I stumbled towards them, still staring over my shoulder at Tyler, who was being forced to sit down by Mr Lewis as he looked around desperately. Distantly, I could hear sirens and knew that someone must have called an ambulance. Edward's hand went to my shoulder, steadying me.

"He was supposed to die." Edward murmured in my ear, his breath cool, "That's what Alice saw. He was going to die."

"Alice…?"

"She took Jasper away. Too many emotions and Tyler's blood was upsetting him."

"He saw me, Edward." I hissed and stared up at him, wide-eyed, "He saw me. Just for a moment, but he definitely did."

"He touched you as well." Emmett said quietly, glancing at us. "We could see his hands on your arms."

I rubbed the spots were Tyler's hands had gripped me tightly and shivered. This was insane. Another cosy fact of my insane afterlife gone to pot.

Rosalie turned away from the scene of destruction before us and gave us all a cool stare.

"You need to talk to Carlisle." She said calmly.

~*~

* * *

Alice must have warned Carlisle that we were on our way because Edward's phone began to buzz as we sped away from school. Rosalie and Emmett were running back to the Cullen house.

"Carlisle." Edward answered, listened briefly and then hung up, indicating left. I sat up sharply.

"Where are we going?"

"Forks General. Carlisle wants us to meet him there, he has some test results from the samples you gave." Edward said abruptly. I stared at him for a moment before slumping back in the seat.

Test results. Conclusive evidence to prove what the hell I was. Or maybe he hadn't found anything. Would that be better? I wasn't sure anymore.

"Bella?" He spoke quietly and I looked across at him, biting my lip. He glanced away from the road to meet my eyes. "Don't be afraid of what Carlisle has to say. He's good at what he does and he will do anything he can to help you."

"You can't know that, Edward." I said quietly, watching as he turned his face back to the front, "What if it's bad news? What if there's something wrong with me?"

"There is _nothing_ wrong with you." His hands tightened on the wheel.

"I'm a _ghost_, Edward. I'm certainly not right." I reminded him, "And I'm not thinking about it yet. There's too much happening…"

My voice faded away and I stared out of the window. The scenery blurred past, a flashing of grey and green.

"How could he have seen me? Touched me?" I whispered and Edward shook his head.

"I don't know, but I could hear his thoughts."

"What was he thinking?"

"He thought you were an angel." Edward said quietly. I blinked at him and then sighed, sliding down in my seat and running my hands through my hair. Part of me wanted to laugh hysterically at the idea of me being an angel.

Another part of me was panicking about what Carlisle was going to tell me.

~*~

* * *

Carlisle's office was so perfectly decorated that I couldn't help but wonder if Esme had gotten her hands on it somehow. It was tasteful and personal, yet professional. Edward and I took our seats in front of the desk that Carlisle was sat behind.

"Bella, are you alright? Alice called ahead to let me know that you were involved in an accident." He said concernedly and I glanced at Edward before nodding.

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine."

"The Tyler boy saw and touched her." Edward said bluntly and Carlisle's eyes flicked between us. I chewed my lip uncertainly.

"Yeah. And that happened." I mumbled. Edward began to relay the story to Carlisle as I waited nervously. When Edward had finished, Carlisle nodded and then looked at me.

"Tyler is in the Emergency Room at the moment, having some x-rays. We'll see how he's doing in a little while, but first I want to go over the results of your tests."

I hunched back in the chair, drawing my knees up under my chin. Both of them were watching with unreadable expressions and I took a deep breath.

"Lay it on me, Doc. No point beating around the bush." I mumbled and Carlisle walked around the desk, sitting on the edge of it as he picked up a folder labelled **GG1.**

"GG?"

"Ghost Girl. Emmett's influence, I'm afraid." Carlisle smiled and I rolled my eyes as he opened it. "Unfortunately, much of what I hoped to investigate was inconclusive. The hair and nail samples that you gave me disintegrated less than a day after you gave them."

"Why didn't you ask for more?" I enquired.

"I will be, but I was more preoccupied with examining the essence you gave me."

"The blood? What did you find?" I sat up straight and Carlisle nodded.

"Not blood. It looks like blood at first sight, but it isn't made up of cells and platelets, like blood is."

"What is it then?" My voice was shrill and Edward stood, moving to stand by my chair as Carlisle spoke again.

"It's… it's like nothing I've seen before. They way it makes you up is similar to the way venom makes up vampires, replacing the bodily fluids, but it's not as… _damaging_ as venom. It's more of an energy source. But I'd like to run further tests on it, specifically examining the reaction between the essence and venom."

"What for?" I said, slightly alarmed. Edward's head jerked slightly and he frowned. Carlisle gave him a sharp look before returning his gaze to me.

"I'll be blunt. We've had one close call with Jasper and as I've already said, your essence is enticing to our kind. If the worst came to the worst and you were bitten, I want to know how that would affect you."

This made sense and I looked at Edward. He seemed upset and I frowned before looking back at the Doc.

"Do you think essence would react the same way as blood? Is it sort of the same?"

"Honestly, Bella…" Carlisle shook his head, looking slightly frustrated, "I don't know _what_ the essence is. Not in all my years have I seen anything like this. I've never even seen a ghost before, it's not like I can enquire to others of our kind, because there are simply no previous records."

I sat, staring at him for a moment before dropping my eyes to the floor, frowning in concentration. I had never seen another ghost before. Was it really possible that I was the only one?

"I can't be…" I murmured and they both looked around at me.

"What, Bella?" Carlisle asked gently and I shook my head.

"I'm no one. I'm not special, not at all. So how can I be the only one? Even my death was mundane. I got hit by a _car_ for god's sake." I said disbelievingly, "Why am I still here? It doesn't make sense!"

I slumped in the chair, my legs falling to the ground again as I frowned. Carlisle shook his head.

"I wish I could give you answers, Bella. Perhaps…"

"No." Edward said sharply, "Certainly not." His eyes were almost glowing with anger as his entire body tensed. I looked from one vampire to the other, both tense as they faced each other. After a long moment, Carlisle seemed to give in.

"Very well. It was just a thought."

"What thought?" I asked sharply. It irritated me no end when they did this and Edward looked slightly apologetic.

"Carlisle was contemplating approaching the Volturi."

"The who?"

"The Volturi are a vampire coven in Italy. They are… I suppose you could call them the vampire law enforcers. They are some of the oldest and most knowledgeable vampires in existence and have access to resources that I can only dream of." Carlisle explained. Edward narrowed his eyes.

"They are also ruthless and wouldn't hesitate to destroy us if they suspected you might reveal our secret. Of course, they may just decide that you could be a valuable asset to them and take you away for their own investigation."

Fear filled me instantly, ice cold and prickling. Someone might take me away? Away from Charlie? From Edward and Alice? Or would they just destroy the Cullens, like Edward had said?

"Wh-what? Carlisle, no, you can't! You can't let them find out anything that might make them hurt you or the others!" I said loudly and then jumped as the door opened. Rosalie closed the door behind her, looking irritable.

"At least _she's _talking sense."

"Rosalie, you should be at school." Carlisle said dryly.

"So should Edward." Rosalie pointed out before shrugging, "Alice called. She wasn't able to get through to either of you. She saw a problem with Tyler, apparently he's going to talk about how a mysterious girl pulled him from the van."

Edward thought for a moment before shaking his head.

"We can deal with that. The side of the van that he came out of was facing us. We would have been the only ones to see him land."

"Whatever. Just passing on the message. And," Her cold eyes met mine with a look that let me knew exactly how little she thought of me, "If you're going to be making a habit of doing stupid things, a little warning would be nice. We're trying to keep a low profile here."

Anger boiled low in my stomach and I stood, folding my arms over my chest as I glared at her.

"Fine, Rosalie. Next time I'll let him die, does that suit you? I just figured that being a Vege-Vamp, you had a little more consideration for human life, but maybe not."

Instantly Edward had pushed me behind him as Carlisle moved forward to grasp Rosalie's arm. Rage flooded her expression and she looked as though she was about to fly across the room at me. I should have been afraid. She could rip me limb from limb. But I wasn't. I was angry. I was sick of her treating me like crap and I was sick of not knowing why.

"Forget it, Edward. I'm out of here." I said bitterly and strode past them to an adjoining wall, moving out into the corridor. In an instant Carlisle was at my side, walking with me.

"Stay with me, Bella. I don't know why Tyler could see you, but if anyone else does, I want to be there when it happens. This could be dangerous for you." He said softly and I didn't argue. Somehow, instead of at the exit, we ended up in the Emergency Room. Tyler was sat on a gurney, scowling at the floor. Carlisle gave me a glance before moving forward, picking up his chart.

"How are you feeling, Tyler?"

"I've got a headache, but pretty OK." He mumbled and Carlisle smiled, glancing through the chart.

"The x-rays came back clean, no breaks. You have a mild concussion, probably caused when you landed out of the van. You were lucky you did, I imagine. From what I hear, the van is something of a write-off." He said lightly and Tyler shifted in his seat, his hands clenched into fists in his lap. Carlisle took in his posture and replaced the chart slowly.

"Is there anything wrong, Tyler?" He asked and Tyler looked up, meeting his eyes. Carlisle had such a warm, open personality that I wasn't surprised at what happened next.

"Doctor Cullen… something really weird happened." He said quietly and Carlisle sat down in the uncomfortable looking chair by the bed, keeping eye contact with Tyler as an invitation to continue.

"What was it?"

"I didn't throw myself out of the van. Somebody pulled me out."

"You had a passenger?" The concern in Carlisle's voice was so earnest that I was almost convinced by his questioning but Tyler shook his head, looking nervous.

"No… that's the thing. I was driving by myself and when the van began to slide, I was trying to get control. And then this girl appeared."

His voice faded away and colour filled his cheeks with embarrassment. Carlisle tilted his head, the epitome of the caring, understanding Doc. Tyler heaved a deep breath.

"I don't know. It sounds crazy but she just… appeared in front of me, just in my lap and undid my seatbelt and pulled me out of the van."

"Was she someone you went to school with?"

"I've never seen her before in my life." Tyler insisted, "But she disappeared!"

"She left after you landed?"

"No… she _disappeared_. One minute she was right there and I was holding her and the next… _poof_." Tyler waved his hands and I couldn't help snorting.

"Poof? I've never poofed in my life!" I muttered and Carlisle's eyes flickered briefly in amusement before he straightened in his seat.

"Tyler, you do have a concussion and, no doubt, post traumatic stress."

"I didn't imagine it, Doctor Cullen." He said abruptly and then looked around as there was a knock at the door. Edward was stood there, Rosalie nowhere in sight.

"Tyler, how are you feeling? I saw the accident, it looked terrible." He said, his voice full of emotion that seemed remarkably immature from his usually old tones. Tyler shrugged, giving him a half-grin.

"Not too bad, man."

"Edward, you say you saw the accident?" Carlisle asked and I realised what they were doing and sat on a nearby bed to watch the show. Edward nodded and smiled at Tyler encouragingly. I could practically see the testosterone.

"I did. I was stood with Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie when the van came around. Tyler did an amazing dive out of the driver side door; it was like something on television."

"You must have seen her then!" Tyler said happily and Edward paused, blinking in confusion.

"Her?"

"The girl who pulled me out of the van, Edward. Hot girl, long brown hair, wearing jeans and a sweatshirt." Tyler looked so hopeful that I felt a little bad for him. Edward pursed his lips and shook his head, hands stuffed in his trouser pockets.

"Sorry, Tyler. I didn't see anyone. Are you… OK?" He looked at Carlisle with an uncertain expression that was so perfectly human that I had to smile. Tyler looked obstinately from one to the other.

"I know what I saw, Doctor Cullen."

"Tyler, perhaps we should organise for you to stay overnight. Maybe send for an MRI. If you're hallucinating-"

"Overnight?" Tyler visibly deflated and his mouth formed a pout, "Geez, do I have to? I mean…" He sighed heavily and Edward winked briefly in my direction.

"It would be for the best." Carlisle said and Tyler scratched his head.

"No… you're probably right, I did just imagine it. It's probably that stress thing."

"Post traumatic stress. Well, if you're sure that you don't want to stay overnight, then I'll let your parents know they can take you home and give them some instructions."

Carlisle handed him a leaflet, detailing the symptoms of shock and concussion and Edward turned to the door as Rosalie came in.

"Alice called again. Everything's fine now." She told Carlisle before glancing at Tyler. Her expression was unreadable and Edward looked at her pointedly.

"Anything else, Rosalie?"

"No." She said icily but was interrupted before anyone else could speak by a new voice at the door

"Sure is busy in here."

Charlie entered the room, in full uniform with his hat tucked under his arm. Edward looked at me quickly but I leant back on the bed, watching as he smiled at everyone.

"Just wanted to check up on Tyler. I had your van taken away, you'll probably be needing a new one."

"Think you can convince my parents to get me one, Chief?" Tyler grinned and Charlie chuckled. The sound made me smile. He was so different at work, full of confidence and satisfaction.

"Try getting a job, kid. I guess I don't need to ask if he's going to be OK, Doctor Cullen."

"He'll be right as rain, Chief Swan. It's very considerate of you to come down here, especially for something so mundane." Carlisle said kindly and I noticed the light dim in Charlie's eyes a little.

"Nothing mundane about a car accident, Doc." He said quietly, "I lost my daughter in a car crash."

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see that haunted look in his eyes again. Carlisle apologised but Charlie waved it away. I slid off the bed and leant against the wall, watching as he spoke to Tyler, getting a brief statement.

"Well, just you go carefully next time, Tyler." Charlie said, "It's OK to be a little late if it keeps you safe."

"Sure thing, Chief." Tyler nodded and Carlisle looked at Rosalie and Edward.

"You should both get to school."

"You kids need a ride?" Charlie asked but Edward shook his head.

"I brought my car."

"I'll walk with you out to the parking lot then. Good to see you again, Doctor Cullen." Charlie nodded to him and began to walk with Rosalie and Edward outside. Carlisle murmured my name and I stopped, turning back to him. He glanced at the door and I followed him out and to his office. The window overlooked the parking lot and I saw Charlie talking to Rosalie and Edward before climbing into the cruiser and pulling away. Edward began the walk to his car but Rosalie stood for a moment, staring after my father before following him.

I narrowed my eyes. I didn't like that Rosalie was paying attention to Charlie, it didn't sit well with me. As the silver Volvo pulled away, I looked at Carlisle.

"What's Rosalie's deal? Edward said she doesn't like being a vampire, but there's got to be more to it than that."

"Rosalie… has had difficulty coming to terms with her change. It happened amidst some dreadful circumstances and she has remained bitter. But it's not my story to tell, Bella." Carlisle said and I saw that he was putting out some more test tubes.

"More samples?"

"If you don't mind." He began, but paused as his beeper went. He checked it and then frowned, "Excuse me, Bella. This is one of my patients who has been going downhill."

"Of course." I stood and followed as he left the office and moved down the corridor to an elevator. We rode up in silence to the second floor and I walked by his side as he went to enter a private room. He paused, one hand on the handle and checked to make sure that we were alone.

"Roger was recently transferred here from an Elderly Persons home in Port Angeles. He doesn't have long. Perhaps you'd be more at ease out here." He murmured but I shook my head.

"It doesn't bother me, Carlisle." He nodded and I followed him into the room. It was an average hospital room, complete with clinical, cold smell. There had clearly been no visitors here, although on the bedside table stood a cheap greetings card. In the bed lay an old man, his gnarled hands laying on his chest as he looked up at the ceiling. A nurse handed Carlisle a chart, blushing slightly before excusing herself. Carlisle smiled warmly.

"Hello Roger. How are you feeling?"

"Red hot, Doctor Cullen." Roger gave a weak smile. His rheumy blue eyes settled on Carlisle, blinking slowly. "Is it a nice day?"

"Cold. It will snow again, I think. How is the pain today?" Carlisle said, moving to examine the machine hooked up to the old man.

"Not too bad." Roger said, his voice coarse. I chewed my lip anxiously. He looked so weak, as though any sudden movement would cause his skin and flesh to crumble to dust. It was terrible in the light of Carlisle's beauty, so clear and strong and permanent. Why should some live and others die?

Why was I still here?

"New nurse, Doctor Cullen?" Roger asked after a long moment. Carlisle glanced at the door.

"Sally? No, she's been here for some time. You've met her before."

"Not old Sal, Doctor Cullen. Pretty little thing by the door. Showing her the ropes, are you?"

Carlisle and I were both silent. I knew, without looking, that I was the only female in the room.

Roger could see me. And now I was terrified. I wanted to back away, to slide through the wall and disappear. But I couldn't, not with Roger watching. I looked at Carlisle desperately and he gazed back before giving me a calming smile.

"This is Bella, Roger. She's a friend of my family." He said quietly and Roger smiled feebly.

"Nice to meet you, Bella. Couldn't pour me some water, could you?" I looked from the jug of water to Carlisle, who was watching intently. Slowly I lifted the jug and poured shakily, a couple of drops splashing onto my fingers. Roger was propped up against a few pillows and he smiled again as I handed him the glass, his fingers burning hot against my icy touch.

"You're frozen, young Bella. Bad circulation?" He asked with a smile, sipping the water.

Bad? Try nonexistent. Ha.

"Yeah." I said, oh-so-coherently. Roger sipped the water again as Carlisle adjusted his medication drip but even that small action seemed to tire him out because he handed the water back to me and leaned back, closing his eyes.

"Not long now, Doctor Cullen." He murmured, his voice creaking with age and exhaustion. Carlisle looked at him with gentle eyes and I felt tears pricking at my own. Roger caught sight of them and gave another heartbreakingly shallow smile.

"No tears, young Bella. Everyone dies, you know."

"I know." I whispered.

Slowly I inched my fingers forward, sliding them over Roger's hand. His skin was soft and fragile, as though it would tear like tissue paper and I was careful not to apply too much pressure, but he gave my fingers a soft squeeze before falling asleep.

~*~

* * *

"How long does he have?" I asked Carlisle as we settled back in his office. Carlisle took the test tube containing my hair and shook his head.

"A few weeks. Maybe less. He won't be in pain though. We're giving him enough medication to keep him from hurting."

"Why could he see me, Carlisle?" I asked softly and Carlisle put the test tube in the rack before meeting my eye.

"I believe it is because he's dying. We can see you and we are dead. Roger can see you and he is dying. Tyler could see you because he was about to die and when you stopped that from happening, you disappeared to him again."

I sat in silence, contemplating this. It made sense. I was trapped in no man's land between living and dying, but without the perks of having a corporeal body, like the Cullens. I rested my head on my arm, leaning on the arm of the chair as Carlisle labelled the samples.

After a few minutes of silence, Carlisle looked down at me, with a strange expression of affection in his eyes.

"Bella, you don't need to worry. Whatever I find… it will work itself out."

"I don't know if I want to know, Doc." I murmured, staring at the rack of tubes. "Maybe it's better not to, you know? I mean… am I going to feel better for knowing why I'm here? Or what if you find a way for me to… move on? I don't know if I want that either. That would be like dying all over again."

"Did you attend church when you were alive, Bella?"

I blinked at the sudden change of subject. Carlisle was resting his hands in his lap and watching me closely. I shook my head and he gave a small smile.

"I consider myself a religious man. Edward scorns this, he doesn't believe that God listens to our kind, but I don't think He would turn his back on someone who needs him."

I desperately wanted to make a snarky comment, to joke away my uncomfortable feelings, but he was so sincere that I couldn't do it. Not to Doc, not when he was trying to comfort me.

Carlisle tilted his head, examining my face. He had the same gift as Edward at making me feeling utterly exposed under his gaze but I tried not to show how uncomfortable I was.

"Whatever has happened was foreordained, and what happens to a person was also foreknown. It is useless for him to argue with God about his fate because God is more powerful than he is. Ecclesiastes six, ten." He said softly, "Alice likes to think that she sees everything, but you are an exception to that rule. Therefore, there must be one who sees you and He has his own plan."

"You really believe that, Carlisle?" I asked, not wanting to be rude, but genuinely needing to know, "With everything else happening in the world, you think he's keeping an eye on me of all people?"

"Of all people, you deserve more care." Carlisle replied instantly. I scoffed, shaking my head and he leaned forward, placing a hand on my arm with a determined expression.

"Bella, your future is with us. We won't be here for more than a few years before we have to leave, but wherever we go, whenever you decide to leave Forks… you can come to us. We'll always leave you a way to contact us, we'll come back for you if you need us. And I'm not saying this because Alice thinks it will happen, but because I have my own feelings about you." He said and I wanted to cry. I wanted to hug him.

For crying out freakin' loud, I'd gone from freaking out over a handshake to full-on hug mode in less than two months. What kind of crazy hormonal ghost _was_ I? Geez…

Luckily, I restrained myself and Carlisle smiled, patting my hand before straightening.

"Now, I suggest you get yourself to school." He said kindly, "And I'll see you tonight. If you're up to it after today, I'd like to test another theory."

"Anything for you, Doc." I said, not sure he understood just how much I meant that.

* * *

**A/N: Hello darlings. Long time, no see! Again, I know this wait was far too long but I'm going to need just a little more patience, please. I'm starting ANOTHER placement tomorrow, for four weeks, as is my beta so whilst we will try our best to update in a timely fashion, please be understanding!**

**You are fantabulous people. Your reviews make me far happier than is sensible or right! LOVE YOU!!**

**It's Not Easy Being Me – Bella is doubting how special she actually is and why she of all people is stuck being a ghost, especially now that everything she thought she understand about her afterlife is changing.**

**Smooches to Sarah, for she is made of awesomesauce! Send your love and Carlisle's to her!**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and the back seat of Edward's Volvo. Just don't tell him.**

**Love**

**Katie**


	14. Won't Go Home Without You

**Chapter 14**

**I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen  
She left before I had the chance to say  
Oh  
The words that would mend the things that were broken  
But now it's far too late, she's gone away**

**Every night you cry yourself to sleep  
Thinking "Why does this happen to me?  
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"  
Hard to believe that**

**It's not over tonight  
Just give me one more chance to make it right  
I may not make it through the night  
I won't go home without you**

**~Won't Go Home Without You by Maroon 5~**

The sun rose to a near cloudless sky the next day, Thursday, and as Bella rose to leave so we could go hunting, Alice darted to her side, apologising for the incident with the clothes. Her explanation that she was eager for Bella and herself to become friends quickly fell to the side as Bella's curiosity about her ability to see the future arose.

"So, your visions always come true?" She asked and Alice flashed me a grin.

_Do you want to answer that?_ She thought cheekily and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at her as she admitted that they did most of the time. I had spent the night watching Bella interact with my family, fielding thoughts about how nice she was, how well she fitted in, how much she 'sucked at killing zombies'… it had been exhausting to say the least.

"So the future depends on decisions?" Bella asked Alice.

"Yes, on a very basic level. Sometimes you might make a decision that you think will change the future, but some visions are unchanging." Alice grinned at me again and Bella narrowed her eyes slightly, suspicion showing in her face. I gave a very quiet growl to draw her attention to this fact but she laughed.

_You act as though she's never going to find out!_

Alice smiled at Bella, who then surprised all of us by telling Alice that she could change her clothes if she wanted to. I could tell that even Alice was taken aback by this, but was nonetheless delighted as she and Bella sniped at each other in jest.

Jasper moved to Alice's side, telling her that it was time to leave but his eyes drifted over Bella. I saw him reliving the moment on the stairs in his mind and I was about to speak when he thought at me.

_Calm yourself, brother. Tension is coming offa you like waves. I'm not going to do anything._

But he remained at a safe distance, wary and uncertain of Bella, who was looking at him with an equally uncertain expression. Alice and Jasper stepped away and her eyes searched for me.

"Bye Edward. Say thanks to Emmett for me." She waved her slender fingers and I nodded.

"Of course. Goodbye, Bella." I replied softly and she smiled at us all before disappearing through the front door. We were silent until her footsteps had faded away entirely, then Alice turned to me with a smile.

"She'll be back tonight. She had fun, don't you think?"

Apart from Jasper wanting to rip her throat out.

I met his eyes and he gazed back unflinchingly. Alice ran her hand soothingly over his arm.

"You're fine, Jasper. I don't see you hurting her." She reassured him. Jasper turned away and set off running. Alice looked after him sadly before facing me. "He's trying, Edward. It's hard."

"I know. It was hard for all of us." I reminded her. I wasn't angry at Jasper, but I knew that I had to be careful. I couldn't let him be alone with Bella again.

We ran into the forest, heading for the nearest National Park. The sun warmed my skin and I relished the feeling. There was nothing like it, it made me feel human despite the odd luminescence of my skin. The couples paired off and disappeared into the forest, Carlisle pausing.

_Are you alright to hunt alone?_

"I'm fine. Used to it." I reminded him and ran off, moving into the rockier landscape of the mountains in search of wildcats. I smelt one about a quarter of a mile away and the slightly rotting smell of dead deer. The cat was clearly enjoying its last meal.

I moved quickly, stopping on a rocky ledge as I looked down at the mountain lion. It was gnawing on a sinewy piece of meat, about four feet below me. I leapt onto its back, pinning it to the rock with my weight and tore into its neck. It didn't stand a chance, yowling but quickly falling limp in my hold. I drank quickly, rejoicing in the temporary soothing of the burn in my throat. But it wasn't enough and I lifted my head, searching for a new target.

* * *

We met up later that day, about an hour before sunset in a clearing on the side of the mountain. Alice and Jasper were lying on a rock, soaking up the sunshine and Emmett straightened as I arrived, the last to get there.

"About time, Edward! What was your count?" _I got nine today, no way he's going to beat that!_

I smirked and Jasper began to laugh.

"Sorry, Emmett. You lose this time." He said, sensing my victory.

"You got more than nine?" Emmett said in disappointment, "I bet they were small ones."

"Eleven. Four mountain lions, three deer, two elks and two bears. The bears were rather petite." I admitted. I was uncomfortably full, as we all were. It was important to fill up on these all-day hunting trips, but the competition was equally appealing. Emmett scowled at me.

"I bet they were all babies. Tiny."

"No. All adults. Why, have you been nibbling on bear cubs again?" I taunted and Emmett growled, diving at me. He wrestled me to the ground and I snarled playfully, darting from beneath him and gaining the upper hand. He hissed, flipping onto his back and pinning me again. I knew I couldn't beat him through sheer strength, but I was faster. Much faster.

"So _childish_." Rosalie muttered, but I heard her thinking about how attractive she found Emmett whilst he was in hunter-mode. Alice was lazily browsing the future, checking out the school gossip for the week and Jasper was stroking her shoulder, as satisfied as a cat in the sunshine. Carlisle's mind was buzzing with thoughts for what he wanted to talk to Bella about and Esme's mind was on the house she was planning for Alaska. Emmett jumped off of me as I admitted defeat and strode over to Rosalie, collapsing onto the floor beside her and pulling her into his lap with a kiss.

My family was happy and satisfied with life. And for some reason, I felt less detached from it than normal, less isolated. I sat in the long grass, leaning against a warm boulder as I contemplated this. The only new thing in my life, the only thing close enough to me to have had this effect was Bella.

_It is Bella, brother._ I glanced at Jasper and he smirked over Alice's head at me, _Don't doubt that for a second. She's making changes for ya, and they're good ones._

He was right. I gave him a faint smile before closing my eyes, allowing myself to enjoy the warm sunlight.

The sky was beginning to turn a dusty pink, gold fingers reaching across the horizon when Carlisle stood.

"Bella will be arriving soon. I'll go and meet her, but I'd prefer it if you could keep your distance, just for a short time."

I was on my feet in an instance, irrational jealousy pulsing through my cold veins. Why should _he_ spend time with her? She would want me to be there, she would…

Carlisle was looking at me with a calm expression. I stared back before averting my gaze, ashamed of my lack of control.

_You can come, Edward, but you must wait for Bella to decide whether or not she wants you present. This is not going to be pleasant and if she wants her privacy, you must give it to her._

The thought of it was unbearable, the very _idea_ that she might not want me present made me feel ill. But I nodded, my jaw clenched and Carlisle gave me a knowing look before kissing Esme and setting off at a run, me on his heels.

* * *

I stayed in the kitchen when Bella arrived and listened as they went up to Carlisle's office. He was friendly and asked her a couple of questions, enquiring about her day. She replied cheerfully enough and took a seat when he asked, falling silent. I closed my eyes, concentrating on Carlisle's thoughts. I saw her through his mind's eye and she was staring at his medical equipment, looking rather ill.

_Edward, maybe… _

"Carlisle, I'm coming up." I said, knowing he would hear me. I couldn't stay away from her, not when she was clearly in distress. I was at the door in an instant and when I opened it, Bella's large dark eyes flew to me as I went to stand by Carlisle. As my father explained why I was there, I took the opportunity to examine her again. Her hands were clenched into fists in her lap and her lip was bright pink where she'd chewed it. At Carlisle's explanation that I was there to help her feel comfortable, she smiled and gestured that my presence was fine. It made me feel happier than I should have and I was glad that Jasper wasn't around. He would definitely have mocked me for it later.

I stood to one side as Carlisle poised his pen over his notebook and asked her to confirm her date of death but her first question was why he was using a notebook to record his answers when he had what she referred to as 'super-vampire-memory'.

_She's very attentive, isn't she?_

I smiled, avoiding Bella's gaze in case I started to stare. She certainly was. She was intelligent, attentive and utterly charming. As Carlisle fired off his questions at her, she answered well but withheld any detail. She didn't trust us.

That shouldn't have hurt as much as it did. I was starting to get like Alice, looking too far ahead to see what was happening here and now.

_Edward, you may find this uncomfortable. If you feel like that, leave immediately. _

I gave him a look to express my intentions of most certainly _not_ leaving but it took all of my self-control not to wince as Bella tugged a strand of her hair from her head and clipped at her gnawed fingernails. The look of embarrassment as she excused the poor state of her nails made me smile but Carlisle's thoughts caught my attention and I looked at the row of tubes on the desk. I knew what the next one was for.

_Oh no…_

"Edward, are you alright?" Bella's voice broke through my thoughts.

"Fine." I replied shortly, unwilling to show how uncomfortable I was. Carlisle was looking at the test tubes.

_You know what I'm going to ask her for, Edward. I need a sample._

"No." I said, shaking my head tersely. Carlisle met my eye pointedly but Bella spoke again, frowning at us.

"It's rude to whisper. Or mind read. Whatever. Rude." She said sharply, looking at us both with an irritated look in her eyes.

"He wants a sample of whatever it is that has replaced your blood. I said no." I said, explaining in as reasonable tone as I could muster whilst being so distracted by Carlisle's insistent thoughts.

"Since when is it your choice?" Bella said harshly and I looked at her in surprise.

It wasn't. Damn. I had been doing it again. Getting confused between the Bella that Alice saw and the Bella that was here now. I had no influence with Bella and I found myself loathing that fact. But when I tried to explain myself, she merely looked down at her hands.

_Edward. Enough._

Carlisle suggested I leave and the glare I gave him could have shattered glass but Bella got to her feet, facing me firmly.

"It'll only be for a minute, right?" She reminded me. It would not be a minute. It would be so much longer and I hated that I was too weak to stay for her.

"You can always run, Edward. If it gets too much, just run." Carlisle said quietly.

I looked from Bella to Carlisle, clenching my jaw before dropping my head and walking to the window, jumping from the ledge with more anger than was necessary. I didn't hang around, knowing that I wouldn't be able to resist the scent of Bella's essence. It would be impossible.

I ran into the woods again, knowing it would only take a few minutes and hearing Alice and Jasper's thoughts. The others wouldn't be too far behind. Sure enough, Alice appeared in front of me, dropping from a tree. I glanced up to see Jasper swinging from a branch, where they'd been racing through the treetops. She smiled at me brightly.

"She'll be fine, Edward. Carlisle will be done in a moment and then we can go back."

I knew that Alice wouldn't risk taking Jasper near the house if there was any chance that he would attack Bella. Jasper dropped lightly to the ground, wrapping his arms around Alice's waist.

"Is it safe to go back yet?" He murmured and she tilted her head, her eyes glazing over.

"A few more minutes, just to be safe."

"Edward, would you calm the hell down? None of us could have stayed in that room, stop beating yourself up," Jasper winced, "My heads a-pounding with your angsting."

"Leave the poor boy alone and let's get home." Alice scolded him gently, taking his hand as we began the run back to the house. I could Carlisle and Bella talking quietly but we all went into the living room, talking to avoid listening in. With vampire hearing, we had learned to distract ourselves enough to not eavesdrop, a mutual courtesy.

Alice went to sit down, perching on Jasper's knee as Rosalie and Esme occupied the little sofa, talking about an upcoming orchestral concert in Seattle that Carlisle and Esme were planning to attend. I lingered in the doorway, wanting to go upstairs but Emmett paused by my side.

"You OK, Edward?"

"Hmm." I hummed my reply, eyes on the staircase and Emmett clapped a massive hand down on my shoulder.

"I can't see the future, bro, but I can see what's in front of me." He chuckled, "Maybe that's my gift. Being able to sense _obviousness_." I smiled at his enthusiasm and shook my head.

"Did you have a point, Emmett?"

"Just let her fit in. Don't go forcing it or listening in on Ali-kins. You need to start relying on your _dazzling_ personality instead of just hoping things will work out." He rolled his eyes at the term 'dazzling' and I was about to give a scathing reply when I heard footsteps. Carlisle and Bella were coming downstairs and as Carlisle said goodbye, she lingered on the staircase, looking anxiously from the closed door to Emmett and I. I saw a scrap of white material in her fingers.

Alice waved to her and she moved awkwardly past me, sitting uncomfortably in a chair. I wondered what she and Carlisle had been talking about to make her so tense and Rosalie's thoughts were sour as she observed her.

_What has she been doing? Why is Carlisle pandering to her? There's no need for her to sit there looking so afraid, it's so rude…_

"Why do you have Carlisle's handkerchief?" Rosalie demanded and I looked again at the cloth. Bella looked at it too, as though remembering for the first time that it was there before stammering that she'd forgotten to give it back. Why did she have a handkerchief? Had she been crying? Had Carlisle's experiments hurt her?

I stared at her, searching for outward signs of injury, of hurt but she merely folded the cloth neatly, staring down at her lap.

_Well, this won't do._ Emmett thought cheerfully and he told her to relax.

"I happen to perfectly at ease in a houseful of vampires, thank you very much. If there was an exorcist here, _then_ I might start to worry." Bella shot back, eyebrows arched pointedly. As Alice began to convince her to come for a sleepover the next night, I moved into the room and Emmett collapsed into the armchair, slouching in a very human way as he dared Bella to a game of Zombie Slayer.

Bella looked at me, mildly surprised as Jasper announced that I could beat Emmett at the childish game. I could understand why she was surprised by this revelation – I wasn't the sort of person who played videogames.

"It's amusing to watch Emmett suffer." I explained and she smiled.

"Man, come on. Let me play her. I'll return her safe and sound in one piece. My ego needs the boost!" Emmett pined and Bella glowered at him.

"Gee, thanks! Way to make me feel inadequate, Emmett!"

"Come on, Ghost Girl! One round, that's all I'm asking!" Emmett clapped his hands together as though praying. Bella considered him for a long moment before smiling widely.

_Damn. She's got something on me._

"Why don't I like that expression?" I resisted the urge to laugh at Emmett's unease. Bella sniggered.

"Years of wisdom. OK, Muscles, I'll make you a deal. We'll play in teams. Me and Edward," She gestured to herself and then at me, "versus you and someone of your choosing. If my team wins, you don't get to call me Ghost Girl, Casper or any other cute little ghost-related nickname."

"And if my team wins?"

"Choose a prize." Bella shrugged and Emmett smiled.

_Aw, man! She's going to regret that! I'm so going to win this. What'll drive her nuts? Lessee, she went pretty crazy over Alice trying to get her to change her clothes..._

Oh no…

"Bella…" I tried to warn her but she waved her hand at me to stop me talking.

"No, Edward, let him choose." She said fairly and Emmett laughed.

"Spooks, if I win… you let Alice dress you up. Here and now, in as many outfits as she likes."

Bella stared at him and I wished for the thousandth time that I could hear her thoughts. I was dying to know how she was reacting to this prospect, how she would try to win, but she glanced at Alice.

"Can you see who's going to win?"

"Not yet. It all depends on decisions you make whilst playing." Alice promised and Bella looked at me for confirmation. I nodded.

"She's telling the truth." I said and she smiled warmly, eyes on mine.

"Think we can win?"

"I wouldn't let you down." It was a promise in so many ways and I wondered if she understood that, because she gazed at me before turning to look at the television screen, taking a controller as Esme left.

_For god's sake, like I don't have better things to do with my time._

Rosalie's complaining was not kept internal and she moaned irritatingly about having to indulge in such childishness.

"Lighten up, babe. Think how much fun it will be to have a hyper vampire making a ghost cry." Emmett laughed, settling himself, ready to play. I turned my attention to the screen, looking for a game scenario. That was too hard, Emmett was too good at this one, another would confuse Bella…

"You realise I'm going to suck at this and you'll end up doing all the work." Bella whispered to me and I smiled down at her.

"You seem pretty confident." She commented, crossing her legs in the chair as she examined the controller, learning the buttons. I looked down at her again.

Confidence… no, I didn't have confidence, not in any of this. But I wanted her to have confidence in _me_. I wanted to prove myself in everyway, be it by ridiculous videogame or being able to support her instead of running in fear. And maybe she did have confidence. After all, she had asked me to play for her.

"You trusted me to win this for you." I voiced my thoughts and she gazed up at me, brown eyes soft and curious.

"Yeah. I guess I did."

"C'mon, kids. I don't have all night to kick your butts, Alice will need to get organising outfits soon." Emmett interrupted us and Bella smirked, stretching her arms.

"Bring it on, Muscles."

I concentrated hard on the game and moved faster and more efficiently than I ever had while playing. I knew it was immature, that I was behaving like a teenage boy, trying to impress a potential girlfriend with my videogame skills.

And that's exactly what I was.

But Emmett wasn't going down without a fight. Unfortunately for him, that fight was with Rosalie, the two of them sniping at each other instead of concentrating on the game. Bella seemed unsure of herself and let me do most of the work, which was fine, since it let me win. As the game ended, she laughed and beamed at Emmett, who was glaring at the screen.

"Deals a deal, Muscles." She chortled.

_No way she's getting away with it that easily!_

"Not until we shake on it, Ghost Girl." He smirked and Bella went rigid, staring at him. I looked at him quickly.

"Emmett…"

"Your choice, Spooks." He held out his hand and she stared at it. We all stared at her.

She continued to stare at his hand and while I couldn't read her thoughts, I could see the cogs turning as she weighed it up. Jasper's thoughts informed me that her emotions were flying from horrified to scared to uncertain.

"Bella?" I said softly and she slowly tore her gaze away from Emmett's hand to look up at me and I longed to reassure her.

"Bella, you don't have to do anything you don't want to." I murmured and she blinked before looking back at Emmett. She let out a huge breath of air and stuck out her hand, a frown creasing her forehead. She hadn't put her hand _in_ his, but it was close.

Emmett stared at her.

_Damn, Edward. She's stronger than we thought._ He thought before learning forward and very gently clasping his fingers around hers. I heard a tiny intake of breath as Bella shivered, her hand in Emmett's. Then she gave a sigh that expressed her pleasure at her own achievement and Emmett laughed quietly.

"Good job, sweetpea."

"Hey, you were supposed to quit with the nicknames." Bella pointed out and Emmett smirked.

"You said, and I quote, that I don't get to call you Ghost Girl, Casper or any other cute little ghost-related nickname. Standard nicknames still apply."

Sneaky bastard. I couldn't help smiling at Bella's aghast expression and she turned to look at me, astounded by his treachery.

"_Damn_… you are _good_, Emmett."

"Don't I know it, cutie-pie."

* * *

I hated the experiments with a deep loathing I found hard to express, although Jasper always found the words. So many times over the next few weeks, I watched as Carlisle examined Bella, studied her, put her under a microscope. I understood his thinking, understood his desire for knowledge, if she truly was to become a permanent member of the family.

But I hated it.

It was February and on a Thursday evening as we separated to our different activities, Carlisle was busy preparing for some new experiment. He wanted to try passing a very low electrical current through Bella's body, to see how it affected her ability to pass through solid objects. I didn't pretend to understand his entire reasoning, I had never studied physics at a high level. Perhaps next time I went to college.

When we left Forks.

When we left Bella.

A chill went down my spine. Not an easy accomplishment for someone who is well below room temperature.

"Edward, Bella isn't coming." Alice's voice broke my reverie and I looked at her, alarmed, wondering for a hysterical moment if she had heard _my_ thoughts. She looked at me, irritable at my slowness.

"Bella isn't coming tonight. She's decided to stay at home but I can't see why." She said and then tilted her head.

"Oh, you're going to see her. That's fine, then. Tell her I'll see her tomorrow."

* * *

I ran to Bella's house. I hadn't been there before, but I knew where it was. Even if I hadn't followed Bella's scent, everyone knew where the Police Chief lived. I had expected to have to climb the tree and find a window to enter by, but Bella was sat on the steps that led down the front yard from the porch, arms resting on her knees and chin resting on her arms. I stood by the end of the porch for a moment, watching her as the wind tossed her hair back gently from her face. She stared at the pavement and then rolled her eyes, laughing under her breath.

"What are you laughing at?" I asked curiously, moving to stand beside her. She shrieked, clasping a hand to her still heart as she looked up at me.

"Jesus Christ, Edward! You scared the hell out of me!" She hissed and I winced.

"I'm sorry."

She stared at me for a moment and then turned back to the sidewalk, eyes darting up and down the street.

"What are you doing here, Edward?" She asked, curiously. I shrugged, unable to explain that I couldn't stay away from her if I _wanted_ to. I settled for explaining that Alice had told us that she wouldn't be over tonight.

"You can always trust a psychic vampire." She murmured in amusement, resting her arms back on her knees, but I hung back in the shadows, so as to avoid attention. After a moment she leant back, resting her hands on the damp planks of the porch and looked up at me.

"You didn't have to come all this way."

"It doesn't take long to get here." I smiled, thinking of the minutes long run. I looked towards the house, unable to hear the telltale heartbeat of an occupant. "Charlie isn't here?"

"No, he got called up to La Push. Some kid went missing. He's been gone a long time. Charlie, I mean." Bella said quietly, a frown creasing her brow. I didn't need Jasper's gift to be able to sense the anxiety coming from her. After a moment, she stood and gestured to the house.

"You'd better come inside. We don't need the neighbours getting suspicious." She said and then paused, clearly wondering how to get me inside. It would be unfortunate for the neighbours to see a strange teenager breaking into the Chief's house. I smiled to myself and darted inside, shutting the door with a near silent _click_. Bella's head appeared through the front door, looking alarmed at my sudden disappearance.

She came in and looked at the stairs.

"My room, I guess. If Charlie comes home and finds you here…"

"I'll be gone before his car hits the drive." I reassured her and then paused as a strange smell permeated my nostrils, "May I asked you something?"

"You may." She said, walking towards me and the stairs.

"Why does the doorframe smell like garlic?" I asked curiously and she froze, looking up at the ceiling and chewing her lip.

"Oh… no particular reason." She whispered awkwardly and I smirked, coming to my own conclusion. I followed her upstairs and to her bedroom, filled with anticipation at seeing the room she inhabited.

It was charming. Small and cosy, if a little dusty. It was a teenage girl's room, complete with homework desk. I glanced over the photographs and the bookcase, brushing a finger over the well-worn spines of the books. Bella settled on the bed behind me, watching my perusal. I crossed to the desk, examining the photographs pinned on the board above it. Bella beamed out at me, wrapped up in her mother's arms in one, posing with a friend in another, with a man who must be her stepfather and one rather amusing one of her, soaked to the skin and looking thoroughly miserable as she sat in a drenched boat with her father.

She looked so beautifully human, I had to smile. I raised my hand to touch one photograph gently, wishing I could have known her then. Wishing that we had more time.

Bella made a quiet noise and I turned. Her eyes darted from mine, down to her hands and she shrugged shyly.

"It's kind of gloomy. I mean, compared to your house." She murmured.

"It's perfect." And it was, because it was hers. She smiled as I sat down on the edge of the bed, hoping that I wasn't overstepping my boundaries but she cuddled a pillow to her chest.

"You didn't have to come over." She said and I smiled, almost sensing that this was a test. She spoke too politely, as though obliged to say the words and it filled me with joy.

"Shall I leave?"

"No!" She said quickly and then pushed her face into the pillow, embarrassed at her eagerness, "Uh, no. Don't. It's only fair, I mean… we hang out at yours all the time. Was Doc OK about me skipping?"

"Carlisle understood. He likes that nickname, by the way." He did, too and I was amused at Bella's pleasure at this news.

"He does?"

"Yes. And Emmett definitely likes being called 'Muscles'." I grinned and she looked away.

"I bet Rosalie doesn't though."

"No… she doesn't. But that's my fault, I think." Rosalie's animosity towards Bella _was_ my fault. I was the one who was keeping her involved in our lives and it was creating a change that Rosalie resented. She worried about the security of our family, of how things would change once we left Forks, as well as Bella's blithe attitude towards the sanctity of life and death.

Bella was gazing at me, her head tilted to one side. I strained fruitlessly, longing to hear her and I expressed this.

"I hate that I can't hear you."

"Why?"

"I'm used to hearing people, whether I want to or not. And you are one person I'd like to hear."

"I'm kind of glad you can't to be honest. I don't exactly have a stunning thought process, it's usually inane rambling." She said and I laughed softly.

"I'm sure it's fascinating, really." I _would_ find it fascinating.

"It's not. Besides, it would give you an unfair advantage, like the others. Emmett kicks my ass at computer games, Alice sees my future… I like that we're on an equal footing."

"Equal…" That word summoned up a fountain of emotion in me. Pride, delight, pleasure that she saw us as the same. Bella nodded.

"You know… I mean, you've got the normal vampire advantages but I can run through walls, so I figure that puts us on a pretty even standing."

She smiled and began to disappear into the bed, sinking out of sight. Without realising I was doing it, my hand flew to her wrist to stop her from disappearing altogether. A shock went through my hand as she gasped, meeting my eyes as she searched for an explanation that I didn't have. I slowly pulled her wrist, helping her out of the mattress and she knelt on the covers, staring at me but not letting go of my hand. The strange, tingling sensation didn't disappear like I thought it would.

I needed her in my life. It felt as though everything I had ever done had only happened in order to lead me to this moment, to this girl. I knew that now, as clearly as I knew that the sun rose in the east. I took my hand from hers and lifted it to her cheek, grazing my fingertips over the soft skin as delicately as I had with the photograph. To my utter joy, she pressed her cheek to my hand. I slid my hand to cup her face and she closed her eyes, her breath dancing across my cheeks.

A car door slammed and I pulled my head and hand back quickly, getting to my feet.

"Your father is back." I explained and she was running out of the door before I could move. I stayed still, listening as he entered the house and came upstairs. He went into the bathroom and then to his bedroom.

_Glad he's OK… What made him take off into the woods like that? Poor kid, never seen someone so spooked…_

Bella reappeared and looked at me anxiously.

"They found Sam out in the forest. He's uninjured but shaken up. Something happened to him but they don't know what. Charlie's fine, just tired." I reassured her and then tensed Charlie's thoughts reached me again.

"He's coming in." I said and then darted into the closet, watching through the slats in the door.

Bella stood by the bed, wide-eyed as her father came into the room and sat down, taking the pillow that Bella had been holding only moments ago.

_That poor boy… but he's still alive. He's still alive. He's still…_

I saw Bella's eyes brighten with tears and Charlie bent his head, resting it in his hands.

"Oh, Bells…" He whispered, his voice tight with emotion and a strangled sob escaped Bella's throat as she wrapped her arms around herself, as though she was holding herself together, all the little pieces clutched together. Charlie slowly stood, putting the pillow back and left and Bella almost doubled over, agonised with love for her father and devastation that he would never know how close she was. She was turned away from me as the door closed, but I couldn't stay away now. Without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around her from behind and she turned, leaning into me as she cried.

Eventually we sat on the bed, my legs on either side of her as she leant back into me. I kept my eyes closed, adoring the sensation of her soft hair against my cheek and I resisted the urge to nuzzle my face against the warm locks, simply absorbing the scent and feel of her, wishing that this night would never end. She was lost in thought and neither of us attempted conversation, but it didn't matter. I was happy just to be permitted this closeness. Only when the first glimpses of dawn appeared, the sun blocked by the clouds did Bella lift her hands from mine to rub her eyes. She twisted her head to look up at me and I couldn't resist giving her a smile, praying she felt as fulfilled as I did. She gave a small smile and then sat up, but I didn't release my hold from around her.

"The sun's coming up." She murmured and I nodded. Her fingers stroked softly over mine, gently affectionate and I smiled behind her.

"Charlie will be up soon." She noted and I listened for signs of conscious thought.

"He's waking up now. I should go and change my clothes for school." I said as we stood. I went to the window, noticing the snow. I lifted the window and pulled a face as it creaked but Charlie didn't hear. I turned and looked at her. She was staring at me uncertainly and we were silent for a long moment.

A lock of hair fell against her face and I brushed it back, tucking it behind her ear. Her eyes were fixed on mine and questions burned through me, wanting to know her every thought, how she was feeling, if she could possibly feel as strongly as I did.

"I'll see you at school." I whispered and leapt to ground, disappearing into the woods and beginning the run home.

Esme was in the living room when I entered and she didn't speak, but kissed my cheek lovingly as Alice came bouncing downstairs.

_Oh, Edward… you're going to be so _happy!_ I won't fuss, I promise, but I'm just so glad for you._

She smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back as I went upstairs to get dressed.

* * *

We were at school before Bella arrived and we stood in the snow, enjoying the sensation of feeling something colder than our own skin. Mike Newton was haphazardly throwing snowballs and Jasper sniggered as Jessica and Lauren turned on him, screeching like a pair of harpies. Alice smiled, her eyes trained on something behind me.

Bella was walking over the snow, her feet leaving no impression on its surface. I caught her eye and she quickly looked down at the floor, as though to check where she was going.

_She's a little embarrassed and unsure about you. Typical teenager._ Jasper informed me and I was grateful for his input as she joined us. It was strangely reassuring.

"Good morning, Bella. How was your night? Carlisle said not to worry about not making it over; I explained that Charlie was called out and that you wanted to wait for him. He'll do the experiment when you come over tonight." Alice said cheerfully.

"I'm coming over, am I?" Bella grinned at her and Alice nodded.

"Of course."

"I don't think you're psychic. You're just bossy and no one wants to contradict you." Bella accused her jokingly and I smiled.  
"Damn, now you've figured it out, we'll have to kill you." Alice chuckled.

"Bit late for that, Al." Bella teased. Rosalie scowled.

Suddenly Alice tensed and her vision flashed before my eyes unbidden.

_Tyler shouted as his van careened towards the row of cars, his head colliding with the windscreen and blood splattering as his ribs shattered against the steering wheel. His lungs were instantly pierced and blood trickled in a crimson stream from his lips and his last breath bubbled from his throat._

I turned my head instinctively to where Tyler's van had just turned the corner at an unwise speed. "He's going to crash." Alice whispered and she and Jasper took off, moving as quickly as they could without drawing attention.

But Alice suddenly screamed, turning back to stare. I gave a shout as I saw Bella running towards the van. Fear ripped through me but Emmett had a tight hold on my arm.

"Don't blow the cover, Edward." Rule number one. Don't blow our cover. But Bella…

Bella jumped and threw herself clear through the windscreen, crouching over Tyler and a moment later, the door flew open and the pair of them tumbled out.

"What the…?" Emmett's jaw dropped as they rolled over and over, before landing in a pile of snow, Bella collapsed on Tyler's chest and his arms tightened around her.

Around her.

_Touching_ her.

Tyler's thoughts hit me full pelt.

_Oh my god… what the fuck was that? Jesus, I… an angel… I was saved by an angel… she's here! She's here, she's… she's beautiful…_

We were all still. And then Tyler sat up and grabbed Bella by the arms, staring at her wildly.

"Who _are_ you?"

Bella stared back, aghast and then Tyler blinked, shaking his head. His hands slid through her and he looked around in surprise, searching for her. Bella hesitated and then touched his cheek tentatively. When her fingers went through him, she jumped to her feet, backing away before turning and falling towards us, stumbling over her own feet. I put a hand on her shoulder to keep her steady as she stared over her shoulder at Tyler, who was now surrounded by people.

"He was supposed to die. That's what Alice saw. He was going to die." I said softly to Bella and she blinked slowly.

"Alice…?"

"She took Jasper away. Too many emotions and Tyler's blood was upsetting him." I explained

"He saw me, Edward. He saw me. Just for a moment, but he definitely did." She whispered, staring up at me.

"He touched you as well. We could see his hands on your arms." Emmett added. Bella grasped her arms, shuddering.

_Enough, Edward._ Rosalie's thoughts were wrought with anger but she spoke calmly.

"You need to talk to Carlisle."

Carlisle called whilst I was driving Bella and I back to the house, hoping we could catch him before we left for work. I flipped open my phone.

"Carlisle."

"I'm at the hospital. Come to my office, I have Bella's test results." I changed direction immediately and Bella became alert.

"Where are we going?" She asked and I explained. She slumped in the chair again, looking anxious. I looked over at her, desperate to make her feel better.

"Bella? Don't be afraid of what Carlisle has to say. He's good at what he does and he will do anything he can to help you."

"You can't know that, Edward. What if it's bad news? What if there's something wrong with me?" She whispered and my knuckles whitened on the steering wheel at the idea she could think that she was anything less than perfect.

"There is _nothing_ wrong with you." I said, trying not to let my anger show.

"I'm a _ghost_, Edward. I'm certainly not right." She whispered, "And I'm not thinking about it yet. There's too much happening. How could he have seen me? Touched me?" She stared out of the window and I longed to reassure her.

"I don't know, but I could hear his thoughts." I said.

"What was he thinking?"

"He thought you were an angel." I told her and she stared at me before running her hands through her hair and staring out of the window again. We proceeded to the hospital in silence but all I could think about was how I could hardly blame Tyler.

Bella was quite insistent on getting the answers quickly. She looked at Carlisle as she huddled into one of the chairs in his office, a defensive posture.

"Lay it on me, Doc. No point beating around the bush." She murmured, almost curling in on herself as she anticipated the results. But when Carlisle admitted that he hadn't been able to find out much, I could almost feel the disappointment emanating from her.

I stood and moved to Bella's side as Carlisle began to explain what he'd found about what he referred to as her 'essence', the liquid that replaced her blood.

"Not blood. It looks like blood at first sight, but it isn't made up of cells and platelets, like blood is." He said and Bella rubbed her temples, frustrated.

"What is it then?"

_I don't know what to tell her…_ His thoughts made me frown and he glanced at me quickly before looking back at her.

"It's… it's like nothing I've seen before. They way it makes you up is similar to the way venom makes up vampires, replacing the bodily fluids, but it's not as… _damaging_ as venom. It's more of a life source. But I'd like to run further tests on it, specifically examining the reaction between the essence and venom."

"What for?" Bella's voice was tense and the unease swelled in the pit of my stomach.

_We need to take precautions. If she is to stay with us for any length of time, there is always the risk…_

I knew what risk. The risk that I would bite her if we got too close, that my control would slip. The idea terrified me, but I knew it was entirely possible. Carlisle sensed my unease and gave me another quick look before looking back at Bella and explaining that he didn't know how venom would affect her.

I stopped listening. Carlisle was making a good point. I had to know what would happen if the worst happened and Bella was infected. I had to know what the worst possible outcome might be, a heart wrenching mental image that I could inject into my mind every time the temptation rose in me.

"I can't be…" Bella's voice reached me and I looked down at her, shaken from my angst-ridden musings. She looked from me to Carlisle, looking utterly confused.

"I'm no one. I'm not special, not at all. So how can I be the only one? Even my death was mundane. I got hit by a car for god's sake. Why am I still here? It doesn't make sense!"

I wanted to argue back but Carlisle spoke first.

"I wish I could give you answers, Bella. Perhaps…" His next thought made me freeze, anger firing through my veins at the very thought that he would even _consider_ contacting the Volturi.

"No. Certainly not." My anger was palpable and I glared at Carlisle.

_Edward, they might have answers._

I stared at him.

…_Alright, son. Stay calm, we don't want to scare her._

"Very well. It was just a thought." He said aloud, for Bella's benefit. Of course, she demanded an explanation and Carlisle told her who the Volturi were, to my distaste. Yet another reason for Bella to run screaming from us, to drive her away and Carlisle thought that requesting their help was something to be considered, even now was describing them as having resources at their disposal and leaving something rather important out.

"They are also ruthless and wouldn't hesitate to destroy us if they suspected you might reveal our secret. Of course, they may just decide that you could be a valuable asset to them and take you away for their own investigation." I said icily and Bella's eyes widened.

"Wh-what? Carlisle, no, you can't! You can't let them find out anything that might make them hurt you or the others!" She gasped and in the brief moment before the door opened, I was struck by her utter selflessness, not caring about her own safety but only that of my family. Rosalie came in, pushing the door shut behind her.

"At least _she's _talking sense." She spat, having overheard our mention of the Volturi. The word summoned fear in all vampires, not just our family and she was tense. Rosalie told us that Alice had foreseen a problem with Tyler. Apparently he was going to mention a girl pulling him from his van before it crashed.

"We can deal with that. The side of the van that he came out of was facing us. We would have been the only ones to see him land." I said and Rosalie sneered.

"Whatever. Just passing on the message. And," Her eyes went to Bella and sensed the venom in her words, "If you're going to be making a habit of doing stupid things, a little warning would be nice. We're trying to keep a low profile here."

Irritation at her attitude filled me and I was about to tell her to leave when Bella stood up and scowled at my sister

"Fine, Rosalie. Next time I'll let him die, does that suit you? I just figured that being a Vege-Vamp, you had a little more consideration for human life, but maybe not."

_Bitch!_

I pushed Bella behind me. She couldn't have known how much those words would have affected Rosalie, how badly they summoned the painful memories to the forefront of her mind but I saw that Rosalie was prepared to rip her limb from limb in her anger. Carlisle caught her arm and I looked down at Bella, but she muttered to me to forget it and half ran through a nearby wall.

_Stay here._

Carlisle moved quickly, leaving us alone and Rosalie bared her teeth at me.

"Keep your little ghost in line, Edward."

"She couldn't have known how that would have sounded to you, Rosalie." I snapped back and Rosalie huffed, folding her arms over her chest and glaring bitterly at me.

"I don't give a damn. She could have put us all in danger today. You were going to go after her and if Emmett hadn't held you back, you would have exposed us all. She's making you slip, Edward! For god's sake, you spent the whole of last night in the police chief's house!"

I understood her fear, but I didn't accept it. Fury erupted through me and I stood face to face with her, staring her down. To her credit, Rosalie didn't even flinch as I spat the words out.

"Rosalie, I don't care if you hate Bella. I don't care if you hate _me_. If I remember clearly, you were the one who told me get a grip and do something about Bella if I wanted anything to happen!"

"I didn't mean that you should endanger your whole family! Getting the Volturi involved-"

"Was _not_ my idea and will not be happening." I hissed and Rosalie's eyes narrowed, her mouth curling into a grimace.

"She needs to watch her mouth. If she's going to say things like that-"

"Then you need to stop antagonising her. She's doing her best and you're acting like a…"

"Bitch?" Rosalie smirked, knowing that I wouldn't say it, but I didn't disagree with her choice in words, "Maybe I am, but I've got my loyalties in check. Maybe you should re-examine where yours lie."

"They lie with my family. A family that Bella may be a part of one day. Maybe _you_ should examine your attitude and accept that things can't stay the same forever." I said quietly before walking past her.

I followed the scent of Carlisle and Bella, reaching the A&E where I overheard Tyler insisting that he hadn't imagined his mysterious girl. I tapped on the door to the room and he, Carlisle and Bella all looked around at me.

"Tyler, how are you feeling? I saw the accident, it looked terrible." I said, injecting a ridiculous amount of emotion into my voice.

"Not too bad, man." Tyler shrugged and heard him contemplating playing up his injuries to Lauren Mallory in the hopes of getting a date.

_Work with me, Edward._ Carlisle thought before asking if I'd seen the accident. I smiled at Tyler, a comradely teenage grin.

"I did. I was stood with Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie when the van came around. Tyler did an amazing dive out of the driver side door; it was like something on television." I added some awe to my tone and saw Bella smirking at my 'teenage impression'.

"You must have seen her then!" Tyler insisted and I stared at him, wide-eyed.

"The girl who pulled me out of the van, Edward. Hot girl, long brown hair, wearing jeans and sweatshirt." Tyler said hopefully and I shrugged, putting my hands in my pockets as I rocked back and forwards on the balls of my feet. For a brief moment I wondered if I'd overplayed it, see Bella's highly amused grin but I looked at Carlisle with an unsure face.

"Sorry, Tyler. I didn't see anyone. Are you… OK?"

"I know what I saw, Doctor Cullen." Tyler looked back at Carlisle but the minute Carlisle suggested keeping him overnight, I heard him mentally give in.

_Geez, they're never going to believe me… did I imagine her? I don't… I mean, I _did_ hit my head pretty hard, maybe I whacked it inside the van before I got out…_

I heard footsteps and turned to look at the door as Rosalie came in, her face composed.

"Alice called again. Everything's fine now." _He's not going to tell. We're safe. This time._

"Anything else, Rosalie?" I sniped, my patience waning with her attitude.

"No." _Back off, Edward._

"Sure is busy in here."

If I'd been paying attention, I would have heard Charlie coming. I would have been able to mention it, to warn Bella somehow, or at least get Rosalie out of the way but Charlie came into the room, coming to check on Tyler and asking Carlisle if he was going to be alright.

"He'll be right as rain, Chief Swan. It's very considerate of you to come down here, especially for something so mundane." Carlisle said lightly and Charlie's face darkened slightly.

"Nothing mundane about a car accident, Doc. I lost my daughter in a car crash."

_Oh no…_ Carlisle's thoughts were full of anguish and I looked over at Bella, half musing at the realisation that both she and her father used the same nickname for Carlisle. Bella had her eyes closed and was frowning but climbed off the bed to watch her father as he got Tyler's statement. There was a mixture of sad pride and desperation in her expression as she watched him work, almost as though he was the child and she the parent, that she was seeing him grow up and move on with his life.

_I want to talk to Bella. _Carlisle thought to me and he suggested that Rosalie and I go. Rosalie glanced at me, having been preoccupied momentarily but we followed Charlie out to the parking lot after saying goodbye.

Charlie turned to us as we reached his cruiser.

"It was good of you to check up on Tyler. We need more kids like you around here."

"Thank you, sir."

"I've got a terrible memory for names. Which two are you?" He smiled and the skin crinkled around his eyes, warm and friendly. I smiled and shook his hand.

"Edward Cullen and this is Rosalie Hale."

"A pleasure to meet you both. Hopefully I won't have to meet you again." He commented and I nodded.

"I hope not, sir."

"Drive safe back to school."

"Yes, sir."

_Drive safe… don't need anymore accidents…_

He turned and climbed into the cruiser. Rosalie stood by my side and watched as the car pulled out of the lot, standing still as I began to walk to my Volvo. I hesitated by the car door, probing into her thoughts.

They were of her own parents. Of the mother she could faintly remember and the father who's face was blurred beyond recognition. But more than the image, she remembered how they treated her, how they had cared in a distant way, utilising her for their own means. Her mind ached for the simple, heartbreaking love that she could see in Charlie Swan for his dead daughter, knowing that her own parents had never mourned her for so long or so thoroughly.

"Rosalie?" I murmured her name and she turned, her face guarded, knowing full well that I had heard everything.

"Let's go." She said shortly and climbed into the car.

* * *

**A/N: Hello my little cherry tomatoes! Thank you ever so much for the reviews from last chapter, I can't believe there are over 300 of them now! You are super duper people!**

**Extremely long chapter to make up for the fact that I won't be able to update again for a little while. Sarah and I are still on placement and then we've got a couple of weeks to finish up at uni. After that, I hope for a steady stream of chapters! I hope you enjoyed Edward's POV – seems like he's falling for Bella a lot faster than she's falling for him!**

**Usual smooches to Sarah for her awesomosity and patience. And kudos to her mad coffee making skills!**

**Won't Go Home Without You – Bella doesn't understand quite how much she means to Edward and how much he longs for her. But he's not giving up.**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and Edward's leather couch. Do what you will.**

**Love**

**Katie**


	15. Try

**Chapter Fifteen**

_I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness  
And all the real people are really not real at all  
The more I learn, the more I learn  
The more I cry, the more I cry  
As I say goodbye to the way of life  
I thought I had designed for me_

_Then I see you standing there  
Wanting more from me  
And all I can do is try  
Then I see you standing there  
I'm all I'll ever be  
But all I can do is try  
Try_

_~Try by Nelly Furtado~_

Carlisle's experiment looked like something out of a torture scene in a movie. I stared, wide-eyed, at the electrical contraption that perched on his desk, wires and electrodes sticking out of it. The warm weight of Edward's hand on my shoulder was the only thing that kept me from running out of the room, screaming my head off.

Carlisle gave me a reassuring smile.

"Let me talk you through this, Bella. It won't be as bad as you're expecting."

"I didn't think it would be, seeing as I'm imagining some pretty horrible things." I muttered and he gave a soft laugh, picking up two small, round plastic electrodes.

"I'll connect these to your temples and two more, one to each of your palms. Then I'll send a very low level electrical charge through them. On this screen," He gestured to a computer screen, "I'll be able to examine the effect it has on your body and I'd like to see if you're still able to pass through solid objects whilst the charge is taking place."

"Will it hurt?" My voice came out a lot smaller than I intended it to and he shook his head.

"No. It might tingle, but it won't hurt, the charge is much too low to cause any kind of damage."

I was silent, staring at the machine. Edward leaned forward and whispered softly to me.

"Your choice, Bella. You can walk away." He reminded me, "We won't force you to do this." His fingers squeezed my shoulder and I glanced up at him. He was watching me intently, his expression calm with a hint of anxiety. I smiled weakly and nudged him in the side.

"I don't know who's more nervous about this, you or me." I joked lamely and Edward shot a dark look at the electrical equipment. I reached up and squeezed his fingers lightly before venturing forward, my hands balling into fists as nerves tingled in my chest.

"What are you expecting to happen?" I asked tentatively as Carlisle wiped a clear gel onto the electrodes.

"I have no idea." He admitted, "But from what I can gather through my research, many investigators of paranormal activity believe that ghosts or spirits have some residual electrical energy and I'd like to examine that theory. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, let me know and I'll shut it down immediately."

Carlisle looked at me, his expression serious.

"I mean it, Bella. The instant that it becomes too much, you must tell me."

"I will, I promise." I assured him, taking a seat in my usual chair. Carlisle picked up the electrodes but Edward moved forward. Carlisle handed them to him silently and turned to fiddle with the machine as Edward knelt before me. A few strands of his bright, bronze coloured hair fell across his forehead and without thinking, I reached out and brushed them back. He fell still at my touch and a hint of a smile crossed his lips.

Butterflies exploded in the pit of my stomach and I could almost feel my heart pounding. We hadn't had any real time to talk about last night, when he'd lain on my bed and held me all night, showing more affection than I'd received in years, even before my death. This beautiful boy, beautiful vampire, had made himself quite clear. I wasn't blind. I knew that he was interested. I didn't understand how or why, but I knew it was true.

I didn't know what to do about it. I certainly wasn't sure about my own feelings on the matter. But as Edward reached up and gently pushed my hair back, placing the cool electrodes on my temples, his fingers lingered a little longer than necessary against my cheekbones. I bit my lip, my breathing quickening as his eyes bored into mine. His lips twitched again, the smile widening just a little and it was only when Carlisle flicked on the computer screen that the noise broke us apart. Edward stood and moved swiftly to one side and the nerves strangled the butterflies as Carlisle turned to face me, one hand on the power box.

"Ready?"

"Yeah. I guess." I whispered and then screwed up my face in anticipation of agonising pain.

It didn't come. After a moment, I peered out through my eyelids to see Carlisle watching carefully.

"Are you alright?" He asked and I nodded, flexing my fingers.

"Yeah. I don't even feel anything." I said, a little embarrassed by my extreme reaction. Carlisle smiled and adjusted the power box slightly before looking at the screen. Two lines were running across it, a little like a heart monitor, but moving at different paces, the top one a straight line and the bottom one slightly wavy. No heartbeat here.

I waited for a few minutes as both Edward and Carlisle examined the screen. Impatiently, I cleared my throat and they looked around.

"What does it say?"

"Not much yet. Would you mind trying to move through something, just your hand?" Carlisle asked and I shifted my hand through the arm of my chair. The lines on the screen began to jump up and down a little and I quickly pulled my hand back. They settled down again and Carlisle looked at me for a moment before turning back to the power box.

"What?" I looked at Edward as Carlisle was busy.

"You have your own energy, Bella. That's what the top line is. The bottom line is the electrical current Carlisle is giving you. When you moved through the arm of the chair, your energy seemed to react." He explained. I nodded and looked back at the machine before sinking my hand through the chair again. The top line began to pulse strangely and I twitched my hand back again, clutching it to my chest. The line settled once more and I looked up at Edward.

"Is that right? I mean… am I right?"

"You're right."

"Edward…" Carlisle gave him a sharp look before smiling at me, "This is only a preliminary examination, Bella. I'll need to take a few more readings, if that's alright."

"Go ahead." I was getting impatient and nervous, eager to find out more and dreading any possible results. Carlisle fiddled with the machine, turning the power up.

A slight tingle shot across the skin of my temples and I instinctively jerked my hands.

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice was concerned.

"I'm fine." I said quickly, "I just wasn't expecting it." It was strange, like an itch under my skin and I tapped my fingers against my legs to stop myself from nudging the electrodes. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward's hand twitch, as though he wanted to cover my fingers with his. I kind of wanted him to.

"Would you try again?" Carlisle asked. I rested my hand on the arm of the chair and sank my hand through it. The lines arched sharply and I pulled my hand out.

"What's happening?" I asked Carlisle and he turned to look at me.

"The electrical current is having an effect on your molecular build." He said quietly, "The stronger the current, the less secure the bonds between the molecules that create you become."

I stared at him. Edward stared at me and I swallowed hard, glancing up at him before looking back at Carlisle.

"So… what now?"

"One more current and then we'll stop." He said and turned back to the machine. Nerves shot through me and I wanted to stop him straight away. From what I understood, the weakening of my molecular build did _not_ sound like a good thing. It sounded frightening. It sounded… final.

But I trusted him. I trusted Carlisle. He wanted to keep me in his family. I trusted him.

"Come on then, Doc. Turn up the power." I said, hoping I sounded more confident out loud than I did in my head. Edward frowned.

"Bella-"

"Its fine, Edward." I said firmly and leaned back in the chair, clasping my hands together in my lap. Carlisle and Edward exchanged another indiscernible look and Carlisle turned back to the machine. I looked up at Edward and gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. "Want to hang out afterwards? I'm scared Alice will kidnap me."

His mouth twitched into a smile and as he went to speak, I heard Carlisle touch the button that increased the electrical current.

Pain exploded through my body. My limbs stiffened and my head began to pound as lights sparked in front of my eyes, shooting agony burning through every inch of me as my very atoms strained against each other, every millimetre of my body trying to pull apart. It was similar to the ache when I moved through solid objects.

But this was worse than that.

This was worse than dying.

Someone was screaming. I thought it might me but I couldn't be sure and, to be honest, it wasn't at the top of my priority list because I seemed to be falling, but I couldn't see. Blackness engulfed me and I couldn't move my arms or legs, the pain too agonising.

Warm arms wrapped around me and I wished that those arms would stop moving, because it was freaking painful. I let out a low moan as I was jostled and heard Edward's voice, like a crystal stream of water through the clouded mud in my mind.

"Give her to me, Emmett."

Emmett? Emmett wasn't in the room with us. Was he? What was going on?

I peered through one eye and then closed it again, the light too strong. Edward became still, but I could feel him holding me, one arm under my knees and the other curled around my back, my head resting on his shoulder. He smelled good, like honey and sunshine and I almost didn't mind the pain as long as I got to keep secretly smelling this gorgeous vampire boy.

"How can she even _be_ unconscious?" Rosalie asked sceptically and I wanted to glare at her, but that would have required effort. Besides, I wasn't unconscious. I just wasn't able to move or open my eyes or speak. In what crazy world is _that_ unconscious?

"I don't know." Carlisle sounded strained and I wanted to reassure him. A strange vibration reverberated through me and I realised that Edward was growling.

"You should have stopped, Carlisle! You shouldn't even have started these damned experiments in the first place!"

"Don't yell at him, Edward!" Rosalie snapped.

OK. Enough is enough.

I summoned all my strength and managed to prise open one eye. Through blurred vision, I saw Emmett and Rosalie standing nearby and Carlisle in front of them, his handsome face twisted into a pained expression. We weren't in the study at all, but in the living room. I swallowed and licked my lips, Edward tensing as he sensed my return to the land of the living. Metaphorically, anyway.

"Hey, Doc." I murmured.

"Bella…"

"I guess that wasn't supposed to happen?" I tried to joke but no one laughed. I closed my eyes again, shifting my head slightly, my forehead brushing against Edward's neck.

"Bella, are you hurt?" Edward asked quietly and I chuckled softly.

"Yup. Hurts like hell. Don't growl again, it's not Doc's fault." I warned and then opened my eyes again to see Carlisle rubbing his forehead, still with that pained expression, "Hey. Quit that. You didn't know what was going to happen."

"Which is why he shouldn't have tried it in first place." Edward said in quiet, angry voice. I sighed and flexed my fingers, wincing at the pain. Quickly Edward turned and lowered me onto the sofa, taking my fingers in his hands and rubbing them gently. The pain faded a little and I offered him a weak smile before glancing at the ceiling.

"I fell through?"

"Yes. You started screaming and as I turned to turn off the machine, you slid through the chair and the ceiling. Emmett and Rosalie were in here and Emmett caught you." Carlisle said quietly. I nodded and groaned as my head ached, like my brain was bouncing off the walls of my skull. For crying out loud, I was already dead. How could I be in this much pain?

"Doc?" I murmured, looking up at him. He moved forward and Edward tensed. I tutted at him before looking at Carlisle.

"Yes, Bella?"

"No more experiments, OK?"

"No more." Carlisle said in soft agreement. I smiled weakly.

"OK. I'm just going to lay down a while until my body stops screaming." I said, closing my eyes again. I felt warm, hard arms lifting me and carrying me. I knew it was Edward, from his scent and I gave in to my wants, snuggling against his hard chest and letting out a soft sigh as he took me to his room, sitting on the sofa and holding me.

* * *

"Do you ever get tired of moving around?" I asked Edward. We were sat in his bedroom one rainy afternoon, about three weeks after the last disastrous experiment, going through his extensive CD collection. Edward's room had become one of my favourite places to hang out. It was light and beautiful, the black leather couch more comfortable than any other seat in the house, in my opinion. Edward watched as I pressed the play button on his enormous stereo.

"Sometimes. It starts to feel the same after a while. Same high schools, same faces."

_Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth  
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt  
Still a little hard to say what's going on _

"Who's this?" I asked, looking down at the random CD that I had chosen.

"Damien Rice."

"He's good." I walked back to the couch, perching on the end as Edward stared out of the window at the droplets that splattered the glass, "Where will you go after Forks?"

He turned his head to look at me for a long moment before shrugging.

"I'm not sure. College again, maybe. I know that Emmett and Rosalie want to get away by themselves for a few years."

"Carlisle mentioned that." I remembered, "What about Alice and Jasper? Don't they go away?"

Edward shook his head, leaning over to pass me another CD.

"Not particularly. Jasper needs support. He's the newest to our diet and struggles sometimes. It's best if they stay with us, although they do go off for weekends and the like. So do Carlisle and Esme, on occasion."

_And then there's you. All alone._ I was glad he couldn't hear my thoughts. I watched him for a few seconds before looking down at the CD he'd passed me.

"I'm so jealous. I would love to have a collection like this, it must have taken you ages to collect them all." I said, picking another CD. Edward smiled, his eyes fixed on my face.

"Well, I had to upgrade from vinyl at some point. Although, I still have all of my vinyl records in storage."

"I bet they're worth a fortune."

"Probably." He admitted, but seemed unconcerned. Well, when you've got a sister that can predict the future of stocks, you probably don't need to worry that much about petty cash.

_Stones taught me to fly  
Love taught me to lie  
Life taught me to die  
So it's not hard to fall  
When you float like a cannonball_

"What music did you enjoy when you were alive?" Edward asked and I chuckled.

"I died in 1999. It was all about Britney Spears and the boy bands. But I liked Charlie's old records. The Eagles, The Beatles, a bit of Frank Sinatra."

"He was a very interesting man." Edward said lightly and I threw back my head, laughing.

"No! No way, you're not telling me that you've _met_ Frank Sinatra?"

"Only briefly. John Lennon was much more polite though."

I seized one of the cushions and threw it at him, laughing loudly. He grinned, catching the cushion easily and tossing it back. I hugged it to my chest.

"That's amazing. I mean… wow, I've never met anyone famous. I've only ever lived in Phoenix and Forks."

"There's time. There's a lot of world to see. You should see it." Edward stopped as though he wanted to say more, but simply shook his head and looked back to the window.

_Stones taught me to fly  
Love taught me to cry  
So come on courage  
Teach me to be shy  
'Cause it's not hard to fall  
And I don't want to scare her  
It's not hard to fall  
And I don't wanna lose  
It's not hard to grow  
When you know that you just don't know_

Edward was frowning and I tilted my head curiously. But he didn't appear to notice my movement so I got up to change the CD from Damien Rice to a classical composer called Gabriel Faure. I had never really enjoyed classical music before but Edward had been subtly sliding it into our background music when we were together and it had grown on me.

I stood by the stereo, adjusting the volume when I felt Edward approach from behind, sliding a CD back into its place on the shelf. He stood a few inches behind me and I felt frozen, staring at the pale blue backlight of the stereo's display.

"What's this song called?"

"Rêve d'amour."

"What does that mean?" I whispered. I don't know why I whispered, but the moment seemed tentative and made of glass, ready to shatter at any minute.

"Dream of Love."

"Oh." I didn't really know what to say to that. I didn't know if I should turn around, or stay perfectly still or run for the hills. To distract myself from his closeness, I pushed the stop button and the CD tray slid out.

"You don't like Faure?" Edward said softly and I turned slowly, looking up at him. He was gazing at me, his eyes cloudy with emotion that I couldn't recognise. I smiled slightly.

"He's OK. I guess I'm not in the mood for classical."

"Not today." He murmured and gave me a tiny smile. I blinked, slightly confused as he reached behind me and plucked the CD from the tray, placing it back in its box before handing me another CD case.

* * *

A couple of days later, a Thursday afternoon, I was waiting at home for Charlie. The house was clean, my laundry done and Charlie's shopping list was updated. I'd promised Alice and Edward that I'd go over that night to watch a movie but I'd barely seen Charlie for a couple of weeks. He'd been working late and I'd been over at the Cullens' so often that we'd just kept missing each other, although I'd seen him off to work every morning as usual. So I'd come straight home from school and was reading _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_, an old favourite, as I waited for him to come home.

It was a little past six when the front door finally opened and he strolled in, whistling. Clearly he'd had a good day, plus it was only one more day until the weekend. I hid the book quickly and stretched, watching as he went into the kitchen and turned the oven on, pulling a tub of frozen casserole out of the fridge. God bless Sue Clearwater, she was one of the few things keeping my dad from the unhealthiest diet in the world. He paused at the refrigerator.

"Hey Bells."

"Hi Dad." I said, leaning against the doorframe, "How was work? You look like you're in a good mood. I bet you fought loads of crime on the mean streets of Forks today."

Charlie whistled nonchalantly as he poured himself a beer and then sighed as the phone rang, leaning over towards me to pick it up.

"Yup? Hi Billy, you still want to come over for the game this weekend? …no, I'll order something in, although if Harry has any fish fry going spare, you know I'll take it off his hands. Mm hmm." He paused, listening carefully, "I heard, yeah. Yeah. Oh, how's Jake feeling? That fever gone down yet? You should have taken him to the doc, Billy, mono isn't a laughing matter. That Doc Cullen is a nice guy, I'm sure he'd… well, if you're sure he's OK. Yup… yup, I'll see you Saturday."

He hung up and I frowned at him. Jake had been sick? How had I not known this?

_Because you've been hanging out with your new vampire buddies for the last month and a half? Life goes on, Ghost Girl. _

I shook my head, sighing and made a mental note to haul ass up to La Push sometime next week and see how Jacob and the other rez boys were doing.

* * *

I hummed lightly to myself as I walked to school the next morning after seeing Charlie off to work. It wasn't raining but the sky was overcast and miserable looking. I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my hoodie, humming the tune that Edward had been playing when I'd arrived at the Cullen house the evening before. I liked watching him play the piano.

I liked watching him in general. He was pretty nice to watch.

Emmett and Rosalie were already walking inside when I got to school. Emmett winked at me, his arm slung over Rosalie's shoulder. Mike Newton scurried out of the way as they approached and I rolled my eyes. He was a weird kid. Angela was sat with Jessica on the wall outside the school, listening to her blather on about some dance that was coming up. I really hoped that Ben would ask Angela. I was getting kind of impatient waiting for them to hook up. I mean, everyone knew that it was going to happen, why keep everyone in suspense?

I glanced over my shoulder as Edward, Alice and Jasper approached. Alice flashed me a quick smile.

"See you at lunch." She said quietly, taking Jasper's hand. He nodded to me and they disappeared inside. Edward smiled faintly and we walked side by side towards my English class. Edward's first class was just down the corridor and I waved to him before slipping in and waiting for Mr Lewis to get started.

The morning passed very slowly and the stupidity levels in the kids seemed to have tripled since the day before. Friday was always an annoying day, weekend plans interfering with any hopes of learning anything. The teachers seemed equally distracted and by the time I got to lunch, I was thoroughly irritated. Edward, Rosalie and Emmett were already sat down and Edward had pushed a chair out for me. I slid into it and Emmett looked at me in amusement.

"You OK there, Sugar?"

"Damn kids," I mumbled, resting my head in my hands, "They're all twitchy about the weekend."

"Sweetie, you sound like a ninety year old. And you're only twenty-eight." Alice chirped, sitting down lightly beside me so I was sat between her and Edward. Jasper eyed me uncertainly and Edward nodded to him before leaning closer to me.

"Jasper's worried about your mood. He says you're upset."

"I just…" I paused and Edward tilted his head.

"Come on." He murmured and we said goodbye, slipping out of the cafeteria. We walked across the parking lot and climbed into the Volvo in silence, enjoying the refreshing quiet away from the noise of the school.

Edward didn't say anything once we sat down and I curled into the soft leather of the Volvo's seats, twisted sideways so that I was facing him. He turned his head to look at me and a few strands of bronze hair fell into his eyes. I wanted to reach up and sweep them back.

I _really_ wanted to.

I lowered my eyes to the gear stick. The shiny black handle was polished to perfection and I reached out idly to touch the cool black plastic.

Edward waited for me. I sighed.

"I don't know how many more times I can do this, Edward." I whispered. If it hadn't been for the super-vampire hearing, he wouldn't even have heard me, I was so quiet.

"High school?"

"Everything." I replied softly, tracing the lines on the handle of the stick, "It's so frustrating. The same things over and over again, all those people not knowing what they've got, what they might not have in just a few years."

Anxiety unfurled in the pit of my stomach and I pulled my knees to my chest as Edward watched me, his eyes dark. He needed to hunt. I'd been over every night this week, was that why he hadn't gone? Was he trying to pretend that he wasn't what he was?

Wasn't that what I was doing by hanging around in a high school? Pretending that life just carried on? I was suspended in time, just… existing.

Warm fingers slid over mine. I lifted my eyes to Edward's as he took my hand and I took in the perfect face, the black eyes, the purple shadows beneath them. His jaw was smooth and I wondered for a minute what it would like if he was human. Would it have stubble on it or would he keep it shaved? Would he smell different if he was a human? I didn't like that thought.

He squeezed my fingers lightly and without realising what I was doing, I reached up and traced one of the dark shadows.

"You need to hunt…" I murmured, "Why haven't you gone?"

Edward gazed at me for a long moment before tilting his head slightly so that my hand slid along to his ear and then down his jaw, resting against his neck. He turned his head and _nuzzled_ my wrist. Yes. He _nuzzled_ me.

And god help me if I didn't love it.

I couldn't help but let out a sigh as I withdrew my hand, putting it in my lap to try and gain some control over my haywire emotions. Edward had a tiny smile around his lips and I glanced out of the window, trying not to grin too widely.

"I didn't want to miss you when you come over in the evenings." He whispered, "I enjoy spending time with you."

"You need to hunt." I repeated and stretched my legs, "Go tonight. I'll hang with Alice for a while and we can talk when you get back. But you _need_ to hunt. Don't neglect yourself."

Edward's eyes flickered back to the school and he nodded, flexing his fingers idly.

"I'll go straight from school. I can be back by midnight."

"Sounds good. It's your turn to pick a movie anyway." I reminded him. We'd been taking it in turns between us, my leanings mostly towards classic action and the rare chick flick (I don't care what anyone says, _Dirty Dancing_ is amazing) whilst Edward's tastes veered towards older films, usually black and white movies.

"I already have one in mind." He smiled and I grinned back, glancing at the doors to the school.

"Well, let's get a move on. Mr Banner can't start the lesson without his two favourite students."

"You think you're one of his favourites?"

"I'm invisible and I don't talk in class. I _know _he's delighted to have me, I'm his ideal student."

* * *

Jasper and Edward went hunting together, since Jasper needed to feed often anyway. Alice and I were left to our own devices and I begged her to let me explore the library. Huffing and puffing, she hopped onto a desk and sat, watching in abject boredom as I explored the rows and rows of leather bound books. They had that great smell, you know? All old and musty but kind of exciting, thousands of adventures waiting to be discovered.

"Bella, can't we do something else? I've read all these already!"

"Well, _I_ haven't, so pipe down." I grinned at her, "You can always go keep yourself busy and let me enjoy myself."

"But we never get a chance to hang out, just the two of us. Edward is always here and now I've got you all to myself!" Alice beamed and I rolled my eyes, smiling as I pulled an old book off the shelf, tracing the gilt letters of the title.

"OK… five more minutes?"

"Fine. But then we're going upstairs and I'm going to kick your ass at Guitar Hero before Emmett gets to it first." Alice warned me, "I'll go set it up. Be in the games room in _five minutes_."

"Sure, sure." I said absently, already captivated by the story that I was reading. She slipped from the room and I leant against the bookcase, immersed in the fairytale, some grim old story from a dark European country. It was the kind of story that Disney would have massacred into some cutesy-poo cartoon, complete with singing animals.

Voices reached my ears. Someone was shouting. I looked up in surprise, closing the book and sliding it onto the shelf.

"… pure selfishness!" Rosalie's voice was the loudest and I frowned, standing near the library door. Carlisle's voice replied, sounding angrier than I'd ever heard it.

"It is _one year,_ Rosalie! Just one year to help your brother!"

"I never wanted her here, Carlisle! She's changing everything! Emmett and I have plans, we've had them for months and I'm not changing them for her!"

_What the hell?_

"When we leave Forks, when Edward has to leave Bella, how do you think he's going to feel, Rosalie? We all know what is going to happen, we know that Edward is falling in love with her and that she is going to return those feelings and we _know_ that they will have to be separated. It is going to be impossibly hard on Edward and all I am asking is that you stay with us for one more year to help him cope without her!" Carlisle's usually calm voice was filled with anger but I was more preoccupied with what he had just said, a shiver going down my spine.

_We know that Edward is falling in love with her and that she is going to return those feelings…_

Love?

Love?

I lifted a hand to my mouth, trembling slightly with uncertainty and anticipation at the very thought. So desirable, so… so amazing. And so terrifying.

"We don't _know_ anything! Alice isn't always right!" Rosalie hissed loudly and my un-beating heart leapt into my mouth and I felt nauseous.

Alice had predicted that Edward and I would fall in love? When? Had she seen it before I'd started coming over or once we'd become friends?

"I'm right about this, Rose." Alice said angrily, "Don't be so awful."

"Oh, _please_." Rosalie scorned, the disdain dripping from her every word, "You took a chance on a passing vision. This isn't the first time someone in this family has brought someone along, hoping Edward would fall for her. What about Tanya?"

Tanya?

"Rose-" Emmett tried to interrupt but Rosalie's voice drowned his out.

"What about me, Carlisle? You were _so_ convinced that Edward and I were right for each other! That's the only reason I'm here! You would have left me to die if you hadn't wanted someone to keep Edward company! And now you've got a new project, another experiment!"

My knees felt weak and I clutched tightly at the door handle, trying to keep myself standing. I felt ill and wanted to scream.

I was here because Alice had seen Edward falling in love with me in one of her unreliable visions. I was here because Carlisle wanted a… what had Rosalie called it? A _project._ He had turned Rosalie into a vampire so that Edward would have someone.

_Rosalie… has had difficulty coming to terms with her change. It happened amidst some dreadful circumstances and she has remained bitter._ Carlisle's own words rang in my head. I couldn't understand it, couldn't bear the thought that Carlisle, my Doc, had done something like that…

And who in god's name was _Tanya_?

The angry voices suddenly fell silent as Alice gasped, loud enough for me to hear her.

"No… Bella!"

I didn't want to know. Anger and hurt at their betrayal were pounding through my empty veins and I ran full pelt towards the front door, even though I knew that I couldn't outrun them. I shouldn't be here; the only reasons that I had ever been asked to come here for were no longer relevant – I wouldn't be the next in a long line paraded in front of Edward and I sure as hell wouldn't be some science project for a bored vampire.

They were all gathered in the living room, all except Edward and Jasper, and as I passed, Alice darted forward and seized my arm.

"Bella, please don't go!"

"Get the hell off me, Alice!" I spat, tugging my arm away. Esme was staring at me brokenheartedly and Carlisle moved forward, his expression full of sorrow and regret.

"Bella, I'm so sorry." He said softly, "Please let me explain."

"Not interested, Carlisle." I hissed, "Just stay the hell away from me, all of you. You can pass that on to Edward and Jasper too. I'm not a fucking project and I'm not going to be manipulated by anymore of your bullshit!"

"Bella, _please-_" Esme began but I stepped back, settling my eyes on Rosalie who was watching me with a blank face.

"Enjoy, Rosalie. You win. I'm out of here and I guess I should thank you for at least being honest with me. At least one of you fucking was." Carlisle flinched and Alice looked like she was going to cry, her face crumpled in dismay.

"Don't go, Bella. Please, you're my friend, please don't go…" She let out a little sob, "I can't see you. I don't know why, but _please_…"

I turned away and walked through the door, setting off into a run as I made for the town, leaving everything that I had loved about my afterlife behind me.

* * *

**A/N: Shit, may I introduce you to fan? I think you'll get on splendidly!**

**Thank you ever so much for the reviews, they're like teeny tiny rays of sunshine, lighting up my gloomy days! Just to clarify – the 'EPov' Chapters cover what has happened in Bella's chapters, but with new scenes and sections, so… yeah. One or two people seemed confused about seeing the same conversations. **

**Try – SO perfect for this chapter, especially "**_As I say goodbye to the way of life  
I thought I had designed for me_." **She trusted the Cullens and made herself vulnerable and now she's found that they've kind of been manipulating her from the off. Bad times for her, especially when she was starting to let herself fall for Edward.**

**Great smoochy hugs to Sarah, for she is marvellous. We have both finished placement and have just four weeks at uni; unfortunately those weeks are filled with essays and presentations, so once again, it may be a little wait but after that we are free for the summer! Woohoo! Except that Sarah is buggering off to New Zealand. Bitter? Me? … nope.**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a Damien Rice CD. Enjoy!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	16. Any Other World

**Chapter 16**

**In any other world  
You could tell the difference  
And let it all unfurl  
Into broken remnants  
Smile like you mean it  
And let yourself let go  
Cos it's all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man  
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in  
Take a bow, play the part of a lonely, lonely heart  
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in  
To the world you thought you lived in**

**~Any Other World by Mika~**

I knew I didn't have long. Chances were that Alice had already called Edward and he would be on his way back. I couldn't go home, he would find me there straight away and I knew that he wouldn't hurt Charlie. I had to go somewhere where he couldn't get to me, where he couldn't try and dazzle me into believing him when I was already so confused, so hurt and lost in my emotions.

I knew almost immediately where I could go – the place where none of the Cullens could reach me, the only place where they weren't allowed to go. I changed direction and started running towards La Push.

* * *

I didn't know where the boundary line was to La Push – Carlisle had mentioned it before, but I'd never pressed for details. I took a guess and figured that Jake's house would be well within the limits. I could hide out in the garage for a while and get my thoughts organised.

And maybe cry a little.

I sniffed as I walked the last fifteen minutes to Jacob's house, rubbing at my eyes. The emotions were threatening to overwhelm me, the anger fading into the incredible urge to start howling. All the hopes that I'd let myself build up over the last few months were crashing down around me and it felt like an iron fist was squeezing around my heart, crippling me.

I pulled my windswept hair out of my face and tucked it into my hood, hating the stray tear that had escaped. I wiped it away quickly before turning down the path that led to Jacob's house. The sun was almost set and I saw Billy sitting on the porch, enjoying the last of the day. I trudged over to the garage and looked in the door.

Jacob was bent over the rabbit, an oily rag hanging out of the back pocket of his jeans. He looked like he'd grown two feet since I'd last been up here and his hair was cut short and shaggy, from what I could see from behind. He whistled quietly and reached for the rag, leaning into the engine. I walked over to the high workbench and climbed up on it, hunching up and burying my face in my knees as the tears finally began to come.

They had all lied to me, by omission if not directly. If it hadn't been for Alice seeing a possible future where Edward loved me, I would never have been part of their lives. The feelings that were beginning to emerge between Edward and I… were they real, or did they only feel that way because Edward and Alice had been manipulating the situation? It was agonisingly upsetting and I was angry at them and at myself for letting my guard down in the first place.

The situation with Doc was equally heartbreaking and with no exaggeration. My heart literally felt like it was shattering into pieces, because his part in this hurt almost more than Edward and Alice's. Whilst they had befriended me, enchanted me, Carlisle had done more. He had welcomed me to his family, had insisted that I belonged with them, that I would _always_ have a place with them. More pandering to Alice's premonition?

And the experiments… the overwhelming curiosity of a bored vampire? Had I simply been a way to pass the time, a hobby for lack of a better word? How could the man who had informed me, in no uncertain terms, that he wanted me with his family permanently have only ever wanted me for scientific purposes?

Too many questions. No answers. Not without going back there and I certainly didn't wan-

"Don't cry."

My head jerked up. I had almost forgotten where I was and found myself staring into the intensely dark eyes of Jacob Black. Because he was watching me.

What. The. _Hell_?

I stared at him wide-eyed, my hands clutching at my side as he cocked his head, giving me a lazy smile.

"I mean, finding a random girl in my garage is one thing, but if she starts crying, I really have to sit up and take notice, you know?"

"Wha… but… how…?" I stammered, still staring at him in disbelief. His smile widened and he reached over to the workbench, pulling a slightly cleaner rag out of a toolbox and holding it out to me.

"Here. No more crying, OK?"

I couldn't stop staring at him. His smile twitched slightly and he ran an oily hand through his hair.

"You know, I'm going to have to ask some questions, right? Your name would be a good start."

"You can see me." I blurted out and he chuckled, folding his arms across his chest.

"Yeah, I've been working on this sight thing for a while."

"No… I mean… you shouldn't be able to see me. You…"

"Jake!" Another voice broke the tense air and we both jerked our heads towards the door as Embry fell through, panting. He straightened abruptly and grinned, "Oh… sorry, I didn't realise you were… _busy_."

Embry could see me too.

I scrambled off the workbench, keeping my distance as I backed away from both of them, my eyes feeling as though they were going to fall out of my head. What the hell was happening? How could…

No. _No!_

"Jacob, we need to get you to a doctor." I gasped and he snorted. Embry raised his eyebrows.

"Going to introduce me, Jake?"

"Hell, _I_ don't even know who she is!" Jacob laughed and held out his hand to me, "Jacob Black."

"I know who you are, we don't have time for this! We have to get you both to a doctor!" I insisted angrily, glancing at Embry, "There's something wrong, you shouldn't be able to see me!"

"Why'd you pick a crazy one, Jake?" Embry joked and I glowered at him.

"I swear to god, Embry, I will beat you down."

"How do you know our names? And why won't you tell me yours?" Jacob asked curiously and I ran my hands through my hair, frustration surging in my chest.

"Will you _please_ listen to me? I have had a _really_ bad day." I growled, moving towards Jacob and planting myself in front of him, "You and Embry are coming with me and we are going to find a doctor because there is something wrong with you both and you are _not_ going to argue with me!"

They stared at me and then Embry began to chuckle but Jacob's eyes widened. He leant forward slightly, moving his face towards mine. His nostrils flared and he sniffed. I scowled.

"Personal space, kid. Now get a move on, we have to go." I turned, trying to think up a plan. There must be a doctor somewhere on the reservation, if I could persuade Jacob and Embry to go and get an examination done we could find out why they could see me. If we weren't too late. How close to death could they be, they both looked so healthy?

Of course, all of this became irrelevant because Jacob seized my hand, a rumbling growl emanating from his chest. I gasped, his hand incredibly hot against my skin, and tried to tug away but he held me still, his handsome face twisted in anger.

"You're not allowed here! You're breaking the treaty!"

"What?"

"Jacob, what are you…?" Embry paused and sniffed before narrowing his eyes, "Is that…?"

"She stinks of it." Jacob spat and I glared.

"You're not daisy-fresh yourself, you brat."

"Shut the hell up! Embry, go get Sam. We need to deal with-"

"The eyes aren't right." Embry interrupted, "She has brown eyes. I thought they all had red or gold eyes."

Something clicked and I gasped, before biting my lip because they had turned to me with suspicious eyes. I swallowed hard before realising something.

"Shit. Jacob, what about Billy?"

"What about him? How do you know about Billy?" Jacob demanded angrily and I scowled, my patience wearing thin.

"Jake, shut _up_. You need to listen to me." I said and tugged my arm. He let me go reluctantly, eyes narrowed. I breathed deeply.

"I know what you're thinking. I know who you're talking about with the… the eyes thing. But we don't have time for that now. The fact is that you shouldn't be able to see me because people who can see me are… OK, it's complicated, but I need to go and see Billy because… because if _he_ can see me…"

Not Billy. Not my father's best friend, the man who had been like an uncle to me. Jacob didn't have a mom, he would be all alone, his sister's didn't live nearby, he didn't have _anyone_.

I looked at Embry who was frowning at me and then back to Jacob before shaking my head.

"I don't have red eyes or gold eyes. And… and I _will_ explain but, Jake, if you can see me, that means that something is wrong. And if Billy can see me, the situation will only get worse. So can we please just make sure that Billy is OK before-"

"You're not going anywhere near my dad!" Jacob snarled.

OK. Enough is enough.

I rolled my eyes and put my hands on my hips.

"You know what, Jake? You are such a _child_. I guess some things never change and apparently no one ever told you to respect your elders."

I turned my back to them and walked through the wooden wall of the garage and towards the house. I heard scrambling behind me but didn't look back as I approached the porch. Billy was smoking a pipe, scratching his knee idly and I climbed up the ramp that led to the porch, before crouching beside the wheelchair. I saw Jacob and Embry approaching slowly, eyes uncertain and afraid. I looked back at Billy and tilted my head so that I could see his face clearly. He was watching the two boys idly.

"You boys alright?"

"Billy, can you see me?" I asked loudly, so that Embry and Jacob could hear me. Billy didn't react and that small fact lightened my heart a little. They stared and Billy frowned.

"Jake, what's wrong?"

"Can't you…?" He stared and I shook my head swiftly, "Uh… nothing. I just… did you want to go in yet?"

"I can get myself in, you boys keep working on that car. Anything that keeps you out of trouble."

I stepped back and perched myself on the unsteady porch railings as he wheeled past. Jacob waited until Billy had disappeared into the house before walking up onto the porch and closing the door and turning to me, eyes like slits as he glared at me.

"What _are_ you?" He demanded, standing over me, clearly hoping to intimidate me. I gazed up at him thoughtfully.

"Me? I'm a ghost. The real question, Jacob Black… is what is wrong with you?"

* * *

I managed to convince them both to come back into the garage. The last thing we needed was Billy seeing Jacob and Embry talking to thin air. They stood, arms folded, watching me closely as I took a deep breath and tried to explain.

"OK. So. The thing is… as I said, I'm a ghost. I'm dead. And for ages no one could see me. But then I found out that some… _people_ can." I paused and glanced at Jacob, "Dying people. People very close to death can see and touch me. Which is why we need to get you to a doctor, Jake, and you too, Embry. I think you're dying."

They exchanged an amused glance and I scowled.

"This isn't a joke!"

"Honestly, lady? I've never felt healthier in my life." Embry grinned and Jacob rolled his eyes. I glared at them both.

"I've just told you that you're both dying and _this_ is how you react?"

"We're not dying." Jacob said calmly, "But we can't tell you… put it this way - we are different. And that's all you're getting out of me until you answer some questions."

"We don't have _time_ for questions, Jacob!"

"Well, make time." He said sharply and I glared at him, leaning back against the work surface and folding my arms, imitating his pose.

"Jacob-"

"How do you know my name? And what's your name? In fact, answer that one first." Jacob ordered and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"When the hell did you get so bossy?"

"Why are you acting like you know me, ghost?"

"Don't call me ghost, I have a name!"

"Tell me what it is then."

I hesitated and swallowed, uncertain about my next move. As soon as I told him who I was… Charlie couldn't know. He couldn't have this brought up, he suffered too much just thinking about me. If Jacob tried to run his mouth off…

I tugged at the sleeves of my hoodie, pulling them down over my hands as I dropped my gaze to the floor. Telling him my name gave him power over me and that hadn't exactly worked out for me last time. But he needed answers and so did I, if I wanted to get him help. Of course, the best doctor I knew wasn't exactly available and for whatever reason, the Quileutes didn't trust the Cullens. Billy knew what they were but I didn't know if Jacob did, although he knew _something_. But I wasn't getting answers without giving him any.

I looked at Embry.

"I'd like to talk to Jacob in private. If that's OK?" I asked uncertainly. Embry and Jacob exchanged a meaningful look and Embry nodded.

"I need to catch up with the guys anyway. Sam will want us soon, Jake."

"You go ahead. Let him know I'll be there soon." Jacob assured him and Embry disappeared after casting me a last curious look. I waited until he was gone before looking back up at Jacob.

"I've known you since you were a tiny baby, Jacob." I said quietly, "You have two sisters, Rachel and Rebecca. Your father is Billy and your mom was Sarah. She had long black hair and she made the most amazing chocolate chip cookies I ever had. I only got to have them a couple of times because I was only here in the summer and she died when you were three."

Jacob stared at me, his jaw clenched with emotion. His eyes were dark but shining slightly. I felt a harsh lump in my throat and forced myself to meet his eyes.

"When you were six I came to live in Forks. I came to babysit you and the twins a couple of times and you made me read Jack and the Beanstalk about ten times before you would go to bed."

Realisation was dawning and Jacob lifted a hand to his hair, tightening it in the black locks as he stared at me, eyes widening. I took a deep breath and wrapped my arms around myself.

"You took care of your father so that your sisters were able to go and live their lives, so that they could get married and go to college. You like to build things and you put that car together pretty much from the ground up. You don't like football but you'll sit and watch it with your dad and with…"

Tears were threatening again and I forced them back. I had cried too much today but Jacob had let out a shuddering breath and shook his head slowly, never taking his eyes off me. I sniffed hard.

"You're a smart kid, Jacob." I whispered, "And I'm pretty sure you've figured out who I am by now."

He nodded, still staring and sighed quietly.

"Geez… you know, you have his eyes? They're just like…"

"Charlie's." I agreed and Jacob made a small huffing noise of surprise.

"Yeah. Yeah… you're… you're Bella, aren't you?"

"That'd be me." I nodded, my voice tight with emotion. Jacob gave a strange, strangled laugh and scratched his head.

"Holy crap… hell, you're a lot shorter than I remember."

"It was ten years ago, kid." I reminded him, "You've just gotten a lot taller. A hell of a lot taller."

"Ten years. You died ten years ago." Jacob said, almost to himself. "That's crazy, Bella. You're dead."

"I know."

"You're a ghost."

"Yup. And now we've established that fact, can we please get you to a doctor? Is there one on the rez?"

Jacob jerked out of his stupor and grinned, running a hand through his hair.

"Oh, that. Yeah, I'm not going to a doctor."

"Jacob, I will not hesitate to kick your ass. I have had a hell of a day and I don't want to argue with you."

"So don't. Look, Bella, I've been going through same _changes_ lately and they've left me a little… unusual." He sighed heavily, "It's kinda hard to explain because I'm not really allowed to tell. But this is a weird situation."

He fell silent, deep in concentration. I moved closer to him, paying close attention to his physical appearance. He was taller than the last time I'd seen him, quite a bit taller. His hair was ragged as though he'd cut it himself and his face had lost it's roundness that had kept him looking so youthful. Even from a foot away, I could feel the heat emanating from his skin.

"Jacob, do you have a fever?"

"Nope."

"You're…" I hovered a hand over his arm, feeling the heat. It was impossibly warm for an average human, "Jacob, you're burning up."

"It's just one of those changes I mentioned. So, tell me about being a ghost."

"No, tell me why we're not finding a doctor!" I said firmly and he gave me a lopsided grin, lifting his hand and catching mine. He gave an overdramatic shiver.

"Cold!"

"Jacob!"

"Bella, I've just found out that someone who died ten years ago has been watching me as a ghost. Give me a break and answer some questions, OK?"

I looked down at our joined hands, the russet shade of his skin against the paleness of mine, the incredible heat of his flesh contrasted with the dead cold of my own. I sighed and shook my head but Jacob winced, his nose wrinkling.

"Geez, that _smell…_"

"What are you talking about?" I sniffed a lock of my hair, unable to notice any particular smell. Jacob pulled a face.

"It's gross. Kind of sickly sweet, it's making me feel nauseous."

"I don't _smell_."

"You smell like…" He stopped and narrowed his eyes, "Hmm. Maybe we should talk about this later."

"Or we could talk about it now. Quit deflecting me, Jacob."

He looked torn, between wanting to talk more and worrying about the consequences, though what those consequences were, I had no idea. But he was distracted suddenly by the sound of a wolf howling nearby and he swore, stepping back and releasing my hand. My skin felt like it had been burnt by the heat of him and I rubbed it gently. Then I heard footsteps running towards the garage and turned quickly as a figure appeared in the doorway. He was tall, dark-skinned with very short hair and shirtless, which I couldn't comprehend given the typical weather of constant drizzle.

The stranger's dark eyes fell on me and then narrowed as he scanned me from head to foot. I stepped back uncertainly and Jacob cleared his throat.

"Hey Sam."

"Embry just came over saying that there's some strange girl here that smells like the Cold Ones and I need to check it out. Is this her?" He said abruptly and I scowled.

"It is and I _can_ hear you."

Apparently my survival instincts were quashed beneath my need for good manners.

Sam's eyes narrowed and I took another step back, feeling the workbench press against my thighs. I swallowed, suddenly nervous. Another one that could see me, another one like Jacob. What was going on in La Push?

Sam stalked towards me and I scooted back along the bench, but he paused a few feet away, his nostrils flaring and he glowered at me.

"You're breaking the treaty."

"She's not a Cold One, Sam. Check the eyes out." Jacob insisted and I glanced at him.

"Cold One…?"

"She stinks of it, Jacob! Did you tell her anything?" Sam snarled and I frowned but Jacob shook his head.

"Not a thing. But she's suspicious. Did Embry tell you what she is?"

"What do you mean, _what she is_? You said she wasn't a-"

"She isn't!"

If there was one thing I hated more than being lied to by my only friends, finding out that an old family friend was possibly dying and then having doubts about the reality of my existence – it was being talked about like I wasn't there.

I know, my priorities are seriously messed up.

"Hey." I said sharply and they both looked at me as though they'd forgotten that I was there, "I am still here. I can hear everything you're saying and if you want to ask me something, Sam Uley, you ask _me_. Don't be so damn rude!"

"How do you know my name?" He narrowed his eyes and I sighed. This was getting old.

"Cut the crap. I'm telling you once and only once because I'm sick of doing this. My name is Isabella Swan. I'm a ghost and people can't usually see me. As far as I know, the only ones that can are the ones that are about to die. So start giving me some answers, Sam, because I'm going to haunt this reservation until you do."

He stared at me and Jacob began to snigger. I glared at him and then jumped as a wolf howled somewhere very close by.

"What the…?" I glanced at the two boys, but they were watching me closely, as though searching for my reaction. Uncertainly, I moved through the workbench and wall, looking towards the forest.

My still heart leapt into my throat as three large wolves shifted out of the shadows, stalking towards me. I let out a strangled cry and began to back away, not sure if I should run or stand perfectly still. They couldn't see me if I stood still right? Or was that dinosaurs?

Sam and Jacob both appeared by the door to the garage, Sam staring at me. I gave them a frantic wild-eyed look.

"Don't move! There are wolves!"

"Guys, don't freak her out." Jacob said dryly and Sam scowled and waved at the wolves. They stopped in their tracks and I blinked in astonishment. Sam turned to me and folded his arms across his bare chest.

"We need to talk, Isabella Swan. But not here. Jacob is going to take you to my house."

"How did you…?" I looked back to the wolves and then back to Jacob who was watching me with a slight grin. The bits began to slide into place and one of the wolves, a skinny grey one, began to shift, it's mouth hanging open in a grin. Jacob gave it a sideways look and laughed quietly.

The penny dropped and my mouth fell open.

"Oh my god… you're a _werewolf_!"

* * *

**A/N: Hello my darlings! Thank you SO much for the reviews, the most of any chapter so far! And yes, Jacob is here. I love him. LOVE HIM. My beta does not. I force her to look at pictures of him for hours on end, hoping to brainwash her into loving him. No luck so far, but I can keep trying. **

**Any Other World – So not only has Bella lost her friends/new found family, there are now werewolves. Goodbye to the world she thought she lived in.**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and empty garage to entertain yourselves in.**


	17. Follow The Light

**Chapter 17**

**Nobody wants to know  
Cos nobody even cares  
Everyone's on the make  
Yeah and everyone's out for themselves  
Me I'm on the longest road  
Where everything's overload  
But I've got my heart and soul  
So don't throw me overboard  
Cos it's alright  
Just follow the light  
And don't be afraid of the dark  
In the moonlight  
You'll dance til you fall and always be here in my heart**

**~Follow The Light by Travis~**

Jacob and Sam exchanged a look. I swallowed hard and looked back at the wolves. They were standing patiently, their eyes dark and calm. They appeared to be looking towards Sam as though for orders. Sam looked back at me and nodded.

"We'll talk more at my place." He disappeared into the garage and less than a minute later an enormous black wolf, almost taller than I was, emerged. I gasped and jumped back as it stalked past me, limbs rippling with muscle under the thick fur. The wolves all turned and ran towards the trees, disappearing into the shadows.

Jacob's hand clapped down on my shoulder and I shrieked, jumping about a foot into the air. A ghost with a nervous disposition. Surely _I_ should be the one making people jump?

"Calm down, Bella Swan. C'mon, they'll be waiting." He grinned down at me.

"You're a werewolf. Jacob, how…?" I began but he shook his head and nodded to a motorbike that was leaning against the garage wall.

"Come on. Do you need a helmet?"

"I'm already dead. Road safety isn't a big issue for me." I said quietly, feeling rather in shock. Jacob wheeled the bike towards me and climbed on, patting the seat behind him.

"Jump on and hold tight. I'm not one for speed limits."

"I'm sure my dad would love to hear that." I said dryly.

"Charlie loves me," Jacob grinned, starting the engine, "He wouldn't give me a ticket."

The motorcycle lurched forward and I tightened my grip around Jacob's waist as we sped off.

* * *

Sam's house was tucked away down a dirt path, surrounded by trees, giving it a rustic feel. Jacob sped down the path ridiculously quickly and I was tempted to yell abuse at him but he probably would have ignored me anyway. Kid had no manners. He pulled to a fast stop outside the small wooden house and tugged off his helmet, grinning down at me.

"OK there?"

"Well, if I wasn't already dead, that ride would have given me a heart attack." I said flatly and looked over at the house. Several tall boys had come out, all shirtless and looking curious. I spotted Embry amongst them and he waved. It reminded me of Emmett and my heart panged.

I missed them so much. And I was still so angry. And now I had a ton of werewolf boys who could see me and were all staring at me like I was the latest Xbox game.

"So, this is the ghost? I thought she'd be more interesting." One of the boys said, smirking. I glared at him.

"So, this is the werewolf pack? I thought you'd be hairier." I said bitingly.

"Guys, this is Isabella Swan. Bella. Y'know, Charlie Swan's daughter." Jacob introduced me.

Alarm ran through me and I looked at them quickly.

"You can't tell him about me. Seriously, he can't see me, I don't want him freaking out. But I don't get how _you_ can all see me." I looked around but paused as a young woman came out of the house. She was beautiful, long black hair falling down her back. But her face was marred by long claw marks and I couldn't help but stare. Jacob nudged me.

"That's Sam's girlfriend, Emily. Don't stare." He said under his breath.

"Jacob, where is she?" Emily said, looking curious, "I thought you were bringing her."

Jacob's hand went down on my shoulder again as he propelled me forward.

"Hey Emily. Here she is."

Emily stared blankly at him before glancing around. Finally, someone normal! Someone who couldn't see me. I looked up at Jacob.

"That's more like it." I said smugly and he blinked in confusion. The boys all hesitated, uncertain and looking at me warily.

"Sam? What's going on?" Emily asked curiously and Sam frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"You said that Jacob was bringing a ghost girl. Where is she?"

"She's right here." Sam said and pointed at me. I grinned, pleased that they were finally understanding.

"She can't see me. I could be doing cartwheels around her and she wouldn't know."

"Why not?" Embry asked.

"Because she's not dead. Or, apparently, a werewolf because you can see me for some bizarre reason." I said and shrugged, "Look, I don't know how it works. It just happens this way."

"Sam?" Emily asked again, a little nervously since all the guys were staring at what appeared, to her, to be an empty patch of air. Sam turned to her and ran his hands calmingly up and down her arms.

"Let's go inside, sweetheart. We can figure this out inside."

They started to trek inside and Jacob looked down at me.

"Everything OK?"

"I don't know. This situation is beyond weird. You're a werewolf, Jacob." I stared up at this boy that I'd watched grow up, who'd spent most of his childhood covered in mud and watching Charlie and Billy gutting fish.

He was a werewolf.

"Werewolves, Vampires and Ghosts. Forks sure has got it all." I murmured and he looked down sharply.

"Yeah… well, let's get inside." He said abruptly and I frowned at his retreating back. Random mood change, much?

I walked up to the house and stepped inside nervously. The wolf boys were all sat at a large kitchen table, devouring great plates of food. Emily was hovering nearby and Sam reached for her instinctively, an arm around her waist. That made me curious; I'd thought that Sam was Leah Clearwater's boyfriend? Or maybe that had changed in the past couple of months. Who knew?

I hovered by the door and Jacob waved to me, a muffin in his large hand.

"Come on in, Bella."

"Would she like to sit down?" Emily asked, still glancing around a little nervously. I shook my head.

"I'm good, thanks."

"She says she's fine." Jacob said through a mouthful of blueberry muffin.

"Would she like some food?" Emily offered and I smiled.

"I can't eat, but thank you." Again, Jacob relayed this message and I looked over at Sam.

"So, you're the Wolf Boss?"

"Alpha of the pack." He confirmed and put down the bread roll that he'd been chewing on. I wrapped my arms around my waist, watching him closely.

"How did this happen?" I asked softly, "How did you… become wolves? I mean, you weren't always wolves, right?"

"It's a fairly recent development." One of the other boys said with a grin and Jacob pointed at him.

"That's Jared. You already know Embry and the one in the corner is Paul."

"We became wolves to protect our tribe." Sam interrupted abruptly, "From threats."

"Threats?" I scoffed, "Like what? This is _Forks_."

"A new threat." Paul, the angry looking one, said sharply, glaring at me.

They all stopped eating and looked at me. I met Jacob's eyes and he was watching me, willing me to understand. And I did.

I shifted uncomfortably and then shook my head.

"They're… they don't feed from people." I said chokingly, shrinking away from their glares. Paul gave a soft growl and Sam gave him a warning glance.

"You smell like the Cullens, Bella Swan. You smell like the enemy."

"Why are they your enemy?" I asked curiously, "They don't even come to La Push, Carl- I mean… they mentioned a treaty."

"That's the reason they're allowed to stay in Forks," Jacob explained, "As long as they hunt outside our lands and don't attack humans, they can stay."

This was news to me. I leaned against an exposed wooden beam, watching as they picked at the last remnants of the food, all throwing me uncertain glances. After a long moment, Sam straightened up and looked me in the eye.

"What do you know about the Cullens?"

"I'm not going to feed you information about them!"

"How do we know that _she_ isn't a spy?" Paul snarled and I scowled at him.

"A spy? What the hell would I tell them? That you're all grotesquely hairy and spend all day stuffing your faces with food?"

Jacob and Embry both laughed and even Jared cracked a smile. Emily looked like she'd given up trying to understand the situation and was collecting the plates. Paul glared at me, his fists clenching but Sam gave him another look.

"Bella, Paul does raise a good point. Why are you here now?" He asked and Jacob frowned.

"C'mon, Sam…" He said, but he glanced at me in a way that suggested he'd been wondering this himself.

Now, did I really want to admit to a pack of werewolves that I'd had a fight with my vampire-buddies after they'd already expressed some extreme animosity towards aforementioned buddies?

Not so much.

I swallowed and shrugged, avoiding their looks.

"I come up here from time to time. To check on Jacob and Billy. See how they're doing."

"How did you meet the Cullens?" Embry asked and I shrugged again, rocking on my feet.

"Um… well, they could see me. I guess… well, they're dead. And people who are dead or dying can see me."

"Then how comes _we_ can see you?" Jacob wondered aloud and Sam made a 'hmm' noise.

"Well, we don't age. It's not the same as being dead, but we don't change, maybe it works the same way." He suggested. I kind of wanted to put that theory forward to Carlisle. He'd make sense of it.

God, this was a mess. I couldn't believe how much I missed them. Carlisle and Edward especially. I guess I should have been relieved that Edward hadn't been there when I'd overheard the conversation. He would have stopped me; I couldn't have walked away from him. I wouldn't have wanted to.

"Bella?"

My head jerked up and I realised that I'd been staring at the floor. And that my eyes were filled with tears. God, how embarrassing. I cleared my throat and Jacob pushed himself up, crossing to me with concern etched on his face.

"Are you okay?" He asked and I pressed back against the wall.

"I'm fine. I'm…" My voice faded away.

He leaned against a nearby surface, eyes fixed on my face. I breathed deeply and looked at Sam.

"I'm not here about the Cullens. I didn't know about you all being… what you are."

"How do we know you won't go back and tell them about us?" Sam asked, not harshly but with a sense of responsibility, taking on the role of chief amongst the group. I stared at the floor.

"I'm… I'm not really… _seeing_ them. Anymore."

"What do you mean?" Jacob asked quickly and I hugged my arms around my waist, feeling tears pricking again. Jesus, this was embarrassing.

"We had a… a fight, I guess. I walked out today."

"Why?" Paul demanded and I glared at him.

"None of your business."

"You're running away from them. That's why you came to La Push, you already knew they couldn't get to you here." He pointed out and anger surged through my veins, red hot at his judgement of my actions, "How do we know they won't come here after you?"

"Because they wouldn't do that!" I said loudly. Paul scoffed and looked at Sam.

"You listening to this bullshit? She's leading them straight here! If the treaty is broken-"

"Hell, I didn't realise werewolf was Quileute for _asshole_." I spat and turned, storming through the closed door. I heard an intake of breath behind me but ignored it. That reaction got old quick. The door flew open and Jacob's voice called after me. He caught my arm and spun me around but I stepped back, looking daggers at him.

"Back off, Jacob. I didn't come here to be accused and harassed!"

He frowned and held up his hands in a surrendering pose.

"Look, Paul's just an ass. We're all a little edgy thinking about the Cullens, but just because you keep company with-"

"Will you _please_ just stop talking about the god damn Cullens?" I hissed, pushing my hair out of my face, "I am _sick_ of it. I am sick of hearing about them, about thinking about them, after what they _did-_"

"What did they do?" Jacob's voice was concerned and I turned away.

"Stop it, Jake."

"Did they hurt you?" He sounded angry.

"I said stop it!"

"Bella-"

"_Stop it_!" I half screamed, taking a few steps away, putting a shield up around me as I turned to glare at him, "Just stop it!"

"You were crying." He said softly, as though just remembering, "When you came to the garage, you were crying. What did they do to you?"

"They LIED, okay?" I shouted, and the tears began falling unstoppably as all the frustration and anger and hurt bubbled to the surface, "They lied to me! The only people to see me in ten fucking years and they messed me up! They… shit, they welcomed me and told me that they cared and that they wanted me around and then I found out that it was all bullshit and they just… they…"

I shook my head, trying to speak around the lump in my throat. I was vaguely aware of the other boys listening from the door, keeping out of the light rain that was now plastering my hair to my face. Jacob was staring at me, his expression unreadable. I swallowed hard.

"Ten years, Jacob. Ten years of just me, just… _nothing_. And then they came along and Alice was my friend and Carlisle told me that he wanted me to be a part of their family, he and Esme both. Emmett was like my brother, he was wonderful to me and… and Edward…"

I sobbed. I couldn't help it. I was like an emotional teenager crying over her first break up. Before I could move, I was wrapped in Jacob's arms, my face pressed into his hot chest. One hand ran up and down my back comfortingly and he made shushing noises.

"It's OK, Bells. It's OK." _Bells? Really? _"Look… let's just go back to mine and you can settle down. It's getting late, you can take my bed, I'll crash on the couch and-"

"I don't sleep."

"Oh. Well, you can still hang out. What do you like to do?" He asked and I sniffled.

"Um. Read, I guess."

"I've got books. Most of them have never been read, it'll be like you're at a bookstore."

I was silent for a long moment, my face still squashed against his grey t-shirt. He smelt musty and slightly metallic, like the oil he usually had smeared over his clothes.

"That sounds good."

* * *

Jacob was asleep quickly and I could hear his snoring from the living room of the tiny house. I was reading my way through a copy of _The Jungle Book_ that had been either Rachel or Rebecca's. I hadn't read it before and was trying to engross myself in the adventures of Mowgli and his wolf family, feeling very aware of the wolves. After all, boys and wolves had suddenly become rather prominent features of my existence.

I was restless and fidgeted uncontrollably. And when I got like this, I liked to organise. In fact, by the time Billy rolled through to the kitchen, I had alphabetised the books, the DVDs and the three years worth of TV magazines that were stuffed in the magazine rack. Billy didn't seem to notice anything and I wandered into the kitchen after him, watching as he fixed himself a plate of toast. He hummed lightly to himself before shouting over his shoulder.

"Rise and shine, kid!"

"I'm up." Jake yawned his way into the kitchen and leaned over to steal a bit of Billy's toast. I smacked his fingers, scowling and he yelped, pulling back. Billy shot him a weird glance.

"Uh… cramp." He mumbled and shot me a dirty look.

"You can fix your own damn breakfast, Jake." I told him sternly and he pouted, going to the cupboard and taking out a bowl, pouring himself a huge portion of cereal. He slumped at the table and began to shovel the food into his mouth. I pulled a face.

"Table manners, boy. I taught you better than that." Billy scolded and I smirked.

"Listen to your old man. Wise guy, he is."

He rolled his eyes, still chomping away. Billy sighed and they finished their breakfast in companionable silence. As he slurped up the last of his milk, Jacob let out a soft burp.

"Any plans today, Dad?"

"Charlie's heading up. We're going fishing and then we're going to Charlie's for the game. You want to meet up with us for some pizza?"

"Sure sure." Jacob nodded and went to the sink, preparing to dump his bowl. I cleared my throat and he sighed, before washing it under the tap and setting it on the draining board. There was a knock at the door and Billy pushed himself back from the table.

"That'll be Charlie."

Jacob shot me an uncertain look and I sighed, pushing myself away from the wall and going into the living room. Charlie was leaning against the doorframe and nodded to Jacob.

"Morning, Jacob."

"Morning, Charlie." Jacob said as casually as he could and I sighed.

"Don't be weird, Jake. It's not like he knows I'm here." I reminded him but he still watched Charlie with a furrowed brow. My father, for his part, tilted his head at Jacob.

"You OK there, kid?"

"…Yeah." Jacob nodded and Billy glanced up at him.

"Sure you don't want to come fishing?"

"Very sure," Jacob grinned, "I'm not into the whole _sitting still_ thing."

"That's youth for you." Charlie chuckled as he followed Billy down the ramp, "See you around eight, Jake."

He waved them goodbye before shutting the door and looking at me curiously.

"Are you OK? Seeing Charlie…"

"I've been hanging around for ten years, Jake. It doesn't upset me to be around him. As I said, It's not like he knows I'm here anyway." I shrugged, brushing those familiar feelings away, "Come on, Jacob. I think we need to talk."

* * *

I watched Jacob work on the Rabbit for most of Saturday. He seemed very much at home in the garage, covered in oil and surrounded by pieces of metal. But he was different – on edge, as though he was waiting for something, waiting for orders. I let him talk. He blabbered on for over an hour about being a wolf, about how it felt and how much he disliked the others being able to hear his thoughts and how proud his dad was about him being a 'defender of the tribe'. He even told me about imprinting.

"And Sam just _saw_ Emily and it was… I saw it, in his memories, it was like nothing else mattered. Like lightening striking and suddenly he knew why he was on earth. To be with her."

Jacob shuddered and I crossed my legs under me on the workbench, wiping the oil from a spanner he'd just handed me. I frowned.

"That sounds…"

"It's awful, right? I mean… just losing all of your free will like that? I mean, Sam seems fine, he loves Emily but-"

"Poor Leah." I murmured and Jacob sighed.

"I know."

"So, are you going to imprint, one day?" I asked curiously and he pulled a face.

"I hope not. But… there's always a chance. I guess."

It was a horrible thought. I wiped the spanner slowly, soaking up the oil in the cloth of an old rag. To lose everything that you thought you knew in a single moment. And to not even care, how could that be better?

I glanced up, feeling Jacob's eyes on me. He was watching with a strange intensity and I smiled weakly.

"That's a lot to take in, huh?"

"Ghosts and vampires and werewolves."

"Oh my."

"I see your sense of humour died with you."

"Cram it, wolf boy." I threw the oily rag at him and he caught it easily, grinning.

"Manners, ghost girl."

I stiffened and shook my head.

"Don't… don't call me that." I murmured. Jacob frowned and walked over to me, putting the rag down beside me on the bench.

"Bella?" He said softly and I looked up at him. There was a deep furrow between his black eyebrows and I wanted to smooth it out, because he was still just a boy and he shouldn't have such a heavy weight on his shoulders. My hand half twitched towards his face but before I could decide whether or not it was a good idea, he caught my hand with his large paw, twining his hot fingers with mine.

"Bella," He said quietly, "I've only hung out with you for twenty-four hours and I definitely don't want to stop you being around. So whatever those leeches did to drive you away, they're going to be kicking themselves because… because you're pretty damn special."

* * *

I stayed on the reservation for the whole weekend, hanging out with Jake and Embry. When I asked them about Quil's whereabouts, they explained that they were waiting for him to change.

"It won't be long. His temper keeps flaring up and his grandfather said that he's coming down with a temperature. He'll be a wolf before the end of the week." Embry said confidently. Jacob chuckled.

"He's going to freak. Bet you ten bucks it takes him more than a day to figure out how to change back."

"You're on. It only took me about fifteen hours and Quil's got it in his blood."

I rolled my eyes at their banter, grinning as Embry shovelled a handful of potato chips into his mouth. These boys ate a _lot_ – Jacob was eating Billy out of house and home, it was a good thing the girls didn't live at home anymore.

"Do you ever miss food, Bella?" Embry asked curiously and I sighed.

"Yeah, sometimes. There are some days when I could just kill for a burger. I loved to cook as well, but there isn't much opportunity for it these days. I have to keep an eye on Charlie's cooking though, he's picking up bad habits. I thought I'd cured him of those when I moved in."

"How long did you live with him for before…?" Embry seemed uncomfortable with saying the word.

"I died? Almost a year. Before that I'd only really spent the summers with him, I lived with my Mom before then."

Jacob stretched lazily, his hand brushing against my ankle, where I was sat higher than him. We were sat on the log pile outside the garage. The sun was out, but the air was still chilly. However, both boys were dressed in only denim cut-offs, the cold air not affecting their overheated wolf bodies. The heat of Jacob's skin against mine was burning, but I didn't mind. For some reason, all the tension I felt with physical contact with the Cullens didn't seem as bad with Jacob. Perhaps it was the easiness with which he initiated it, or the fact that I had known him for so much longer. He tickled my bare ankle and I jerked my foot, giving him a fake scowl.

"Knock it off, Jake. Have you done your homework yet?"

"Quit nagging me, woman!" He chuckled, squeezing my leg, "I did it at Charlie's on Saturday night."

I had stayed on the reservation last night.

I had to decide whether or not I was going back to Forks High the next day. I was in no way ready to face the Cullens, but I hated the idea of being driven away when I had been there first. I let out a breath and Jacob looked up at me, shielding his eyes from the light of the setting sun.

"What's up?"

"Nothing much." I said softly, sliding down to the next bench to sit next to Jacob. He curled an arm around me and I leant my head in his shoulder. His body heat was like a cocoon, a warm blanket that protected me. I felt vulnerable around Jacob, but different from the vulnerability around the Cullens. Jacob felt comforting and secure, not dangerous and exciting.

I didn't know which I preferred.

"Well, children, I'm going home, dinner will be ready." Embry said, stretching out and waving his goodbye. We watched as he ran into the forest and, a second later, heard a soft howl. Neither of us made a move to go back inside, the soft orange light flooding us. I closed my eyes and listened to Jacob's soft breathing. His hand was tracing irregular patterns against the cold skin of my upper arm, and even that screamed of warmth and security and home.

"Will you ever go back?" Jacob asked softly and I gave a gentle sigh.

"I'll have to. Charlie…"

"They can get to you at his house." He mused and I nodded.

"Yeah. They wouldn't though. They won't do anything that might blow their cover."

"Will you tell me what they did?" Jacob murmured, twisting his head to place it closer to mine. I felt his lips move against my forehead as he spoke.

I was silent for a long moment and he reached across, grasping my hand with his free one.

"You can tell me anything, Bella." He insisted and I smiled to myself.

"I know. I know I can." I replied, "I just don't know how to explain it. They're… I mean, can you even imagine being completely isolated for ten years? They welcomed me into their home, Jacob, after all that time and it was wonderful. They understood me, they welcomed me, they treated me like I was one of them."

The lump in my throat was so painful, I lifted my free hand to my neck, squeezing my eyes closed.

"I was… I felt for them, Jake. They were like my family; they were so good to me. Alice was my friend, like my best friend. Even when I was alive, I didn't have a friend like her." I said, my voice sounding weird around my constricted throat and I cleared my throat, hoping to sound more normal. Jacob sighed, pressing his cheek to my forehead.

"There's more than that, right? The other night, when you arrived, you got really upset about… one of them." He said quietly. I didn't reply straightaway, instantly uncomfortable. Suddenly the warmth of his arm around me was too much, too hot, his hand on mine was calloused and burning instead of smooth and warm.

He wasn't Edward.

I stood up quickly, my hands in my hair as I tugged it back against my skull. Jacob leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees and a frown on his face as he watched me stare at the ground.

"There was… one of them. Called Edward." I whispered hoarsely and Jacob tensed, as though knowing what I was going to say. "I was… I think I was…"

"You love him."

It sounded so harsh from Jacob's lips and I looked over at him. The sun had dipped lower and his face was cast in the shadow of the garage. His eyes burned into mine and I shrugged awkwardly.

"I don't… not love. It wasn't love."

"But it was getting there."

"…Yeah." My dead heart was clenching and aching. I folded my arms over my chest, almost hoping it would ease the pain. Jacob stood up and I let out a shuddering breath.

"It doesn't matter. I was just one in a long line and he… I just fell for it."

"He hurt you." Jacob said, his voice hard. I didn't reply and I felt his hands on my shoulders, turning me to face him. I looked up at him as the last of the sun slipped away over the top of the garage.

"I wouldn't hurt you, Bella."

* * *

**A/N: Hello darlings! I know, I know… absolutely NO Edward in this chapter. Don't worry, his time is coming! And yes, this is an Edward/Bella story. But why make it easy? No fun that way!**

**Smooches to SarahBeta and a very Happy Birthday to her as well!**

**Thank you SO much for all the reviews! And a big wave to all my fellow ADF campers! Thank you for making the long trek over here – since it was recced there, the fav/alert emails have been flooding my inbox. It does the ego good.**

**Follow The Light – Bella has the chance to let go of the bad stuff that's happened, with the Cullens and move forward (Light – Jacob – Sun metaphor thing. I dunno, made sense when I chose the song!)**

**Remember, you can follow me on Twitter – /Kat097 – come and say hi. I like making new friends.**

**Ooh, and I have a new oneshot up. A short Rosalie/Emmett piece called 'A Week in the Unchanging Life of Rosalie Hale'. Pop over and read it, if you can!  
**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a log pile to make out on.**


	18. Shoulda Woulda Coulda

**Chapter Eighteen**

**I could see in the distance all the dreams that were clear to me  
Every choice that I had to make left you on your own  
Somehow the road we started down had split asunder  
Too late to realise how far apart we'd grown.  
How I wish I, wish I'd done a little bit more  
Now " Shoulda woulda coulda," means I'm out of time  
Coz "Shoulda woulda coulda", can't change your mind  
And I wonder, wonder, wonder what I'm gonna do  
"Shoulda woulda coulda" are the last words of a fool.**

**~Shoulda Woulda Coulda by Beverly Knight~ **

Carlisle was feeling irritable. I didn't need Jasper's powers to know that. I knew, because he was irritable with me.

"Edward, I have taken every precaution with this test. If anything looks remotely unsafe, I will stop immediately." He said as he finished setting up his equipment in the study. I watched with narrowed eyes.

"Carlisle, this is purely to satisfy your scientific curiosity. She is not something that you can just use to entertain yourself." I said with a hiss. In an instant, he had turned and was stood directly before me, the anger emanating from him in waves. I didn't step back, facing him down.

"Listen to what I have to say, Edward," Carlisle said in a tense, measured tone that belied his angry expression, "I adore Bella as much as the rest of this family. She is as much a daughter to me as Bella and Rosalie. What I am doing might interest me, it's true, but the more we know about Bella physically, the more we can do to protect her and care for her. So _don't_ accuse me of something so easily without knowing the whole story."

We stood, face to face, tense and angry before I eventually relented.

"Fine." I murmured and turned to leave as I heard Bella's footsteps coming across the lawn. I hurried downstairs and waited by the open door for her. It was raining slightly and she pulled down her hood as she reached me, smiling.

"Hi."

"Hello, Bella." I greeted her, taking her damp hoodie and hanging it up to dry off.

"Is Doc waiting?"

"He's in the study." I confirmed and she rolled her head around, stretching her neck. A wave of her enticing scent engulfed me and I resisted the urge to lean over and breathe her in deeply. She smiled up at me, her beautiful face bright and sweet.

"You coming up, Edward?"

"If you'd like me to." I couldn't resist smiling just a little and she nodded. I didn't quite know how to say that there was nothing on earth that could keep me away.

We ascended the stairs and as we walked to the office, I went first, opening the door and guiding her in with my hand on the small of her back. She hesitated at the sight of the equipment and Carlisle gave her a reassuring smile. I lifted my hand to her shoulder, hoping she got the same level of comfort from my touch that I got from hers.

Carlisle talked her through the process and I listened closely, even though I'd already heard it in his mind. It was a simple measurement of her natural energy, which he then intended to manipulate. But my attention was caught by Bella's tiny, terrified voice.

"Will it hurt?"

Feeling pain wasn't something that she'd had to consider before meeting us. There had been nothing that _could_ hurt her. Wanting to reassure her of this, I murmured in her ear, her delicious scent pulling me closer.

"Your choice, Bella. You can walk away. We won't force you to do this." I squeezed her shoulder gently and she looked up at me with a small, unconvincing smile before leaning briefly into my side.

"I don't know who's more nervous about this, you or me." She joked feebly and I glowered at the electrical equipment.

Me. Definitely me, because I would never have her do this and she was still willing because of her affection for Carlisle.

Carlisle began to prepare the electrodes, answering Bella's questions with perfect calmness, about what he expected to find out. I listened to his thoughts, his research feeding my greedy mind and curiosity, but doing nothing to reassure me.

_Edward, don't look at me like that. I am not an amateur. _His thoughts were disgruntled and he looked at Bella.

"I mean it, Bella. The instant that it becomes too much, you must tell me."

"I will, I promise."She said instantly and I wondered if her nerves were as severe as mine as she perched in a chair, hands twisting anxiously in her lap. Carlisle picked up the electrodes but I was by his side in an instant.

_If it will reassure you, Edward…_

It didn't, but I was pleased that he handed them to me. I turned and knelt in front of Bella's chair. My hair fell into my eyes as I did so and she leaned forward, brushing the strands away. It was such a simple, affectionate gesture, full of the easy adoration that I saw amongst the couples in my family and it filled me with joy. I smiled and she returned the gesture, before dropping her eyes to her hands in shyness.

I wanted to throw the electrodes from me, to gather her up in my arms and carry her from here, to take her somewhere private, away from my family and tell her. I wanted to tell her how much I worshipped her, how her beauty and sweetness had captured my heart in a way that I had never thought possible. The huge range of emotions that I had experienced since she had entered my life was more than I had ever imagined. Did she know? How could she not, when I had spent all of last night holding her in my arms?

I leaned up and pushed back the soft, warm locks of her mahogany hair, pressing the electrodes to her smooth skin, unable to resist brushing my fingers against her cheek as I lowered my hands. She caught her breath and I held her eyes, still smiling. She knew. She had to know.

The sound of the computer monitor powering up disrupted our connection and I stood reluctantly. I moved a little way away as Carlisle asked if she was ready. Bella instinctively scrunched up her face adorably, expecting intense pain as he turned on the machine. But after a long moment her eyes peeked open and we both watched her carefully for a reaction.

"I don't even feel anything." She said sheepishly and I repressed a smile as Carlisle adjusted the power box.

_No physical feeling of it, that's good. And her energy seems to be level, no change. _

I examined it too, listening to Carlisle's musings as he registered and mentally logged the information. The sound of Bella clearing her throat made us look at her, her lovely face irritable, where we had been ignoring her.

"What does it say?" She asked.

"Not much yet. Would you mind trying to move through something, just your hand?" Carlisle requested and she passed her hand through the arm of the chair. Instantly the lines began to jump and Carlisle looked at them quickly.

_Her energy is changing, up or down? Is it more secure or is this what happens during her normal activity?_

The lines settled back to normal as she pulled her hand back, looking uncertain. Carlisle glanced at me briefly.

_Explain to her or she'll worry. Everything is fine._

"You have your own energy, Bella. That's what the top line is. The bottom line is the electrical current Carlisle is giving you. When you moved through the arm of the chair, your energy seemed to react." I said soothingly. She looked over at the screen and ran her hand through the wood again, pulling the limb back to her chest in a ball as the readings pulsed again. She turned her dark eyes to me, uncertain.

"Is that right? I mean… am I right?"

"You're right." I said immediately. How could she doubt that? Whatever these readings showed, there was no doubt in my mind that she was little more than perfection.

"Edward…"_Don't. I don't know what will happen yet and I don't want to be made a liar._

I didn't like what he was implying. That Bella was less than perfection. I straightened as Carlisle asked to try again. He increased the electrical charge and Bella's hands flexed immediately, her breath catching in her throat.

"Bella?" Carlisle's reaction was immediately but she shook her head.

"I'm fine, I just wasn't expecting it."

_Physical sensation with an increased electrical current. Mild discomfort?_

I stopped paying attention, watching Bella's fingers lightly pattering against her legs. My fingers echoed the movement, so in tune to her every action. I turned my attention back to the experiment as Carlisle asked her to try again. This time, the lines jumped erratically as she moved her hand through the arm of the chair.

"What's happening?" She asked and Carlisle's eyes flew to mine.

_This is not good news, Edward. Stay calm whilst I try to understand. I don't know what this might mean._

I tensed.

"The electrical current is having an effect on your molecular build. The stronger the current, the less solid and secure the bonds become between the molecules that create you." He told her. I heard what he was leaving out. _Whatever it is that is holding Bella together, it's not secure. It's unpredictable and affected by electrical power. _

I stared at Bella, but her eyes were on Carlisle. I took in her delicate profile as she swallowed and met my eyes briefly before looking back at him.

"What now?"

"One more current and then we'll stop." Carlisle said, working on the machine. Bella was watching him with a strange expression and then nodded.

"Come on then, Doc. Turn up the power." She said in a voice that was too loud, too cheerful. I furrowed my brow, knowing that she was unwilling.

"Bella-"

"It's fine, Edward." She interrupted, wriggling to make herself comfortable in the chair.

_This is the last one today. This isn't what I expected to find and I need to look at these results before I go any further._

This did not reassure me. What we had already found was disturbing. I looked down at Bella again and she caught my eye with a sweet smile.

"Want to hang out afterwards? I'm scared Alice will kidnap me." She joked and I smiled, opening my mouth to reply as Carlisle increased the current.

For a split second, I couldn't place the source of the scream. Bella's back arched, her head thrown back and her eyes screwed shut as the piercing, heart breaking scream filled the air. Her body trembled and her hands flew towards her head.

"Carlisle!" I shouted and dived towards Bella to detach the electrodes. But she fell, slipping from my fingers and disappeared through the chair, through the floor and out of sight.

"Bella!" Carlisle and I both gasped her name at once. But I turned and went for the stairs, fear filling me. Fear of losing her. Fear that she would be hurt. Fear that she would leave.

I reached the living room and Emmett turned, his face twisted in anxiety. Bella was cradled in his arms, eyes closed and perfectly still.

"Edward-"

"Give her to me, Emmett." I said and moved forward with my arms outreached. He laid her gently in my embrace and I held her close to me, her head lolling onto my shoulder. Her eyes fluttered briefly and then she stilled again.

_What the hell, Edward?_

_Is she OK?_

"How can she even _be_ unconscious?" Rosalie demanded. I glowered at her as Carlisle entered the room.

"I don't know." _She'll be alright. She'll be alright._ I didn't know who he was trying to convince, but it wasn't me. A growl rumbled through my chest as I spat at him.

"You should have stopped, Carlisle! You shouldn't even have started these damned experiments in the first place!" I attacked, clutching Bella to me.

_Fuck you, Edward!_

"Don't yell at him, Edward!" Rosalie hissed, her verbal assault much tamer than her mental one. I was perfectly prepared to rip her to pieces but Bella began to stir in my arms, her face turning slightly away from me so that she was looking at Carlisle. She sighed softly.

"Hey, Doc." Her voice was soft, strained from her screaming.

"Bella-"

"I guess that wasn't supposed to happen?" She murmured in a joking way. Carlisle's thoughts were tortured and Emmett was full of anxiety. Rosalie was furious but I ignored her as Bella turned her head and leant back against my shoulder.

"Bella, are you hurt?" I asked softly and she gave a slight, dry laugh.

"Yup. Hurts like hell. Don't growl again, it's not Doc's fault." She scolded, as the rumble emanated through my chest. She opened her eyes and caught sight of Carlisle's pained face. "Hey. Quit that. You didn't know what was going to happen."

"Which is why he shouldn't have tried it in first place." I said angrily but Bella winced in pain. Immediately I turned my back on my family and lowered her onto sofa, taking her hands in mine, caressing her sore fingers. She smiled slightly before looking up at the ceiling.

"I fell through?" She asked wonderingly. Before I could answer, Carlisle spoke.

"Yes. You started screaming and as I turned to turn off the machine, you slid through the chair and the ceiling. Emmett and Rosalie were in here and Emmett caught you."

_Bella. This could have been… she might have…_

Bella groaned, clutching at her forehead before looking up at Carlisle with tired eyes.

"Doc?"

_Oh, Bella…_ Carlisle stepped forward and I tensed over her without meaning to, like I was defending her from an enemy. She noticed and scowled before looking back at him.

"Yes, Bella?" He replied.

"No more experiments, OK?"

"No more." _The risk is too great. She means too much. To all of us._ His eyes met mine meaningfully and I nodded discretely.

"OK." She said decisively and then closed her eyes, "I'm just going to lay down a while until my body stops screaming."

I bent and picked her up again, turning to take her upstairs. One of her hands snaked around my neck and she cuddled closer to me. I couldn't help but brush my cheek against her forehead as I reached my room and sat on the comfortable leather sofa, cradling her. She sighed softly and I closed my eyes, making a promise to myself that never again would someone hurt her whilst I was nearby.

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Bella became a near permanent fixture in our home. Not that I objected to this in any way, shape or form. Whilst she spent a lot of time with all of the family, more often than not we ended up alone in my room. Bella had expressed an interest in my music collection and we had been listening to a random selection. I sat on the couch, watching as she changed CD's again, her head moving slightly in time to the music. Every now and then she would ask me a completely random question. I adored her unpredictability.

_Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth  
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt  
Still a little hard to say what's going on _

The sound of Damien Rice's husky voice filled the room and Bella tilted her head.

"Who's this?"

"Damien Rice."

"He's good." She said and I smiled, turning to look out of the rain-spattered window. The sky was a murky, uninteresting grey.

"Where will you go after Forks?" Bella asked, catching my attention. I looked at her face, searching for any sign of how she felt about our leaving.

"I'm not sure," I mused, "College again, maybe. I know that Emmett and Rosalie want to get away by themselves for a few years." Rosalie was near desperate to get away. Her levels of irritation were rising by the day and it was making all of us uncomfortable.

"Carlisle mentioned that. What about Alice and Jasper? Don't they go away?" She asked as I picked up a recording of _The Firdbird Suite_ and handing it to her.

"Not particularly. Jasper needs support. He's the newest to our diet and struggles sometimes. It's best if they stay with us, although they do go off for weekends and the like. So do Carlisle and Esme, on occasion." I looked over at her to see her watching me, her brow creased. As I met her eyes she looked down at the CD that I'd given her.

"I'm so jealous. I would love to have a collection like this, it must have taken you ages to collect them all." She said, examining the cover.

"Well, I had to upgrade from vinyl at some point. Although, I still have all of my vinyl records in storage."

"I bet they're worth a fortune."

"Probably."

We spent a few more minutes musing back and forward about the different music that I had enjoyed and she laughed delightedly when I told her that I'd met both Frank Sinatra and John Lennon, tossing a cushion at me. I tossed back, smiling at her adorable carefree attitude.

"That's amazing. I mean… wow," She mused, smiling, "I've never met anyone famous. I've only ever lived in Phoenix and Forks."

"There's time. There's a lot of world to see. You should see it." _With me. You should come and see it with me._

I shook my head at my own stupidity and looked back the window, my extreme eyesight following the rivulets of water down the glass.

_Stones taught me to fly  
Love taught me to cry  
So come on courage  
Teach me to be shy  
'Cause it's not hard to fall  
And I don't want to scare her  
It's not hard to fall  
And I don't wanna lose  
It's not hard to grow  
When you know that you just don't know_

Courage. Love. Strange concepts, both. The words were disturbingly close to the situation and I frowned as Bella went to change the CD. She knew that we had to leave. We had limited time here, people would notice if we didn't age. But she wouldn't come with us, not whilst Charlie was alive.

Classical music filtered through the speakers and I looked over at Bella. She was stood in front of the stereo with her back to me. She had no idea. No idea who this was.

_Bella was smiling at me, her hand in mine and a shy smile on her face as we stood in my room. I smiled down at her and lifted my free hand to sweep the hair from her shoulder, cupping her cheek before leaning down, my mouth brushing against hers._

"_I love you, Edward." She said quietly, her hand reaching up to brush my hair from my eyes, "I love you."_

"_I love you too." I smiled, easily and freely, as the chords of _Chanson D'amour_ played delicately behind us. She smiled joyously and pulled me close, kissing me again._

Alice's vision – this was it. We were in my room and _Chanson D'amour_ was the next track on this CD. Who would initiate it? Should I? My dead, frozen heart began to swell with joy as I moved towards her, lifting the Stravinsky CD and slipping it into place over her head. Bella didn't turn around, but I saw the tension in her shoulders, the pale blue backlight of the stereo illuminating her delicate features and her finger still resting on the controls. Her soft voice broke our silence.

"What's this song called?"

"Rêve d'amour." I murmured, unwilling to break the gentle bubble that we had entered into. Her hair had fallen away from her shoulder, exposing the beautiful curve of her neck. I fought the urge to bury my face in it, to indulge myself in her scent.

"What does that mean?"

"Dream of Love." I said in an even quieter voice. I wanted her to turn around. I wanted her to turn and smile and kiss.

But she didn't. Instead she twitched her finger and the music stopped abruptly, the CD tray sliding open. Disappointment flooded me but I pushed it away.

"You don't like Faure?" I asked and she turned, so close to me, so close… she offered a tiny smile.

"He's OK. I guess I'm not in the mood for classical." She said and I smiled slightly.

"Not today." Today was not the day. And that was alright, because I knew that what was happening was not the result of Alice's vision, her presumptions. I knew in that moment that she was mine and one day soon, she would know.

* * *

I needed to hunt. I was well aware of this; my eyes were intensely black and I had needed to stay further away from my classmates than usual. One Friday I moved swiftly down the hallway towards the canteen, the revolting smells of the lunch food permeating my nostrils. Rosalie and Emmett were already at our table and I sat down, pulling out a chair so that Bella would be able to sit comfortably. Rosalie was staring off into space, utterly bored and Emmett's hand was around her shoulders, his thumb rubbing against the base of her neck.

Bella appeared beside me and fell into the chair, putting her head down on her arms. I frowned and Emmett chuckled.

"You OK there, Sugar?"

"Damn kids. They're all twitchy about the weekend." She mumbled tiredly. Alice sat down

"Sweetie, you sound like a ninety year old. And you're only twenty-eight."

_I think you should get her out of here, Edward._ Jasper's thoughts reached me and I glanced at him.

"Jasper's worried about your mood. He says you're upset." I said quietly to her and she shook her head, the mane of dark hair tossing gently.

"I just…"

"Come on." I stood and she walked with me through the canteen, outside and towards my Volvo. She slid into the passenger seat, curling up gently with her feet tucked beneath her, soft and sweet. I watched her silently, waiting for her to talk. I didn't want to push her; I wanted her to feel like she could talk to me without my asking her.

Her fingers tapped against the top of the gear stick and she sighed quietly.

"I don't know how many more times I can do this, Edward."

"High school?" I asked.

"'s so frustrating. The same things over and over again, all those people not knowing what they've got, what they might not have in just a few years." She said and she sounded truly exhausted. I frowned and she met my eyes briefly before curling up into an even tighter ball in the seat, her knees pressed to her chest. I reached across and took one of her hands in mine, squeezing the tiny fingers softly. She met my eyes, warm and brown and beautiful, reaching up with her free hand and running her fingers across my cheek. I could barely move, so thrilled at her unpredicted affection. She touched under my eye and I knew that she was looking at the dark circles.

"You need to hunt. Why haven't you gone?" She asked, her eyebrows pulling together in concern.

It touched me that she knew me so well, that she could tell that I was struggling. I turned my head, pressing my nose and mouth to her pale white wrist, the scent intoxicating and beautiful. I resisted the urge to kiss there and taste her skin, but only just. She pulled her hands back into her lap, smiling. I glanced out of the window, smiling as well.

"I didn't want to miss you when you come over in the evenings. I enjoy spending time with you." I told her quietly and she nodded, stretching her legs into the foot well.

"You need to hunt. Go tonight. I'll hang with Alice for a while and we can talk when you get back. But you _need_ to hunt. Don't neglect yourself." She said firmly and I nodded, flexing my fingers as the tingling warmth that she'd left danced across my skin.

"I'll go straight from school. I can be back by midnight."

"Sounds good. It's your turn to pick a movie anyway." Bella said and I smiled. I was going to show her _A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum_, a hilarious British comedy which I knew would make her laugh.

"I already have one in mind." I said and she grinned as we emerged from the car and set off back to the school.

* * *

Jasper and I set off running straight after school, heading for the woods behind the main building.

_Ready for a good run, brother? _Jasper gave me a sideways smirk and I grinned back.

"Try to keep up!"

I pushed myself harder, jumping from branch to rock to log, feeling the earth move beneath me. I wanted to crow with delight, barely noticing where I was going as I remembered the conversation in the car, the smell of Bella, the sensation of her skin against my mouth.

A deer was grazing nearby; I changed direction and leapt onto it, snapping its neck instantly and biting into it. The blood was watery and unpleasant but I drank it down anyway, knowing that I would find a carnivore later. I smelt Jasper about half a mile north and headed that way, coming across a bear. I drained that too, slurping down the smoky, warm liquid. It was more palatable and fought the fire in my throat a little more effectively than the deer had. I smelt another deer nearby and drank that too. I didn't want to have to come out again too soon, so drank more than I might usually have done on a short hunt.

Jasper appeared beside me, his sleeve ripped. It flapped uselessly in the light breeze.

"Mountain lion. Alice is going to be mad." He drawled in amusement and I laughed, reaching into my pocket as my phone began to vibrate. Alice's name flashed on the screen and I answered it.

"Yes, Alice?"

"She's gone." Alice's voice was sobbing. Jasper tensed and I met his eye, a chill going through me.

"What?"

"Bella, she's gone! Sh-she heard- there was… Edward, I can't see her anymore, I don't know where she is! Emmett just checked her home but she isn't-"

I slammed the phone shut and turned, running towards home.

* * *

Alice was huddled up on the couch in the sitting room, Esme comforting her, when we arrived. Jasper flew to Alice's side, pulling her to him. Rosalie and Emmett were stood nearby and I was still for a moment, watching what had happened through Carlisle's memories as he came to stand nearby.

"_Rosalie, Emmett, may I have a moment?" He asked them and they joined him in the living room. Carlisle smiled at them._

"_I wanted to ask a favour of you both." He said and looked at Alice as she entered, smiling._

"_Bella's just in the library." Rosalie rolled her eyes at Bella's name and Alice pulled a face at her sister's attitude._

"_Give it a rest, Rose. Bella's not going anywhere."_

"_Actually, that's why I wanted to talk to you." Carlisle said, looking back at Rosalie and Emmett, "Bella won't be leaving Forks, but in a couple of years, we will be. I know you intended to go away for a few years, but I'm asking if you might hold off for one more year after we leave Forks."_

"_What?" Rosalie's voice was fuming and even Emmett frowned._

"_What for?"_

"_For Edward." Carlisle said quietly, "He will have to leave her. I want us to be with him, to be his family after we leave."_

"_Carlisle, this isn't fair!" Rosalie hissed, "She isn't one of us, this is pure selfishness!"_

_Carlisle's face turned thunderous. _

"_It is _one year, _Rosalie! Just one year to help your brother!"_

"_I never wanted her here, Carlisle! She's changing everything! Emmett and I have plans, we've had them for months and I'm not changing them for her!" Rosalie spat, tossing her blonde hair angrily. Alice glared at her, moving to stand by Carlisle, who was looking at Rosalie in disappointment and disgust. _

"_When we leave Forks, when Edward has to leave Bella, how do you think he's going to feel, Rosalie? We all know what is going to happen, we know that Edward is falling in love with her and that she is going to return those feelings and we know that they will have to be separated. It is going to be impossibly hard on Edward and all I am asking is that you stay with us for one more year to help him cope without her!" He demanded but Rosalie looked unconvinced._

"_We don't _know_ anything! Alice isn't always right!" She fumed, this inconvenience to her plans illuminating her beautiful face terrifyingly. _

_Alice stamped her foot, her hands on her tiny hips. _

"_I'm right about this, Rose. Don't be so awful." She said furiously, anger blazing in her golden eyes._

"_Oh, _please._ You took a chance on a passing vision. This isn't the first time someone in this family has brought someone along, hoping Edward would fall for her. What about Tanya?"_

_Carlisle closed his eyes, trying to contain his anger. Emmett put a hand on Rosalie's shoulder but she shrugged him off, some of the anger that she had been repressing for over fifty years trickling from the reserve of fury she possessed._

"_Rose-" She ignored her partner and stepped forward, pointing an accusing finger at Carlisle_

"_What about me, Carlisle? You were so convinced that Edward and I were right for each other! That's the only reason I'm here! You would have left me to die if you hadn't wanted someone to keep Edward company! And now you've got a new project, another experiment!" She spat. Carlisle's features contorted in pain and Esme moved to his side from the doorway, where she'd appeared at hearing the raised, angry voices._

"_Rosalie!" She gasped but turned to Alice as she gasped, her hands flying to her face._

"_No! Bella!" Her voice was a strangled cry as she darted to the doorway of the living room. Bella was flying down the hallway towards the door and Alice caught her wrist, but Bella shook her off, her face angrier than they had ever seen it, tears threatening her large brown eyes as she backed away from them._

"_Bella, please don't go!"_

"_Get the hell off me, Alice!" Bella fumed. Carlisle moved towards her, anxiety and fear filling him._

"_Bella, I'm so sorry. Please let me explain." He pleaded but Bella shook her head, her dark hair flying._

"_Not interested, Carlisle. Just stay the hell away from me, all of you. You can pass that on to Edward and Jasper too. I'm not a fucking project and I'm not going to be manipulated by anymore of your bullshit!" She spat, fire in her eyes._

"_Bella, please-" Esme started but Bella had turned to Rosalie, a sneer on her face._

"_Enjoy, Rosalie. You win. I'm out of here and I guess I should thank you at least for being honest with me. At least one of you fucking was." She threw an angry look at Carlisle._

_Alice moved towards her, hands outreached and pleading. _

"_Don't go, Bella. Please, you're my friend; please don't go…I can't see you. I don't know why, but please…"_

_But Bella had already vanished, her footsteps fading to nothingness as Alice crumpled into Esme's arms. Carlisle turned away, his hand tugging at his hair. Emmett was staring after Bella and Rosalie was blank faced._

Rosalie was blank faced still. I turned, drawing up to my full height as I stared in her direction. The rest of the family stared at us in trepid anticipation.

"What have you done?" I whispered and Rosalie flinched as though I had shouted at her.

"She isn't one of us." She said flatly and even Emmett looked at her as though he was seeing her for the first time.

"She's our Bells, Rose." He said quietly, "How can you say that? How can you…? You're better than this. You are."

Jasper flinched and I heard him wonder at the anguish coming from Emmett but I ignored it as Rosalie's thoughts reached me unbidden.

_She's better off without us._

"What do you mean by that?" I demanded, my voice rising for the first time, "What the hell do you mean, she'd be better off? We're the first family she's had in over a decade, the first friends she's had! We're the only ones who can be there for her! Rosalie, she was mine! She was mine and you made her leave!"

I took a step in her direction, not knowing what I would do but Rosalie had turned and fled upstairs. Emmett didn't move. We were all still for a long time, my cries ringing in all of our ears.

And then I turned and put my fist through the wall, the brick crumpling under my touch. Esme cried aloud but again and again my hand pierced the wall as though it had been constructed of paper, my need to destruct something,_ anything_, fighting my normal awareness. Emmett's arms wrapped around me and pulled me back and I shouted for him to let go, yelled angrily as I tried to wrench myself from his grasp.

"Let me go! I need to go and find her! Alice, where is she?" I howled at her.

"I don't know!" Alice cried, "I can't find her, I can't…" Her face contorted as she sobbed again.

"I _have _to find her," I angered, "She thinks… Good god, she thinks that we…"

That we had used her. That she was an amusement for us. That I was using her, the latest in a long line of women. And what must she think of Carlisle after Rosalie's twisted words?

We must be monsters in her eyes.

I twisted out of Emmett's arms and ran my hand through my hair, grinding my teeth.

"Fine. If you can't find her, I will." I told Alice flatly. I knew her scent better than any in the world. I _would_ find her.

* * *

The sun was rising and Bella's scent had faded in the wind. I had been to Chief Swan's house three or four times throughout the night but there was no sign of her. I had followed Bella's scent towards the road that led to La Push, but the wind was blowing the wrong way and I had lost her.

I had lost her.

As the first strands of sunlight began to creep along the ground, I arrived back at the house. Emmett was waiting outside and he walked towards me as I approached.

_A word, Edward?_

I nodded and we retreated half a mile into the forests surrounding the house, Emmett a few steps ahead. He slowed and turned to face me.

"Any luck?" I shook my head and he closed his eyes.

_She's not cruel, Edward. Rosie isn't cruel, there's a reason why… there has to be._

His thoughts were pleading, completely believing that his wife could not have done this, could not have driven Bella away.

"You were there, Emmett." I said flatly, "You heard what she said."

"But she… Edward, she's just hurting. I don't know why she acted the way she did and I'm not excusing her, I'm just saying that for all her attitude, Rosalie has _never_ been cruel. There's got to be a reason for her doing this." He argued and I had to admit, he was right. Rosalie may have been blunt, but she was not cruel. Her last thought rang through my head – _She's better off without us._

_We'll find her, Edward. _Emmett looked at me resolutely, _she belongs with us. We'll find her._

All of Saturday, I circled Forks, desperate for a sign of her, for a hint of her scent. Sometimes Carlisle came with me, sometimes Jasper. Alice stayed at home with Esme, searching desperately for a sign of Bella's future.

Emmett came down from his and Rosalie's bedroom as I returned home but when he saw that I was alone, he shook his head sadly and retreated upstairs. It was close to four in the morning and I looked at Alice, who looked as though she wanted to cry if she could.

_Nothing._

I shook my head and turned away, walking up to my bedroom. There was a hole in my chest, a scooped hollow area that had vanished with Bella, a part of me that I hadn't known existed until Bella had gone.

I sat on the black couch where she and I had sat only a few days before, listening to music and I had known. It had been so obvious to me then that she was supposed to be with me, for all of Alice's visions, for all of my family's oohing and aahing… it had been clear.

I was in love with Isabella Swan.

The thought should have filled me with happiness, made me want to sing and jump and if she had been here, I would have. But no – she was not here. The room was cold and empty without her. The music that lined the walls may as well have been blank CDs, the music was dull without her.

I had lived for one hundred and eight years and those years had been pointless because everything about my existence was pointless without Bella.

Her absence was a physical pain in my chest and stomach and I doubled over, falling from the sofa to my knees, clutching my chest with my hands in an effort to stop myself from falling apart. A strangled cry escaped my lips.

_She was gone. She was gone. She was -_

"Edward."

My head jerked up and Rosalie closed my bedroom door behind her. Her golden hair fell about her face and her eyes were downcast.

"What do you want?" I whispered, unable to force even hatred into my tone. I was too empty for emotion that strong.

Rosalie looked past me to the large glass windows, walking slowly past me to them. She laid a hand on the pane and sighed softly.

"I never hated her, Edward."

I didn't speak, still hunched over on the thick carpet, staring at individual strands that made it up. I didn't want to speak. I didn't listen to her thoughts. I just waited. After a long moment she turned, looking down at me.

"I don't hate her."

"Then why?" I said quietly and I heard her swallow.

"Because you see our family with rose tinted glasses. You always have, Edward. You believe Carlisle is without fault and yet you let him experiment on her. You let Alice lead you on with her predictions, without looking at your own feelings first. You let Emmett and Esme accept her into the family without thinking about how it could hurt you or her later on." Rosalie said in a strangely calm voice, "So yes, I think she is better off without us. I'm not sorry that she overheard, because you should have told her in the first place. I might have been a bitch, Edward, but the rest of you have manipulated her from the start."

She turned abruptly and looked out of the window.

"You know that I never wanted this. I love Emmett more than I thought I could love anything, but I shouldn't be here. Carlisle turned me so that _you_ would be happy. He turned Esme so that _he_ would be happy and he turned Emmett so that _I_ would be happy. We are _selfish_, Edward. Bella isn't. Bella is spending eternity caring for other people, letting other people use her. We used her. You used her."

Every word was true and I hated her for revealing it to me, although I must have known it deep down. I couldn't meet her eyes and kept my gaze on the carpet. After a long moment she crossed to stand before me and I felt her fingers graze my hair in an unusually affectionate gesture for Rosalie.

"We fucked up, Edward." She said quietly, "And if you truly believe that she belongs here and that we can bring her into our family without asking anything of her, then maybe you deserve to be together. If you can't, you should leave her be."

I closed my eyes, listening as she stepped past me and the door closed gently behind her. The whole house was still and silent.

I did not move from my spot on the carpet all day. The sun rose higher and higher, warm through the windows and I stayed still, thinking about what Rosalie had said.

Could I bring her to us without making her sacrifice anything? Could I have her without the rest of my family asking things of her?

Could I ask her to love me? Could I tell her that I loved her?

The questions were ringing in my ears but before I could even possibly begin to consider answers, footsteps sounded loudly on the stairs and Alice burst into my room, wild eyed.

"She called me, Edward!" She gasped as I finally got to my feet. I stared at her, almost not understanding her words. "I didn't see it coming, I don't know why, because once she decides to interact with us again, I really should be able to but I can't. But that doesn't matter, because she called me and she wants to meet with me tonight!"

Alice. She wanted to meet with _Alice._

Alice must have sensed the pain that coursed through my body, because she looked at me sadly.

"I think… I think it might be easier for her to talk to me first."

"I'll drive you. I want to… to be nearby." I said and she conceded, her eyes fixed on mine.

"We're meeting her at midnight, in the woods behind the high school." She said calmly, before turning, her mind already darting and searching for any other signs of Bella.

I walked slowly to the window, where the sun was already setting. If I had been human, my legs would have been in agony after kneeling on the carpet all day, but I felt nothing.

Although, the gaping hole in my chest ached just a little less.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews, you guys seriously rock my world! I know that a lot of people were hoping for a fight between Rosalie and Edward but Beta and I were discussing this – it's **_**Edward**_**. Even as angry as he is here, I can't ever imagine him attacking a member of his family and especially a woman. But I hope you understand Rosalie a little better now.**

**This chapter is dedicated to amcas, who blew me away by making this absolutely GORGEOUS banner! The link is at the bottom of my profile, go and have a look. **

**Shoulda Woulda Coulda – Edward's got a lot of regrets, especially in this chapter. Think he'll have a chance to make it right again?**

**Come follow me on twitter: twitter (dot) com / Kat097. I put my update info on there, so come and say hi. Next chapter may be a little because my Beta is in New Zealand for four weeks. I will probably post another chapter before she gets back, but you'll have to excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes. **

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a copy of 'A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum'. It's a hilariously silly film that Sarah and I watched. Go check it out – or just review!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	19. Authors Note re: Hiatus

**Author's Note**

This is just a note to let all my readers know that this story may not be updating for some time.

Two weeks ago, my Dad passed away very suddenly. Obviously this is utterly heartbreaking and a total shock and I don't feel that I'm able to write. I need to be there for my mum and my brother and sister.

I do hope to continue this story eventually and I hope that you understand my reasons for this hiatus.

All my love

Katie


	20. Breathe Slow

**Chapter Nineteen**

**I'm running out of patience**

**Cos I can't believe what the hell  
I'm hearing  
And speaking of hell  
It don't compare to this heat  
That I am feeling  
I love you too much  
It shows  
All my emotions go  
Out of control  
Good for you bad for me  
When I can hardly see  
From the tears that flow**

**Can't forget to breathe slow**

**~Breathe Slow by Alesha Dixon~**

I stared up at Jacob. He was watching me, his eyes fixed on me, waiting for my answer. His hands were almost unbearably hot on my shoulders and I let my head drop, unable to take the piercing, knowing gaze that was far too knowledgeable for his youth. I didn't like it. I didn't like that little Jacob Black wasn't so… little.

His expression changed imperceptibly and I panicked, stepping back and shrugging his hands from my shoulders. This was weird. This was _Jacob._ I turned away so that I wouldn't have to see his expression, and he sighed.

"You know me, Bella. I wouldn't hurt you. Not like they did, not like _he_ did."

No. He wouldn't have the opportunity to hurt me like Edward because I wouldn't give him that opportunity. I kept my gaze on the floor, wandering slowly towards the log pile, tapping the bottom one with the tip of my shoe, keeping myself occupied whilst Jacob heaved another big sigh.

"Just something to consider, Bells. You'd be safe with me. I wouldn't let anyone hurt you."

He shouldn't be this attached after a couple of days. But maybe he felt like he had known me longer. He had seemed to sense me before he could see me; I had been a part of his life for much longer than two days.

For longer than I had known the Cullens.

I wanted, so much, to belong here, with Jacob. He was so easy to be with. I was so comfortable with his touch, with his affection.

But his skin was too hot and his actions were too eager. He was so young, his eyes were too bright and too youthful. He was too comfortable with putting his arms around me, with kissing my forehead and initiating intimacy. I wasn't used to this. I adored it, but it didn't thrill me.

I could not stay here. I could not stay with Jacob and live in easy affection.

As though sensing my turmoil, his arm snaked around my waist and his chin rested on my forehead. I didn't move, closing my eyes and relishing his warm embrace.

"You're very different from them, Jacob." I murmured and he chuckled.

"Glad to hear it. Glad you think so."

I didn't know how to tell him that it didn't mean I didn't want them back.

A wolf howled and I turned to look up at Jacob. His hands stayed around my waist and he smiled; his teeth bright against his russet skin. I gave him a faint smile in return.

"Is that call for you?"

"I'd better take this one." He joked and swiftly pressed a kiss to my forehead before turning and running towards the forest. A moment later I heard a howl, much closer than before.

I walked towards the house, my arms around my waist. My chest ached with emptiness, the loneliness now that Jacob was gone as well made me want to curl up and cry.

I would have to see them again, I knew this.

I wanted it.

I wanted them in my life.

Billy was over at the Clearwater's place, so I sat in the small sitting room, hunched over on the couch. I shouldn't want anything to do with the Cullens, but I couldn't help it. More than anything, I wanted answers.

I glanced at the door, guilt bubbling in my stomach as I reached for the telephone that lay on the low table. I had two possible numbers to call.

Alice or Edward.

The phone lay in my hand for a long moment before I began to slowly press the buttons and lift the receiver to my ear. It gave two rings before Alice's quiet voice answered curiously.

"Hello?"

I didn't make a sound. Nerves were tingling in the pit of my stomach and I bit my lip silently.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" She spoke again and I breathed quietly.

"Alice."

"Bella!" She gasped loudly, "Oh my gosh, Bella! Oh, _please_ don't hang up, _please_!"

"Alice, I called _you_. Why would I call you just to hang up?" I asked pointedly and she gave a sad laugh.

"I don't know. I'm just so glad you called."

I swallowed hard, chewing on my fingernail.

"I want to see you." I managed to spit out, "I… I need some answers."

"Of course, of course! When? Where? We can meet you-"

"No." I told her abruptly, "Just you. I don't want to see the others yet."

She was silent for a split second but then spoke quickly.

"Alright. If that's what you want. Just say when and where; I'll be there. Anything you want to know, I promise I'll tell you. I just… we just want you to come back." Her voice was soft and sweet. I wondered if the others were there. God, I missed them so much.

"OK. OK, then… then I'll meet you. At midnight, behind the high school."

I didn't want them anywhere near La Push or near Charlie, and I certainly wasn't going near their house. Plus, giving myself only a few hours didn't leave me time to back out.

"Midnight behind the high school. I'll be there. Oh, Bella, I'm so…" Her voice broke and I squeezed my eyes shut, "I'll see you soon."

"Bye." I managed to squeak out a reply before shoving the phone back onto its cradle.

* * *

Jacob came home almost an hour later, close to nine pm. I greeted him at the door and he grinned, smacking a kiss to my forehead with easy affection.

"Dad home yet?" He asked quietly and I nodded.

"Watching TV. Everything OK?"

"Jared smelt a new leech in the area." He said, leaning idly against the porch railings, "Sam and I tracked it along the boundary, but it didn't come in. It wasn't one of the locals though."

So… not one of the Cullens then. I was silent as he went into the house, grabbing a bag of chips and coming back outside as I sat on the railings. He tore open the bag, crunching on them loudly.

"Anyway, we followed it down to the river, but it must have passed through a couple of hours ago."

"Oh." I didn't really know what to say but Jacob grinned at me.

"Don't worry about it, Bells. Whoever it was, we'll get them if they come back. We're designed to kill vampires."

I looked away, uncomfortable with the direction of this conversation. Jacob noticed my coolness and swallowed his mouthful loudly.

"Bella, come on…"

"Don't, Jake." I said tiredly. I was already nervous enough without having to defend a family of vampires that I wasn't even too sure I wanted to defend. He moved towards me, crumpling the bag loudly in one of his large fists. He lowered his face a little to look me in the eye, a tiny grin on his face.

"You can't stay mad at me."

"Jacob-"

"C'mon, Bells…" His smile was so goofy and he reached out to grab my hands. I couldn't help but give a little smile.

"You're such a kid." I rolled my eyes and he chuckled deeply.

"Not that much of a kid. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a lot bigger these days."

"Yeah, I did notice. I remember when you came up to my knees."

"Please, I was never that short." He scowled, tapping my kneecaps with our joined hands.

"Totally were. Snot-nosed little kid." I teased and Jacob furrowed his brow, staring down at our hands. My chest ached at his expression. "Jacob…"

"I'm not a kid, Bella." He said, lifting his eyes to mine. "I'm not a kid. I don't look like a kid, I don't feel like a kid and I definitely don't want _you_ to… to think of me as one."

I ducked my head and he gave a nervous little laugh. His hands squeezed mine lightly and I shook my head, covering my face with my hair.

"Jacob, I don't think-"

"Is it because of that… that _leech_?" He frowned and I glanced up at his dark eyes, intensely fixed on mine.

I didn't know what so say, so I said nothing. Jacob hesitated for a moment before releasing my hand, resting his palms on the wooden railings either side of my hips, lowering his face so that it was level with mine.

"You have a _choice_, Bella." He said and though his tone was calm, there was tension in his face, "I don't want you thinking that you _have_ to be with him… with them. We want you here. _I _want you here."

"Jacob, I'm almost thirty," I reminded him gently, "And you're barely sixteen."

"You're eighteen. And in a couple of years I will be too."

"But you won't always be." I argued back, my hands in my lap, fingers twisting together, "You'll get older and I'll always be like this."

"And you think that's a good enough reason to be with them?" Jacob said, his voice tinged with anger, "Because of the _convenience _of not dying? All I'm asking, Bella, is that you give me a _chance_!"

The air was static between us and I licked my dry lips before meeting his eye.

"…I called them." His expression hardened, "I'm going to meet with Alice."

"Bella!"

"I need answers, Jacob." I tried to explain but he ducked his head. I put my hand to his hair, stroking it gently; "I need to know why. I can't just… I have so many emotions where they're concerned and I need to figure this out."

"You wouldn't _have_ to figure it out here!" He said angrily, lifting his head again so that I could see the wrath in his eyes, "I wouldn't do this to you! I wouldn't hurt you or betray you or ever make you feel like this so why won't you _stay_?"

His despairing anger shocked me; he shouldn't be so attached after just a couple of days, but his hands were digging deeply into the wood on either side of the beam that I was still sitting on and he was trembling.

"Jacob…?" I whispered his name softly and he looked up, his jaw clenched and his eyes blazing.

"I think it should have been you." His voice was rough with raw emotion and I frowned, not understanding.

"Should have been what?"

"The imprinting. It's the only thing that makes sense." He said hoarsely, "Since I saw you in the garage, I've just felt so… like I've known you forever. Like you were supposed to be with me the whole time and maybe you're the one but I can't do it properly because you're…."

"Dead." I finished his sentence whilst the pit of my stomach gave out, leaving me shaken and unsettled. Was it true? Was it even _possible_?

I slipped through the wooden beam, standing in front of it so that I could put a little space between us. Jacob watched me with a hollow expression. I ran my hand through my hair before looking up at him.

"I don't think you're right." I said softly and he hissed.

"Because of-"

"Not because of the Cullens." I interrupted, keeping my voice calm and quiet. "Because I've always been here. Because I've been with you your whole life, a part of your existence without you even knowing, but maybe you… I don't know, _sensed_ that I was here and now you know, maybe it's all just clicking together in your head and making you understand something that didn't make sense before."

I clearly wasn't explaining it very well because Jacob turned away, rubbing at his forehead. I wrapped my arms around my waist, watching as he paced along the porch and jumped down the small ramp.

The moon was already out, peering between the thick black clouds and in it's pale glow, Jacob looked animalistic, the muscles in his back moving smoothly beneath the skin. He turned to gaze at me and I almost shivered at the intensity in his young face. I reached out and took his hand, almost unbearably hot against my cold skin.

"Jacob, you're very important to me. I don't think you'll ever know _how_ important. But…" I swallowed hard, not wanting to hurt him,

"Don't treat me like a child, Bella." He said irritably and I scowled up at him.

"Jacob, I can't _give_ you anything. I can't give you kids or marriage or any of that stuff you're supposed to have."

"Maybe I don't want those things." He said stubbornly and I was instantly reminded of the six year old who wouldn't go to bed.

"You're sixteen. You don't know what you want. You can barely decide what cereal to have in the mornings." I said sarcastically, "You don't know what you'll want in two years, in five years, in ten years."

"Here and now-"

"I don't do here and now." I cut him off, jabbing a finger into his chest, "Because here and now is meaningless for me. Here and now is nothing compared to how long I'm going to be around for… god, I don't even know how long."

"Then why won't you use what you have right now?" Jacob demanded and I turned away, my patience wearing thin.

"Because if I was alive, Jacob, the here and now would make you my little brother. That's what I feel for you. I love you, I really do, but not in any other way and I think you're going to figure out that anything you feel for me is how you feel towards a family member. So don't go making this anything more than what it is."

The words sounded harsh, even to me and Jacob's shoulders hunched over as I spoke, staring at the ground. I took a deep breath and stepped back to give him some space but he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him, lifting me off my feet as he hugged me tightly. I wrapped my arms around him as he buried his face in my neck. My heart swelled with love for this silly young boy who thought he knew what love was.

Hot tears ran down my neck and I squeezed even tighter.

"Jake, I do love you. I've loved you for your whole life, even when you didn't know it." I whispered and he shook his head, his skin rough against mine.

"Don't leave me now, Bella. You make sense. You're supposed to be with me."

"And I will be." I whispered the promise, "I have to go, but I'll come back. I'll come back."

* * *

Jacob fell asleep at ten past eleven. I'd sat in his room, talking softly as he reluctantly yielded to slumber. He looked as youthful as he should have in sleep, the worry lines smoothed from his brow. One hand was fisted under his cheek, pushing his mouth into a sleepy pout and I smiled down at him.

Just like a six year old.

I set off towards Forks, fully aware that I was going to be a little late. But since Alice probably knew this already, I wasn't too concerned about my timing.

I was more concerned about how utterly messed up this meeting was going to be. The waiting was killing me. Oh, yeah. Too late. Heh. Late. Like I was going to be if I didn't get a move on.

I broke into a run, letting the cold air of the night blow my hair back. The clouds were still gathered but not threatening with rain. I slowed to a walk as the high school loomed out of the murky darkness. The parking lot was empty. Would Alice drive or would she run?

I walked across the parking lot, past the quad and towards the line of trees that were standing like sentries over the school field. Nothing moved apart from the leaves that rustled in the breeze. I'd wanted to get away earlier, to go and check on Charlie even though Jacob had seen him just the night before. I hadn't seen him since Friday afternoon… that was way too long. I hadn't been away from him for that long in years.

A tree stump called my name and I crossed to it, sitting on the hard surface and resting my chin in my hands as I waited. It was about ten past twelve by now and I'd expected Alice to be dead on time.

Dead. On time.

Get it?

Geez, I must have been nervous to start with the 'dead' jokes again.

"I'm glad you came. I wasn't sure if you would."

Alice's voice made me jump and I looked up, startled. She was a few feet away, her face cast in shadows. I swallowed hard and shrugged, not knowing what to say. Alice took a few steps forward and then sat on the crunchy leaves, folding her legs beneath her. She kept her eyes fixed on me, as though afraid that I might vanish into thin air.

We sat in silence for a long time.

The breeze tossed my hair forward and Alice tensed, pulling a face, her tiny nose scrunching up.

"Oh, what's that _smell_?" She said in a disgusted tone. I frowned, sniffing my hair. It didn't smell of anything particularly.

"What smell?" I asked and her eyes widened as she realised that maybe insulting me might not be the best way to make up with me.

"Nothing. It's probably nothing."

We fell back into silence and I pulled the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands, burying my chin in them again. Alice didn't speak, although I knew she was dying to.

She was waiting for me to go first.

I swallowed hard and shifted on my tree stump. Alice tilted her head, a tiny smile gracing her lips. I inhaled deeply and dropped my eyes to the ground.

"Is… is it true, what Rosalie said?" I asked uncertainly.

"Which part?" Alice murmured and I shrugged.

"Did… did Carlisle turn her for Edward?"

Alice gave a deep sigh, lowering her eyes to the ground.

"Not exactly. What do you know about the circumstances of Rosalie's death?"

"Nothing. Except… she didn't want it."

"Rosalie was raped, beaten and left for dead by her fiancé and his friends." Alice said bluntly, "Carlisle found her on the brink of death and couldn't bear to let her slip away. He saved her because he hates wasted life. And yes, there was a _part_ of him that was hoping that she and Edward would fall for each other."

It made sense, suddenly. Why Rosalie hated my nonchalance towards my own demise, when her own had come about in such terrible circumstances. I inwardly cringed at my lack of sensitivity and Alice frowned.

"Don't start blaming yourself."

"It's no wonder she hated me. No wonder she didn't want me around." I thought back to Rosalie's angry words. Alice sighed again.

"Rosalie doesn't hate you. I know my sister and I saw her talking to Edward. She thinks we've deceived you. She doesn't like you, probably because of the way you handle everything so easily."

"What do you mean, deceived me?" I queried and she looked down again, not meeting my eye.

"Because of my vision."

I stood abruptly, uncomfortable with the intimacy of the conversation. I didn't even know the full details of the vision but I knew enough. Alice stayed on the ground, watching as I paced away from the stump, my feet kicking up the dark leaves and she spoke before I had a chance.

"None of us like seeing Edward alone, anymore than he likes watching us pair off. We want him to be happy and, yes, we've made mistakes trying to get that to happen, like turning Rosalie or having him meet Tanya-"

"Who is Tanya?" I didn't mean to sound so sulky and a momentary flash of amusement struck Alice's face before she composed herself.

"She's a vampire, one like us. She and her family live in Denali, Alaska, and she expressed an interest in Edward. I guess we all hoped that he'd like her but he was never interested."

I shouldn't have felt so pleased, but I was. I folded my arms over my chest though, trying not to show it. Instead I kicked the toe of my shoe against the tree stump, keeping my hair over my face as Alice spoke again.

"Right after we came here, just minutes before we spoke to you for the first time, right here at the high school, I had a vision. I had a vision of you telling Edward that you loved him."

"Alice, just stop." I interrupted, "I don't want to talk about that right now."

"OK. What would you like to talk about?" She asked, almost cheerfully and I turned to give her a sour look. She smiled cheekily and I rolled my eyes before sitting back down on the stump.

"What did Rosalie mean about Carlisle's projects?" I asked, my heart twanging at the thought of my Doc. Alice pouted slightly in serious consideration.

"I think she was talking about the way he acts in general. I mean… we're quite possibly the biggest vampire family of our kind. Most vampires are nomads, lone creatures. Occasionally they'll pair up, if they find their mate, but otherwise… Other vampires are surprised at Carlisle gathering us together. Of course, we don't see it like that, but to others of our kind, we're remarkable. Rosalie considers her change a project, because it was to try and help Edward. She disapproved of what he was doing with you, the experiments he was trying with you… I guess it hit a little close to home."

I didn't move as Alice stared up at the cloudy sky, only just visible through the canopy of trees. After a long silence, she shook her head slowly.

"Maybe she's right. When you go for so long thinking that you can do anything, that you can have anything, maybe you forget to consider what it's doing to others. I mean… I saw us being friends. I saw you and Edward and I just wanted to make it happen without considering what might happen to you in the process."

Her voice was sorrowful but it angered me. I stood again, kicking a twig away from my foot.

"That's all you have to say? That you didn't _consider what might happen_?" I seethed, "Don't you understand what you did to me? What you _all_ did to me? You're the first people I spoke to in ten years. I gave you everything of me. I gave you my friendship and my feelings and my hair and my blood. I let Carlisle tell me that I was a part of the family, I let you be my friend and I let Edward…"

I closed my eyes, a lump forming in my front and stopping me from speaking. Alice was on her feet beside me in an instant, one hand hesitantly reached out to me. I flinched away from her touch and her arms lowered to her sides as she looked at me with a heartbroken expression.

"Bella, I don't know what to say." She whispered and I stepped back as hot, humiliating tears spilled over my eyelids. I brushed them away angrily.

"I don't know what you can say either. I don't think you understand how much I care about all of you and to find out that you were just waving me around in front of Edward in the hopes that your vision might come true is killing me. I _want_ to believe that you genuinely want me and maybe you do, but the other things… the things with Edward and Carlisle… they hurt _so bad_…"

I buried the heels of my hands into my eyes, trying to stop the embarrassing tears that wouldn't halt. I heard Alice gulp back a sob and shook my head, keeping my eyes covered. I didn't want to look at her, didn't want to see the expression that would no doubt make me give in to anything she asked me. I stumbled away blindly.

"Bella, please don't leave!" She cried but I bowed my head, sniffling loudly as I half ran towards the parking lot. I didn't hear footsteps behind me but lights appeared, almost blinding me. I looked up, startled as headlights flooded the ground around me and a tall figure appeared beside the silver car.

Edward's eyes were wide, fixed on mine. I knew how dreadful I must look, crying and sniffling, stumbling out of the woods with Alice somewhere behind me. He took a tentative step forward, one hand ahead of him but he stopped at my expression.

I wanted him. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and take me back to the Cullen house and have them tell me that it was all a misunderstanding and that they really do want me, just for me and for no other reason.

I wanted Edward to tell me how he felt for me and understand my own feelings for him.

But I turned away. I continued walking and felt my heart tearing into shreds with every step. A strange, gulping, sobbing noise escaped me and I stumbled as the tears kept coming and my chest ached with trying not to cry, my feet unable to move. My knees shook and I tried to take another step but I couldn't.

Arms wrapped around me, turning my body and Edward's warm, enticing scent surrounded me as his hand slid up into my hair, his other arm around my waist. I grabbed at handfuls of his shirt, simultaneously trying to pull him closer and push him away, wanting to scream and cry and bury my face in his chest.

He didn't fight or try to contain me. He just held his arms around me whilst I gasped and whimpered and sniffled. His head ducked, his cheek pressed against my hair as I leaned forward, pressing my forehead to his shoulder, my fingers scrambling against his chest.

We stood there for days, for weeks, forever.

It felt right. It felt like home. I hated how much I loved it and how much I wanted him.

He shifted slightly, his embrace tightening, the hand in my hair moving round to cup my cheek, his fingers sliding softly across my skin before moving lower to try and lift my face so that he could see me.

I jerked my head away, pulling out of his embrace and wrapping my arms around me, using my hair to hide my face.

"Bella…?" His voice was so soft and I lifted my hands to push my hair out of my face, staring at his shirt, unable to meet his eyes. There were damp spots on the dark fabric.

"I have to go."

"Bella-"

"Charlie… I need to see Charlie." I croaked, my voice hoarse. He was still for a long moment and then he ran his hand through his hair. I turned my face away, rubbing at my sore eyes.

After a few moments of silence, he nodded.

"Would you like a ride?"

"It's not far." I murmured and turned to leave but his voice made me stop.

"Will I see you?"

I didn't know if he meant tomorrow or… or more permanently.

"Tomorrow." I said under my breath and kept walking away, while I still had the strength. Tomorrow was all that I could commit to at the moment, but from the moment he'd taken me into his arms, I'd known that I was home.

* * *

**A/N: Well, hello strangers. I just want to start by saying a huge thank you to everyone who contacted me after the last chapter. Your support has been unbelievable and if anyone is still reading this, please do know that I'm truly grateful. I won't go into anything now, but it's been a hell of a year, I've started my last year at university and Real Life has been too crazy to even contemplate getting to work on this. That being said, I do hope to wind this story up within the next few weeks. But hey, famous last words, right?**

**Breathe Slow – Bella has so many mixed emotions towards the Cullens and towards Jacob, getting them all sorted out in her head is a challenge for her. Deep breaths – even if she doesn't need them!**

**Huge love to my beta, who is currently nursing a poorly foot and therefore tied to her computer. Love you, Sarah!**

**Reviewers will receive a box of Christmas cookies and a light dusting of snow – unlike the huge amount we currently have here in the UK!**

**Come twitter with me – username is Kat097 there as well.**

**Love**

**Katie**


	21. About You Now

**Chapter Twenty**

**It was so easy that night,**  
**Should have been strong, yeah I lied,**  
**Nobody gets me like you,**  
**I know everything changes,**  
**All the cities and faces,**  
**But I know how I feel about you,**  
**Can we bring yesterday back around,**  
**Cos I know how I feel about you now,**  
**I was dumb, I was wrong, I let you down,**  
**But I know how I feel about you now**

**~About You Now by The Sugababes~**

Charlie was asleep in front of the television when I got in. I went over to him and curled up on the floor by his feet, leaning my head against the arm of his chair. The heat from his leg reached my skin and I repressed the urge to touch him, although I wanted nothing more than to put my arms around him and let him know that I was here, to have him comfort me. The light from the television flickered over his features. I closed my eyes, my heart aching with love for him and for the normality that his presence created. His familiar smell of peppermint and leather and the tobacco that one of the deputies smoked filled my senses and I sighed.

"I don't know what to do, Charlie." I said softly, "I don't know if I can forgive them. I can't stay away. Jake's going to be so hurt. Whatever decision I make, someone is going to be hurt."

I traced a finger lightly down the side of his trousers, feeling the roughness of the fabric against my fingertip. He didn't stir and I looked at the clock. It was almost one in the morning and Charlie really needed to go to bed, so I turned off the television and pushed the remote off of the arm of the chair. It landed lightly on his leg and he jerked away, yawning and glancing at the clock. He stretched, rubbing his face with one hand and headed for the stairs.

I stayed where I was, pulling my knees up to my chest and burying my head in my arms, closing my arms and wishing that I could sleep, just so that I could have a moment of peace.

* * *

The sun rose, soft light creeping across the floor towards me. I watched its progression with half-hearted interest before going into the kitchen and turning on the coffeemaker. It began to whir and drip quietly and I listened carefully as I heard Charlie stirring, the humming of the pipes as the shower kicked into action.

I watched Charlie eat breakfast, listening to the radio as he chewed on a piece of toast. We both looked around in surprise as there was a knock at the door, interrupting the morning news. I followed as him as he went to answer, only to find Jacob on the door step, rubbing his hand through his scruffy hair.

"Morning, Jacob. Everything OK?" Charlie asked in concern. Jacob nodded and his eyes went past Charlie to me, his gaze scanning me from head to foot.

"Uh, yeah. Just passing by."

"You're taking a real roundabout route to school, aren't you?" Charlie raised an eyebrow and I smiled. Jacob shuffled awkwardly, avoiding my eye.

"Yeah, I had to pick something up before school. And Dad was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight. I'm going to try and not burn something."

"That sounds good, kid. I've got to get to the station, you'd better hurry or you'll be late."

"Sure, I'm going. See you tonight, Charlie." He threw me a look that said he'd be hanging around as Charlie picked up his stuff. I gestured to the back of the house, where it backed onto the woods, indicating that he should meet me there.

I went out to the back and stepped through the dew-damp grass. The sky had clouded over but it didn't look like it would rain. I leant against a tree, waiting until I heard Charlie's cruiser pull away and, sure enough, a moment later Jacob had appeared. He crossed to me quickly and I thought he was going to hug me, but he paused a few feet away, his eyes still searching me as though for something different.

"Hi kid." I smiled faintly and his brow furrowed as he finally looked me in the face.

"You said that you'd come back." He said darkly and I looked away awkwardly.

"I was going to."

"When?"

"Geez Jacob, you sound like a parent." I rolled my eyes at him and he growled.

"I was _worried_, Bella! I woke up and you were gone." He said crossly and I folded my arms, eying him and feeling mildly irritated.

"Jake – _ten years _. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself for a couple of hours."

"That was before I knew you and that there were vampires in the area."

I took a deep breath and Jacob sighed heavily, taking a step closer, his hand in his hair again.

"Bells… you can't disappear like that and expect me not to worry. You're my…" _oh god, what was he going to say?_ "You're my ghost friend who's a girl who I really like. Or something."

He shuffled awkwardly before looking at me again.

"I thought I… I scared you away. With what I said, I mean. I came on kinda strong-"

"Yes, you did. But then, I kind of threw myself at you as well. Just not in _that_ way. At least, I didn't mean to." I said quietly and Jacob shook his head.

"No, you didn't. I just keep feeling this pull towards you and I don't know it means. It's not like anything else that I've ever felt before." He frowned and I moved forward, patting his arm. He lifted it to wrap around my shoulders, pulling me close for a hug. I put my arms around his neck, cuddling him close, full of affection for my wolf boy.

"You'd better get going or you'll be late for school." I said and he nodded, squeezing my shoulders.

"How did it go? With the lee-… with them?" He asked, a little sullenly and I couldn't help smiling at his sulky attitude.

"It was… OK. I guess. Things aren't going to get better just like that. They hurt me and I guess that I took advantage of them too. I expected them to kind of rearrange their whole lives for me. I think that was why Rosalie was so mad."

Jacob didn't really understand what I meant, but he smiled anyway and took my hand, leading me towards the front of the house.

"You'll come over?"

"Yeah. Not tonight. Tomorrow, maybe?"

"Tomorrow's good." He agreed, "We'll take care of Charlie tonight."

"What are you cooking him?" I asked as we walked to the front of the house.

"Emily gave me the recipe for this casserole thing. It looks fairly easy and if not, we have the pizza place on speed-dial."

"I broke Charlie of his bad eating habits, I'll break you too." I told him sternly and he chuckled, glancing around to make sure that nobody was around before leaning down and kissing my forehead. "See you _soon_, Bells."

"Bye kid."

"I'm not a kid!" He pouted, heading for his bike.

* * *

I got to school about fifteen minutes before the first bell. Since it wasn't raining, the parking lot was crowded with kids all catching up after the weekend. Angela was sitting next to Jessica on the wall, watching as Ben and Mike play-wrestled, pushing each other towards a muddy puddle. Jess rolled her eyes at their childishness but Angela was smiling softly as Ben straightened, laughing loudly. Their eyes met and Ben flushed slightly before stumbling as Mike elbowed him in the ribs.

"Are you going to ask him to the girls' choice dance at the end of the month?" Jessica asked her and Angela shook her head shyly.

"No, I couldn't…"

"I think you'll have to. God knows he'll never work up the nerve." Jessica said dismissively and Angela shrugged uncertainly, but her eyes were fixed on Ben.

I glanced over to where the Cullen cars were parked. Emmett and Rosalie were standing together, talking quietly. Jasper, Alice and Edward were gathered by the Volvo, Alice showing Jasper something on her phone. She looked briefly over her shoulder at me and offered a tiny smile before pulling Jasper towards the school entrance.

I hung around Angela, following her towards the classroom. Hers wasn't far from my English class so I parted with her there and slipped into my room. The students were settling down as Mr Lewis called their attention to their final novel of the school year – _Dracula._

You. Are. Kidding me.

I groaned, slumping over my desk as they started to pass out the novels.

My afterlife was just one big joke.

* * *

I shuffled from class to class and when lunch finally arrived, I was flittering between nervousness and wanting to run and hide in the library.

"You don't have to sit with us. But there's a chair free, if you want it." Alice murmured as she swept past, graceful in her every moment as she approached the cafeteria, other students falling out of her way but as usual, she was oblivious to the stares.

I hesitated in the doorway to the cafeteria, watching as the Cullens gathered around their table before shuffling in. Sure enough, there was a chair pulled out between Alice and Emmett, just waiting for me to come and sit down. I looked at it quickly and then over at Angela's table. She was waiting for everyone else, picking at a sandwich and looked miserable.

"She's too afraid to ask Ben to the dance." Edward murmured, standing beside the door under the guise of digging through his satchel, looking for something.

"Will she?"

"I'm not the psychic." He gave me a crooked smile before moving off to join his family. He was giving me space and I appreciated it. I looked back at Angela. Ben was sitting down and she smiled weakly at him. I went over and perched on the edge of the table, listening in.

"Hey Angela."

"Hi Ben." She said softly as he arranged his tray, tearing open a packet of chips and dismantling his sandwich, lining the bread with the chips. Angela watched with a faint smile and then wrinkled her nose.

"That's kind of weird." She murmured and Ben chuckled softly.

"Yeah, I know. My mom always does it and I guess that I picked up her bad habits." He said, putting the sandwich back together and cutting it in half. Angela rolled a cherry tomato around her plate, sneaking glances up at him.

I sneaked a look over my shoulder at the Cullens. Alice was watching me with a smile and tapped the bottle of lemonade in front of her before looking at the same brand of bottle in front of Ben. Neither of them were watching, both staring at anything but each other, the tension palpable. I reached over and gave the bottle a little push. It wobbled and instinctively each of them reached out to steady it before it spilled and their fingers tightened around it.

"Oh, sorry!" Angela stammered, pulling her fingers back and curling them into her lap. Ben was smiling helplessly and tapped his fingers against the bottle.

"So, um… are you… are you going to the dance?" He stammered before swallowing and staring at the ceiling, looking as though he wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

"I… I don't know." Angela said, flushing pink. Ben was watching her, with an almost hopeful expression.

"It's… uh, it's girl's choice, right?"

"So Jess says." Angela whispered and Ben swallowed hard, staring at the label on his bottle.

"Is she going to ask Mike?"

"Yeah, I think so. She briefly wondered about Edward Cullen, but…"

"He wouldn't. I don't think he's the school dance type."

"Or the Jessica type." Angela said with a tiny smile. I smirked and looked over at the Cullen table again. Emmett was grinning at Edward, who glowered at him.

Ben took a sip of his lemonade and cleared his throat awkwardly. Angela tightened her hands into fists in her lap and seemed to steel herself.

"Um, are you… going? To the dance?" She asked haltingly and he froze, staring at her.

"Uh, maybe."

"Maybe?"

"If someone asks." He said, still staring and she gulped.

"If I asked?"

"Yes."

"You will?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Good."

They were wearing matching grins and I was as well. I slid off of the end of the table, feeling like I'd achieved something with my lunch break – I should have done that a long time ago, used my powers of… being dead, for good. Edward was watching me with a faint smile and it warmed me as I walked towards the doors, intending to start a new book in the library.

* * *

Biology. I was the first one there and sat waiting for Edward to arrive. In the light of day, I felt stronger, not the emotional mess that I'd been the night before. I scratched a mark on the table as I waited.

I wanted to see them so much, but it was too awkward to just go to their house. All of them at once, it was too much. I felt like a slow integration would be a good start. Rushing back in would feel hypocritical after the overly dramatic way that I'd left. I needed to be at peace, with myself and with them. I needed to figure out how to balance a potential life and friendship with the Cullens and how to keep Jacob as well. Could I do both?

I wasn't sure.

I looked up as Edward slid into his seat, his book in his hand. Being at the back of the class, no one noticed as he shot me a slight smile before opening his book. I looked down at the desk again as Mr Banner handed out lab sheets and boxes of slides. As the other pairs began to work noisily, the volume rising, he murmured under his breath.

"That was a nice thing you did for Angela."

I examined his profile as he stared down the lens of the microscope and then shrugged, twisting a strand of hair between my fingers.

"She's a sweet girl. She deserves to be happy." I said quietly and he smiled that weird secretive smile.

"Yes. She deserves it."

He noted something down on his worksheet before giving me a sideways glance, his amber eyes piercing mine.

"Did Charlie get a dog?" He asked curiously and I frowned.

"No, why?"

"There's a strange smell." He said, eying me and I scowled.

"OK, Alice said something about a smell last night. There is _no_ smell, and especially not a-"

I fell silent as realisation dawned. Wolves. Dogs. Dog smell. Super-vampire-sense-of-smell.

Wow. Awkward.

"Bella?" He was watching me closely and his hand slid towards mine where it was resting on the desk but seemed to hesitate, merely leaving it near to mine.

"I had a weird weekend." I whispered and he eyed me closely before writing something else on his worksheet.

"Will you tell me about it tonight?"

"I'm not coming over tonight." He looked at me again, out of the corner of his eye and I pushed my hair out of my face, "Too much, too soon."

"May I see you tonight? Somewhere away from the house, if it makes you uncomfortable."

Conundrum. While I didn't want to be with all of them at once, being alone with any of them made me equally uncomfortable.

"And Alice. If she wants to." I suggested and he nodded, "And Jasper, I guess."

"I'm sure she's already arranging a time and place." Edward murmured and then pulled his phone out under the desk as a text arrived, "Ah. Ten tonight, at the park on West Street?"

"That's fine." I confirmed before glancing down at his worksheet, trying to act like I was absolutely absorbed with Biology.

I'm pretty sure he didn't stop smiling all the way through the game.

* * *

The park was deserted at ten, probably because it had rained earlier. Jasper, Alice and Edward were already waiting, Alice hanging upside down on the jungle gym but she swung herself around and landed lightly on her feet as I approached.

"Charlie all tucked up in bed?"

"He's such a handful." I joked weakly, tucking my hands into the pockets of my hoodie and she laughed, walking towards me. She stopped a few steps away, still smiling.

"I'm really glad you're here, Bella. I missed you. We all have."

"You screwed up. But I screwed up too." I said, taking a deep breath, "I was kind of selfish and I'm sorry that I… that I made so many assumptions." I didn't know how to phrase it better than that. It's never fun to admit that you're wrong and I was embarrassed by my dramatic reaction.

"I'm sorry that we didn't tell you about the vision." Alice said softly, "I'm not looking to see if it's still going to happen, even though it's _incredibly_ frustrating. I'm going to try and do things the slow way."

She took another step, still uncertain of how close to come and I smiled, taking my hands out of my pockets and letting them hang by my sides instead.

"I had a really weird weekend, Alice, and I had a lot of time to think about what happened."

"We never intended to lie." She interrupted, "We want you in our family. Carlisle's experiments were… there was a reason for them. He wanted to find out if we could permanently hurt you if there were any… _accidents_. But he didn't go about it the right way and we know that now."

I looked at her small, earnest face, so desperate for me to believe her. She smiled and I returned it, nodding.

"Fresh start? I mean, there's a lot to go over but… I already know that you're a part of my life and I hope you will be for a long time yet so… fresh start?"

"That would be good." She agreed and then jumped towards me, wrapping her arms around my waist in a tight hug, "Oh Bella, I missed you so much. You're my best friend, I was so scared that you would never come back, I couldn't see you at all." She mumbled into my shoulder and I lifted my arms, embracing her affectionately. Being starved of their attention for the weekend and becoming accustomed to contact by Jacob, I had little difficulty in the action. It was still strange and I was wary of their strength, but her touch was warm and as I bowed my head, her hair tickled my cheek, soft and sweet smelling.

It was not a resolved situation. It was putting things on the backburner because in spite of what had happened, these vampires made me happy. And I _wanted_ to be happy. Nothing is black and white, right? If daytime soap operas had taught me anything in the last decade, it was that you had to take the good with the bad and overlook some of the things you didn't like.

After several long minutes, Alice pulled back but took my hand with a bright smile.

"Come on, Bella. Let's play."

* * *

We spent the whole night at the playground, sitting on the jungle gym and talking about school, spinning on the roundabout (apparently ghosts can feel nauseous, even if we can't actually vomit) and by three in the morning, Alice and I were sat on the swings, Jasper pushing her gently and Edward leaning against the frame and watching us.

"So you can't remember _anything_ about your human life?" I asked Alice, who shrugged as I scuffed my feet against the rubber matting under the swing set.

"No, not a thing. I don't know if I had a family or if I still do. Carlisle and I had a brief look into it, but I when I woke up from the change, all I knew was that my name was Alice." She explained, kicking her legs so she swung higher than my pathetic swaying. "Besides, almost as soon as I woke up, I saw Jasper. And then after just a few days, I saw Carlisle and the others, so I decided to concentrate on them instead of wondering about what was gone."

Alice looked up, smiling at Jasper and he planted a swift kiss on her forehead before pushing her again. I smiled to myself and caught Edward's eye. He was watching me and his lips curved faintly as we looked at each other.

"What about your family? Anyone other than Charlie out there?" Alice asked and I nodded, kicking at the dirt to give myself a push.

"My mom. She got remarried when I was seventeen and I came to live with Charlie. But we didn't have any other family."

"You said you didn't go to see her after you died, why not?" Alice queried and I sighed.

"Well, like I said, Charlie doesn't have anyone else."

"Why doesn't she come to see your grave?" Edward wondered and I put my feet down, grinding to a halt, the dirt flying around my feet.

"Because she and Charlie had a fight."

"A fight?"

"At my funeral." I murmured and Alice stared at me in horror.

"_What_? Why?"

I turned my eyes to Edward, who was still, patient. For a long moment I didn't speak and he pushed himself away from the frame, moving to stand behind me. His hands grasped the edge of my seat and he began to push me gently. The wind threw my hair back as I kicked my legs out and I leant my head against the chain as I swung softly.

"Because she blamed him for my death. Because…" I closed my eyes, "Because the car that hit me was being driven by a man who had just robbed the grocery store and Charlie was chasing it in his cruiser."

They were all silent and I opened my eyes again.

"I never blamed him. How could I? It was an accident. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. But Mom… she got mad. Made a total scene, screaming at him that it was all his fault and that he should have taken better care of me. And the worst part was that he believed it, he _does_ blame himself."

"That's so sad." Alice whispered, "Your dad seems like such a nice man."

"He's the best. He's a great dad. He wasn't always the best at showing it, but he really was." I said quietly.

We fell into silence and Edward continued to push me gently. Alice stepped off the swing and caught Jasper's hand, pulling him towards the slide. I expected Edward to take her empty swing, but he carried on pushing, his hands sliding down to press against my back.

* * *

At lunch the next day, Emmett was the first on at the Cullen table. I hesitated by the door but he caught sight of me and pushed out the chair opposite him with his foot, winking as he did so. I couldn't help smiling and crossed to him, sliding into the chair as he rearranged the food on his tray.

"Anything good for lunch today?" I asked.

"Well, I filled up on bear last night, so I'm not that hungry." He said quietly, smiling at me. I put my arms on the table, watching as he pulled bits of his sandwich apart to make it look as though he'd been eating it.

"You'd better watch yourself, I hear that bear is just full of empty calories." I muttered and he chuckled as Rosalie sat beside him. She met my eye and inclined her head slightly to acknowledge my presence.

"Will we be seeing you tonight, Sweetpea?" Emmett asked as the others arrived and I shook my head.

"No, I'm going to see Jacob tonight."

"Jacob?" Alice asked, pushing her food around and Edward looked at me quickly.

"The Quileute boy?"

"That's the one." I said and Alice frowned slightly.

"Oh… is that where you were this weekend?" I nodded and she sighed, "It's strange, I can't see you when you're on the reservation."

"Even if I plan to come back?"

"Even then. There's something about that place that blocks you from my sight completely." She looked concerned and I frowned. Was that a werewolf thing?

"Why visit someone who doesn't even know that you're there?" Rosalie asked tersely and I looked at her curiously. For some reason, this felt like a test.

I hoped that I wouldn't fail.

"That's a tricky one." I admitted. "One that I'd really rather not get into at lunch."

"The four of us," Alice gestured to herself, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, "Are going to Seattle tonight for a little shopping. We thought that you might want to talk to Carlisle without a full house. So maybe after your friend has gone to sleep, you could go talk to him. You know, if you want to. No pressure or anything, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you didn't-"

"Alice, it's a good thing you don't need to breathe, because you'd be unconscious by now." I interrupted and Emmett snorted, flicking a bit of his sandwich at Alice, who pulled a disgusted face.

"You're such a child, Emmett! Anyway, Bella, the invitation is open. Carlisle and Esme will be home all night."

I didn't reply for a few minutes, thinking carefully. Jacob would need his sleep or if he was patrolling, he wouldn't want me around anyway, he'd be too busy. I could go and spend the evening with him and then hike over to the Cullen house.

"Um, yeah. That should be fine." I said and it struck me how odd it was that I now needed to keep track of social events when only a few months ago, I'd been invisible to everyone.

Huh. Maybe I'd get facebook.

* * *

"So, how did the cooking go?" I asked and Jacob beamed proudly, apparently deciding that the blackened pan in the sink was not a sign of poor cooking skills. He'd greeted me with an enthusiastic hug and I'd sat with him in the kitchen, helping him finish his homework.

"They liked it and nobody got poisoned. I'm calling that a success." He grinned and I smiled as he began to push his books into his backpack, "So, what do you want to do tonight? Embry's coming over and then we have to go patrolling around midnight, but until then, I'm _all_ yours."

I rolled my eyes and Jacob gestured towards the back door. We moved towards it, making our way towards the garage.

"Work on the car. I like watching you working." I said, taking my usual seat on the workbench. Jacob smirked, winking at me.

"Can't take your eyes off me, huh?"

"Watch it, kid." I said in a warning voice and he scrunched his face at me before propping open the hood of the car.

I leaned back against the wall, watching as he tossed his t-shirt aside and pulled on overalls over his jeans. As he worked, he chattered on about patrolling and the wolves and how Quil had gone down with a temperature.

"His grandfather called Sam yesterday. It'll be any day now. Sam's been staying outside his house, ready to grab him when he phases."

"I'll bet it's terrifying, the first time."

"Yeah, it is. Confusing, terrifying, your whole world spins and you can hear a bunch of voice in your head that aren't yours. That's why Sam tries to be nearby, so he can sort of… bring you into it gently." Jacob said, rooting noisily through a box of spare parts.

"Would you ever stop phasing?"

"Not while there's danger in the area."

"The Cullens aren't-"

"They're vampires, Bella." His dark eyes shot to mine, all traces of humour gone. "They kill and they drink blood. Sure, they're hunting animals these days, but you're telling me that they're all completely innocent? And besides, it's not just them. I told you, we tracked a different leech coming through the area and we've got no promise from them that they aren't partial to snacking on humans."

I was silent as he got back to work, tense and uncertain. I knew that there was no way that the Cullens and the Quileute pack were ever going to be friends, but this constant tension that I felt with both of them was tiring – and the Cullens didn't even _know_ about the wolves yet. That was going to be a fun conversation.

"Stop thinking so hard, Bells. It'll give you wrinkles." Jacob smirked and I pulled a face at him.

"You're a funny kid."

"Pass me the wire trimmers." I rooted through his toolbox and climbed off the workbench to hand them to him, peering into the engine. I didn't understand engines at all; maybe I'd wander over to Port Angeles and see if there was a course I could take at the community college.

We spent an hour in comfortable quiet, Jacob requesting tools and me passing them until Embry arrived, grinning widely.

"It's happening. Quil's Grandfather called Sam over half an hour ago, I think he's changing."

"We should get over there, see if we can help out. We're his best friends, I think it'll help him if he sees us." Jacob said and looked at me quickly, "Sorry, Bells-"

"Go. I've got stuff to do anyway, go help him out and I'll see you tomorrow." He kissed my forehead and gave me a quick hug before darting out of the door, tossing the overalls over his shoulder as he went.

I stretched idly and looked at the lopsided clock hanging on the wall. It was only just nine thirty, but by the time I had walked back to Forks and gotten over to the Cullen house, it would be around ten fifteen. I locked up the shed for Jacob and started walking.

* * *

When I got to the house, Carlisle and Esme were sat in the kitchen – why they had a kitchen, I had no idea, since they couldn't eat anyway – come to think of it, why did they have Egyptian cotton bed sheets? What a waste. As Edward led me into the kitchen, Esme got to her feet and approached me. Without asking permission, she drew me into her arms, cradling me closely and I bowed my head, resting my forehead against her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, my sweetheart." She whispered in my ear and I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to cry as I clung to her. After a long moment and I opened them again to see Carlisle watching me, tense and unhappy. I released Esme and moved to stand in front of him.

We looked at each other for a long moment. I felt mixed feelings for him at that moment. On the one hand, he had deceived me in ways that I had never imagined possible from him, had betrayed my trust when he had known how hard it had been for me give it in the first place. On the other, I was utterly convinced of his affection for me and that he truly did want me in his misfit family. And who was I kidding? I wanted to be a misfit too.

I stretched out a hand tentatively and Carlisle took it, gently squeezing my fingers.

"I cannot apologise enough, Bella."

"What happened, happened, Doc." I said quietly, "It wasn't good and clearly we both suck at communication. So, um… I'm not really one to hold a grudge. I mean, I'd like to talk to Rosalie and Emmett too, but I'm kind of hoping that maybe we could just… get past this without any more drama?"

"That sounds ideal, Bella." Carlisle murmured, "I hope you know the truth about our intentions and how genuine they are, in spite of our methods."

"I think I do."

Carlisle smiled and released my hand, sliding his arm around Esme's waist as she moved to stand beside him.

"Edward thought that might you like to spend the evening relaxing." Esme suggested and I nodded.

"Yeah, that sounds good. It's been a weird few days."

"And you prefer normal as a ghost?" Edward murmured, his hand brushing against my lower back as he passed.

* * *

The Cullen version of relaxing was to dig out a set of playing cards and start a series of tournaments, ranging from Whist to Go Fish. I lost nearly every round and even though Edward insisted that he wasn't listening to people's thoughts, he shot me a sly wink as he kicked Carlisle's ass.

At three in the morning, I heard car doors slamming and glanced towards the door as Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice came in, all carrying shopping bags.

"Hey kids, have fun?" I teased as Emmett crouched down beside me and tossed one of my cards on the table.

"Of course. And you?"

"I was about to win, until you messed up my game." I joked, knowing full well that I was about to lose again. Alice giggled and then looked at Carlisle.

"There's going to be a storm tonight. We should play."

"Excellent!" Emmett looked excited and I glanced around, hoping someone might explain. Edward obliged.

"If we have a storm, we head up to a clearing in the mountains and play baseball. It's fun."

"Yeah, if you're capable of playing a sport." I mumbled and Carlisle chuckled.

"You can help Esme referee the game. She's convinced that Emmett and Jasper cheat."

"That's because we do." Jasper smirked, his fingers tapping against Alice's hip and everyone smiled, Rosalie rolling her eyes as she leant against the kitchen counter.

"If we set off at around… oh, about seven? The storm will start just after we arrive and we'll get a few hours of playing in." Alice said brightly and Carlisle nodded.

"Good, we can run up from here. Bella, one of us can carry you, if you don't mind?"

"Fine by me."

"I hope you'll shower first," Rosalie said bitingly, "The wet dog smell isn't that appealing to those of us with super senses."

I froze, one hand raised to my hair. I'd forgotten that hanging around with Jacob would have left his scent fresh on me. Carlisle, Esme and Edward hadn't said anything, probably out of politeness, but Rosalie didn't have qualms about these things.

Esme frowned warningly at Rosalie but I bit my lip.

"Yeah, I actually wanted to talk to you about that." I said, flicking the playing cards between my fingers and avoiding their eyes. They were all quiet as I fiddled, trying to figure out how to say this. I didn't want the pack to think that I was giving away all their secrets, but I couldn't hide this from the Cullens either.

"So… I've been spending some time in La Push." I began haltingly, "And… there are some guys there who can… well, you know how I'm a ghost and you're vampires and that's kind of… different?"

"It had caught our attention, yes." Carlisle smiled faintly. I swallowed hard.

"Well, there are some boys on the reservation who are different too." I said softly, twirling the Ace of Spades around. "Um… I don't know quite how to say this, so I'm just going to go for it."

I lay the card flat and lifted my eyes to Carlisle's.

"There are werewolves on the reservation."

Silence. Then Emmett smiled.

"Cool."

"Not cool." Edward said stonily. I looked at him sharply and saw him staring at me. He leaned forward, scanning my face, "You're alright? You're not hurt?"

"No, of course I'm not hurt." I jerked my face back, frowning, "Why would I be?"

"Bella, we have encountered their kind before." Carlisle said gravely, "They are very powerful and unpredictable."

The image of Emily's scarred face flashed unbidden through my mind and I flinched, slouching in my chair, the need to defend them bubbling away.

"They're not bad." I muttered, "OK, so they turn into giant wolves from time to time, they're not… look, I just spent the weekend insisting that you're not all murderers, OK? So don't go attacking them when I've been defending you."

Edward frowned and looked at Carlisle who shook his head.

"We have signed a treaty, Edward. We must trust that they will keep their side of it."

"They will." I said immediately, "They're good guys, really. Jacob was telling me how they-"

"They can _see_ you?" Esme gasped and Alice groaned.

"That's probably why I can't see you! Those…. Those _dogs_ have been blocking my sight, god only knows what kind of powers they have! Urgh!" She sank dramatically into a chair and I rolled my eyes.

"Please? The name calling is ridiculous. I expect it from Jake, he's sixteen. You're more mature."

"You can't go back there, Bella. It's much too dangerous." Edward insisted, reaching for my hand, but I pulled back, folding my arms over my chest as I stared at him for a long moment.

Slipping out of the chair, I walked slowly away from the family towards the windows, trying to gather my thoughts, shuffling them into order as I had the playing cards. Twisting my hands, I turned to look at them all and found them silent, waiting for me to speak.

"I missed you, OK?" I whispered, my chest aching where my heart should have been beating, "All weekend I kept thinking about how much I missed you. And I tried to talk myself out of it, telling myself that it was a mistake, but then Jacob… without meaning to, he showed me how much I needed to be with you."

Edward's brow twitched as he looked at me and I felt myself grow uncomfortable under his gaze, but I forced myself to hold his stare.

"I need you." I repeated quietly, "But I won't abandon Jacob. He's been in my life a lot longer than you have and he… he doesn't understand everything. He's such a child and he needs looking after for a little while longer, even if he does have the ability to turn into a big hairy beast. So don't ask me to leave him, because I can't and you know that I can't. Please don't put me in that position when I'm trying to figure out how to balance being best friends with a werewolf teenager with overactive hormones and being part of a family of vegetarian vampires."

Wow. That sounded bizarre even to me.

And as if to further my bemusement with the situation, Rosalie laughed under her breath, eying me closely before smirking at Edward.

"What do you know, Edward? Ghost Girl knows what she wants. Good for her." Her words seemed encouraging but her look implied nothing other than the disdain to which I had been accustomed.

It was nice to know that some things just didn't change.

* * *

**A/N: Update fail. I know, it's been three and a half months. I swear, I haven't forgotten this story! Both La Beta and I have been on teaching placements and then had 5000 word essays to write. Muchos stressful, my darlings.**

**About You Now – I'm kind of ashamed that I know Sugababes songs, but they're so darn catchy and this song fitted nicely. Bella knows how she feels about the Cullens and Jake now. Sort of.**

**To keep up with update info, come twitter with me. I'm Kat097 over there, the link is on my profile. **

**Reviewers can have their Cullen/Werewolf of choice and a playground for the night. Or a playroom, for you kinky little monkeys. **

**Lots of love**

**Katie**


	22. How To Save A Life

**Chapter Twenty One**

**Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God, he hears you  
And pray to God, he hears you**

**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend**  
**Somewhere along in the bitterness**  
**And I would have stayed up with you all night**  
**Had I known how to save a life**

**~How To Save A Life by The Fray~**

I checked in on Charlie, flicking on the coffee pot as he woke up and showered. He yawned his way downstairs and I sat on the kitchen surface, watching as he chewed on some toast, flicking through the newspaper.

"I won't be home tonight, Dad." I said cheerfully, "I'm going to hang out with the Cullens. We're going to play baseball. I know, right? _Me_ – playing baseball. Or, at least, watching baseball."

Charlie sipped his coffee and wiped his mouth, glancing at the kitchen clock. He disappeared into the hallway and pulled on his jacket, locking the door behind him. I jumped down from the surface and started the walk to school.

* * *

The day passed without excitement. Other than Lauren asking Tyler to the dance and Tyler accepting after no one responded to his pleading looks to distract her. Emmett chuckled after that one until Rosalie rolled her eyes and flicked his ear.

"Why do you play baseball when there's a storm?" I asked as Edward crushed a hamburger into pieces, wiping his hand on a paper towel with a look of distaste.

"We're not quiet." He murmured, his head angled towards Alice and Jasper to disguise the fact that he was talking to someone invisible, "You'll see tonight."

"But why baseball?" I pressed, "Not football or something else?"

"Baseball is the American pastime," Jasper smirked, "Besides, Esme has banned us from playing football every since there was a _slight_ incident with a supporting wall."

"It's a good thing she likes remodelling houses, put it that way, Baby Bells." Emmett said cheerfully as people began to prepare for their next classes.

Edward and I went to Biology where we sat passing notes for the duration of the class. It was a good thing that I had already taken this class, because I would have failed if I was doing it first time around.

_Do you want to go and see Charlie before you come to the clearing?_

**Yes, is it easy to find the clearing?**

_I'll come and get you. If I arrive at about quarter past seven, I can take you, if you don't mind being carried?_

Hmm… did I mind being carried several miles by a gorgeous boy who I'm pretty sure had feelings for me? What a hard decision.

**Sure, that'd be great.** I smiled and he flashed one back briefly before turning his attention back to Mr Banner's utterly thrilling lesson.

* * *

Charlie was settling in with a movie and a beer when Edward arrived. I checked in on him one last time before walking to the back door and saw Edward standing in the shadows by the trees. I waved and began walking towards him when I saw him stiffen and dart to my side, pulling me into the shelter of woods.

"What is it?"

"One of the wolves is here. I can hear his thoughts. He's… he's looking for you, he's angry that I'm here." One of Edward's hands rested on the small of my back, the other on my shoulder, a loose cage around me as though to protect me.

I looked around, a little uncertain. I knew that none of the pack would attack me, but I didn't know that they wouldn't attack Edward.

"Edward, don't overreact, OK?" I whispered but his jaw had already clenched as he looked over my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. The warmth of his chest sent a strange shiver through me and I tried to focus on the subject at hand. That two supernatural enemies were about to come face to face and there would possibly be bloodshed.

"Bella." Jacob's voice caught my attention and I looked to my left, into the trees. Jacob was standing in the shadows, glowering at us, all of his muscles tensed as though ready to attack. I stepped out of Edward's hold, but his fingers slid down my arm to caress my palm, ready to hold me if anything happened but not keeping an actual grip on me.

"Hi Jake." I said casually, almost hoping that it would diffuse to tension.

It did not.

"What is _he_ doing here?" Jacob hissed and Edward's fingers pressed more firmly against my skin. I met Jacob's eyes and gave him a warning look.

"Edward and I are hanging out tonight, Jake. And we need to get going, so did you want something?"

"Bells, you're… you can't just…" Jacob began to tremble with anger and I pulled out of Edward's grasp and approached him slowly.

"Bella, be careful." Edward murmured but I kept my eyes on Jacob. I reached him and held out a hand to touch his arm.

"Jake, we've talked about this. Don't get worked up, OK?" I stroked his arm gently, appeasing and calm, "It's all fine."

"It is _not_ fine." He said forcefully, his eyes fiery as they burned into mine, "He is dangerous!"

Edward made a disbelieving noise behind me and I rolled my eyes.

"Don't start, Jake. Why are you here? Did you need something?"

"I just thought that you might like to come and see Quil tonight." He said, glaring over my shoulder at Edward.

"Well, as I said, I have plans tonight, but can I come tomorrow?" I asked, forcing Jacob's stare back to me. He sighed heavily, clearly unhappy and then leaned forward to kiss my cheek, hugging me tightly.

"Tomorrow, Bells."

He stood for a moment, staring at Edward and when I looked over my shoulder, I saw Edward's eyes narrowing. I turned back to Jake and arched an eyebrow.

"_Tomorrow_, Jacob." I said in a warning tone and he winked down at me, looking smug before turning and striding off into the forest. A moment later I heard a low howl and Edward's hand brushed mine.

"What was he thinking at you?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Nothing savoury. Come on, let's go." He bent and slipped his arm under my knees, lifting me easily. A little awkwardly, I lifted one of my arms to wrap around his neck for support as he started running, closing my eyes as the trees blurred and made my head ache. I pressed my face against Edward's shoulder, hoping he wouldn't notice my non-too-subtle sniffing of his shirt.

What? He smelt good. Anyone would have done the same thing in my position.

God damn, I needed to sort myself out. If my heart had been in working condition, it would have been beating out of my chest. I actually flexed the fingers near the back of Edward's head just so I could brush them surreptitiously through his hair. It was warm and soft and I let out a quiet breath, wondering at how I could be so at peace and so wound up at the same time.

I could have spent hours in his arms, curled up to him, so comfortable and so at home.

"Bella, we're here." He said softly in my ear, his breath sweet and warm. I cracked my eyes open and saw his face close to mine. I waited, uncertain but almost desperate for _something_ to happen, tightening my fingers around his neck again as his eyes dropped from mine to my mouth.

"Come _on_! The storm is going to start soon!" Emmett called and Edward closed his eyes, his chest expanding as he seemed to pray for patience. I smiled and released my grip as he lowered me onto my feet. Glancing over my shoulder at the others, I saw Esme beaming as she caught my eye. I turned away, embarrassed and Edward pulled a baseball cap out of his pocket, placing it on my head with a smile.

"There. All ready to go."

"And here I thought that Alice was the fashion guru of the family." I said, straightening the cap and Edward laughed.

"I'm full of surprises."

I smiled.

* * *

Here's something that most people don't know about vampires. They are _competitive_. Within the first bat swing, the boys were off, almost clawing at each other to reach the ball, Emmett and Edward colliding mid-air before Edward scrambled for the ball and tossed it back to Alice, who put Carlisle out. He scowled and crossed to Esme and I, running a frustrated hand through his hair. She laughed and pulled him towards her for a kiss.

"You're getting too old for this." She teased and he huffed, pretending to be offended as she twined her arms around him, watching as Rosalie stepped up to the plate, twirling the bat nonchalantly between her hands. She hit the ball with an ear-splitting crack just as there was a peal of thunder and I jumped without meaning to as she ran off around the pitch, sliding into home just as Alice caught the ball.

"Out!" Esme called and Rosalie scowled, throwing the bat at Jasper.

I caught Edward's eye as he placed himself on the field and he smiled slightly, winking at me. He was so relaxed, so… _young_. For once he looked like the teenager he was supposed to be and I couldn't help smiling back. I felt Esme's arm snake around my shoulders, embracing me as easily as though I'd always been here.

For the next half hour, I watched them fight, slide, run and hit, mud smearing their clothes and faces. Alice tackled Jasper to the ground in a totally illegal manoeuvre, to stop him reaching third base and grass and dirt were thrown into the air. Alice's giggles reached me and I grinned as Jasper lifted her, kissing her soundly before sauntering towards the home plate.

Edward appeared to my shoulder, running his fingers over my hand as he passed on his way to take the bat from Jasper. I smiled shyly as he glanced over his shoulder, his warm expression sending strange shivers through my stomach. I bet my lip, holding back a silly smile. Everything serious about the situation was far from my mind, worries about experiments, Jacob, Charlie were echoes in my head, not at the forefront of it.

"Gonna hit a home run, Edward?" I called and he grinned at me, swinging the bat casually and winked again.

"Every time, Bella. I can beat these guys blindfolded."

"Yeah, because you cheat." Emmett called across the field, "Talk is cheap, Ed, start playin'"

Esme and I laughed at Edward's sour expression and Alice rolled her eyes, preparing to throw. She stretched back, her smile wide.

And the ball slipped from her fingers.

She caught it again but everyone stopped and stared. Even me, because there was no way that Alice would just _drop_ a ball.

"Alice!" Edward said sharply and she looked at him quickly before both of their gazes turned to me. I looked to Edward and he ran to my side, where the others joined us.

"What's happening, Alice?" Carlisle asked and she looked at us apprehensively.

"Three of our kind, they're coming this way. They were going to pass by but heard us playing. They want to join in."

"We should get Bella away." Edward said sharply and I looked at him quickly.

"Why…?"

"We don't know how they'll react. Your scent… it might be too much, they may not be like us. It's dangerous." Carlisle said, looking around at us, "Edward, you take Bella and we'll hold them off, distract them and persuade them to move on."

I felt Edward's arm slip around my waist but Alice's voice stilled him.

"It's too late." She whispered as they began to turn towards the woods that lined the far edge of the clearing. Edward pulled me against him.

"Tuck your hair under the hat. Stay close to me and don't look them in the eye. Hopefully they won't notice anything amiss." He murmured, his breath warm against my cheek. I scraped my hair and tucked it under the baseball cap, turning my face away from the three approaching figures as Edward's arm snaked around me, holding me tight to his chest. I placed my hand on top of his, trying to stop myself from trembling.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched the three strange vampires. Two of them were men and the other a woman, with thick red hair. One of the men was dark-skinned, a strange chalky pallor giving away his unnaturalness and the last had dark blonde hair, tied back and narrow eyes, flickering over us. The dark guy stepped forward, smiling pleasantly.

"Please excuse the intrusion. My friends and I heard your game and wondered if you might need a few extra players," He inclined his head, "I am Laurent. This is James and Victoria." My eyes flickered towards his as he looked at Carlisle. They glinted ruby red and I lowered my gaze quickly.

"I'm Carlisle Cullen and this is my family." Carlisle offered as a greeting, "We hold a permanent residence in the area. Are you passing through?"

"Yes, we're travelling north. We won't cause any trouble." Laurent smiled, his expression pleasant but it reminded me of the 'spider to the fly'.

"A couple of us were just leaving, so we could certainly use a couple of extra players. Edward, why don't you two go and we'll carry on here?" Carlisle barely glanced at us and Edward nodded, turning me away.

Victoria and Laurent began to turn away and James reached for the bat that Carlisle offered as Edward and I began to walk away. The tension in my chest began to dissipate as we began to near the trees and I looked up at Edward but he was staring at the woods, concentrating on something. I ducked my head as the wind blew past, but it caught the brim of my hat, sending it flying. Edward caught it swiftly but I heard someone shout and the next thing I knew, I was surrounded by the Cullens and James was staring me in the face, his teeth bared, Victoria at his side and Laurent behind him, watching the events unfold.

"_What is she…?_" James' voice was strained as his eyes bored into mine, glinting icily. I shrank back and felt Alice wrap her hand around my wrist, Edward moving in front of me.

"That smell… her scent is… what _is_ she?" James snarled again and Emmett growled, barely capturing James' attention.

"You should leave." Carlisle said harshly and Laurent leant forward, touching James' shoulder.

"James…"

They exchanged a look, a silent understanding between them and I sensed Edward tense, although he said nothing.

"We will go." Laurent said firmly and James hissed, Victoria seizing his arm. Carlisle stared at them stonily and James straightened, never tearing his eyes from mine. I squeezed Alice's hand, terror surging through my chest.

Finally, James turned and the three of them ran across the clearing.

My knees trembled but before I could even draw breath (not that I needed to) Edward had gathered me up, my feet grazing the floor as he embraced me.

"Have they gone, Alice?" Esme asked, as I pressed my face into Edward's shirt, letting the smell of him calm me.

"I'm not sure," She said anxiously, "They're moving away from us but they haven't decided to leave town."

"James won't leave." Edward said, his hand in my hair, stroking the nape of neck as I twisted my head to look at Alice, "He's a tracker. He was already thinking about how to get to her as he left. We need to decide what to do."

"We should return to the house." Carlisle said decisively and Edward nodded, bending to lift me again. I clung to him silently as the trees flashed past, green and brown blurring together as I tried to understand what had just happened.

There was a very good chance that James, the not-so-vegetarian-vampire, wanted to kill me. Only, I could not be killed, so what would happen to me? This was why Carlisle had been experimenting; this was why he had been trying to find out what I was, so he could stop anything bad from happening to me. And I only understood this now.

I was scared.

I was genuinely scared that I would be taken away from the Cullens. From Edward.

Before I knew it, Edward had stopped and we were outside their home. Silently, he lowered me to the ground and brushed his lips over my forehead, his hands on my waist.

"I won't let anything happen to you." He murmured, almost so quietly that I couldn't hear. I looked up at him, taking in his golden eyes, his hair falling into his eyes. I slid my arms around his neck again, feeling horribly vulnerable as I buried my face in his neck.

"I know you won't." I whispered, "I trust you."

"I need you."

His words thrilled me and terrified me. It made me think of a future that I shouldn't have and might not now that James had entered our lives. I tightened my grip on him and my feet almost lifted from the floor as he pulled me closer. We stayed in our embrace for a few minutes, almost unaware of anything else in the world until Edward sighed and looked towards the door.

"They're waiting for us." He murmured and I closed my eyes.

"We should go to them."

* * *

"Laurent has gone. I'm not sure where, but he's not interested in getting involved with us. He told James that he can't take on all of us." Alice said, pacing in front of the sofa, where I was sitting between Edward and Esme, "But James and Victoria are still nearby."

"How can they even _try_ to get to Bella? They've got to realise how idiotic it is, there are seven of us and two of them." Emmett said sharply, "They can't win!"

"James isn't like us, Emmett." Edward said, leaning forward and resting his forearms on his knees, "He is a tracker. He's vicious and persistent, he won't stop until he has what he wants."

"Unless we stop him." Emmett insisted and Edward closed his eyes, shaking his head.

"It's not that simple-"

"Then _make_ it that simple! You say you care about Bella, this bastard is out there plotting to destroy her and you're just sat on your ass-" Emmett yelled and I gasped as there was a crack of stone on stone and Emmett and Edward stood face to face, glaring as Rosalie shouted.

"Boys, stop!" Esme gasped, a hand on each of their arms, "Don't start fighting now!"

"You have no right to say that! You think you care more than I do? That _anyone_ cares more than I do?" Edward raged.

I stood beside Esme and touched Edward's hand. He almost flinched at the contact and I met Emmett's eye.

"Step away, Emmett." I said softly, "Don't start fights. It's no use being angry at each other. Besides, you said that James is a tracker, so wouldn't he just track me straight to you? As long as we stay together…"

My voice faded away and my dead heart clenched. I let out a cry and dropped Edward's hand, half-turning towards the door but instantly his hands were on my shoulders, his face in front of mine.

"Bella? Bella, love, what is it?" He asked desperately, one hand cupping my cheek as I forced my eyes to his. I clutched at his shirt, willing him to understand, unable to explain as fear rendered me speechless.

"…_Charlie_."

The stammered word created a deafening silence. Edward stared at me and then twisted his head to stare at Alice who shook her head.

I caught Edward's hand and tugged it.

"Edward, we have to go. _Please_!" I cried and Edward looked at Alice again, who was frowning, her hands at her temples.

"I can't see Charlie _or _James." She muttered in frustration and I felt the whimper escape me again.

"Please, we have to go. We have to get to Charlie." I half-sobbed but Edward stood fast, still waiting for Alice's prediction.

Giving up, I turned to the door but before I'd taken more than a few steps, Alice had my hand.

"Bella-"

"He'll go after my _dad_!" I shouted, fear and rage filling me as their inactivity snapped something inside me, "Don't you _get it_? Why are you just _standing _here?"

"Bella, you can't go – James is after _you_, if you go to Charlie, he will just-"

I tore my hand from Alice's and ran to the door but Edward had moved more quickly than I could and I practically fell into him, but I shook him off.

"Emmett, Jasper and I will take you. Alice, keep searching for them and call me if you see anything."

"Rosalie, Esme and I will scout the area and see if we can pick up their scent." Carlisle said and they were on their feet in a millisecond. Emmett moved towards me.

"Edward and Jasper are faster, they should go ahead and check it out, and I'll take you."

Edward didn't look particularly happy but he and Jasper began to run, Emmett tucking me against his chest as he sprinted behind them. His arms were like a granite cage around me and I felt protected, but it wasn't myself that I was worrying about.

Charlie.

Oh god, Charlie.

I watched the blurs of Edward and Jasper darting in front of us, coloured blurs against the green and brown of the woods when a different colour caught my eye, a brown-red that moved alongside us. It didn't even register with me until I heard a howl and Emmett stopped abruptly. Edward was by us and Jasper was crouched a few feet in front of an enormous russet coloured wolf.

"Jasper, _no_!" I cried, fighting in Emmett's arms, but he didn't relent his grip and I wriggled as Jasper snarled at the wolf. Edward seized Jasper's shoulder.

"Hold on, Jasper." He said and glanced back at us, "Emmett, put her down."

I slid to the floor and moved closer to Edward, staring at the wolf, who tilted his head, dark eyes staring into mine.

"It's Jacob."

"I know." I whispered and stepped forward, but Edward's hand wrapped around mine.

"Be careful."

"It's Jake." I said without taking my eyes from the wolfs. He blinked at me and then turned, leaping into the bushes surrounding us only for Jacob's half-naked form to appear a moment later. I let out a cry at the sight of a ferocious red scratch, deep across his chest.

"Jake, what happened?"

"Bella, you need to come with me." He said, grabbing my arm and tugging me to him. Instantly the vampires were around us, all looking murderous but I ignored them, gently touching the skin beside the wound.

"Jacob-"

"It was one of _them_. Some freaking vampire chick attacked me outside your house, Bells, and I barely got away. The rest of the pack are on their way to hunt her down now. I thought she must be after you, so I came to find you."

Victoria. James and Victoria had been outside my house. I turned to Edward.

"Edward-!"

"We're going." Edward spoke quickly, lifting me again and I looked over to Jacob, who was glaring at us.

"Jake, they're after Charlie."

Before I could heard Jacob's reply, we were running again but now I could see the russet blur chasing after us but as it took us less than two minutes to reach Charlie's house, I didn't have time to think about any showdowns between the Cullens and Jake. As soon as we stopped, I slipped from Edward's grip and ran towards the house, bursting into the living room. Charlie's chair was empty. The television was on, blaring some sports programme and a bottle of beer was spilled over at my feet, soaking the carpet.

Edward, Emmett and Jasper were stood behind the house, Jacob a few feet away, eyes narrowed as I came out of the house. I half fell down the steps and ran to him, catching his arm.

"Jake, where did she go? Where did Victoria go?"

"I don't know, I need to talk with the others." He murmured and I tried to shake his arm, needing him to understand the urgency of the situation.

"He's gone, Jacob! Charlie is gone and Victoria was _here_!"

"Their scent is everywhere." Jasper confirmed and Jacob seized my hand.

"Come on, Bella. We need to find the pack, they'll be able to hunt them down."

"Bella's not going anywhere." Emmett snarled and Jacob sneered at him.

"We're _made_ for killing leeches! No one's going to fight them better than us!"

I wavered, looking from Jacob to Edward, who had instinctively held out his hand to me.

"Bella, we should find Carlisle and the others. Alice may have news." He said gently and I knew that he was being completely rational, but I didn't want to hear rational words.

My dad was gone. Vampires had taken him.

Jacob tugged my hand lightly again but I pulled back, curling my hands into my hair and closing my eyes as I tried to get my head around the situation. I could hear Emmett talking angrily, Jacob's accusing shouts. I heard rushing in my ears and even though I didn't need to, I tried to take a deep breath.

_**Charlie…!**_

"Edward, Jasper, go and talk to Carlisle and see what he found out." I burst out loudly, "Give Jake your cell number, so he can call and let you know what the pack has found out and vice versa. Emmett, take me to Alice, I want to know if she can find Charlie."

"I'll come with you, Emmett can-" Edward began but I shook my head.

"You're quicker, you can get to Carlisle faster." This was partly the reason, but more it was because I didn't want Edward and Jacob kicking off at each other.

"Bella, just come and-" Jacob began but I'd already tugged Emmett's sleeve. Obediently, he scooped me up and we started running, but not before I saw Edward's face, an expression of fury and hurt.

"Don't fret, Bella, we'll get it right." Emmett murmured, cradling me like a baby and for a moment I believed him, as the trees flew past and the colours blurred again.

We hadn't gone far when I saw the flash of red. For a brief, insane moment, I thought it was Jacob again but this wasn't the brown-rust colour of his wolf fur, but something brighter, like fire or blood. I tried to focus my eyes on it, but I heard Emmett's grunt and I cried out as I flew from his arms. I curled myself into a ball, letting myself phase through the trees until I rolled to a stop, leaves and mud sticking to my jeans and hoodie.

I sat up and looked around frantically for Emmett, staggering to my feet as I saw him brawling, his snarls echoing around me as he lunged for the dark skinned vampire.

_Laurent_!

"Bella!" Emmett shouted and I half run towards him but my teeth rattled in my skull as something knocked me sideways. I saw Laurent jump onto Emmett, his teeth at Emmett's throat, but I was slightly more preoccupied with the hand around my neck.

"Make a sound and I will end you." Victoria's soft, sweet voice murmured in my ear as she slid her hand over my mouth, "And if you try to get away, your father is dead."

* * *

**A/N: Update... win? Check me out, with the updating! Basically La Beta and I have decided that she should go on vacation. Therefore the chapters are going to go up as they're written, so they're not as _refined_ as previous chapters. That's what comes of trying to lead grown-up lives, complete with job hunting and degree finishing! Anyway, the action is kicking off, my sweets! **

**How To Save A Life - Kind of a reflection on Bella's messed up relationships with Edward, Jake and now Charlie. Also it's a hell-awesome song. **

**Reviewers will get (as a one time special offer thanks to sillyvamp's request) their chosen Cullen AND Werewolf! Yeah, I'm just spoiling you guys now. Better leave me some REAL nice reviews!**

**Lots of love**

**Katie  
**


	23. Moonlight Shadow

**Chapter Twenty Two**

**The last that ever she saw him  
Carried away by a moonlight shadow  
He passed on worried and warning  
Carried away by a moonlight shadow.  
Lost in a river last Saturday night  
Far away on the other side.  
He was caught in the middle of a desperate fight  
And she couldn't find how to push through  
~Moonlight Shadow by Mike Oldfield~**

* * *

I didn't fight. I couldn't. What could I do against vampires? I was frozen with fear as Victoria dragged me behind her, running so quickly that nausea filled me and I closed my eyes, gasping as branches whipped at my arms and legs. I tried to see where we were going but we were going too fast and my eyes stung at the cold air.

_Charlie… they have Charlie… _

I let out a strangled cry as Victoria jumped and swung from a window ledge, not caring as I slammed painfully into the wall and ledge. I looked around desperately, trying to get my bearings but Victoria pushed me viciously and I fell twenty feet, landing with a slam on solid wooden floors, my bones rattling, my head too full of panic and confusion to even think about phasing through the floor and escaping. Sweat, floor wax and bleach odours invaded my nostrils and I instantly knew where I was – Forks High Gym.

"James, I brought you a present." Victoria simpered in a childish voice, landing lightly and elegantly beside me, walking over to the blonde man who hadn't turned at our entrance. Instead he was staring down at a prone figure that I recognised immediately in the dim, artificial light coming through the window as I pushed myself off the floor, my limbs protesting.

"Charlie!" I choked, clambering to my feet and James chuckled, bending down and lifting him by the collar. I heard Charlie's intake of breath and James sneered down at him, his red eyes scanning Charlie's face like a cat spying on mouse. His mouth twisted into a smirk.

"Lucky for you, human. You just earned a few extra breaths." He dropped my dad unceremoniously to the gym floor and turned, the shadows cast over his face, staring at me as Victoria twined herself around him, like creeping ivy over his granite limbs.

"What is she, James?" I heard her ask softly but I ignored her, my eyes fixed on the groaning man on the floor. He rolled onto his back, sucking in a pained breath as he tried to move away from the vampires.

I didn't see it coming, I was so focused on Charlie and the next thing I knew, I was slammed back into the wall, James' hand at my throat, fingernails digging into my skin. I felt his hair brushing against my face as his nose skimmed down from my ear to my jaw. He exhaled, warm and damp against my skin and I couldn't help the soft whimper that left me as I brought my hands up to the one at my throat, my fingers scrabbling uselessly at his steel digits.

"You smell so _good_." He breathed softly as he stared into my eyes, "But you're not alive… this isn't blood I can smell, so _what are you_?"

I closed my eyes and let my hands go to my sides as I phased through his hand, falling to my knees. I had never phased through a vampire before and I gasped, my throat catching. It was like ice, cutting through my atoms, every inch of my skin, bones and muscle, scraping and agonising and I held back a sob at the sheer torture of it, my muscles twitching beneath my crawling skin.

James stepped back instantly, staring down at me. He flexed his fingers curiously and then smirked, dropping to one knee in front of me, catching my chin in his hand, gazing into my eyes with the expression of a starving man.

"Are you a ghost? You haven't got a heartbeat but you're not a vampire." He mused and I jerked my head away from him, staggering to my feet and pushing myself past him, desperate to get to Charlie. Before I could even get close to him, I was flat on my back, Victoria straddling me and James laughed softly, walking past and lifting Charlie with one hand.

"And who is this, ghost? What is he to you?" He asked with faint curiosity, looking sideways at me. Victoria giggled girlishly, her eyes fixed on her mate as she almost bounced on the spot in excitement. I pushed myself up again, through Victoria with another moan of pain at the ice that cut through me and I heard her gasp as I began crawling towards James, who smiled at me, a smile of cruel indulgence.

"What the hell do you want with me?" Charlie wheezed but James didn't take his eyes off of me.

"Does he even know you're here?" James mocked, "Does he know that you go to his house, that you watch him? I know you were there, I followed your scent."

"Leave him alone!" I gasped and cried out as Victoria grabbed my hair, yanking me back before I had a chance to phase out of her reach. Charlie, who must have been totally confused by all of it, swung his fist towards James' face and I winced as James caught his knuckles easily and squeezed effortlessly. I heard the bones crack and splinter. Charlie's shout of pain echoed through the room and I went through Victoria, throwing myself at James who, in a split second, turned his head, dropped Charlie's fist in order to catch me by the neck once more, grinned and lowered his head to Charlie's throat.

And then I was flying.

I was caught easily in Esme's arms as Charlie slumped to the floor, James wrestled away by Jasper, who was snarling, his eyes wild. For the first time, I saw him as the predator that he was.

"Bella, come with me." Esme's voice was in my ear but I pushed her away, running past Edward and Jasper who were fighting James, past Emmett and Rosalie who were lunging at Victoria and past Alice and Carlisle who stood opposite Laurent, who had clearly led them here.

I fell to my knees beside Charlie, who had squeezed his eyes shut, his fingers pressed to his neck, where I could see blood dribbling into his hands, dark red and thick.

"Charlie, hold on." I whispered, "Please, please be OK."

His eyes opened and our eyes met, the same brown eyes. He fell still and drew a gurgling breath, his free hand twitching towards my face, his expression shocked and desperate.

"Bells… my Bella… you need to get out of here…" His face was pale and I clamped my hand down over his, desperately trying to stop the blood flow, trying to ignore what was happening.

_He could see me_.

All around me were shouts and snarls, cracks and thuds as the vampires fought around me, bringing the building down for all I knew, but I ignored it all, bent over my dying father.

"Bella, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" He gasped and I stroked the hair back from his forehead, my hand shaking. His skin was hot and clammy and he was trembling uncontrollably. "I'm sorry, Bella…"

"It'll be OK, Charlie, it will, just hold on, OK? Oh god, Charlie…" I closed my eyes, feeling the hot blood trickling over my fingers and my breath came shakily as I pressed down, trying to stop the blood.

I heard my name being shouted and a hand clamped down on my shoulder. I didn't even look up, expecting it to be one of the Cullens until my wrist was wrenched back painfully. Charlie grunted a warning and I inhaled sharply as Victoria hissed at me, her eyes fixed on something across the room. I turned my head, wide-eyed and confused to see James' body fall the ground, his head rolling across the floor, face fixed in a snarling final cry.

Victoria's teeth clamped down on my wrist and I screamed as the skin, muscle, bone shattered beneath her bite, as easily as a human biting into an apple. Charlie shuddered beside me, too weak to speak, and Victoria laughed harshly, throwing me down and leaping. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her scramble through a window.

There was a howl and then a scream.

I cradled my wrist to my chest, gasping as searing hot fire lanced through the flesh but I let my wrist fall into my lap, leaning over Charlie. God, he was pale, he was so pale.

"Bella, sweetheart…"

I looked up, shocked at how blurred my vision was. I could see the Cullens out of the corner of my eye, lingering back and I wondered why but Carlisle was crouched in front of me, looking me in the eye.

"Bella, you're injured." He murmured but I shook my head.

"Charlie. You have to help Charlie." I said desperately, my uninjured hand on his forehead, brushing his hair back as he moaned, twisting in agony beneath my touch.

"There isn't time, Bella. The others have to go, they can't be around your essence and the blood is too much. I only have time to help one of you and Charlie is-"

"Save him." I whispered, tiny black dots swirling into my vision. I felt sick, my wrist pounding in agony. I hadn't felt anything like this since I'd been human.

"Bella-" Carlisle tried to reason with me.

"Save him, Carlisle. _Please_. Save him…" I couldn't even support the weight of my own body anymore and slumped sideways next to my Dad, gasping as my wrist exploded in flames, licking through my veins. Scorching pain hit me and I couldn't help the loud moan of pain.

My vision swirled but I forced myself to focus. I saw Carlisle's blonde head bend over Charlie's face, blocking him from view and I heard shouts.

And then I heard and saw nothing at all.

* * *

**A/N: You spoiled little monkeys, you. Two chapters so close together! I posted this one fairly quickly because it's only a short one. I've had a bit of time as my poor doggie had a last minute operation yesterday and has been pretty much stoned off his face for the last 24 hours. **

**Next chapter is EPOV. I'm not so good at writing action scenes, so this was a challenge. And lots of you were wondering what would happen if Bella phased through a vampire – here we have it!**

**Moonlight Shadow – GORGEOUS song. Seriously, go find it on youtube, the woman who sings it has a beautiful voice. I chose this song to emphasise Bella's reaction to Charlie's injury here and what she feels when he's been taken away from her like this. **

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a big basket of Easter Eggs. Oh, and before I forget, come tweet with me at /Kat097.  
**

**Lots of Love**

**Katie**


	24. Science and Faith

**Chapter Twenty Three **

**Having heavy conversations  
About the frivolous constellations of our souls  
We're just trying to find some meaning  
In the things that we believe in  
But we got some ways to go  
Of all of the things that she's ever said  
She goes and says something that just knocks me dead  
You won't find faith or hope down a telescope  
You won't find heart and soul in the stars  
You can break everything down to chemicals  
But you can't explain a love like ours**

**~ Science and Faith by The Script ~**

(EPov)

Jasper and I ran for home, our feet pounding the earth as we ran for Carlisle, desperate to find out if they had tracked down James and Victoria's scent. If we could only latch onto them, we could find them, I felt confident of that.

But more than that, the sooner we found them, the sooner we could get back to Bella, who was on her way back to the house with Emmett. I wanted to get back before the Black boy did.

I wanted to save her father. I wanted her to be reassured and happy and safe and I wanted to give her that.

Jasper's phone started to ring and we came to a stop as he answered it.

"Alice."

"_Emmett is being hunted! Laurent doubled back, he's working with Victoria and James and they're going to ambush Emmett and Bella!" _I heard her voice over the phone and met Jasper's eyes.

"Call Carlisle." Jasper snapped and we turned on our heels, racing back towards our home.

I heard them long before I could see them. Laurent was wrapped around Emmett, teeth and hands tearing at each other. Emmett tore him off and threw him into the ground, the earth shaking beneath our feet. Jasper leapt into action, distracting Laurent long enough for Emmett to seize him, trapping his arms and leaving him helpless.

It was then that I realised that Bella was nowhere to be seen.

"Where is she?" I demanded. Laurent snarled and Emmett squeezed tighter. Something cracked and Laurent howled.

_Stop!_ His thoughts were filled with agony, _James will kill me. Shit, he'll kill me._

"Where is she?" I hissed, grabbing his face and forcing him to look at me.

An image flashed through his mind, James, a dark room, so familiar…

"They're at Forks High. In the gym." I said and Emmett's arms loosened briefly. Laurent was gone in a flash and Jasper leapt after him. I glanced at Emmett.

"Tell the others."

I ran faster than I'd ever run before. The thoughts of the other flashed through my mind and I ignored them.

_Why the high school?_

_We need to get Chief Swan out alive._

_She'll be OK. Dammit, she's gotta be OK… _That was Emmett and I didn't need Jasper's power to feel the guilt coming off him in waves.

I ignored it. I couldn't comfort him. Not when Bella was gone.

I smelt Jacob before I heard him and we converged less than a mile from the gym. Jacob snarled at me in his wolf form, teeth glinting ferociously.

_What the hell, leech? I thought you were gonna keep her safe!_

"They were ambushed. Call your pack and gather outside the high school gym. They're holding Bella and Charlie there." I said before running again.

* * *

As I reached the building, Alice appeared next to me, the rest of the family just behind her.

_Esme will get Bella and Charlie out. The rest of us will fight. Jasper will help you take James, Edward. _Carlisle thought at me and I nodded before leaping to the open window, where Laurent's scent was still strong. He must have panicked to have led us straight to them.

I smelt blood and it was strong, hanging in the air like perfume. I saw Bella, James' hand around her throat, holding her back, but his head bent over Charlie's neck. The stench of the blood deepened but I moved towards James, holding my breath, before Victoria and Laurent could even notice my presence and grabbed Bella, flinging her behind me where I knew Esme was waiting to catch her.

Charlie crumpled to the floor, groaning in pain as I collided with James, steel on steel. Jasper moved behind him, forcing him to back away from Charlie.

_Sons of bitches_! James' vulgar thoughts reached me and I hissed. He lunged at me and I caught his arm, twisting it underneath me until I heard it crack, but not shatter from his body. He slipped from my reach, landing easily but Jasper was on him once more and the venom pounded through my veins as I leapt at him, seizing him by the throat.

"You belong in hell." I spat before twisting his head from his neck. It tore noisily and his eyes widened, teeth still bared.

"Bella!" Alice called desperately and I turned, James' head tumbling to the floor.

Victoria's cold, ruby eyes were fixed on mine, her lips curled into a snarl as they wrapped around Bella's wrist.

Fear crept like an insect up my spine as Bella cried out, the crunching of her bone and sinew easily reaching my ears. The sound made my head spin as Victoria dropped Bella and her thoughts reached me.

_Ohh… so sweet… so strong! _The ecstasy in her tone stunned me and I was sure that if we had not been there, she would have drained Bella. But she fled and I trusted that my family would take care of her as Carlisle and I ran to Bella. I heard Victoria scream and the sound of vampire flesh being torn apart, the wolves scrabbling to claim their share of the kill.

And I fell back as the beautiful, overpowering scent of Bella reached me as she slumped over her father, shuddering and crying. I choked, venom filling my mouth and Carlisle glanced at me before moving forward.

_Don't force yourself. Get Jasper out of here as well._

"Jasper, go." I said hoarsely and bit back a moan as the smell washed over me again, so pungent and sweet that I could almost taste it.

"Edward, I'm sorry… I'm so sorry." Alice gasped and she fled, following Jasper. Emmett and Rosalie hung back, by the now open door with Esme, trying to get away from the temptation of Bella's scent.

"Charlie. You have to help Charlie." I heard Bella's plea and I stopped breathing, my eyes fixed on her.

"There isn't time, Bella. The others have to go, they can't be around your essence and the blood is too much. I only have time to help one of you and Charlie is-"

"Save him." Her whisper cut into my chest and I swallowed the venom, trying to force myself to her side.

Carlisle's eyes met mine before he looked back at her, his expression torn between pleading and resignation.

"Save him, Carlisle. Please. Save him…" Her words were so faint and before I could make a decision, she fell to her side and she cried out in agony, her eyes fluttering closed as Carlisle made his choice.

He lowered his mouth to Charlie's neck and began to drink, sucking the blood and venom out as quickly as possible.

"No!" I shouted, "Carlisle, save her!"

He ignored me, still drinking and then he paused, listening to the thudding of Charlie's heart before stooping to drink again, keeping going until the venom was gone from his bloodstream.

I knelt beside Bella. She didn't react, her eyes closed and she was completely still. I pulled her onto my knees, pushing the hair out of her face. She didn't react and as Carlisle lifted his head, pressing his rolled up jacket to Charlie's neck to stem the blood flow he finally looked at me.

"Edward, you won't be able to stop." He said, his normally golden eyes now a shining scarlet.

"I won't let her go." I gasped, the venom already filling my mouth. "I can't lose her, Carlisle."

"Edward-"

"_I won't lose her!_" The words shouted of me as I cradled Bella to my chest, her injured wrist lying across her chest. She was so still…

"I have to get Charlie to the hospital now or he'll die. The others can't take him, they're not accustomed to the blood." He pleaded with me. _I can't save them both. _

I closed my eyes and looked at Bella, tracing her cheekbone with a trembling finger. God only knew what the venom was doing to her. Carlisle's experiments have never given any proven results.

What was going to happen to her?

My heart was screaming, strained, there was a hole in my chest like a raw wound, bleeding and sore as she was torn away from me. I knew what my life would be without her and I would not let it happen. I would save her or I would die. There was no point in going on now that I knew what I could have.

I swallowed the venom in my mouth again and lifted Bella's wrist to my mouth but as soon as her essence touched my lips I felt my face wrenched up by Alice who was holding her breath and her eyes met mine.

_No, Edward! You won't stop! You'll destroy her!_

She choked and fell back, clamping her hand over her mouth.

I looked down at Bella's still form and tore my sleeve from my shirt, wrapping it around the bleeding wound before bending and pressing my mouth to her forehead.

"Don't leave me, Bella." I whispered, a sob choking through my words, "Please… Bella, please don't leave me…"

I smelt Jacob's approach and looked up. He was wearing torn pants and was staring at Bella's limp form, eyes wide with fear and anger.

"Bella…?" His voice was so soft and he looked at me like a frightened child, so young when faced with death, "Is she…?"

"I don't know." I murmured and he knelt beside me, touching her shoulder tentatively. I resisted the urge to swipe at him, to drive him away.

Because he loved her too.

Jacob's eyes met mine and he frowned, tensing suddenly.

"Is she going to change into one of you?"

"I don't know," I said again, "She's not… I don't know what will happen." If she would even survive this…

"I need to take her home. I don't know what's going to happen, but I need to take her somewhere safe." I stood, cradling her close. Jacob stood too, looking down at me and then her, still with that little-lost-boy expression.

_Bella…_

* * *

She lay on my bed, perfectly still, corpse-like. If she'd been alive, at least I might have been able to hear heart, see her chest rise and fall, understand what was happening to her. But this utter stillness terrified me.

Was anything changing? I couldn't sense a change, no difference to her appearance or scent. There was no sign of what might happen.

I sat in the chair by the bed, watching, waiting. The others were cleaning the gym. Carlisle had reasoned with the wolves to take Charlie to hospital, knowing it would be less suspicious if one of them took him in, saying there had been an accident.

Jacob was with the pack, although I had seen in his thoughts that he would be coming back to check on Bella. I couldn't stop him, not even sure that I should, given his devotion to Bella.

Alice approached and rested her hand on my shoulder, offering comfort that didn't help.

"Anything?" I whispered and she shook her head.

"No. I can't see her." She murmured, "The smell is much weaker though."

I hadn't noticed but now she pointed it out to me, I realised that she was right. The scent of Bella's essence had faded noticeably. I'd assumed that it was because I had been so close to it for a while, but I pulled the torn sleeve away from Bella's wrist and saw that the bite wound had closed, leaving a dark pink mark in its place, not like the silvery marks that scarred Jasper's skin.

I looked at Alice in shock and she stared back at me before calling Carlisle's name. He was with us in a couple of seconds and lifted Bella's wrist, running his fingers over the mark.

"She's healing." He murmured.

"Is it the venom?" Alice asked and Carlisle sighed.

"I don't know. The experiments… I never successfully studied the effects of venom on Bella's DNA. When I added the venom to the essence, I couldn't make much sense of the results. I never finished the study."

I wrapped my fingers around Bella's hand and closed my eyes, pressing my lips to her fingers. Carlisle slipped from the room and Alice curled up on the bed next to Bella, holding Bella's other hand. I blocked out my sister's thoughts and did something that I had not done since I had become a vampire.

I prayed.

* * *

**A/N: Hello, my cherubs. I know, no answers yet but I promise they will be there next chapter, which will be posted in about two weeks, due to my having a 5000 word assignment due next week!**

**Science and Faith – Lots of reasons for this one, stretching back over Edward and Bella's relationship, their two worlds meeting and now Edward's turning to faith to bring her back, where Carlisle's 'science' has failed to give him answers. **

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a chocolate fountain. Have fun dipping!**

**Come follow me on twitter – I don't have many friends and this makes me sad. Kat097  
**

**Lots of Love**

**Katie**


	25. It Is You I Have Loved

**Chapter Twenty Four**

**There is something that I see  
In the way you look at me  
There's a smile, there's a truth in your eyes  
But an unexpected way  
On this unexpected day  
Could it mean this is where I belong  
It is you I have loved all along  
It's no more mystery  
It is finally clear to me  
You're the home my heart searched for so long  
And it is you I have loved all along**

**~ It Is You (I Have Loved) by Dana Glover ~**

I had fire and ice in my veins. Every spark of fire that scored my flesh was doused with an icicle that sent splinters of frost spiking through my body. It was constant and I screamed and screamed.

I screamed for Charlie, who had been bitten. What had happened to him? Was he safe? Had Carlisle saved him?

I screamed for Carlisle, begging him to make the pain stop. Had he done anything to help me? Could he? Why wasn't the pain stopping?

I screamed for Jacob. Had he come? I thought I'd heard a wolf howling when I was in the gym.

… I screamed for Edward. I screamed for him to help me, to hold me, to let me know that I was OK.

How long had I been unconscious? Was I unconscious?

… Was I dead?

I mean, more dead than I already was. Actually, was that possible? How much more dead could a person get?

Oh my god – was this it? After all this time as a ghost, was I… finished?

No, it couldn't be. I mean, there had to be something else. Why would I be in so much pain if I was done?

I had too much to do – I had to see if Jake finished the Rabbit. I still had to finish _The Return of the King_ (freakin' Tolkien!) and I'd been meaning to catch up on some daytime TV. I had to beat Emmett at that zombie game without Edward's help.

Edward…

I had to see Edward. I had to tell him that I loved him. That was what was meant to happen, right? Alice had seen it. She'd seen it. She'd seen me fall in love with Edward.

I was in love with Edward.

I loved Edward.

Oh god, and I never even told him.

I never…

…

…

…

…

…Oh, _hell no._

I hadn't stuck around as a ghost for a decade just to quit when everything started getting better. Not when I had friends and family and a really gorgeous, sensitive, smoking hot vampire who wanted me in a _really_ good way!

To hell with this 'go to the light' crap.

I was going back.

* * *

I couldn't hear anyone nearby and I hadn't opened my eyes. Because it freakin' _hurt_.

I mean, seriously, it was like someone had decided to just kick the crap out of me, just for the fun of it.

Oh yeah. They did. God, I hoped Edward kicked James' ass.

In fact, the only part of me that didn't hurt was my right hand. It actually felt kind of nice, really cool and something was stroking it gently. I liked that.

It felt like Edward. And that in itself was a reason to open my eyes.

I tried just the one at first, positive that if I could just see him that I would feel better and that would be that, I'd be back to my pain-proof ghost self. That one lid felt like it weighed ten tons and I think I may have strained half the muscles in my face trying to open it.

But it was worth it, because there he was and as I focused on him, his eyes met mine. His face was frozen for a moment and then he lifted my hand, pressing his mouth to it. I closed my eye again and attempted opening both.

Well, that wasn't too bad. And I was rewarded by Edward's smile, his spare hand stroking my cheek. I smiled faintly.

"Hi."

"Bella…" He moved, sitting on the edge of the bed and I used my spare hand to rub my eyes.

"I feel like hell."

"Not surprising." He murmured and I took a deep breath before leaning on my elbow, trying to sit up. Immediately Edward's hands went to my waist, steadying me and I slid my arms around his neck and burying my face in his shoulder. The smell of him was so comforting and I breathed him in, feeling the warmth and strength of him surround me. His hand wound its way into my hair, holding me close and I swallowed hard before pulling back to look up at him.

"Where's Charlie?"

"At the hospital." He whispered, resting his forehead against mine.

"He's OK?"

"He will be. He's still sleeping."

I closed my eyes again, running my hands up his arms onto his shoulders before looking at him again.

"What happened? I got bitten… what happened?"

"They're all dead. I killed James. Emmett and Jasper took care of Laurent and the wolves got Victoria. Carlisle sucked the venom from Charlie and saved him."

I was silent, thinking about that. About how Charlie had been able to see me. Edward's hand brushed my cheek and I saw that his expression was perplexed. I tilted my head, my fingers stroking against his neck, tingles of electricity across my skin.

"What's wrong?"

"Bella… I couldn't help you. The venom got into your system." He bowed his head so that it rested against my shoulder and I put my arms around him again, cradling him against me.

"Edward-"

"Bella, you've changed."

Changed?

I pulled back slightly, looking at him in confusion. His brow was furrowed and I looked down at my hands and arms. Did I look different? I didn't feel different.

Although, I didn't feel _bad_. In fact, I felt kind of good. Healthy. And energetic, like I could run a mile in a minute and jump a ravine whilst I was at it. And looking around the room, things seemed clearer too, like I'd switched over to HD.

Edward was smiling slightly, probably at my bemused expression. I shrugged shyly.

"Do I look different?"

"You look beautiful. So no."

I ducked my head and he laughed softly.

"You smell different. It isn't as strong as it used to be. And you… it's very subtle, but you look more like us. Paler, but not as pale."

"You've changed but not as much as you would have if you had been alive." Carlisle's voice came from the door and we turned, untwining our arms from each other. The Doc smiled, walking towards me

"So, I'm a vampire now?" I asked uncertainly and he sighed.

"I don't know. I don't know what you are, Bella, there has never been anything like you." He stopped by the edge of the bed and I swung my legs over so that I could stand beside him. Moving to the nearest wall, I pressed my palm against it and pushed. It slid through easily, with the same pain as I had always experienced. I pulled back, flexing my fingers and looked back at Edward and Carlisle.

"Well, that's handy."

"Try your strength." Edward suggested, throwing me metal plate from their needlessly supplied kitchen. I caught it easily but as soon as I gripped it, there was a groaning sound and the metal creased beneath my fingers. I lessened my grip and examined the dents. Nowhere near as bad as it would have been if Edward had caught it, his strength would have torn through it like foil. With a little effort, I bent back the edge of the plate easily.

Semi-super strength. _Nice_.

I took a deep breath and tossed the plate back to Edward. He caught it gently and placed it on the bed before looking at Carlisle sharply. It was then that I noticed the flask he was carrying. He looked at me apologetically.

"Blood… just in case." He twisted the lid off and held the flask towards me. I approached him slowly, sniffing. I could smell it, rusty and salty. Not appealing at all. I took the flask and took a deep breath, then gagged, screwing the lid back on.

"Geez, that's disgusting."

"You don't want it? Are you hungry for anything else?" Carlisle asked and I shook my head. I hadn't been hungry in a decade and that hadn't changed.

"To be honest, I feel pretty much the same. Kind of… tuned in. Everything is clearer, sights and smells and sounds."

Carlisle smiled warmly.

"It sounds like you're a hybrid."

"I'm environmentally friendly?" He laughed at that and Edward smiled.

"You've combined the key aspects of being a ghost and a vampire. It's likely that you're the only one to ever have done this." Carlisle held out his hand and I crossed over to him. He tilted my head, examining my eyes.

"Your eyes are lighter… they may change completely to the same colour as ours. As I said, your skin is definitely paler, but without the reflective properties."

"No sparkling?"

"No sparkling." Carlisle laughed softly, "Your features aren't dramatically changed, as they would have been if you'd been turned from a live human. But they're… refined."

In other words – I was almost vampire-hot now. I could live (or not) with that.

I ran a hand through my hair, looking from Carlisle to Edward. After my initial curiosity about my own state of being, my mind had already turned to other things.

"Can I go see Charlie?"

* * *

Carlisle drove Edward and me to the hospital. I didn't see the others as they were hunting and I was too desperate to see Charlie. There would be time to see them later. Edward and I sat in the back seat, our hands joined between us. No pretence, no time wasting. We'd come too close to loss to take our time with this and we had silently agreed.

"He was unconscious for about twenty hours. He came around late this morning. His deputy interviewed him, he said that he didn't remember too much but he was taken hostage by an armed man. There's a warrant out for James." Carlisle said as we pulled into the parking lot, "Not that it'll turn anything up. Edward, I'd like you to see if he does truly remember anything."

I walked with them in silence to Charlie's room but stopped before we reached the door. Edward felt the tug on our hands and turned to look at me. I tore my gaze from the door to his face and he knew immediately.

"I don't think he'll be able to see you, Bella."

"What if he can?" My voice sounded so small and Edward rubbed his thumb over my knuckles.

"Then we will do something to help him." He said softly.

I took a deep breath, nodding. Edward brought my hand up to his mouth, kissing it swiftly before releasing it and following Carlisle into the room.

Charlie was sitting up in bed, eyes on the silenced television in the corner of the room. But as we entered, he turned it off and looked our way. His eyes went from Carlisle to Edward… back to Carlisle.

He couldn't see me.

Relief and disappointment filled me and I felt Edward's fingers brush against mine.

"Good afternoon, Chief Swan."

"Doc." He nodded amiably, but I saw the slight narrowing of his eyes and the slight angling of Edward's head.

"How are you feeling?" Carlisle asked and Charlie shrugged.

"Can't complain."

"How's the pain control?" He asked, examining Charlie's chart before smiling at him, "I hope you don't mind Edward being here. He was jogging last night when he saw something going on at the High School. It was fortunate that those young men from the reservation were passing, I don't think Edward would have been able to get help in time."

Charlie was silent, looking from one of them to the other. Edward smiled briefly.

"I'm glad you're alright, sir."

"You just passed by the gym, Edward?" Charlie asked him sharply and Edward nodded, "And where were you, Doctor Cullen?"

"At home with Esme, a rare night off for me." Carlisle replied breezily.

I moved closer to the bed as he spoke, resting my hand close to his. He shifted and his fingers brushed against mine and he pulled his hand away sharply, the ice cold shocking him. I flinched, drawing my hand back.

All three of them were silent for a moment before Carlisle looked at Edward briefly.

"Well, we'll let you get your rest, Chief. Don't hesitate to call if you need anything."

"Hmm." Charlie grunted, not his usual friendly self at all. Edward's eyes flashed to mine before he turned and left with Carlisle. I looked at Charlie and saw him staring at the Cullens with a calculating expression.

* * *

"He's suspicious." Edward said as Carlisle closed his office door, "He's planning to do an investigation on the sly. He remembers far more than he admitted to." Once again, his eyes met mine and my heart quaked in my chest.

"Does he…?"

"He remembers seeing you. He thinks it was a hallucination. He's less convinced about us… he knows that we're lying, but he doesn't know how much he trusts his own memory." Edward said musingly.

I sank into one of the office chairs, feeling numb. Edward's hand went to my shoulder, his fingers rubbing my skin soothingly. Carlisle was watching Edward pensively.

"What is he going to do?"

"Look into our pasts. He won't find much, but there's always the possibility that he could draw unwanted attention to himself." Edward said softly, as though not wishing to alarm me. But I knew what he was referring to.

"The Volturi?"

"… It's a possibility." But the way he said it confirmed my fears. Charlie was not safe.

I looked down at my hands. Here it was. The biggest decision I would ever make.

"Edward, can we go home? I need to talk to you."

* * *

We bypassed all of the other Cullens. I felt bad that I hadn't said anything to them yet, but I needed to do this before I lost my nerve. Instead I took Edward by the hand and led him upstairs, my nerves tingling at our unhindered contact.

Edward released my hand, turning to close the door behind – it gave the illusion of privacy, even though I knew that the others could hear everything that I was about to say. Edward stayed by the door, his eyes fixed on mine and I tore my gaze away, nervous at what was about to come. I reached for the stereo remote to give my hands something to do and soothing classical music filled the air, breaking the tension a little.

Edward was smiling slightly and I couldn't help me own faint grin, but I bit my lip as he moved towards me. I dropped the remote onto a table, looking up at him as he came close and reached out my hand for his, our fingers twining. He lifted his free hand and brushed my dark hair from my shoulder, sparks flying across my skin at his touch and I released a soft sigh.

His eyes were soft as they met mine again before darting down to my lips. And then he lowered his face to mine, brushing his mouth against mine, the hand that had been in mine curling against the back of my neck. I wrapped my free arm around his neck, reaching up on tiptoe to be closer as finally, _finally_ we kissed, _finally_ showed each other what we had both known for so very long.

He kissed me slowly then pulled back, resting his forehead against mine as his fingers stroked the nape of my neck. I closed my eyes again, breathing in his scent as my mouth stung with the loss of contact with him. After I felt less uncertain, less shaky, I pulled back and looked up at him, brushing a stray lock of hair out of his eyes.

"I love you, Edward." I said softly, although it was obvious, so obvious that I almost didn't need to say it. But I did, because I knew how happy it would make him. "I love you."

"I love you too." The words seared through my heart and I smiled as he moved to kiss me again, his hands cupping my face as I put my arms around his neck. His mouth was so gentle against mine, kissing at a leisurely pace, no hurry at all…

I pressed my forehead to his cheek, loving the feel of his skin against mine, the way he held me so easily. I felt protected and adored in his arms. And I hated what I was about to do.

"I love you, Edward." I said again, tightening my hold on him and I felt him smile.

"I love you, Bella." He murmured and I closed my eyes, hoping that he would understand.

"…But you need to leave." I whispered.

* * *

**A/N: I know, horrible cliffie… in other news, there is only one more chapter then an epilogue to go. You know what would be super? If we could get to 1000 reviews by the end of this story! **

**It may be a little while to the next chapter, but you never know… I may surprise you! **

**It is You (I Have Loved) – Such a sappy song, but I love it, and I wanted to use it just for the ling "You're the home my heart searched for so long", to show how Edward and Bella feel now that they've accepted each other.**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a night in Edward's bedroom. **

**Love**

**Katie**


	26. Last Day On Earth

**Chapter Twenty Five**

**Look down, the ground below is crumbling.  
Look up, the stars are all exploding.  
It's the last day on Earth,  
In my dreams, in my dreams.  
It's the end of the world,  
And you came back to me,  
In my dreams.**

**~Last Day On Earth by Kate Miller-Heidke~ **

Edward didn't move. He stayed perfectly still, holding me and then he sighed, his breath ruffling my hair.

"You're afraid for Charlie?" He breathed and I nodded speechlessly. He sighed again and pulled back so that he could see my face. I chewed on my bottom lip as he perused my face.

"I love you… but he's my Dad. I can't let anything happen to him." I said softly. "If he's going to get into danger because of you… then you need to leave."

"He will investigate. Alice is looking now." Edward said quietly, "The Volturi will come."

"And if you go?"

"… He will give up. Consider it not his problem anymore. The Volturi will never know what he witnessed." Edward admitted.

I closed my eyes, tears pricking. It wasn't fair. It wasn't _fair_! I'd waited so long… years waiting for someone to see me, to love me and now they would all have to leave.

Edward would have to leave.

His lips brushed over my eyelids and I clung to him, trying not to start sobbing.

"I don't want you to go." My voice was tight and wrought with anguish and Edward's arms tightened around me as he sat on the edge of the bed, gathering me onto his lap.

"I know."

* * *

_A few months after._

"See you later, Mark." Charlie said, shrugging on his jacket. The deputy looked up from his desk.

"Cutting out early, Chief?"

"Yeah. I'll be back tomorrow." Charlie said, heading for the door. I walked ahead of him and climbed into the passenger seat. He always cut out early today.

We went to the cemetery and I watched as Charlie walked the damp gravel path to my grave. This was depressing, but he only visited once a year – probably the best thing to do, who needed that kind of misery more often than that?

There were already flowers on the grave. My Mom had sent them through Forks Florist, but I didn't mind that she hadn't come. She was too busy living life, who was I to hold that against her? A smaller bouquet of flowers from Billy and Jake laid beside those, pretty gerbera daisies. I'd have to thank him later, it was a nice thought.

Charlie put down a bunch of lilies and stood for a moment, staring at the gravestone.

"Hi Bella…" He stopped and sighed, "Another year, baby girl."

I stood next to him in silence as he rubbed his hair.

"Thanks for the flowers, Dad." I whispered as he turned to go.

* * *

Billy and Jake came over that night. Jake excused himself by saying that he had homework and sat with me in the kitchen while Billy and Charlie watched TV.

"How was he today?" Jake asked and I shrugged.

"Same as always. Still blaming himself." I said, "You've got number eight wrong."

He scowled and scrubbed out the maths problem. I watched as he redid it and fiddled with the eraser.

"How's the pack?"

"You'd know if you visited more often." Jake said, throwing me a sulky glance. I rolled my eyes and flicked his arm.

"I've been busy." I said quietly, glancing at the living room. Jake raised an eyebrow.

"Charlie's a big boy, Bells. You don't have to spend every minute with him. I though the Uber Vamps weren't coming…"

"I know… I just want to keep an eye on him." I said awkwardly – there had been no sign of any vampires since the Cullens had left town three months previously. The pack were out most nights, keeping any eye on the situation but there had been nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

"Well, no more excuses. You're coming to hang out tomorrow, whether you like it or not." Jake said firmly and I laughed, glancing at the clock. It was almost nine thirty and Jake saw my look, his expression turning to one of unhappiness.

"You're really-"

"Yes. Don't, Jake." I said warningly as he piled his books up. He scowled at me and I leaned over, taking his hand, "You'll watch Charlie tonight?"

"… Yes. Of course." He said quietly and I stood, kissing his scorching forehead briefly before going into the living room. Billy was patting Charlie on the back and I got the impression that I'd just missed an emotional conversation.

"You going to be alright?" Billy asked and Charlie nodded gruffly.

"Yeah. I think I'm going to head up to bed. Get that boy of yours home."

"You're welcome at our place any time, Charlie."

Charlie was silent and I stood in the doorway, watching as Billy paused, looking at him.

"Charlie?"

"… I thought I saw her, Billy. That night I got knocked out by those thugs… I could have sworn that she was there, looking after me." He said hoarsely. I felt Jake come and stand beside me, out of sight of our dads, and his hand squeezed mine as he listened.

"Where else would she be, Charlie? She always did take care of you and Renee." Billy smiled weakly and Charlie shook his head, scratching at his moustache.

"I'm fine, Billy. You go on home, I'll give you a call this weekend."

Jake squeezed my hand again before going into the living room and helping Billy towards the door. He caught my eye as he left and I nodded before going upstairs to get changed. I wanted to choose something appropriate for the occasion.

I went with a knee length denim skirt that I'd worn exactly once before and a pretty blue shirt, tying my hair back. I felt a little nervous, however ridiculous that might seem, but I didn't have time to dwell on it. Less than half an hour later, I heard a soft howl. Jake was here. I checked in on Charlie, who was already snoring before slipping downstairs and out the front door. I saw the flick of a russet tail and waved briefly before starting to run. For once the heavens were clear and the full moon was large and low in the sky, pale light illuminating the path to the large white house.

It looked sad and empty, the windows dull and dark. I hesitated at the end of the path before approaching the door, which was slightly ajar.

I smiled.

I knew where to go.

Moving swiftly up the stairs to the third floor, I saw a flickering light and felt my smile widen further. Pushing open the door to Edward's bedroom, I found candles resting on every surface, casting warm golden light over the room. Soft music played in the background, some sweet tune that I didn't recognise.

The figure in the window turned and his smile lit the room far more brightly than the candles. He held out his hand and within a second I'd taken it, wrapping my other arm around him. Edward breathed a soft laugh, the air ruffling my hair.

"Happy Birthday, Bella."

* * *

We lay haphazardly on the couch, his arms around my waist and my cheek against his chest.

"The others are OK?"

"They're fine… we're in Alaska at the moment. Emmett is enjoying it – plenty of new animals to hunt." He smiled and I moved to rest my chin on my hands so that I could see his face.

"Rosalie is OK with it?"

"She is now that they've settled. We've started at the local high school."

"Aw, did you miss Forks High?" I teased and he laughed, leaning down to kiss me briefly.

"I did not miss Forks High."

"You didn't?"

"No, you silly, wonderful girl," in an instant I found myself underneath him, his eyes boring into mine, "I missed you."

* * *

_Two Years After._

"How is Jacob?" Edward asked, his arms wrapped around my waist as we watched the heavy rain falling against the panes.

"Do you really want to know?" I asked cheekily and he chuckled, his hands running up and down my arms, leaving tingling trails in their wake.

"Yes…"

"He's… troubled." I murmured softly, leaning back into his chest, "He split from Sam's pack. Quil, Embry and Leah went with him. They want to keep phasing but Sam wants them to stop so they start aging again."

"It sounds very dramatic." Edward commented and I smiled, turning in his arms and pressing my lips to the corner of his mouth.

"It is. Very unsuitable talk for my birthday."

"Enough talk…" His words were extremely welcome and I closed my eyes as the storm raged on.

We kissed and stroked and loved and it was the perfect birthday.

* * *

_Five Years After. _

"She's driving me insane, Bells."

"Well, you're the one who started sleeping with her." Jake grunted at me and I pulled a face at him, "Look, Leah would kick my ass if she knew that you were bitching about her. And she's going to find out the minute you phase anyway, so just be a man and go apologise. It was probably your fault anyway."

"Thanks for the support, Bella. You're supposed to be on my side!" He poked me in the ribs and I wriggled away with a grin.

"C'mon… I like Leah. And I _know_ you do. But we can argue about this later."

"Ah yes. You've got your one year date."

I stopped and threw him a dirty look. Those subtle and not-so-subtle digs were getting old quickly.

"Don't start on this again." I warned him.

"I'm just saying… he couldn't make more of an effort? Seeing each other once a year doesn't seem like a strong basis for a relationship."

"Says the Alpha wolf who's screwing his Beta because they can't find a better way to channel their anger?" I sniped and dodged his playful swipe, "Besides, you know the deal – it's me that's keeping him away. Can't risk other vamps following him here."

"But what do you do for the rest of the year?" Jake asked, slinging his arm around my shoulder.

"I miss him."

Jacob and I parted ways at the entrance to the road that led to the Cullen House – he to go and make up with Leah (_so_ didn't want to think about that) and me to go and enjoy my birthday.

I had barely run more than a few steps up the road when I found myself scooped up and being carried towards the house at the speed of light.

"Edward!"

I started to laugh at his grin, as he ran us up the path. In a millisecond he had placed me on my feet, cupping my face and kissing me eagerly.

"I couldn't wait." He murmured between kisses and I pulled him closer, tightening my hand in his hair. His warm hands tightened against my hips, pressing our bodies together.

"Put her down, Edward! We all want a hug!" A booming voice parted us and I started, looking at Edward in shock.

"Is that…?"

Without waiting for his answer, I ran through the wall into the living room and found… everyone. For the first time in five years, the Cullens were home.

Emmett barrelled towards me, swiping me up into a hug. Rosalie watched in vague amusement and offered me a ghost of a smile. Jasper was holding Alice, his chin resting on her shoulder and Carlisle and Esme were hand in hand, watching me with warm expressions.

"Hi Ghost Girl."

"Muscles! What are you doing here?" I laughed, looking around at them all. Alice giggled, hopping from one foot to the other as I made my way around, hugging them all.

"We haven't seen you in _so_ long! And since Edward has had you all to himself for a few years, we decided that tonight was our turn. Don't worry, we'll let you have some time to yourselves." She winked and I buried my face in my hands as Edward scowled at her.

Esme tutted, gathering me into her arms.

"Don't tease, Alice. Bella, sweetheart…" She kissed my cheek lovingly, stroking my hair back, "You look well."

"I'm pretty good." I whispered and my smile faded. I buried my face in her shoulder, not wanting to cry all over her but she hushed my weak mumbles, hugging me tightly. I felt Edward step up behind me and joined us in our three way embrace.

"I just missed you guys."

* * *

We spent the evening talking and laughing, each person sharing their stories of the last few years. I caught them all up on the latest gossip at Forks High – our class had obviously graduated, but that didn't stop Emmett chortling at the news of Lauren and Tyler's on-again-off-again engagement or Jessica's latest attempts to get Mike to beg her to take him back.

"High school never ends." He snorted.

"Nope." I agreed, feeling Edward's hand brushing against mine where we sat curled up on the sofa, "Angela and Ben got engaged though. I hope they make it, if no one else."

Carlisle smiled at me and I grinned at him.

"How's it going, Doc?"

"Not bad at all, Bella. Life is very quiet without you. How is your father?"

"He's fine. He went fishing for his birthday, just for a change." I rolled my eyes. Charlie had turned fifty three this year.

"Do you think he'll work up to retirement?"

"Given the chance, yeah. They'll have to force him out of the station when he hits sixty." I laughed.

Edward smiled, resting his cheek against my hair. I snuggled back against his chest, catching Alice's smile at our closeness.

"We need to hunt before we set off in a few hours." Carlisle said, getting to his feet. I got to my feet and began to say my goodbyes, trying not to well up again.

"We'll come again in a few years." Carlisle said, embracing me warmly and I smiled.

"It's been so good to see you." I murmured, moving around the group to hug them all. When I reached Rosalie, she surprised me by wrapping her arms around me, lightly and briefly before sinking back to Emmett's side.

Edward and I watched them from the porch and I felt my heart clench as they vanished into the darkness. Edward's arms slipped around my waist, resting his cheek against my hair.

I was only living for these few hours with him. I couldn't waste them.

* * *

_Twelve Years After_

"He's such an ass." Leah growled, swiping her short hair out of her face. We were sat in Jacob's garage while he finished cleaning up after dinner. I grinned, folding my legs underneath me as she paced the garage.

"Yeah… you just working this out?"

"Bella, he's like a big, hairy toddler and I want to punch his stupid, irritating face."

"And that's my cue to leave." I hopped off of the bench and she frowned at me.

"What?"

"When you start talking about how much you want to punch him in the face, you usually end up in compromising positions which I do not want to be a witness to. Besides…"

"Your _friend_ is coming tonight, right?" Leah sneered at the word 'friend' and I rolled my eyes.

"Have fun. Use protection."

"Hilarious. Mock the infertile wolf girl." Leah muttered.

"Those wolves really do smell bad." Edward murmured, his face buried in my neck as we lay on his bed. I smiled, smelling his hair. His usual sweet scent filled my senses, but I knew what he was talking about, the woody, slightly animalistic scent that accompanied the wolves. It didn't smell that bad to me, but my sense of smell wasn't as strong as Edwards.

"Should I go and shower?" I asked teasingly and laughed as his arms tightened around me, preventing me from leaving the bed.

"You're not going anywhere." He growled, lips brushing against my throat.

We didn't talk much on these nights. We touched and kissed and whispered, but we rarely approached the heavy subjects. The other three hundred and sixty four days of the year were for being sullen.

Tonight was just for us.

* * *

_Twenty Eight Years, Four Months, Nineteen Days After_

_Beep… beep… beep…_

I curled into the chair, my heart heavy and my eyes fixed on the still figure in the bed.

Charlie's breath was shallow, the tube in his nose looking unnatural and making him seem more fragile than I had ever seen him.

Jacob was driving Billy home. They'd come and taken Charlie to the hospital when I'd called.

When I'd found him unconscious in his chair in the living room, the bottle of beer spilled at his side.

My eyes were sore from tears. Jacob's hands had been twitching to comfort me, but Billy had been with us. Instead, I had sat in this chair, watching doctors come and go.

Critical condition.

His heart…

I didn't understand.

I didn't understand. The doctors, they all spoke so quickly, I didn't understand what they were saying.

He was seventy six years old. Not old. Not old at all, there was still years left in him, years of fishing and football games and…

I sighed softly, watching the steady, reassuring, cold beep of the machine, the little light flashing across the screen. Time had slowed down, measured only in beeps, in heartbeats.

A nurse came in, glancing through the chart at the end of the bed. She moved to the machine, jotting down numbers. I watched her, listless, until she paused by Charlie and reached down, squeezing his fingers before disappearing.

That tiny show of affection for a man she barely knew made my eyes sting with tears again. I uncurled from my seat and leaned forward, brushing my fingers against his.

My fingers did not pass through him.

My chest clenched painfully, even though I had already known…

So I took his hand in mine, stroking the calloused fingers, feeling his faint pulse against my skin.

An hour passed. Then another. All measured out in those painful beeps.

His fingers twitched against my palm. I swallowed, my throat dry.

"Charlie… I'm here, Charlie." I whispered.

His eyelids fluttered. The beeps increased briefly. His dark eyes met mine and then closed again, a single weak tear leaking from the corner. I leaned forward, clasping his hand tightly.

"Charlie…"

"…Bells." His voice was hoarse and faint but I gave him a weak smile as he looked at me, faintly confused, "Bella, what are you doing here?"

"Looking after you. I couldn't leave you alone here." I said, as though it was obvious and he frowned, tightening his grip on my hand.

"Bella, I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…" He closed his eyes again and I moved to sit on the bed, lifting his hand to my lips and kissing it quickly.

"Charlie, no."

"It was my fault, baby girl. I was chasing him and-" he wheezed and I shushed him again, stroking his hand.

"Charlie, I know what happened. It wasn't your fault." I said and he stared at me. I forced myself to smile, pushing the tears back, "I've been here, all the time. I couldn't leave you."

He was silent, his eyes slipping closed and for a moment, I wondered if he'd fallen asleep. But after a few minutes, he opened his eyes again, watching me. I tried to read his expression, sadness and… what was that? Understanding?

"I saw you before, Bella."

"I know."

"You were there. You told me that it was going to be OK." He whispered and I nodded, bowing my head to hide my tears from him.

"And the Cullens were there."

I opened my eyes sharply to see him looking at me. Neither of us spoke and then he smiled weakly, shifting uncomfortably in the bed.

"They weren't quite right, were they?"

"…No."

"And you're not… here, are you?"

I couldn't stop the tears dripping down my cheek.

"I'm here."

"But you're not." He said softly, "Because you died, Bells. Is that why you're here? Am I dying?"

My chest hurt, my heart clenching painfully and I bowed over on the bed, clutching his hand. Charlie let out a soft sigh.

"You came for me… came to look after me again. You were always looking after me."

We were silent, listening to the beep of the heart monitor. Was it slowing down or was it just my imagination?

Charlie slept. I brushed his hair back from his forehead, I stroked his hand, I hummed tunelessly as the hours ticked by, past ten at night, eleven, midnight, one…

Edward stood beside me.

His hand was on my shoulder, his lips against my forehead.

"Alice saw." He said simply and I nodded, so tired, so numb as Charlie sleeps, "He's not in pain. The medication is working."

I nodded again, not trusting myself to speak.

Two AM.

Three.

"Bella…" The sound that came from my dad was softer than a sigh, so quiet that I barely heard it.

The beeping stopped and a single continuous noise invaded my ears, harsh and unforgiving. Edward moved out of sight, hovering outside the window and I stood beside Charlie, clasping his hand as the nurses rushed in, a doctor following, their voices aggressively loud after the peace of the night.

They used the defibrillator, shouted numbers and statistics to each other.

They called out the time of death and covered his face.

Edward stood beside me as I pulled the cloth away, pressing my lips to his cool forehead.

The others were waiting. My family were waiting to help me.

I put my arms around Edward's neck, letting him lift me and cradle me.

"Take me home." I whispered, as the tears began to fall again.

* * *

**A/N: Writing this chapter was effing hard. I had the ending planned out when I started writing, over a year and a half ago. Charlie was always going to die and that was one of the reasons I had to stop writing, because I knew I couldn't handle it. Hell, I couldn't handle it now, so this chapter is not as polished as I wanted it to be, but I can't go over it anymore. I hope you understand.**

**Last Day on Earth – Please go listen to this on youtube. I wanted to post the whole song at the beginning, it's absolutely perfect for how Bella is feeling in this chapter – her last tie to the world has been severed and Edward has come back for her.**

**There will be one last chapter/epilogue to come.**

**Reviewers will get their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and an empty movie theatre. Do what you will – it would be amazing if we could get to 1000 reviews by the end of this story!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	27. The Reason

**Chapter Twenty Six**

**I've found a reason for me**

**To change who I used to be**

**A reason to start over new**

**And the reason is you**

**~The Reason by Hoobastank~**

I should have known I'd die young. As I've always said, it was just a matter of time.

What I didn't anticipate was falling in love with a vampire.

But then who does?

I met Edward Cullen sixty-eight years ago. These days we're living in Denali, Alaska. It's one of our favourite places, staying with our friends, Tanya, Kate, Irina, Carmen and Elezear. Rosalie and Emmett are in New York, going to college. Jasper, Alice, Carlisle and Esme were in Juneau, setting up house for our next long stay.

Edward and I decided to take a vacation, crashing with the Denali clan for a few weeks. We'd visited Washington before coming to Alaska, to see Jake. He and Leah had moved to Seattle recently. They had stopped phasing about five years previously, having kept going after Billy had died and the rest of the pack had quit. I'd kept in contact with Jake over the years – I think he might have hunted me down if I hadn't. Now he and Leah were looking at going to college for the first time.

Edward was out hunting with Irina, Kate and Carmen while Tanya and I were lounging in their beautiful library.

"How many times are you going to read that?" Tanya teased as I thumbed through Harry Potter again.

"Only a billion more. This decade. How can you not love Harry?" I eyed her and she arched an eyebrow.

"They're children's books. We are adults, with many years behind us."

"You need to get in touch with your inner child, Tan. Enjoy the finer things in life, such as mystical adventures of schoolchildren in a magical school."

"They're so unrealistic!"

"Said the vampire to the ghost." I said dryly and laughed as the book was plucked out my hand, Edward sliding beneath my outstretched legs and examining the novel.

"Harry, again?"

"I swear, for mystical creatures, you vamps have a distinct lack of whimsy." I pouted and Edward smiled, leaning over to kiss me briefly before settling back and glancing at Tanya.

"Did she give you the speech about how she thinks the Marauders Map works, which opposes it's portrayal in the films?"

"Thankfully I've been spared it." Tanya said in a wry tone and I pulled a face at her as I wriggled onto Edward's lap, wrapping my arms around his neck.

I had been intimidated by Tanya at our first meeting. Her sheer beauty and poise were enough to send any woman running for the nearest cliff but she had smiled at me fondly, as though we were old friends at our first meeting, embracing me warmly.

"I've been looking forward to meeting you." She'd said.

Tanya might once have had a thing for Edward, but the moment I'd seen them together, I'd seen nothing but sibling affection. She teased him unbearably, which he didn't deal with very well, but made me laugh. The friendship we had wasn't as strong as mine with Alice, but we were still close.

"I'm heading out for a snack. Enjoy your _book_." Tanya smirked and I grinned as she disappeared.

"If I couldn't read Tanya's mind, I'd worry about leaving you two alone together." Edward arched an eyebrow and I laughed, sliding my knee over his to straddle him against the couch.

"We get on very nicely, thank you."

"I know, that's what worries me." He murmured against my lips. I slid my hands into his hair, nuzzling his jaw.

"Anything I can do to relax you?" I hummed.

"You could marry me."

"Hmm. Anything else?"

"Become my wife." I felt his chest shake with laughter and giggled.

"Edward!" His hands slipped onto my thighs as I sat up, looking him in the face, " For the millionth time… I don't think marriage is necessary. You're a vampire, I'm a ghost… why does convention matter?"

"Actually, it's for the twenty-three thousand…" He placed a kiss in the hollow of my throat, "Nine hundred…" a kiss against my jaw beneath my ear, "and fifty sixth time…" a kiss on my lips and I sighed into it.

"Any other man would have given up."

"I'm very determined."

"So I've noticed." I said dryly and he squeezed my hips, pulling me closer to him.

"I'll just keep asking." He warned and I smiled.

"And maybe one day I'll say yes. But I wouldn't hold my breath, if I were you."

"How fortunate that breath isn't necessary when one is deceased." He smirked and I couldn't help kissing his pouting lips.

"Then you won't mind holding it for a _long_ time…"

"Put up with you for a long time? Somehow, I think I'll manage." Edward smiled and I closed my eyes as his arms tightened around me again.

You see, the thing is, everyone is always looking for the meaning of life. And I'm not going to stand here and say I know what it is, because I don't. No one does, not really.

Hey, I don't even have a life to find the meaning of.

I guess, all you can do is try and live what you _have_ got. I wasn't doing that. Neither was Edward.

Not until we found each other.

I don't know what would have happened after Charlie died if I hadn't met Edward. What I would have done… where I would have gone…

But I don't need to think about that anymore, because now I have a life.

No really, I do.

I've got love. I've got a family. I've got a future.

What else do I really need, to say that I've got a life?

Nothing, as far as I can see. I've got it all. You know… except a pulse.

Hey, no one said that I lost my incredible sense of humour.

I snorted to myself and Edward's brow twitched.

"What?"

"Nothing." I smiled, resting my head on his shoulder and watching the sun beginning it's descent behind the mountains. Dark shapes moved against the white blanket, where Kate and the others were hunting and I sighed happily, as Edward's cheek rested against my hair.

I had everything.

* * *

**A/N: OK. Wow, so that's it. I can't believe this story is over, it's been a long time going!**

**Thank yous – to everyone who has read this story. Everyone who has reviewed it. Everyone who has pimped it.**

**To Amcas for my gorgeous banner (link in my profile!)**

**And last, but not least, to my fabulous beta, Sarah. Even though we had to part ways due to commitments, I shall be dragging her off to lunch soon. **

**Before I go, I'd like to ask you something – Sarah, along with two friends from my uni are doing a charity run this Saturday. They will be running around every football stadium in London in ONE day – this is going to take around 18 hours. If you can spare even just a pound/dollar/currency from wherever you are, please please PLEASE donate at:**

**www(dot)justgiving(dot)com/sam64m**

**One last question – does anybody want an outtake? I wasn't planning on writing any, but if we can get up to £200 on that site, I certainly will! (it's already at £130, so I'm not asking a lot, lo). What outtake would people like to see? **

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a snowy mountain cabin to enjoy for a week – yes, a WHOLE week since we reached a thousand reviews, you super little people!**

**Lots of love and for the last time**

**Katie**


	28. Authors Note

**Author's Note**

**Hello, my petit crème brulees. **

**Just a quick note to let you know that there won't be any outtakes for Romance is Dead. I've left it too long and I just feel too comfortable with where it left off. Hopefully that answers any PM's that I forget to reply to!**

**However, I have started a new story called **_**Cullen Hall.**_** There are 3 chapters up so far and updates should be fairly regular and swift. **

**Once again, thank you for your readership, reviews, pimping and love.**

**Love**

**Katie.**


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